Anyone else plagued by anxiety and borderline hypochondria?

There is a fine line between vigilance and anxiety, which can lead to hypochondria.  I think it is natural to be anxious around the time leading up to scans and waiting for results. Fortunately, I have not been plagued with random pains since my awful back pain in January.  Worrying to the point of having a panic attack is unhealthy.  I have faith in the plan that the medical team has laid out, and I am encouraged that as a stage 1 partial nephrectomy patient with a 2.9 cm tumor, the odds are in my favor of no recurrence.  That does not mean that scary thoughts do not creep into my head every so often, but for the most part, I feel like I got lucky, and I am lucky to be getting scanned/watched going forward.  If something comes up as a result of a scan, it can and will be dealt with.

Footstomper said:

It's interesting isn't it?

Stage 4, grade 4. I often find myself with sith some minor ailment thinking "Is this what its like to die?' and then I think"you silly sod.

I find I do better when I regard my symptoms individually. When havent I had an an aching back?.

I dont have any advice but I do have unexpected symptoms. My thyroid is upset leaving me with the hormonal balance of a post menopausal woman!

A bit of a surprise I can tell you!

Footstomper,

I love reading your replies, you make me laugh! I am so new to this but my anxiety has calmed down a lot, I am trying to focus on the fact that it was caught early and I am one of the lucky ones thus far. I am hopeful that my prognosis is good as I have been told but it's amazing what our minds can come up with if left to run wild.

Andi,

wishing you the best news on your upcoming scans! I am a total hypochondriac so I can relate to that. My first scan comes at the end of October,I'm sure I will be a looney at that time. Best wishes to you.

Sheeple said:

I used to feel much the same

I used to feel much the same way. But eventually I just really got tired of feeling that way. Now whenever I have an odd pain here or there the first thought I think is, that can't be cancer, not that could be cancer. One instance of pain is not sufficient for me now to worry over. I'm too stressed out over other things in my life to deal with the additional self imposed stressor of cancer thoughts. I even came to dislike my former self that was full of worry and deleted my original account on this forum because I don't want to be associated with that person any longer. The doc said he got it all out, and was confident I was free and clear to live worry free. It was a long process but I turned myself around to seeing things his way. That was probably easier for me to do knowing that I topped out at stage I. 

I haven't had cancer (my partner did), but I had hypochondria, and still do to some extent. It started out of the blue 4 years ago after my first miscarriage.

I wish I could give a good advise how to cope with it. But I can't, there is no ultimate curative strategy. What helped me in the past - I simply got sick and tired of living like this. Believe me, having cancer in anamnesis is better than having severe hypochondria. I visited hypochondriacs board some time ago - oh my, this is a doom and gloom place! Here, on the board of cancer survivors, atmosphere is so positive and light, humor and interesting discussions are present. Hypochondria board  is the most dreadful and gloomy place... 

I ask you with all my heart to start fighting hypochondria tendencies right now, before it is too late. It could ruin life for good. You are a survivor, you are given gift of life again - do not waste it because of obsessive thoughts! Health anxiety and joy of life do not co-exist.

odds are in your favor, life is beautiful - try to stick to these thoughts! Now, when my partner's follow up scans are approaching, I simply forbid myself to think about them well in advance. When I start thinking of it - I switch to smth else, using all my willpower. I allow myself to think and worry only a week prior to scans or so...

sorry that I can't give a more valuable advise. But please just understand that you are given life again - do not loose your life because of health anxiety. This is not normal living, fight it and get your joy back!

mrou50 said:

Not alone

I too worry about aches and pains and when I have bad cough I think holy crap I am dying.  Than I just figure wait a second I woke up and I am breathing, so hey it cant be that bad.  It is hard not to worry sometimes though but with great support I seem to work my way through it.  Hang in there and appreciate every day and think happy thoughts, and when the bad thoughts come, go to your happy place, go to your happy place, go to your happy place......

Apny, I was getting ready to post something very similar to what you wrote!  After having my partial and surviving serious surgery complications, time went by and I got my life back.  Xmas arrived, I partyed, I had fun, I was me again and feeling super.  Just that numbness all around the incission and belly, that was mainly what made me remember what I had gone thru, period.

Then as time went by and I started reading and learning more about kidney cancer, I started getting a little scared sometimes and even as I find this place so great and with so many amazing people in it... I also started freaking out a bit.  Fox said something the other day about newbees posibly getting a bit like this on ocasion with the rollercoaster rides and sad losses.  For me it has been so at times.

