Its that time again

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Trubrit
Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member

I see a pattern, and I don't know how to break it. 

My CT Scan and bloods are on the 27th. 

I feel myself slipping from the happy, carefree, positive person I am as I approach the scans and blood work. It feels like their is cotton wool in my head and I can't get it out. I want to smile and be happy, I do smile and I am happy but theres this feeling in my head and I just can't get it out. I can't express it either, as you can see. 

I'm not moping around, thats just not me, but its there, the swinging blade about to drop. 

And now, all these deaths in the news, and normally I think 'I can beat this. I will beat this' and then when I see our friends here passing and folks in the news, its like 'There is no reason why it can't be me' and of course, there isn't.  

Yeah, yeah, I know. We all have to die sometime. We could get hit by a bus, we....... I've heard it all, I know it all, but that doesn't help. 

Well thats off my chest now. 

Gosh, I am looking forward to Spring. The snow is beautiful, for sure, but I want some bright sunny flowers to take pictures of. 

Thanks for listening. 

Sue - Trubrit

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Comments

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
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    Hugs Sue.  No advice as I

    Hugs Sue.  No advice as I have the same issues and it's not even me.  I always try to remind myself that worrying won't change things,  stay busy is the only thing that's helps me stop dwelling on things.

     

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
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    I totally get it. I'm

    I totally get it. I'm having a pet scan on the 28th and I'm scared they'll find that the lung spots are cancer and maybe find some more elsewhere. I find that when I have a test coming up I get into a funk. I become cancer Jan again instead of normal Jan. Bleh...

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    JanJan63 said:

    I totally get it. I'm

    I totally get it. I'm having a pet scan on the 28th and I'm scared they'll find that the lung spots are cancer and maybe find some more elsewhere. I find that when I have a test coming up I get into a funk. I become cancer Jan again instead of normal Jan. Bleh...

    Funk yes funk

    That is the word I have been using. 

    And my bra feels like cheese wire, and I hate it.  Yeah, I'm easlily annoyed when I get into a funk. HA!

    Sue 

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    Funk yes funk

    That is the word I have been using. 

    And my bra feels like cheese wire, and I hate it.  Yeah, I'm easlily annoyed when I get into a funk. HA!

    Sue 

    What's up with your bra? I'm

    What's up with your bra? I'm asking because I've had neuropathy ever since the blood clot in my feet and around my bra area. Drives me nuts. I sleep with a heating pad to distract me from the feeling in my feet.

  • NewHere
    NewHere Member Posts: 1,427 Member
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    I Hear You

    Though we all obviously are on this dance, my bloods and scans are a week behind yours.  And it will all coincide with the annivesary of my surgery when I get the results.  

    Seems like I am more in tune with mild aches and pains as the day approaches.  And yes, this rash of deaths in the news hits home.  I also recently saw some other people (celebrity types) with colon cancer who I "grew up with," listening to as a musician.

    Try not let it grind you too much.  And when you post your good results shortly after the 27th, I will do the same within a week or so after. Laughing

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
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    NewHere said:

    I Hear You

    Though we all obviously are on this dance, my bloods and scans are a week behind yours.  And it will all coincide with the annivesary of my surgery when I get the results.  

    Seems like I am more in tune with mild aches and pains as the day approaches.  And yes, this rash of deaths in the news hits home.  I also recently saw some other people (celebrity types) with colon cancer who I "grew up with," listening to as a musician.

    Try not let it grind you too much.  And when you post your good results shortly after the 27th, I will do the same within a week or so after. Laughing

    In the same boat, scan and

    In the same boat, scan and labs somewhere at the end of the month, always popping up in the back of the mind, had to suck it up just to call and tell them to schedule, today. I go from a guy handling his stuff for three months, to a guy waiting on a phone call that can send me down a road I don't want to go down again. Here's hoping it's all good for all of us. In the mean while, when it pops in my head, I get a little pissed, tying those fears with a little anger at myself for giving in, makes it somehow easier. I've always been more comfortable with anger than fear, a little more empowered, if that makes any sense...................................Dave

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    JanJan63 said:

    What's up with your bra? I'm

    What's up with your bra? I'm asking because I've had neuropathy ever since the blood clot in my feet and around my bra area. Drives me nuts. I sleep with a heating pad to distract me from the feeling in my feet.

    Bras...

    a gfit from the Devil. 

    I guess I just want to be annoyed at something, and bras are a good thing to be annoyed at. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    February 5th...

    is when I go back to see my Oncologist.

    Its a bummer too, because now I can't even pick up my CEA results. I used to be able to do that, but now I get my blood test sent by Labcorp and the results go directly to the Oncologist who is 160 miles away. 

    I pray we all get to post back here in February and celebrate together our good results. 

    Sue - trubrit

     

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    February 5th...

    is when I go back to see my Oncologist.

    Its a bummer too, because now I can't even pick up my CEA results. I used to be able to do that, but now I get my blood test sent by Labcorp and the results go directly to the Oncologist who is 160 miles away. 

    I pray we all get to post back here in February and celebrate together our good results. 

    Sue - trubrit

     

    CEA

    Just assume that it will be below 1.0.  Then you don;t have to worry, and the actual results may surprise you!!!

  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
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    danker said:

    CEA

    Just assume that it will be below 1.0.  Then you don;t have to worry, and the actual results may surprise you!!!

    ahhh sue

    ahhhh Sue.....it's just the way it is.  Sometimes I would go into my anxiety crazies before I would even recognize it.  With a wonderful care-giver husband (16 years experience) he would finally point out to me that I was in full blown scanxiety mode.....might be a month before testing.

