I am dying! Am I dying? We're all dying!

Trubrit
Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

I am having an issue with the 'We're all dying' phrase.

 

I know for some its a great way to take the pressure off of the emotional issue of acceptance of death, to say 'You could get run over by a bus tomorrow' or 'We're all dying', and that is good for them, but for me, it does nothing but make me feel like they are saying 'Get over it'.

 

I don't go around with the 'I am dying' look on my face, or even on my lips, but its there, in my head. That black cloud that won't shift, no matter how much sun I pour into my life.

 

I don't let it rule my heart or spoil my day, but it is there.

 

I'm heartbroken over the two deaths of forum friends this past week. It plays on my mind. These good people, whose time has come and gone.

 

Yeah, yeah, I know 'We all die'. Well, I don't want to die, not now or ever. *Stamps my foot like a two year old*

 

I'm musing. Griping. Whining. I don't do it often, but today is the day.


SUE

Comments

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    edited October 2016 #2
    dying

    If you believe in eternall life, then dying only effects your body!  Like the poem about the sail boat, while some are saying"she is gone." others are saying "here she comes!" I hope to see you all in heaven for eternity!!!

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    edited October 2016 #3
    danker said:

    dying

    If you believe in eternall life, then dying only effects your body!  Like the poem about the sail boat, while some are saying"she is gone." others are saying "here she comes!" I hope to see you all in heaven for eternity!!!

    I don't know if I do or don't, right now

    Actually, saying that, I have seen the spirit of one of my Uncles, so I can't really say I don't believe in an after-life. 

    Thing is, I'm 57 (58 in two months) and I'm not ready to go and visit the eternal realm, no matter how beautiful it is. 

    SUE

  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    edited October 2016 #4
    The "afterlife"

    Heaven - where all the good have gone.....

    Then I think of every innocent ant and bug I've stepped on, every cockroach I've squished in a burst of semi-hatred response to the sight of them.... I think of the thousands of millions of germs, however innocent in their quest for simple survival, dying from the chemical warfare I've imposed on their simple lives........

    All, each and every one of them, greeting me at those Pearly Gates....

    It doesn't stop, you know.... ever.

     

    Be well,

    John

     

  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838 Member
    #5
    Sue, 

    Sue, 

    I know how you feel (as a tear rolls down my cheek). It is very sad and could easily overwhelm if we let it. 

    And I don't know what to say...  I don't have words. I'm simply sad. 

    Wishing you Light and Love. And thanking you for your words, pictures, kindness...

    Your friend,

    Phil

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    #6
    danker said:

    dying

    If you believe in eternall life, then dying only effects your body!  Like the poem about the sail boat, while some are saying"she is gone." others are saying "here she comes!" I hope to see you all in heaven for eternity!!!

    I heard that analogy at a

    I heard that analogy at a funeral years ago and I love it. Thanks for reminding me!

    Jan

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    edited October 2016 #7
    I agree with you Sue. Most

    I agree with you Sue. Most days I'm upbeat and will even joke about my cancer. One is 'who'd have thought I'd have something in common with Farrah Fawcett', things like that. I do it because I don't want to dwell on it and I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me. I want them to ask questions, I want them to not look at me with pity, I want them to see that I'm doing pretty well and that cancer can be maintained or dealt with in the right circumstances, I want people to see that I'm doing okay because I see that so many people refuse to go to the doctor and get checked out when they should because they're scared they'll be told they have cancer. The sooner they find out the better so I don't want anyone waiting until they're really sick. I think it's important that I'm seen as relatively healthy and just like everyone else. I often tell people that early detection is key so they'll have themselves checked.

    On the other hand, I also get into funks where I'm so sad about it all. But I have a job where I have to put on a happy face and that helps. I'll do things like cry in my car or on my husband's shoulder. It's hard to snap out of it when that happens. I always eventually do. And I write in a journal to get my innermost feelings that I don't want to share out. Because sometimes my thoughts are very dark and I don't want to scare anybody.

    Jan

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    edited October 2016 #8
    Feel much better today. HA!

    I was in a bit of a snit, yesterday.

    They are very rare moments, because I am a very happy, go lucky person. Very positive. 

    I'm off to a social at church tonight. Lets hope nobody gives me the 'we all die' speech. HA!

    SUE

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    #9
    "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives."