Thing is Im a hypochondriac and I had been doing so well in that aspect ever since I had to get up my courage to face the diagnosis and the surgery... and now I have a cold and have been having the worst fears letting my mind drive me crazy.  In my family we get cists and lumps in the scalp, they are benign, so now I have a few more of what I have had for decades and now I think at night oh could this be cancer related?  And so it goes!

I so happy to have had read the replies, specially from Fox.  One thing is being vigilant and following our medical advice and another thing is lossing one's mind! Im sick of worrying and scaring myself.  I have soooo much to be grateful about!  It's a beautiful Summer, I live 5 min away from the beach, Im a photographer and I'm riding a good wave on my art at the moment.  It's not that I don't enjoy life, I do, but deep inside I have been living scared.

  Apny let's wake up and smell the coffee!   Thank You Fox for your precious advice, you are so right!  Guys, sorry for my spanglish english,  Footstomper you the 1st. !

foxhd said:

You know Apny,

count your blessings first. Be thankful that you are alive and survived a nephrectomy. Second be thankful that you are being closely monitored by your cancer specialist team. And be thankful that they know a whole lot more about this than you, me, and the rest of us on this board. They also won't tell you about plan B until necessary, but they have it in place. Be it surgery, drugs or radiation. All by specialists. You have to accept that they have the options covered. If you can't be confident about that, then consider a cancer team that you can believe in.

As for having strange pains that let your imagination run amok, tumors do not "float" around. You don't get pain in a hip that turns into pain in the shoulder, that turns into pain in your stomach and so on. If you get hip pain from a tumor, it doesn't just stop hurting after a week or so, then turn into something else.

I have said this a hundred times. Always "spin" negative thoughts into positive ones. It is behavior modification and takes lots of practice. Don't say the weather is too cold. Say it has been warmer and will be again. And so on, and so on.  We learn this at a young age but forget how to do it. You learned as a child to always say please and thank you, to respect your elders, and so on. It always cracks me up when people are asked, "How are you?" and they answer "Not bad." I want to say, "I wish you felt worse, maybe you would be happier." Why not ALWAYS say, "I am Great!" ? Then it not only improves your mindset but now the other person recieves positive feedback. The result is that not only are 2 people better for it but it can become contagious. Talk about spreading Karma. So easy to do. It takes behavior modification but it is yours and for free if you want it. Just think about how many people you have avoided through the years due to their downer attitude.

Remember my post from last year. I was at a picnic and someone made the stupid remark, "Don't worry about cancer. Any of us could get hit by a bus and die tomorrow." At which time I asked how many times they thought about dieing from being hit by a bus during the last year. "Well, er, none." was the reply. That's when I told them that having cancer was like getting a song stuck in your head that you can't get rid of. So what I did next was to start whistling x-mas songs in the heat of a july picnic. After an hour or so I had almost everyone whistling or singing, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..." I got a happy song stuck in their heads and everyone was in a great mood. Karma.

It takes practice but whenever things are getting you down, take that negative energy and restate your feelings with the positive spin. Behavior modification at it's best. Remember ALL time spent worrying is Never recoverable. It's like blowing your money on something you don't need instead of paying the rent. Your choice.

I could go on for pages with stuff like this. I taught myself to do this at about 18. It works for me. The one single thing I hear more than anything else is "You've got such a good attitude." Shoot, If I'm going to die soon, I am not going to waste whats left of my life if there is nothing I can do about it. Hang in there Apny.

Fox,

Have you read The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale?   I remember there was a copy of this book in my home when I was a child, and I remember casually reading it.  I just took a long plane trip an I read it through.  Everything you say reminds me of what Dr. Peale says in his book.  Maybe you could write The Power of Foxy Thinking?

Apny

I was exactly how you described in your post after hearing "C" word up to few months ago. My friends and family's reaction was/is the same. I ended up being worried and crying in the middle of nights, no matter how hard I tried to copy Fox, Djennie, footstomper,..... but few months ago I started making myself busy with things I love to do, now after few months I feel much better and stronger, Ihave my next follow up this weekend but still feel confident. So I suggest you do the same,it might help you as well. When you make yourself tired by walking, runnig, Yuga, exersices,.... You'll have better sleep at night and brighter morning in the next day. May you hear NED again and again.

Forough

for the first 2 years after surgery.

Until I finally went to a therapist who gave me one simple tool: The fear will never go away completely, so greet it, face it, 5 minutes every day, and then tell it to bugger off because thats the time you will spend on it. Take control.

/G

I just have to say to every one of you......Wow, you all are amazing and beautiful people. You all are what is right with our world!! Thank you!!