To hell and back...

lindary said:

Hi

Just read your post. I was diagnosed with follicular in Dec. Started chemo ealy Jan. The first person I told was my former boss at work. She happened to come into my cubicle just was I got the call (on my cell). She is also a breast cancer survivor. We talked for about 15 mins during which she calmed me down and talked about what to expect next. I also told my boss since he had to know why I was going to be taking so much time off. When I got home I told my husband right away. Since it was just before Christmas I didn't want to tell the kids until after a few other test results came back and after Christmas. About 4 days after Christmas I had to call each of my kids and my brother to let them know what was going on. Mu kids are all young adults. That is also when I let other family & friends know. The amount of support I have receivedfrom everyone has made everything a little easier to deal with. It has also provided many shoulders to lean on when I feel low. 

I am not going to argue why you should or should not tell your family. Consider this. You get through all of your treatments without any of your family suspecting anything is wrong. Dr runs test and informs you that they didn't work and you only have weeks to live. Now you have to tell your husband that you have a short period of time to put your life in order. How is he going to feel knowing that you have been fightint the disease for months and hiding it from him. Not allowing him to give his support. Having the suport of the people closest too you can relly do a lot to reduce stress and improve your overall attitude.

 

Decision is yours.

 

 

My husband knew right away and my children now know too.  I told them six months after.  I guess I wasn't clear enough because when I refered to my family I was meaning my mother, father, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins etc... They don't know and most friends and neighbors don't also.  In protecting my mother and father and had to keep this, tight to the chest so to speak.  I am fortunate that I have a low burdon of this disease.

I would have loved caring support and would not wish my decision to keep this a secret on anyone.  Many times it was harder than having cancer itself.  I feel like I'm living in some twisted nightmere.  Recently I had horrific dreams of what you spoke of (treatment not working) and showing up to visit my father bald and in a wheelchair....

I have witnessed the blessings of support when caring for my father.  Seeing the family, friends, and neighbors rally around my father gave him a reason to fight like hell.  One year later, they're still there.  I have cried many times alone knowing I won't have that but hope that this personal hell of mine will save my father from added stress and grief.  I'm his only daughter.  Perhaps it's the timing being diagnosis three weeks from one another and both having lymphoma???  What I can say is my circle has opened up, few more do know.  I have a great friend who is like a sister to me, she's an oncologist and her husband is my oncologist.  They have been beyond incredible to me.  I don't have many who know but the ones I do, I greatly appreciate.

I'm not sure why things played out the way they have, I have been put on this journey for a reason and I just want to make God proud of me.  Not sure if this will make sense but it drives me forward.

Thank you for your wisdom, you're absolutely right and I wish things could have been different.

I really hope all is well for you, are you done with treatment?

lindary said:

Thanks

Thank you for taking the time to clarify. I was actually going to ask you how you managed to get through it all without telling your husband & kids. (Unless the kids were very little.) I do understand why you owuldn't tell your parents and those that know them. This way all of those people were able to be there to support your dad. That was very selfless of you. I am also glad to hear you weren't completely without support from people other than you husband & kids. On the positive side, your dad was getting a level of support from you that no one else could have given him because you really did know what he was going through. To be honest, I don't know that I could have done that if I were in the same situation. Althoug I will admit that when my mom got sick (age related) I did not tell her about some problems I was having at the time because I did  not want her to worry. I was able to tell others and they knew not to say anything to her. The problem I had resulted in a hysterectomy abour 6 months after she died. To this day I do not regret that decision but I was fortunate in that I was able to tell our friends and my brother. 

I am near the tail end of treatment. I saw my PCP early in Dec and complained of some very weird constipation in Nov. I have IBS so weird means it was regular IBS type attack constipation. She checked my abdomen and found a mass. I was told a couple of week later that it was likely cancer. At that point the people who knew about it was my husband, my boss and a co-worker who is a cancer suvivor and a friend. They could not say anything at work since my one daughter works for the same company. I got the actual diagnosis of Follicular right after Christmas. I'll never forget that I started letting those arond me know about it the Tuesday after Christmas. My kids are all adults but that didn't make it any easier. The one that through me was my brother. I think it hit him hard at first. I have 3 grandkids, 10 and under, who were told but really don't understand it all. They just know Grandma is sick and isn't as active as she once was.

My first chemo was Jan 13 and was Chop. Insurance hadn't approved the Rituxan yet. Jan 29th I ended up in the ER with what I thought was a really bad constipation condition and turned out to have a perforated bowel. Seems tumor had been leaning agaist the bowel long enough to create a few adhesions. The Chop managed to shrink the tumor enough it pulled apart from the bowel causing some holes. (Lucky me.) So my next treatment was was R-Chop on Feb 24. Since then everything has gone according to plan. May 19 is my 6th Chop treatment (5th Rituxan). So on June 9th I will have a treatment of just Rituxan to make it six R treatments. On May 19 I will be tlaking with my oncologist about what happens next.

