One Year Ago

One year ago, I was puttering around the house, getting ready to go to the local French film festival gala opening, an event that I've attended for years.  Then I got The Call.  The shock in my ob/gyn's voice was unmistakable as she told me, The biopsy results are back and it is cancer. She then proceeded to tell me that she was scheduling a CT scan for me and that I would be getting a hysterectomy. Even before I got off the phone with her, I was hitting Google hard. I could not fathom what I was reading. How could this be happening? I fit none of the profiles. I was cycling 4-5 days a week, riding my horse, dancing twice a week, eating what I thought was a pretty darn healthy diet. What the hell?! All I'd had was one night of light spotting. And I thought of my mom, who passed away from endometrial cancer less than two months after her first symptom.

That night, after several glasses of wine, I sat between my friends in the darkened theater, holding my secret inside, trying to focus on the movie.  Instead, I was wondering if I'd be at next year's screening.  And then I came home and got back on the computer.  I had stumbled upon this site earlier in the afternoon and wanted to read more.  And I began to feel deep inside that this was not necessarily a death sentence and that I was going to be all right.

My words cannot adequately express how grateful I am to all of the women on this board who have been with me every step of the way in the past year.  It is not an exaggeration to say that I don't know how I would have coped without all of you.  You have demonstrated that statistics are only numbers.  They don't live and laugh and breathe, hold grandchildren or walk on the beach.  But you, my lovely, vibrant sisters, do.

The information and advice from those who travel this path have been invaluable.  I have learned so much, both from those who are actively posting and those who generously shared their experiences in the past.  It is because of all of you that I have been able to find my own path through this tangled forest and, at least for the moment, stand in the sunny meadow.

Tonight, one year later, I will be at the French film festival opening gala.  I will wear sparkly, dangly earrings below my short, newly wavy hair.  I will laugh with friends, chat with old acquaintances and munch on fancy appetizers (at least the healthy ones!)  I will raised a glass of wine in a silent toast to all of you and our respective journeys, always aiming for NED.  And I will make a solemn and confident promise to return next year to toast again.

Chris