Feeling Renewed.Feeling so alive and thankful.

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molimoli
molimoli Member Posts: 514
edited October 2015 in Uterine/Endometrial Cancer #1

Despite this ever lurking alligator waiting in the marsh to pounce. Grateful that when I dared to really look my glass is still half full.

HELLO LADIES ! I returned from a wonderful vacation on Friday and played catch up some, with the missed posts. I am happy we are all still here (above ground) with yet another day to fight, despite the rough choppy waters some of you are experiencing. my 'wish I was a miracle worker'  thoughts will always be with you all as you reset your sails and keep the boat afloat.   I for one need a boat to start sailing into some kind of treatment. I am overwhelmed with  ' to do things' but will be notifying the  surgeon who promised to study my scans in my absence to map out surgery route that I am back so that I can prepare for the next chapter .I will update re : Dr's decision.

Physically speaking : I have experienced much heaviness in my pelvic area ,I can't take very long walks now without low level discomfort.My large tumors are very much staking their claim in my abdomen, I think even trying to form some kind of bond with my intestines (maybe mind over matter,but had some  slow evacuation without constipation)  and needs to be evicted .If I have to use a butcher they are going to be out of me.

I have had some fatigue but didn't let that get in the way of my  re-acquaintance  with my ' lost fabulous self ' vacation.I have never gone anywhere alone ( without family) since I was born. Oh what an awsome must do again thing.The world is full of beautiful people ,waiting to hear the word  "hello". I said and heard many, many hellos and watched beautiful smiles formed ,enjoyed much laughter, gave and received nuff, nuff hugs and I never entertained cancer or the crippling  thought of it  at all. No one was told,no one needed to know.We were all strangers at the same place at the same time with the only goal being a dance with life, I danced, My cup is half full.

Well , I left loving you guys and came back loving and appreciating you more, Nuff love and nuff nuff blessings in the form of remission.Thanks for keeping this my other world intact  and real.I'll need your wisdom and encouragement as I get back on board. Feel the hug. Moli. 

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Comments

  • Editgrl
    Editgrl Member Posts: 903 Member
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    Glad you are back, Moli

    and that your vacation was everything you hoped it would be. It sounds like your "found fabulous self" drank deep from your cup and danced without care.  What a wonderful gift to yourself! 

    Now nourished and refreshed, set your course and prepare to sail.  We'll weather the storms, the waves, the sunny skies, all of it, with you.

    Chris

  • Lou Ann M
    Lou Ann M Member Posts: 996 Member
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    So happy you had a wonderful

    So happy you had a wonderful vacation prayers for,you while you make these difficult decisions.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

  • Cucu me
    Cucu me Member Posts: 213 Member
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    Lou Ann M said:

    So happy you had a wonderful

    So happy you had a wonderful vacation prayers for,you while you make these difficult decisions.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

    Hi Moli,

    Glad you had wonderful vacation.

    I hope you will find good solution for the problem bugging you recently.

    Cross my fngers.

  • AWK
    AWK Member Posts: 364 Member
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    Just reading your post is uplifting!

    You are spreading the zen around!  Thinking of you and sending prayers.  Anne

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
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    Cucu me said:

    Hi Moli,

    Glad you had wonderful vacation.

    I hope you will find good solution for the problem bugging you recently.

    Cross my fngers.

    Ditto, Moli, welcome back!

    We missed you! I was hoping you had a great time on your vacation. Can I share a secret? Since my childhood, I have had a desire to just walk away and never be seen again by my friends or relatives. Crazy, huh? There is something that is both fundamentally exciting and deeply energizing to begin anew. To recreate a new me! When I worked for the State of Indiana, I often traveled throughout a 13 county area, including frequent trips to Indianapolis. What a fantastic little city! The Hoosiers among us know what I mean. I loved being anonymous at restaurants and hotels. I often think about doing a "road trip" by myself but I rarely have the opportunity. Life has become more complicated, I guess. Perhaps that's my fault!

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
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    AWK said:

    Just reading your post is uplifting!

    You are spreading the zen around!  Thinking of you and sending prayers.  Anne

    And I am sending more prayers

    to all you wonderful women fighting this disease.

