I am pissed off!

he doesnt deserve you.. be strong.. its very hard but you have come through worst part in your life and you need who can love and support you rather than think of you as embarasement which you are not.

Whether you embarrass him or not is not the issue. Some people pay lip service to helping during tough times, but they don't follow through with action. If I were you, I would find another relative to go to chemo with. This is a very temporary situation and you should not have to deal with this right now. Don't ask him again to go with you, just say you will be going with your sister, friend, whoever. After you have finished your fight in a few months, you can see where you stand together. Personally, I think those kids are old enough to handle seeing you bald (I could see upsetting a 5 year old), but if it makes things any easier, maybe you should wear a scarf. This isn't the time for quarrelling esp during the holidays. Good luck!

So sorry he bailed on you...for treatments-I am sure the kids are old enough to understand...no scaring kids at that age...with some medical side effects.

I wish you the best....

Denise

button2 said:

Whether you embarrass him or

Whether you embarrass him or not is not the issue. Some people pay lip service to helping during tough times, but they don't follow through with action. If I were you, I would find another relative to go to chemo with. This is a very temporary situation and you should not have to deal with this right now. Don't ask him again to go with you, just say you will be going with your sister, friend, whoever. After you have finished your fight in a few months, you can see where you stand together. Personally, I think those kids are old enough to handle seeing you bald (I could see upsetting a 5 year old), but if it makes things any easier, maybe you should wear a scarf. This isn't the time for quarrelling esp during the holidays. Good luck!

I agree 110% withyou button2

well said...

Denise

Tlemetry said:

Thank you
He said it reminded

Thank you

He said it reminded him how helpless he is...  The scarf or hat lets him forget.  

 

I wont ask him to go to the next one, if he wants to be there he will... otherwise I have done it solo so far, I can do it again.

I do need his help and I am very thankful for what he can do. 

 

 

You are the onen going through the treartment..YES, it's hard on family...hopefully he steps it up...hugs...

The kids aro old enough to understand , even if they ask questions..

When I was going through radaiton at so called friend of my daughters' (then 15 yrs old) said I can't wait for your mom to lose all her hair...just to be mean and nasty and hurtful. (friend was old enough to know how awlful that was)

Maybe you could approach the kids and say "do you have any questions" if you feel you could handle them-it's new to everyone involved.

Densie..

Tlemetry said:

Thank you for listening and

Thank you for listening and your very suportive comments.

I did have a talk with him and he admitted that he was being protective.  He was afraid the kids would say something mean and he would have lost it on them. He was trying to avoid an awkward situation with the kids.  It still hurt.  But he also admitted that seeing me bald is a reminder that Im sick and he is helpless to do anything about it.   I explained that what I need him to do 'ABOUT' it was to hold me and tell me it will be ok.  to BE HERE.  He is trying.  I packed up and told him I would leave when the kids were here but he wouldn't let me go.  He said he was sorry for hurting my feelings and he said I was beautiful.  I broke into tears and he thought he said the wrong thing again... LOL

 

I know this is hard on him too, but I don't like feeling ignored or pushed away. I hate this crap.

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I am not new this though.  I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed in Nov 1998. Spent most of 99 in treatment  for advanced stage 2 IDC. No nodes 15 removed. I've been with my husband for 43 years. In April  2012 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IV. With bone only metastasis but it covers about 70% of my bones. My husband had been caring for me all along until almost 2 years ago  when he started to complain of the driving, missing work and generally not wanting to go. It was ok though I missed him being there.  My children stepped up and took over. At the time I couldn't drive. My husband began going on Friday nights to a card game at a friends house in the next County.  Being too far to drive home so late plus having beer to drink meant no driving anyway.  So this went on for a very long time until coming home Saturday turned into Sunday. I knew he was avoiding me as much as possible.  I couldn't do much, well according to him, I couldn't do anything. The last straw came this NewYear. He left early for work,actually as soon as he heard me stir he was out the door. That afternoon he didn't return from work and I didn't hear from him again until I calied him at work on Monday afternoon. I never had any reason in 43 years to think my husband was lying to me. He was someone of great character. Well, no longer. I finally demanded to know what was going on . Was it another women?  And yes of course it was . I got this on the phone.  Probably a good thing because I had a real breakdown.  Destroyed many things. I think I cried for a month straight. Then about 3 weeks ago I found out it was my old best friend. It doesn't get much worse unless it's a relative I guess. So as I continue fighting for my 18th year against this horrible disease, I'm running out of options.  The chemo I just tried was too painful and debilitating.  I'm not sure other than trials we can try. So when he disappoints you again you definitely  better off taking yourself  (like I did) so you don't set yourself up. People react to illness, especially cancer I think  in sometimes rather irrational  ways. Many times it's just too much. Children are a little easier to tell how they feel because they look down or away when it's too much. They don't hide as much.  The man I was positive would be there till the end won't be. We can only text message now, and I bet that is over too. I have called the Lawyer.  It's so sad. Because even after all this I still love him. I can't help that. Although feelings aren't mutual. So I go it alone. Hard. But doable.  I wish you the best of luck on your fight.

