Its that time again

2

Comments

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #22
    Sue

    I don't think that scanxiety ever goes away. I get CT scans every 2 months and have been doing that for just about 12 years. It has gone from me being freaked out the week before my scan until when I get my results (which is the following week so it was two weeks of freaking out). As others suggest and as we all try to do, I try to keep busy.

    Now I don't freakout about getting the CT scan at all. I still get a little antsy the night before I get my results but it's nowhere like it was. One can get used to anything over time I suppose...

    People die every day, yada, yada, yada but when we are in the situations that most of us find ourselves in, we usually have a greater sense of our own mortality. I have found it to be a blessing and a curse. Seeing people that are public figures who we admire die from cancer or other diseases doesn't help either. It took me the better part of a week to shake off how I felt after watching David Bowie's video, Lazarus. It's certainly not how I want to go out but I realize that most likely it just might be the case.

    I've had to stay off of this site for periods of time because I was getting too upset to see who we lost this week and so on. It really stinks to put it mildly. I believe that venting is crucial for us due to the amount of added stress we are all under.

    I've often used the "hit by a bus" line mainly because my in-laws died in a similar fashion. They were broad-sided by a truck the day before they were coming up to visit us. They were in very good shape and were 85 and 90. We really never know...

    I'm looking forward to Spring too Sue. It's the time of rebirth. 

    image

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #23
    Trubrit said:

    Bras...

    a gfit from the Devil. 

    I guess I just want to be annoyed at something, and bras are a good thing to be annoyed at. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Funny comment

    image

  • zx10guy
    zx10guy Member Posts: 273 Member
    #24
    PhillieG said:

    Sue

    I don't think that scanxiety ever goes away. I get CT scans every 2 months and have been doing that for just about 12 years. It has gone from me being freaked out the week before my scan until when I get my results (which is the following week so it was two weeks of freaking out). As others suggest and as we all try to do, I try to keep busy.

    Now I don't freakout about getting the CT scan at all. I still get a little antsy the night before I get my results but it's nowhere like it was. One can get used to anything over time I suppose...

    People die every day, yada, yada, yada but when we are in the situations that most of us find ourselves in, we usually have a greater sense of our own mortality. I have found it to be a blessing and a curse. Seeing people that are public figures who we admire die from cancer or other diseases doesn't help either. It took me the better part of a week to shake off how I felt after watching David Bowie's video, Lazarus. It's certainly not how I want to go out but I realize that most likely it just might be the case.

    I've had to stay off of this site for periods of time because I was getting too upset to see who we lost this week and so on. It really stinks to put it mildly. I believe that venting is crucial for us due to the amount of added stress we are all under.

    I've often used the "hit by a bus" line mainly because my in-laws died in a similar fashion. They were broad-sided by a truck the day before they were coming up to visit us. They were in very good shape and were 85 and 90. We really never know...

    I'm looking forward to Spring too Sue. It's the time of rebirth. 

    image

    Hi.  I had to take a pause

    Hi.  I had to take a pause and make sure I was reading this correctly.  Are you actually getting CT scans every 2 months?  And have been following this schedule for 12 years?  If so, why are they scanning you so frequently?  That's a ton of radiation exposure.

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
    #25
    zx10guy said:

    Hi.  I had to take a pause

    Hi.  I had to take a pause and make sure I was reading this correctly.  Are you actually getting CT scans every 2 months?  And have been following this schedule for 12 years?  If so, why are they scanning you so frequently?  That's a ton of radiation exposure.

    Sue, I have nothing to add

    Sue, I have nothing to add except having so many of us with scan anxiety does in a strange way comfort me. it helps to have others know exactly what we are talking about.

    Beauty consoles...thanks for the photo, Phil.

    hugs,

    CM

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #26
    zx10guy said:

    Hi.  I had to take a pause

    Hi.  I had to take a pause and make sure I was reading this correctly.  Are you actually getting CT scans every 2 months?  And have been following this schedule for 12 years?  If so, why are they scanning you so frequently?  That's a ton of radiation exposure.

    Yup

    There may have been some periods where I went 3 months between scans but for the most part it's been every 2 months. I've been in treatment continuously for 12 years this coming Feb. No doubt I've been exposed to a lot of radiation. I'm also alive, work part-time, kayak, and lead a fairly normal good quality life at that. I've been on Xeloda and Avastin for the past 2 1/2 years and have done many of the usual protocols. I'm headed to MSK for my treatment tomorrow morning. I'm doing 1 week on, 1 week off until further notice.