    Bless You,

    Cathy 

  • debrajo
    debrajo Member Posts: 1,095 Member
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    welcome home Moli!  I so

     

    welcome home Moli!  I so love to read your posts!  I enjoy feeling what you see and feel through your words.  It does feel good to be  annomus  doesn't it!  No ones wife, mother, daughter, sister, no  exspections to conform to a mold!  So very glad you were re-newed, but even happier to have you back!  Best, Debra

  • Lily_Anne
    Lily_Anne Member Posts: 39
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    Welcome Back

    So pleased you had a good time. In the UK there is a trail running called desktop 3 which is surgery only to see if it is better than surgery and chemo. 

    Welcome home

    LA xx

  • Sandy3185
    Sandy3185 Member Posts: 229 Member
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    Lily_Anne said:

    Welcome Back

    So pleased you had a good time. In the UK there is a trail running called desktop 3 which is surgery only to see if it is better than surgery and chemo. 

    Welcome home

    LA xx

    ?

    I'm not sure I understand your post. Can you explain?  Thanks, Sandy

  • TeddyandBears_Mom
    TeddyandBears_Mom Member Posts: 1,814 Member
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    Sandy3185 said:

    ?

    I'm not sure I understand your post. Can you explain?  Thanks, Sandy

    Moli - Welcome Back

    So glad you had a great time and are ready to tackle the beast!

    Can't wait to hear what the surgeon tells you.  I'm praying it is exactly what you want it to be for you.

    I missed your input and am looking forward to many more posts from you.

    Lots of love your way,

    Cindi

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,681 Member
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    Moli - Welcome Back

    So glad you had a great time and are ready to tackle the beast!

    Can't wait to hear what the surgeon tells you.  I'm praying it is exactly what you want it to be for you.

    I missed your input and am looking forward to many more posts from you.

    Lots of love your way,

    Cindi

    Desktop 3

    I googled it and it says it's to determine if surgery and chemo are better for treating recurrent ovarian cancer than just chemo alone.

  • HellieC
    HellieC Member Posts: 524 Member
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    Welcome back

    Welcome back!  You sound refreshed and ready to tackle anything.  I, too, have sometimes wished that I could disappear and reappear somewhere else without all the baggage of my current life!  To meet people who know nothing of my illness or history is always refreshing and interesting - like starting with a clean slate.

    Whatever you decide for your future treatment, we are all here to support you on your road to recovery.

     

    Kindest wishes
    Helen xx

  • daylady
    daylady Member Posts: 122
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    Welcome Back!

    So glad your trip went well.  Take good care of you! - Helen

  • txtrisha55
    txtrisha55 Member Posts: 693 Member
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    Glad you had a new and

    Glad you had a new and relaxing time on your vacation.  Sometimes it is nice to just get away from it all and not think about what lies ahead.  Taking a break and then come back with head clear to help make any decisions.  Glad you had a good time. Wishing you the best in the future. trish

  • Lily_Anne
    Lily_Anne Member Posts: 39
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    ConnieSW said:

    Desktop 3

    I googled it and it says it's to determine if surgery and chemo are better for treating recurrent ovarian cancer than just chemo alone.

    desktop 111

    On the Target page it describes treatment for recurrence as being surgery along with chemo, as surgery isn't usually offered for recurrence unless it's deemed to be absolutely necessary. Desktop 111 looks at debulking and chemo. However when I requested more information they said desktop 111 includes treating stand alone tumours with surgery only and only introducing chemo if necessary. This would relate to the size of the tumour involved, how many and whether it was intrusive to avoid the debilitating effect of chemo if it's not needed.  I have to guess that is becuse once you have  a recurrence, like me, that it is not longer considered curative treatment.  Standard treatment for first diagnosis is usually hysterectomy, omentum, cervix and 6 cycles of carbo/taxol. So hit it hard. So surgery alone for recurrence is not usually explored. That's my understanding from the conversation I had. 

    Has anyone had a HE4 test?