Vicki Lynn 

Vicki Lynn said:

You think you know someone

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I am not new this though.  I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed in Nov 1998. Spent most of 99 in treatment  for advanced stage 2 IDC. No nodes 15 removed. I've been with my husband for 43 years. In April  2012 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IV. With bone only metastasis but it covers about 70% of my bones. My husband had been caring for me all along until almost 2 years ago  when he started to complain of the driving, missing work and generally not wanting to go. It was ok though I missed him being there.  My children stepped up and took over. At the time I couldn't drive. My husband began going on Friday nights to a card game at a friends house in the next County.  Being too far to drive home so late plus having beer to drink meant no driving anyway.  So this went on for a very long time until coming home Saturday turned into Sunday. I knew he was avoiding me as much as possible.  I couldn't do much, well according to him, I couldn't do anything. The last straw came this NewYear. He left early for work,actually as soon as he heard me stir he was out the door. That afternoon he didn't return from work and I didn't hear from him again until I calied him at work on Monday afternoon. I never had any reason in 43 years to think my husband was lying to me. He was someone of great character. Well, no longer. I finally demanded to know what was going on . Was it another women?  And yes of course it was . I got this on the phone.  Probably a good thing because I had a real breakdown.  Destroyed many things. I think I cried for a month straight. Then about 3 weeks ago I found out it was my old best friend. It doesn't get much worse unless it's a relative I guess. So as I continue fighting for my 18th year against this horrible disease, I'm running out of options.  The chemo I just tried was too painful and debilitating.  I'm not sure other than trials we can try. So when he disappoints you again you definitely  better off taking yourself  (like I did) so you don't set yourself up. People react to illness, especially cancer I think  in sometimes rather irrational  ways. Many times it's just too much. Children are a little easier to tell how they feel because they look down or away when it's too much. They don't hide as much.  The man I was positive would be there till the end won't be. We can only text message now, and I bet that is over too. I have called the Lawyer.  It's so sad. Because even after all this I still love him. I can't help that. Although feelings aren't mutual. So I go it alone. Hard. But doable.  I wish you the best of luck on your fight.

Vicki Lynn 

I am so sorry, Vicki Lynn.  I'm glad you're going to the lawyer because you now need to think of yourself!  I was at my doctor's office yesterday and she asked me how my husband was doing with my cancer because she said many men don't deal with it very well.  I understand you still love him but, you're right, if the feelings aren't mutual there's not much you can do.  You still have your children and I'm sure, some friends you can lean on.  (((Vicki Lynn)))

Love,

Eldri

ronfryk said:

Don't add stress or anxiety

Obviously your current boyfriend has problems living up to his responsibilities, and gives verbal massaging.  He does not live up to his oaths or commitments, thus the divorce.  You are better off letting this crawfish leave your life and finding someone who really cares about you and your health.  Men are like ostrich's when it comes to adversity, most will stick their heads in the sand.  Since you are fond of his children an explanation about your situation is in order as well as why you will not be seeing them any longer.  Don't embarrass your loser in front of his children, just leave.

Both of them.  The woman is your "old best friend"?  Really?  How dare she!  I am enranged.  How dare your husband of 43 years NOT be there for you?  How dare he throw this up to you when you least need to know!  What about the "in sickness and in health" part?  I'm so sorry you're having to face this ultimate betrayal when your health is in such dire straights and you need the love and support of the man you have trusted and loved for so long and maybe even that "old best friend" might have offered support instead of sleeping with your husband.   This really makes me angry.  Stupid, stupid people!  It is simply unnecessary to hurt someone like this.  What on earth were they thinking?  That it would be ok?  Hardly!

Suzanne