I'm so tired...

I am sorry. Has your wife noticed how you have been feeling or the weight loss? Have you talked to your doctor? It could be something as simple as your thyroid being off. Hang in there.

Finished 33 radiations + chemo about 13 1/2 months ago.  I had (have) stage 4, metastatic base-of-tongue and when I was first diagnosed I was pretty much considered a "dead man walking".  I started out all "No way I'm letting this darn thing beat me!"  By the last week of my radiation, I was ready to cash in my chips.  I was so weak, I couldn't see any way I would ever get back to working or being anything but a worthless invalid that was putting my poor wife through hell.  Our savings were eaten up by the hospital and doctor bills, I wasn't making any money and even the hours I was gifted by my wonderful co-workers was going to run out  very soon.  My throat was so scorched, I could barely swallow.  I knew that inorder to do my job (I'm an ER Technician) I would have to have the stamina to be on my feet for virtually my entire 12-hour shift and could not safely remain on my feeding tube. 

Two months later, after my beautiful dog started taking me for walks every day and my wife managed to push me to eat and eat and then eat a little more, I had gotten strong enough to walk 5 miles every day, my PEG tube was removed and I was back to the ER - not as a patient, but as a health professional helping others.  I've managed to actually gain weight to where I'm over 5 pounds heavier than I was BC (before cancer).  My ENT and my radiation oncologist say I'm at NED and I'm getting used to my "new normal".

I still need to take water with me at all times (since I still don't make any thin saliva) and eating is still a work in progress, but I'm gonna make it.  I won't sugar coat the hard road you're facing.  It won't come easy, but if you can just notice one little thing each and every day that you are able to accomplish, by this time next year you can say "I beat the Big C" and I'm gonna enjoy every second of this life I fought so hard to save."

Many blessings, Michael

We are all sorry and pained to hear you want to give up so soon.  What you didn't tell us was how old you are and some other kind of history to give us a better idea of what you're dealing with.  It's completely understandable not wanting to continue treatment but remember that it is all temporary and the human body has a way of bouncing back from the brink of disaster.  Your brain will put all the pain and misery far back in your memory once this is all over.  It's just very hard to deal with this day in and day out.  Be grateful for the opiates, for without them your battle would be so much worse.  Getting off the pain medication isn't all that big of deal.  When you don't need them anymore just taper down 20% every two weeks and your withdrawal effects will be next to nothing.

Please post back so we know how you're doing, okay?

Tom

oldvamp said:

Finished 33 radiations +

Finished 33 radiations + chemo about 13 1/2 months ago.  I had (have) stage 4, metastatic base-of-tongue and when I was first diagnosed I was pretty much considered a "dead man walking".  I started out all "No way I'm letting this darn thing beat me!"  By the last week of my radiation, I was ready to cash in my chips.  I was so weak, I couldn't see any way I would ever get back to working or being anything but a worthless invalid that was putting my poor wife through hell.  Our savings were eaten up by the hospital and doctor bills, I wasn't making any money and even the hours I was gifted by my wonderful co-workers was going to run out  very soon.  My throat was so scorched, I could barely swallow.  I knew that inorder to do my job (I'm an ER Technician) I would have to have the stamina to be on my feet for virtually my entire 12-hour shift and could not safely remain on my feeding tube. 

Two months later, after my beautiful dog started taking me for walks every day and my wife managed to push me to eat and eat and then eat a little more, I had gotten strong enough to walk 5 miles every day, my PEG tube was removed and I was back to the ER - not as a patient, but as a health professional helping others.  I've managed to actually gain weight to where I'm over 5 pounds heavier than I was BC (before cancer).  My ENT and my radiation oncologist say I'm at NED and I'm getting used to my "new normal".

I still need to take water with me at all times (since I still don't make any thin saliva) and eating is still a work in progress, but I'm gonna make it.  I won't sugar coat the hard road you're facing.  It won't come easy, but if you can just notice one little thing each and every day that you are able to accomplish, by this time next year you can say "I beat the Big C" and I'm gonna enjoy every second of this life I fought so hard to save."

Many blessings, Michael

 

Thank you Michael, I needed that.