Feeling Renewed.Feeling so alive and thankful.

Abbycat2 said:

Ditto, Moli, welcome back!

We missed you! I was hoping you had a great time on your vacation. Can I share a secret? Since my childhood, I have had a desire to just walk away and never be seen again by my friends or relatives. Crazy, huh? There is something that is both fundamentally exciting and deeply energizing to begin anew. To recreate a new me! When I worked for the State of Indiana, I often traveled throughout a 13 county area, including frequent trips to Indianapolis. What a fantastic little city! The Hoosiers among us know what I mean. I loved being anonymous at restaurants and hotels. I often think about doing a "road trip" by myself but I rarely have the opportunity. Life has become more complicated, I guess. Perhaps that's my fault!

You are a girl of my own heart.Exciting and energizing was what it was for me. Please make the time to get lost periodically (not forever though, that's taking a good thing way too far, LOL ) and just people watch with no fameliar voices,no chores,no wake up time and no go to bed time.Just go with the different daily flow ,no day is exactly like the day before when you are adlibbing life itself.powerful can -do  feeling.I will be doing many more.

Amid the complications ,life should go on,just do it. you are NED go give thanks and reward your body and soul. My sister you will thank me upon your return.

I hope the childhood bug will bite again but remember forever is a long time ,is not necessary and we will miss you terribly. We'll opt. in and out but we are all staying as a team ,we need all the rowers on call. Nuff love Cathy. Moli.

AWK said:

Just reading your post is uplifting!

You are spreading the zen around!  Thinking of you and sending prayers.  Anne

Thank you for the spirit booster Anne, I mean to be a positive spirit always, but knows that my negatives will be forgiven or overlooked on this board ,it's a wonderful feeling .Thanks for doing what you are doing for us and others to come,I applaud your bravery,I pray the creator will pay you back with showers of NED blessings. Moli Thanking you.

Lily_Anne said:

Welcome Back

So pleased you had a good time. In the UK there is a trail running called desktop 3 which is surgery only to see if it is better than surgery and chemo. 

Welcome home

LA xx

 I checked in and read of your new challenge , very sorry ,hope you have regained your footing and ready to fight this sneaky ,lurking alligator. You will stay in my prayers,wishes and hopes. for prolonged NED.

I will make some time to search for info on desktop 3 ,thank you.

How are you doing in general ? please renew your courage and don't let the set back stand in your way of resolving to fight .We will be with you all the while in spirit. Stay strong.

Nuff love, Moli

HellieC said:

Welcome back

Welcome back!  You sound refreshed and ready to tackle anything.  I, too, have sometimes wished that I could disappear and reappear somewhere else without all the baggage of my current life!  To meet people who know nothing of my illness or history is always refreshing and interesting - like starting with a clean slate.

Whatever you decide for your future treatment, we are all here to support you on your road to recovery.

 

Kindest wishes
Helen xx

Yes I am ready to play Whack-a mole. I recommend the disappearing act without hesitation.Must leave Cancer Home though. I sometimes have to make an effort to remember that I do have cancer.I am glad I have the ability to dismiss it  if only for a while. Hope you are doing ok ,you are on my best wishes list to stay.

Nuff love Moli

txtrisha55 said:

Glad you had a new and

Glad you had a new and relaxing time on your vacation.  Sometimes it is nice to just get away from it all and not think about what lies ahead.  Taking a break and then come back with head clear to help make any decisions.  Glad you had a good time. Wishing you the best in the future. trish

Yes dear head is clear and in a fighting mood.Thanks for caring Take care and look out for me when I am stumbling,I am going to need all of you with steadying arms.

Hugs, Moli.

Hi Ladies I have had my appointment with the surgeon, They may not be able to do the surgery without causing some damage to my colon, Therefore,  I must consult with an additional surgeon to see if he will be on board to repair and or perform a colostomy. now I am waiting to see him ,hope he calls soon with appointment.  I feel prepared, no stress ,no second thoughts ,surgery is what I want comes what may.

