Haunted

All I can say is well stated.  It seems that we all go through these periods.  I am so thankful for this site, the support and friendships.  I am also very sorry for the losses that we encounter.  At this point I can try to be supportive.

Jeff, you said it all so well.  and you are absolutely right, cancer is all around us.  I cannot believe all the people I know personally who have had cancer and the many who have gone to heaven.  In the last 12 months I lost 4 friends to cancer.  I pray that everyone who is dx finds this site or another one like it because I truly believe it can help them.  I found this site after my tx and i missed out on critical information due to that.  We are a family here and we do grow to love and care about our members.  I'm very glad for this site and I know it helps someone everyday.  Thank you Jeff for sharing your feelings and know that we all share those same feelings.  Its sad that cancer has such a huge hold on this world.  I will continue to pray for all and that a cure is found soon.

God bless all,

dj

Yes, cancer is all around us, but so are heart disease, mental illness, kidney failure. We are just more attuned to "our" disease. That said, cancer does seem to lurk around every corner. If not knowing someone with it, there's the nagging fear of recurrance or the little (or large) daily struggles to remind us we are not quite normal anymore. There is the survivor's guilt of being the one who beat it. There's also the guilt of "Whew, I'm glad I didn't have that side effect." when you hear of others' troubles. Why do some have such a rough go while others have a simpler time? Many people do say they feel cancer was a blessing.  I lean toward that side. It hasn't been an easy journey, but I have never felt so loved. Blessing! There was no surgery needed. Blessing! No PEG. Blessing! I lost 40 pounds. Blessing! My blood pressure and blood sugar are normal. The eye doctor even said my glasses are too strong for me now. Why am I so blessed? God is the only one who knows. I do feel the need to express my gratefulness so, like Bill and others,  I volunteer as a parenting teacher,  a classroom helper, at church, and I blog for a local cancer center. And despite the sadness of losing fellow CSNers, I plan to stay on this site to help the newbies like I was helped. I'm glad you vented. It made all of us think a little more deeply today.

Beth

wmc said:

So eloquently put Jeff

Jeff that was so well worded, thank you.

I do understand what you said and even feel. I feel I had it so much easier than most I would even feel guilty in the begining. Then some reminded me that I too did go through a lot, just different. The hardest part for me, and also most of us who stay is , when we here we are giong to loose someone who we never met, but has become like family. It often brings tears to my eyes, but that is the one who needs us the most. The new person who was just told "You Have Cancer" and is just so scarred and in shock. They need someone to let them know it will be ok, damn rough trip, but you can survive. The wonderful person who had it come back for the forth time....... and has to fight once again. 

They say "Until you walk in my shoes you wont know what I an going through" and that is so true. For me I knew what I had to do going into surgery, and I new in my heart I would be fine. I also knew I was ok if I did not make it, for I was at peace and had a good life. I joined after I had recovered and returned to work, but still had things to deal with even tho I had accepted it, it was still something I live with every day. I still have to think each time I swallow liquid as I have asperated too many times and then I cough until I turn red, so I thing before I swallow and most likely always will.

This site has so many that I feel like are my extended family and has help me through some tough times. I need for me, to be there for others. If what I have learned and how to accept this will hepl others then I need to shair what I have learned. I have also seen there is so many kind and carrying people in the world and they are all on this site. Thank you all.

Bill

Be honest. Before cancer made it's deadly visit to us or our loved ones, how many of us gave it a second thought? Sure, we knew it was "out there", but not close to us. After it came "home to roost" twice for my family, unfortunately it was a big wake up call and now I see it lurking around every corner. Certainly not the way any of us wanted to learn first hand.

I was thinking yesterday how sad that my every waking thought is dominated by the death of my husband and daughter and the cause of their deaths. I give praise to those of you who do not let it dominate your lives. It is very hard for me, but I am trying.

You cannot know how much I appreciate each and every one of you here for the love and support you have given me all these years. Without you, I would certainly be crazier than I am.

I will always offer whatever support I can, even if it's only a hug. I hesitate to answer some questions posed by "newbies" as the end result of my experience would surely dash their hopes.

Luv,

Wolfen

Dearest Jeff,

Haunted is a pretty good word.  I know cancer paid an unfriendly visit to me and to our friends on here.  I am sorry about your coworkers, it is never easy.  You just hope for a good outcome.  Some truly beautiful people pass through our lives, it is the fortunate who enjoy their friends and family and coworkers. 

I am glad you beat the beast, for me I am not comfortable using the cured word yet. That crap snuck up on me once and I’m afraid I’ll jinx things if I get too comfortable.  For now I’ll just stay positive and watch my P’s and Q’s, whatever that means.

This site has been a good influence on me, I’ve met some really nice people and share with them things that ordinary people don’t understand.  They can thank their lucky stars that they don’t understand.

Take care big guy.

Matt

Each day we see suffering and know suffering of others all around us. It is difficult to think about the challenges they have living each day. On the other hand, we need to celebrate each day we have in the most positive way we can. If nothing we, they may live vicariously through us and we have a responsibility to be the steward for making every day a good one for all.