I'm so tired...

DeadMan

I was diagnosed with stage 4 head & throat cancer about 20 months ago & have been through chemo and radiation treatments and many surgeries... I've started seriously dropping weight & today I have almost lost 20 lbs in the past 2 weeks... I also started having dizzy spells again which I had gotten over... I have decided that if it comes down to it I'm not going to have any more **** surgeries... or chemo or radiation treatments... Being doped up all the time on opiates is no way to go through life... I have scans again in October and if they are lit up like a Chrismas tree this time I'm opting for no treatment... Im scared to tell my wife & family... but I hope they can understand & forgive me but I'm tired and in chronic pain and I really have had enough... thanks for listening... I appreciate it...

swopoe

I am sorry. Has your wife

I am sorry. Has your wife noticed how you have been feeling or the weight loss? Have you talked to your doctor? It could be something as simple as your thyroid being off. Hang in there.

MemphisTn

The Urge

... To give up is an easy one to fall into. While I have had my own bout with cancer and in fact I'm still recovering, I have family members who have also been through hell and back with what seem like a never ending string of new problems. I hope it's not too cliché but there really is light at the end of the tunnel. Just as with any other disease some for more complicated than others and require more attention. Ultimately it's your decision, but do indeed talk it over with your family, and then make a decision being well-informed. I pray you won't give up, but also that you can find peace in whatever decision you make. God bless.

much love,

– PC

oldvamp

Finished 33 radiations +

Finished 33 radiations + chemo about 13 1/2 months ago.  I had (have) stage 4, metastatic base-of-tongue and when I was first diagnosed I was pretty much considered a "dead man walking".  I started out all "No way I'm letting this darn thing beat me!"  By the last week of my radiation, I was ready to cash in my chips.  I was so weak, I couldn't see any way I would ever get back to working or being anything but a worthless invalid that was putting my poor wife through hell.  Our savings were eaten up by the hospital and doctor bills, I wasn't making any money and even the hours I was gifted by my wonderful co-workers was going to run out  very soon.  My throat was so scorched, I could barely swallow.  I knew that inorder to do my job (I'm an ER Technician) I would have to have the stamina to be on my feet for virtually my entire 12-hour shift and could not safely remain on my feeding tube. 

Two months later, after my beautiful dog started taking me for walks every day and my wife managed to push me to eat and eat and then eat a little more, I had gotten strong enough to walk 5 miles every day, my PEG tube was removed and I was back to the ER - not as a patient, but as a health professional helping others.  I've managed to actually gain weight to where I'm over 5 pounds heavier than I was BC (before cancer).  My ENT and my radiation oncologist say I'm at NED and I'm getting used to my "new normal".

I still need to take water with me at all times (since I still don't make any thin saliva) and eating is still a work in progress, but I'm gonna make it.  I won't sugar coat the hard road you're facing.  It won't come easy, but if you can just notice one little thing each and every day that you are able to accomplish, by this time next year you can say "I beat the Big C" and I'm gonna enjoy every second of this life I fought so hard to save."

Many blessings, Michael

 

Tmclaren

Well said Michael

Well said Michael

tommyodavey

More Info

We are all sorry and pained to hear you want to give up so soon.  What you didn't tell us was how old you are and some other kind of history to give us a better idea of what you're dealing with.  It's completely understandable not wanting to continue treatment but remember that it is all temporary and the human body has a way of bouncing back from the brink of disaster.  Your brain will put all the pain and misery far back in your memory once this is all over.  It's just very hard to deal with this day in and day out.  Be grateful for the opiates, for without them your battle would be so much worse.  Getting off the pain medication isn't all that big of deal.  When you don't need them anymore just taper down 20% every two weeks and your withdrawal effects will be next to nothing.

Please post back so we know how you're doing, okay?

Tom

Hondo

Other C Treatments

 

Just remember Radiation and Chemo are only two ways of treating Cancer, there are a lot of other ways to treat Cancer that will not affect you or damage your body as much.

 

Tim

 

Dtanman

oldvamp said:

Finished 33 radiations +

Finished 33 radiations + chemo about 13 1/2 months ago.  I had (have) stage 4, metastatic base-of-tongue and when I was first diagnosed I was pretty much considered a "dead man walking".  I started out all "No way I'm letting this darn thing beat me!"  By the last week of my radiation, I was ready to cash in my chips.  I was so weak, I couldn't see any way I would ever get back to working or being anything but a worthless invalid that was putting my poor wife through hell.  Our savings were eaten up by the hospital and doctor bills, I wasn't making any money and even the hours I was gifted by my wonderful co-workers was going to run out  very soon.  My throat was so scorched, I could barely swallow.  I knew that inorder to do my job (I'm an ER Technician) I would have to have the stamina to be on my feet for virtually my entire 12-hour shift and could not safely remain on my feeding tube. 

Two months later, after my beautiful dog started taking me for walks every day and my wife managed to push me to eat and eat and then eat a little more, I had gotten strong enough to walk 5 miles every day, my PEG tube was removed and I was back to the ER - not as a patient, but as a health professional helping others.  I've managed to actually gain weight to where I'm over 5 pounds heavier than I was BC (before cancer).  My ENT and my radiation oncologist say I'm at NED and I'm getting used to my "new normal".

I still need to take water with me at all times (since I still don't make any thin saliva) and eating is still a work in progress, but I'm gonna make it.  I won't sugar coat the hard road you're facing.  It won't come easy, but if you can just notice one little thing each and every day that you are able to accomplish, by this time next year you can say "I beat the Big C" and I'm gonna enjoy every second of this life I fought so hard to save."

Many blessings, Michael

 

Finished

Thank you Michael, I needed that.

 

Noellesmom

Please do check with your doctor

About 20 months is when my husband developed anemia which led to a life threatening condition called hyponatremia.

Definitely need to get that weight like loss checked. An overactive thyroid could cause this as well as your debilitating fatigue.

Come back and let us know what you find out.

DeadMan

Thank you all for responding.

Thank you all for responding... I really appreciate it