    I'm being scanned frequently because I seem to keep growing small lung tumors. I've had a few (3-4?) wedge resections and 7-8 RFA's on my lungs. The only "problem" I've encountered (other than having stage IV colon cancer) was when I had radiation done on one tumor because it was too close to an artery and they couldn't ablate it. That was in April of 2014 and even though it was 3 short targeted blasts over a week, it did some permanent damage to my upper right lung. The cold weather is very hard on my lungs but I found that wearing a cycling mask helps protect me from the cold. I was aware of the risk going into the procedure but I didn't have too many options. My breathing isn't like it used to be and hiking is over. I can walk OK and do some biking. Kayaking doesn't seem to be affected by it and I kayaked a lot over the summer and fall months.

    I'm unique (just like everyone else...)
    Wink

  • MAliceR
    MAliceR Member Posts: 98
    #27
    I hear ya...

    You are not alone.  I do the same thing. I live from test to test. I get to a place where I am feeling more like myself and then WHAM! It is that time again and I find myself not sleeping as well, grumpy for no reason, crying at the drop of a hat and a host of other issues. I think if we are all honest we will admit that this is part of what we all deal with as we survive this "thing" one test at a time. I wish it were different, I know we all do. But we are alive. 

    Hugs and I will think positively on the outcome on those tests. 

    MAlice

     

     

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588 Member
    #28
    Sue,

    stiff upper lip and all that. Go to your happy place in the canyon and try to breathe, just breathe and try to forget the what-ifs. I'll be thinking about you up to and the day of your scan. Best wishes. If anyone deserves to beat this its you, you have earned good karma in spades.

    Easyflip/Richard

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #29
    PhillieG said:

    Sue

    I don't think that scanxiety ever goes away. I get CT scans every 2 months and have been doing that for just about 12 years. It has gone from me being freaked out the week before my scan until when I get my results (which is the following week so it was two weeks of freaking out). As others suggest and as we all try to do, I try to keep busy.

    Now I don't freakout about getting the CT scan at all. I still get a little antsy the night before I get my results but it's nowhere like it was. One can get used to anything over time I suppose...

    People die every day, yada, yada, yada but when we are in the situations that most of us find ourselves in, we usually have a greater sense of our own mortality. I have found it to be a blessing and a curse. Seeing people that are public figures who we admire die from cancer or other diseases doesn't help either. It took me the better part of a week to shake off how I felt after watching David Bowie's video, Lazarus. It's certainly not how I want to go out but I realize that most likely it just might be the case.

    I've had to stay off of this site for periods of time because I was getting too upset to see who we lost this week and so on. It really stinks to put it mildly. I believe that venting is crucial for us due to the amount of added stress we are all under.

    I've often used the "hit by a bus" line mainly because my in-laws died in a similar fashion. They were broad-sided by a truck the day before they were coming up to visit us. They were in very good shape and were 85 and 90. We really never know...

    I'm looking forward to Spring too Sue. It's the time of rebirth. 

    image

    Beautiful, beautiful flower.

    Thanks PhillieG! 

    Did you take this picture yourself?  I love taking pictures. 

    Thank you for your kind words. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #30
    Thank you, all

    I really appreciate the comments, kind thoughts, advice. 

    I'm actually doing allot better.

    Going to YouTube and watcing videos of little children in treatment or dying was not a good idea. I will keep to sending my donation to St. Jude and leave the videos unseen. It was all just too much. 

    Two weeks today I get my results. I am looking for my next NED treat. A new shirt or skirt sounds good to me.  And then in April, well, thats my two years NED anniversary. Something big and expensive to celebrate, I think. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,428 Member
    #31
    Trubrit said:

    Thank you, all

    I really appreciate the comments, kind thoughts, advice. 

    I'm actually doing allot better.

    Going to YouTube and watcing videos of little children in treatment or dying was not a good idea. I will keep to sending my donation to St. Jude and leave the videos unseen. It was all just too much. 

    Two weeks today I get my results. I am looking for my next NED treat. A new shirt or skirt sounds good to me.  And then in April, well, thats my two years NED anniversary. Something big and expensive to celebrate, I think. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Hmmm

    I like that idea of getting something and will go shop for a skirt myself Laughing  (I just wish I could do the scan now and get it over with now.  Sheesh)

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #32
    NewHere said:

    Hmmm

    I like that idea of getting something and will go shop for a skirt myself Laughing  (I just wish I could do the scan now and get it over with now.  Sheesh)

    Please post picture...

    if you buy yourself a skirt. 

    I was told that I get to drink the hour drink, instead of the three hour drink' that made me happy. Still hate the IV. Hate needles. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • DaveHereInFlorida
    DaveHereInFlorida Member Posts: 48
    #33
    Sue,
    Ive found true

    Sue,

    Ive found true contentment thru the struggle by totally thowing myself and situation into Gods hands.  I have real peace . He takes away anxiety.

