So Scared

I know I am not alone, but I am feeling it. My husband has been battling aggressive cancer for the last two years. We have done radition, on our thrid round of chemo and all ready have gone through three surgeries. The last one being a major on were he has ended up with two bags. They told us it wouldn't come back for a 1 to 5 years. It only took 6 monthes for to come back and connect to a bone. He has lost so much wieght and they are not sure there is anything more they can do for him. The most sad part is he can't hardly eat soild foods. He has been on a liquid diet for about 3 monthes now.

I know I am going to have to eventually say goodbye to my best friend and deal with this world on my own. At 42 I feel like I shouldn't have to deal with something like this. I pray every day for a miracle to make him better and have this all go away.

I am thankful for everyday we have left. Even if it is just stinking around the house and not getting to do all of the stuff we use to love to do. Like camping, hiking, going for a ride on the motorcycle and even just hanging with friends. He is just to weak to do any of that anymore. I know it is bothering him as well. This last year has been so hard on both of us and it just keeps getting harder.

Makes me wonder if the hurt and pain will ever go away. Or is it something that is going to be there for the rest of my life? In the last month all I feel like doing is crying, because it is becomming more real every day. Somedays it feels like it is to much to deal with, but I do because I love him so much. I would do anything for him.