My oncologist  is now offering to skip taxol (and its ugly side effects)and offer me only carboplatin if I will scrap the idea of surgery.She said some people have had good shrinking  success with only carboplatin,. Could be a ploy to get me in a position to  later say ,"that didn't work so we must do the whole shebang" I gave it a thought briefly  but realize that there is no room in my head or life for shebang  now.

If no surgery can be done,and I feel as healthy as I do now  then there are lots of places  to see  and I will travel  and make memories until I run out of money , run out of energy or run out of life, whichever comes first It will find me  loving  life and me.

Hope you are all finding some peace of mind.I also hope that in any way you can, do life, do it simple, do it large, or do it loud whichever way you like just do it.  I am resolved.

In the surgeon's office I met an 18 year old girl with ovarian Cancer,stage 3, grade 3, brilliant beautiful and unfraid. I will never entertain  'afraid'  . I am 62 years old,my cup is half full and my race is still been run,

Nuff,nuff love and wishing ned to you all, my sisters.Thanks for the strength you show.

TeddyandBears_Mom said:

Molimoli

I debated on this reply.... I know you are resolved and committed in your decisions.  Just want to ask you this....

Would you consider having the surgery AND trying maybe one round of Carbo to see how you react to it?  It may be way easier than you think. And, it may be the combination to ensure you have success.  My thinking is if you try it, and it is a liveable impact, then you could consider doing the rest of the rounds of just Carbo. You won't lose your hair and can continue to hide it from your kids if that is your desire.

No need to reply back. Just felt like I needed to post this.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

My experience with Chemo through my life's work and family cancers tells my head that my life will be more livable without any form of Chemo or radiation with it's debilitating , dismal and sometimes downright dangerous baggages that it leaves behind. This is a personal decision and is not indicative of my rightness or someones wrongness.

Out of respect for everyone that is taking treatment I decline to further elaborate.

My decision to not take Chemo has nothing to do with my non-disclosure to my children,I made my Chemo decision 20 odd years ago and kept renewing it  as the years go by based on ongoing experiences with it.

I wish sustained NED for all of you sisters who are complying with your doctors orders, That's what we are all after regardless of the route we take.

Cindi I know you are suggesting out of concern and maybe fear for me ( I sensed the frustration) but I am not a follower at all, things must make absolute sense to me or I pass on them.

Showers of blessings and Plenty hugs. Don't worry I'll do ok . Moli

HellieC said:

Whatever you decide is the right decision

I think we can all empathise with the never ending consultations, the options, the possibles, etc etc.  But whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you as long as your decision is made from a strong base of knowledge of the possible outcomes/implications. 

For me, it was a "no brainer".  I was told that chemo may shrink and "control" my cancer but it would not cure it.  Surgery was the only possible way of getting rid of the tumour for good.  It was a long shot (but the only shot) and sSo I went ahead with it knowing that I would wake up with a colostomy (the tumour had wrapped itself around a large portion of my bowel which we knew could not be saved and radiotherapy damage meant that the healthy ends could not be rejoined.)  That was 5 years ago.  The colostomy has been pretty manageable and hasn't stopped me doing anything I wanted to do - long distance travel, cruising etc etc.  OK, it does demand a little bit of forward planning, but only in order to make sure you have enough supplies.  I would never say "go ahead - get one - you'll never look back" but I would say that it really has not affected my life greatly - and of course, no one knows that I have it, unless I choose to tell them.

I tell you this, not to convince you to have surgery, but just to let you know that major surgery of this life changing type is do-able. So if it feels the right way forward for you, then please know that there are those of us out there who have travelled that particular bit of road already and can offer support.

With kindest wishes
Helen x

 

The support and personal info lightened my load , I am grateful that you shared ,so kind of you. You are always at my rescue. I have had to show patients how to care for their bags over the years, but never see myself having one of my own , oh the twist and turns of life. It should  be easier that I had no radiation at all or Chemo  but I had a vaginal total hysto. so there must be scarring in there,  Oh it is what it is. Blessings in abundance dear. I will p/m you soon.

Moli