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,428 Member
    #34
    Trubrit said:

    Please post picture...

    if you buy yourself a skirt. 

    I was told that I get to drink the hour drink, instead of the three hour drink' that made me happy. Still hate the IV. Hate needles. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Will Post One

    Not sure though which I will purchase.  I just cannot find one that accentuates my legs properly.  Especially when I forget to shave them :)

    Good to hear you have the one hour drink.  I do not think I have had the three hour one before, but does not sound particualrly fun.  I actually don't mind the drink too much, I get the chilled rasberry and it tastes fine (kind of like Kool-Aid)

    I also have to schedule a colonoscopy.  The second way of prepping was better in terms of taste (Mirlax in Gatorade). 

  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838 Member
    #35
    Sue, you are such a great

    Sue, you are such a great support on this site. i have thanked you for your encouraging words many times in the past. I wish I had a message that would steer you completely around the anxiety that goes along with the cancer marathon. However I do take comfort in others pushing onward and learning to live in spite of the cancer cloud.  And yes I know the anxiety all too well...  For me it's CEA tests every two weeks and scans every three months. And there really have been a couple false positive CEA tests for me as well.  And I'm going in again this Thirsday. 1/28.  

    So here I am, so tired today. Laying in bed and reading the discussion forum on my iPhone. And the UMHS reminder phone call came in while I'm typing....

    Someone on this forum wrote that "we fight because that is what we do."  I don't know why but this deeply resonates with me. We fight because we want to live! And no matter how grim a situati may become; I hope I can fight and fight.

    And part of fighting is to say NO to the anxiety. To smile. To love. To do what I can do. To live.

    So cheers to you my friend.

    May you continue to live as best you can. And may you find overflowing love.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #36
    Phil64 said:

    Sue, you are such a great

    Sue, you are such a great support on this site. i have thanked you for your encouraging words many times in the past. I wish I had a message that would steer you completely around the anxiety that goes along with the cancer marathon. However I do take comfort in others pushing onward and learning to live in spite of the cancer cloud.  And yes I know the anxiety all too well...  For me it's CEA tests every two weeks and scans every three months. And there really have been a couple false positive CEA tests for me as well.  And I'm going in again this Thirsday. 1/28.  

    So here I am, so tired today. Laying in bed and reading the discussion forum on my iPhone. And the UMHS reminder phone call came in while I'm typing....

    Someone on this forum wrote that "we fight because that is what we do."  I don't know why but this deeply resonates with me. We fight because we want to live! And no matter how grim a situati may become; I hope I can fight and fight.

    And part of fighting is to say NO to the anxiety. To smile. To love. To do what I can do. To live.

    So cheers to you my friend.

    May you continue to live as best you can. And may you find overflowing love.

    Phil, my friend!

    So good to hear from you, though I can tell by your post that you are weary. 

    If only this disease chose the wicked, we'd have no worries. I often think, when I watch friends here and around me fight the fight, that it seems to be the best of the best that are suffering. You are amoung the best of the best, as so many of us here, are. 

    Thank you for your words of strength and wisdom.  I don't know why I'm whining, when you and others are going through so much more. I'm just waiting to hear that I 'continue' to be NED, when so many of you are hoping to hear that you are finally NED. I feel terribly selfish in my worries. 

    So, you and I, both going in for tests on the same day. Here's hoping we both get good results. 

    Take care, my friend. 

    Sue - Trubrit

     

     

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    #37
    NewHere said:

    Hmmm

    I like that idea of getting something and will go shop for a skirt myself Laughing  (I just wish I could do the scan now and get it over with now.  Sheesh)

    Gifts

    I drive a Mustang since my oncologist told me to be good to myself! LOL

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,428 Member
    #38
    danker said:

    Gifts

    I drive a Mustang since my oncologist told me to be good to myself! LOL

    I Should Have Thought This Through More

    The Vera Wang skirt I purchased does not cut it compared to your choice.  Hope Macy's will take a return on this.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #39
    NewHere said:

    I Should Have Thought This Through More

    The Vera Wang skirt I purchased does not cut it compared to your choice.  Hope Macy's will take a return on this.

    They sell Vera Wang at Macy's? I'm getting one image.

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,428 Member
    #40
    Trubrit said:

    They sell Vera Wang at Macy's? I'm getting one image.

    Maybe

    Trubrit: Why'd you say 'Vera Wang and Macy's?'

    NewHere: I panicked.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyFxXdqtGNk

     

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #41
    NewHere said:

    Maybe

    Trubrit: Why'd you say 'Vera Wang and Macy's?'

    NewHere: I panicked.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyFxXdqtGNk

     

    They stamp them when they're small

    Oh wow! Love Monty Python!  

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