    They way I see it and what I live by is: we all have and are entitled to our feelings, but a bad, negative mental state is only a problem if you let it stop you from living your days the way you like it. I have a dark cloud hanging over me all the time. I'm scared, feel that life is unfair a lot. But these are just feelings and I will try to take practical steps to make every day amazing for me and others. 

    The more you dwell on or the more you try to fight your negative feelings the bigger they grow. Leave your feelings alone, get out there and do wonderful things to make a every day anazing!

    All the best,

    Laz 

  • Alyssha
    Alyssha Member Posts: 16
    #10
    Sue

    I am so glad you are having a better day.  Thank you for telling me this - I am sure I have said this more than once and I will NEVER say it again.  Sometimes we just want as caregivers to say anything that we think will help or make anything easier - but we have no idea how it really feels to live with the fear.  Hugs.... hope no one gave you the speech today :) 

  • marbleotis
    marbleotis Member Posts: 720 Member
    edited October 2016 #11
    Sue

    Sorry to read you are feeling "off".  It happens, it sneaks up on us.

    I read something interesting last week while at Onc visit getting latest CEA (0.6 - Yippie).

    There was a bunch of sayings on the wall like a collage, my eyes fixed on just 1 - I do not know why.  It said, "don't count the days, Make the days count".  Wow I thought how simple but so direct. 

    Some days you just need to let yourself get upset and then be over it.  Take back that control.  cancer sucks and takes so much from us. 

    If you feel low again, do something you really enjoy, it can be very simple.  Change your surroundings and good thoughts will follow.  

    All the best 

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    edited October 2016 #12
    HA!

    I figured it out. 

    I'm a very happy person. Not taken to moods or being upset by others. So, I wondered why this little moment of annoyance. Well, it hit me, I am up for my three month tests in a few weeks. 

    Yep! Its that darn anxiety caused by the 'what ifs' of test results. I looked back on my journals, and you can read me like a book. As my tests get closer, my mind starts dwelling more on the 'what if the Doctor says.....' 

    I don't like to wish time away, it is so precious, but I can't wait until my next set of tests and results are over, regardless of the outcome (which I pray are good). 

    So, I won't apologize for my musing, its good every now and again. 

    SUE

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588 Member
    edited October 2016 #13
    Trubrit said:

    HA!

    I figured it out. 

    I'm a very happy person. Not taken to moods or being upset by others. So, I wondered why this little moment of annoyance. Well, it hit me, I am up for my three month tests in a few weeks. 

    Yep! Its that darn anxiety caused by the 'what ifs' of test results. I looked back on my journals, and you can read me like a book. As my tests get closer, my mind starts dwelling more on the 'what if the Doctor says.....' 

    I don't like to wish time away, it is so precious, but I can't wait until my next set of tests and results are over, regardless of the outcome (which I pray are good). 

    So, I won't apologize for my musing, its good every now and again. 

    SUE

    Good

    luck my friend. Let's keep that streak going :)

    easyflip/Richard 

     

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,429 Member
    edited November 2016 #14
    Trubrit said:

    HA!

    I figured it out. 

    I'm a very happy person. Not taken to moods or being upset by others. So, I wondered why this little moment of annoyance. Well, it hit me, I am up for my three month tests in a few weeks. 

    Yep! Its that darn anxiety caused by the 'what ifs' of test results. I looked back on my journals, and you can read me like a book. As my tests get closer, my mind starts dwelling more on the 'what if the Doctor says.....' 

    I don't like to wish time away, it is so precious, but I can't wait until my next set of tests and results are over, regardless of the outcome (which I pray are good). 

    So, I won't apologize for my musing, its good every now and again. 

    SUE

    Amazing Isn't It

    How that sneaks up on you and it builds up.  I had the same thing when all of a sudden it hits me "Scan in x days."  Hey the good news on my met, looks we are back on same schedule together again for scans.  Lemonade from lemons Tru :)

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #15
    You, me then Easyflip

    Looks like we're all due for our next set of tests pretty soon. 

    Well, lets all meet here after our results and CELEBRATE. It's going to be good news, eh!

    TRU - SUE

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,429 Member
    edited November 2016 #16
    Trubrit said:

    You, me then Easyflip

    Looks like we're all due for our next set of tests pretty soon. 

    Well, lets all meet here after our results and CELEBRATE. It's going to be good news, eh!

    TRU - SUE

    Sounds Like A Plan

    We can all do a virtual toast :)

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