    LA

  • Abbycat2
    Abbycat2 Member Posts: 644 Member
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    Glad you had a new and

    Glad you had a new and relaxing time on your vacation.  Sometimes it is nice to just get away from it all and not think about what lies ahead.  Taking a break and then come back with head clear to help make any decisions.  Glad you had a good time. Wishing you the best in the future. trish

    Moli, please provide us with an update

    as you have been on my mind and in my prayers. Will you be having your surgery soon?  If so, when? Please give us an update, my friend.

    Cathy xx

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
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    Mini update

    Hi Ladies,I thank you all for the responses and  well- wishes,I hugged all of you while I read your posts  a few days back and wish that we were all in the same town,just encouraging and breaking each other's falls, laughing and when needs be crying together, a beautiful thought but we must settle for this  (mustn't lose ) long distance relationship that I/ we can't live without now, I found my self yearning to hear how every one is coping,In my head you have all become family members ( not the ones that one would want to eject from their blood line) I have long convinced myself that more caring people than you guys one couldn't find in church.I am lucky.

    I am sorry for the delay in responding, I was waiting for some new news from the surgeon that I want to do my surgery, but to date none.he has ordered some new scans as he would like his own radiologist to read the scans ,he will only trust the report of the radiologist in his hospital ( no affiliation to my cancer center) although he had written  requesting all the reports from the various doctors involved in my care hoping to get a clear picture of of my condition , I appreciate that he is trying to not leave any stones unturned.

    I really don't mind the slow-boating as I came back home having a lot on my plate.I must allow my daughter to leave for New York City before my private drama begins, she leaves on Saturday 17th. Today we  will go to a play and dinner then Sat. morning I will take her to the airport and pray,wish and hope that we see each other again ,she is the baby and my heart is breaking but  I mustn't break ,mustn't stand in her way. can't do it, wont do it.Her leaving allows me the privacy to do me.That's how I registered it in my head  to not feel terrible. I am ok with my decision, and expect to deal with any fall out as I deal with life itself ,one day at a time.

    I am in the process of downsizing as well, in preparation for my duel with this Alligator.I am doing what I think will give me more time and energy to take frequent trips and really live. I have less energy than I am used to but I guess it's because 'me and alligator sharing my nutrients' AAAAHH !!!

    To All Of You Ladies To Whom I Owe My Sanity

    Those on active treatment --NED is my wish for you -braver than me for sure.

    Those keeping company with depression _ please get help to crawl out from under,and find ' alive' again.

    Those staying home worrying about mets. or progression--worry is a pill that causes rogue cells to 'giddy-up' get out and say hello to someone.

    Those who are in remission and living every day to the fullest--datta-girl

    Those who are  researching, sharing, subjecting self  to trials with all it's ups and down we are forever grateful

    Those doing all of the above skip the worry and the depression it messes up the program. Prioritize.

    I am hoping, loving and hugging you all, nuff love. will update. Moli.

     

     

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
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    Lou Ann M said:

    So happy you had a wonderful

    So happy you had a wonderful vacation prayers for,you while you make these difficult decisions.  Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

    Thanks Lou Ann

    I need the prayers in a bad way , and I feel the hugs.

    Sorry to see  that you had some recent challenges, stay strong and hopeful ,thats all we can do. in turn I am hugging.Nuff Blessings. Moli.

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
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    Editgrl said:

    Glad you are back, Moli

    and that your vacation was everything you hoped it would be. It sounds like your "found fabulous self" drank deep from your cup and danced without care.  What a wonderful gift to yourself! 

    Now nourished and refreshed, set your course and prepare to sail.  We'll weather the storms, the waves, the sunny skies, all of it, with you.

    Chris

    Thanks

    Was wonderful indeed Chris,Thanks for the reassurance ,nice to know my boat will have rowers. I am happy to see that you are weathering the chemo storm quite well, thanks to the creator.

    Moli

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
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    AWK said:

    Just reading your post is uplifting!

    You are spreading the zen around!  Thinking of you and sending prayers.  Anne

    AAH ! the generosity

    Thank you for the spirit booster Anne, I mean to be a positive spirit always, but knows that my negatives will be forgiven or overlooked on this board ,it's a wonderful feeling .Thanks for doing what you are doing for us and others to come,I applaud your bravery,I pray the creator will pay you back with showers of NED blessings. Moli Thanking you.