So Scared

Hurtingspouse

I know I am not alone, but I am feeling it. My husband has been battling aggressive cancer for the last two years. We have done radition, on our thrid round of chemo and all ready have gone through three surgeries. The last one being a major on were he has ended up with two bags. They told us it wouldn't come back for a 1 to 5 years. It only took 6 monthes for to come back and connect to a bone. He has lost so much wieght and they are not sure there is anything more they can do for him. The most sad part is he can't hardly eat soild foods. He has been on a liquid diet for about 3 monthes now.

I know I am going to have to eventually say goodbye to my best friend and deal with this world on my own. At 42 I feel like I shouldn't have to deal with something like this. I pray every day for a miracle to make him better and have this all go away.

I am thankful for everyday we have left. Even if it is just stinking around the house and not getting to do all of the stuff we use to love to do. Like camping, hiking, going for a ride on the motorcycle and even just hanging with friends. He is just to weak to do any of that anymore. I know it is bothering him as well. This last year has been so hard on both of us and it just keeps getting harder.

Makes me wonder if the hurt and pain will ever go away. Or is it something that is going to be there for the rest of my life? In the last month all I feel like doing is crying, because it is becomming more real every day. Somedays it feels like it is to much to deal with, but I do because I love him so much. I would do anything for him.

Ladylacy

Sad

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband but I know exactly what you are going thru.  I went thru it with my husband and life partner.  It is hard and you do feel alone and personally afterwards it is even worse.  Enjoy what time you have together now.  My husband passed almost a year ago and one month before our 53rd wedding anniversary.  I had been with him since the age of 17.  I think of him always, cry and get mad at him for leaving me but I am glad he is no longer in pain.  It is hard being alone even though I have grown sons, grown grandchildren and great-grandchildren but they have their own lives and don't live near me.  I have thought about selling the home we bought together 40 years ago and moving closer to two of my sons but the funny thing is neither has asked me so that makes me feel even more alone in a way I feel their wives don't want it.

We used to camp and travel and I miss that too but most of all I miss him.  I know with time it will get better, at least I hope and pray it does so enjoy all the time you have together.

Wishing you both peace and comfort

Noellesmom

For lady lacy

Lacy, I am dismayed at how quiet these caregiver boards are these days. I am sure the need is as great as ever: wondering why the traffic is down so much.  

Ladylacy

Boards

Yes  these boards are quiet.    Caregiving is hard and grieving is worse because our loved ones are at peace but we as caregivers are not.  These boards helped me a lot during my husband's fight and I am grateful for that. 

 

Noellesmom

I hear you

You and your husband had a tough fight.

Hugs.

Caradavin

HUGS

I'm so sorry. I am not a caregiver, and I've never been on the side of caregiver. I've always been the one being cared for. I'm so sorry you are going through this and your husband he sounds like he is so strong. You sound strong, too. I am so sorry.

MyNewNormal

So sorry

I understand exactly how you feel. My husband has a cancer for which there is no cure. So rare in men that I can't find anything helpful on it anywhere. I feel all the things you wrote, angry, sad, scared. All we can do is keep praying and be here for eachother. Everyday is a challenge now but, everyday for them, we need to keep being strong, hoping they gain strength form us. I am praying for you to find peace.