    Not going to tell you everything will be fine......we all hear that too too often....I think your worrying about the number of cancer deaths has weighed on you heavily though Sue and you might have a touch of the "why me" blues.....why me surviving that is.

    Spring and ned will come my lovely.......sending love......mags

  • zx10guy
    zx10guy Member Posts: 273 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    February 5th...

    is when I go back to see my Oncologist.

    Its a bummer too, because now I can't even pick up my CEA results. I used to be able to do that, but now I get my blood test sent by Labcorp and the results go directly to the Oncologist who is 160 miles away. 

    I pray we all get to post back here in February and celebrate together our good results. 

    Sue - trubrit

     

    Why are you not able to get

    Why are you not able to get your results directly from Labcorp?  They won't provide the test results over the phone but you should be able to go in person to the test site and ask for your results.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    zx10guy said:

    Why are you not able to get

    Why are you not able to get your results directly from Labcorp?  They won't provide the test results over the phone but you should be able to go in person to the test site and ask for your results.

    300 miles

    Its a 300 mile round trip to the nearest Labcorp. I get my blood taken by an independent, and it is forwarded to Labcorp. The results go directly to my Oncologist. 

    Ah, life in rural America. It has its drawbacks, but only a few. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • zx10guy
    zx10guy Member Posts: 273 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    300 miles

    Its a 300 mile round trip to the nearest Labcorp. I get my blood taken by an independent, and it is forwarded to Labcorp. The results go directly to my Oncologist. 

    Ah, life in rural America. It has its drawbacks, but only a few. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Ok.  I see now.  So the place

    Ok.  I see now.  So the place you went to locally was just a collection site.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    zx10guy said:

    Ok.  I see now.  So the place

    Ok.  I see now.  So the place you went to locally was just a collection site.

    Yes

    I live in rural Nevada.  All of my Doctor's appointmetns and surgeries were in the big city 160 miles away. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • DD3
    DD3 Member Posts: 136 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    Yes

    I live in rural Nevada.  All of my Doctor's appointmetns and surgeries were in the big city 160 miles away. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Good

    luck Sue.  I'm just a caregiver and I probably have the worst scanxiety on here.  I'm a mess a month out prior to my wife annual CT scan.  Wait.  She has one in March.  Guess I need to get amp myself up here shortly.  Wink

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,800 Member
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    DD3 said:

    Good

    luck Sue.  I'm just a caregiver and I probably have the worst scanxiety on here.  I'm a mess a month out prior to my wife annual CT scan.  Wait.  She has one in March.  Guess I need to get amp myself up here shortly.  Wink

    NO SUCH THING AS....

    just a caregiver  

    you say 'I'm just a caregiver'

    Good caregivers are what can make or break a patient. So, you're not 'just' anything, you are a wonderful caregiver. It is obvious by your posts, how much love and concen you have for your wife. 

    Saying that, don't over worry. Its not going to change the results. Enjoy the time, and keep the worry to a minimum. 

    Thank you for your best wishes. 

    Sue - Trubrit

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,280 Member
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    Trubrit said:

    NO SUCH THING AS....

    just a caregiver  

    you say 'I'm just a caregiver'

    Good caregivers are what can make or break a patient. So, you're not 'just' anything, you are a wonderful caregiver. It is obvious by your posts, how much love and concen you have for your wife. 

    Saying that, don't over worry. Its not going to change the results. Enjoy the time, and keep the worry to a minimum. 

    Thank you for your best wishes. 

    Sue - Trubrit

    Okay, so I'm set for the 29th

    CT scan on a Friday, weekend, then the call comes while I'm working Mon. or Tues., however it goes I'm working happy or angry, but I'm working. It's easier that way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dave

  • lizard44
    lizard44 Member Posts: 409 Member
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    OK- I'll go first

    My scan is this  Friday, the 22nd. Should get the results  on Monday when I see the oncologist. After  8 rounds of FOLFOX plus Avastin, followed by  28 sessions with the linear accelerator at 180  rads per  treatment and a 5-FU pump  hooked up 24/5 for most of the  five and a half weeks of radiation, we're hoping for  some major shrinkage on what  was already there and no new mets. Just got back from yoga class, so my anxiety level is pretty low and  I'm hoping it will stay down as long as I remember to  just breathe. Smile

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    Okay, so I'm set for the 29th

    CT scan on a Friday, weekend, then the call comes while I'm working Mon. or Tues., however it goes I'm working happy or angry, but I'm working. It's easier that way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Dave

    Agree

    Throughout this entire thing I have gone to work as much as possible, for the distraction mostly and trying to stay normal.  When I got my latest good CEA results I was working.  Got a little weepy at work, probably inappropriate but I don't care.  Hope you have an equally good event.  Will be thinking about you.

    Andrea

  • sflgirl
    sflgirl Member Posts: 220 Member
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    lizard44 said:

    OK- I'll go first

    My scan is this  Friday, the 22nd. Should get the results  on Monday when I see the oncologist. After  8 rounds of FOLFOX plus Avastin, followed by  28 sessions with the linear accelerator at 180  rads per  treatment and a 5-FU pump  hooked up 24/5 for most of the  five and a half weeks of radiation, we're hoping for  some major shrinkage on what  was already there and no new mets. Just got back from yoga class, so my anxiety level is pretty low and  I'm hoping it will stay down as long as I remember to  just breathe. Smile

    Yoga

    Great way to calm the nerves.  Wishing you the best.

    Andrea