I am dying! Am I dying? We're all dying!

Sue, 

I know how you feel (as a tear rolls down my cheek). It is very sad and could easily overwhelm if we let it. 

And I don't know what to say...  I don't have words. I'm simply sad. 

Wishing you Light and Love. And thanking you for your words, pictures, kindness...

Your friend,

Phil

I agree with you Sue. Most days I'm upbeat and will even joke about my cancer. One is 'who'd have thought I'd have something in common with Farrah Fawcett', things like that. I do it because I don't want to dwell on it and I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. I want them to ask questions, I want them to not look at me with pity, I want them to see that I'm doing pretty well and that cancer can be maintained or dealt with in the right circumstances, I want people to see that I'm doing okay because I see that so many people refuse to go to the doctor and get checked out when they should because they're scared they'll be told they have cancer. The sooner they find out the better so I don't want anyone waiting until they're really sick. I think it's important that I'm seen as relatively healthy and just like everyone else. I often tell people that early detection is key so they'll have themselves checked.

On the other hand, I also get into funks where I'm so sad about it all. But I have a job where I have to put on a happy face and that helps. I'll do things like cry in my car or on my husband's shoulder. It's hard to snap out of it when that happens. I always eventually do. And I write in a journal to get my innermost feelings that I don't want to share out. Because sometimes my thoughts are very dark and I don't want to scare anybody.

Jan

They way I see it and what I live by is: we all have and are entitled to our feelings, but a bad, negative mental state is only a problem if you let it stop you from living your days the way you like it. I have a dark cloud hanging over me all the time. I'm scared, feel that life is unfair a lot. But these are just feelings and I will try to take practical steps to make every day amazing for me and others. 

The more you dwell on or the more you try to fight your negative feelings the bigger they grow. Leave your feelings alone, get out there and do wonderful things to make a every day anazing!

All the best,

Laz 

Sorry to read you are feeling "off".  It happens, it sneaks up on us.

I read something interesting last week while at Onc visit getting latest CEA (0.6 - Yippie).

There was a bunch of sayings on the wall like a collage, my eyes fixed on just 1 - I do not know why.  It said, "don't count the days, Make the days count".  Wow I thought how simple but so direct. 

Some days you just need to let yourself get upset and then be over it.  Take back that control.  cancer sucks and takes so much from us. 

If you feel low again, do something you really enjoy, it can be very simple.  Change your surroundings and good thoughts will follow.  

All the best 

Trubrit said:

HA!

I figured it out. 

I'm a very happy person. Not taken to moods or being upset by others. So, I wondered why this little moment of annoyance. Well, it hit me, I am up for my three month tests in a few weeks. 

Yep! Its that darn anxiety caused by the 'what ifs' of test results. I looked back on my journals, and you can read me like a book. As my tests get closer, my mind starts dwelling more on the 'what if the Doctor says.....' 

I don't like to wish time away, it is so precious, but I can't wait until my next set of tests and results are over, regardless of the outcome (which I pray are good). 

So, I won't apologize for my musing, its good every now and again. 

SUE

luck my friend. Let's keep that streak going

easyflip/Richard