CAT scan after 4th treatment showed tumor is about half it's original size and other spots gone. The hardest part has been the 100mg of Prednisone and the crash when I stop taking it. Lately I am also feeling tired even when I get a lot of sleep. I am anemic and take iron pills. Just realized part of the problem is I had quite eating beef back when the bowel surgery was done (hard to digest.) and never started eating it again so this last weekend I added beef back into my diet, in moderation.  I do still work. Each cycle starts with a day off (chemo day), 6 days of working from home and 9 days of working in the office. I work in a large IT dept in a large company so it is fairly easy to work from home. I am a little bit of a workaholic plus I feel it keeps me sane and able to focus on something besides the cancer. Being in IT my co-worker advised me to think of the whole cancer-thing as a project. Projects have stages, analysis, design, code/test and implementation. I though of the first 2 chemo treatments as the code/test stages, where they made sure I could take the drugs. 

For you I would stop thinking of your decision to not tell many around you of the cancer as a hell. It was a decision you had to make because you felt it was the only way your day would survive his cancer. If anything it was a sacrific you had to make. It sounds like you have determined that there are some people you can tell that you are sure they will not say anything to others. I wish you peace and good reports going forward. 

 

 

Thank you!

I know I did the right thing, I receive confirmation everytime I'm in their company.  They just couldn't handle it.

I just have to deal with residual effects like, explaining why I'm not at certain events or having endured the pleasantries of a brother telling me I know nothing of lymphoma because his mother-in-law died of it 35 years ago (that was fun).  The worst was watching my father fail, we came very close to losing him.  That was hard enough but it was also difficult not to draw comparisons, I looked at him as if it was going to be me then I had to start treatment while he was still in medical cardiac ICU.  Everyday excluding treatment days, I was there in the hospital trying to comfort and support my father then wonder, am I going to get some infection too?  After all my white blood counts were lower than my fathers....  What bothered me most was listening to others complain about things that just didn't matter (ridiculous things) or my brothers talk about their ailments in front of my father.  Oddly they still do this and it makes me crazy.  After too many difficult days and seven months after diagnosis, I told my children.  I was doing well and wasn't going anywhere, I had to show them a different side of cancer.  Plus they had the right to know why I was having a bad moment from time to time.  It helped, I really thought I was going to lose my mind.  I had/have little energy, respiratory issues and still had to keep up a front.  Some things may sound hard but it wasn't all bad.

The best part, very few knew so I simply pretended not to have cancer.  This eased my mind and spirit which allowed me to refuel and be the warrior I am.  Keeping up the front, made me stronger.  I don't like giving in, perhaps it's similar to your desire to continue to work???

Sometimes I have to take it easy but not for long.  I just started to go back to the gym.  I'm a quarter of who I was before but don't care as long as I try.  This is really helping my fatigue.

What a road you have been on...

I have a friend who just wrote a book on IBS along with her sister.  It's all about what to eat and not...  It's called, The Everything guide to Low-FODMAP diet.  Dr. Barbra Bolen and Kathleen Bradley.  I like how you attacked this problem, it seems very logical.  I'm guessing but perhaps it helped in the emotional downside of having cancer? 

I'm glad you're responding well to the treatment and wish you great success.  Most of all no, more problems!  

Good luck on the 19th!

lindary said:

family

I had to chuckle a little when I read about your brothers. My in-laws tend to be that way, older versus younger. The older ones tend to talk about things as if they are the only ones who know/experince some ting and forget out old the young ones are (there are 9 kids in the group). I am fortunate in that most of them now live in another state because 2 of the boys have died from cancer. When we first told them what I had I got a lot of "are you doing to die". Me, being the smart-**** I can be sometimes, always responded "we are all going to die". Of course the one whose mother-in-law died from lymphoma doesn't know about lymphoma either. He only know what she had told them. Of my 2 brother-in-laws who died one stayed with us through much if his care and trestment, right to the day he died of small cell lung cancer. I always felt that he probably was feeling pain or anxiety at times but held back from saying anything because he didn't want to worry us. I am more sure of that now than ever. Even though I have been able to tell everyone I find I don't tell them everything. I don't even tell my husband every ache & pain I feel. I'll just say I am tired. 

Work definitely allows my to pretend, for a while, that I don't have cancer. What helps more, my coworkers also treat me as if everything is normal. It took a little longer but I have managed to get my husband to stop waiting on my hand & foot. I still let him do certain things (like bring my laundry basket upstairs) and depend on him to do others (like make my protein shake every day). Then their are somewhat silly things, like serving myself for dinner that took a while to get him to stop making up my plate. It was nice being pampered like that but he tends to put too much food on the plate. 

We both have had to fight this beast in different ways but we've done it. I will admit I sometimes worry if the chemo is really doing what it should, even thought the CAT scan in April indicates it is. 

I looked up that book on IBS and it is availbel on Kindle. Definitely going to get it. I found out back in 1999 I had it when I ended up in the hospital because of bleeding. Was told it was because I had an E-coli infection along with an IBS attack They gave me some meds that didn't really help. Went through months is hell with getting attacks every few weeks. I had one coworker recommend garlic (he felt it was a cure all for everything) and another coworker who introduced my to camomille tea. I found the tea was good at calming my gut down and eventually found even hot tap water could help. Also figured out I that I was stressing over some family issues that i had not control over and had to let go of the situation. I went form counting ho wmany attacks I had a month to wondering when the last one was. I also figured out that soda and certain sweets/sugars could trigger an attack. I am not a big soda drinker but would have 2 or 3 cans a day when others would be drinking coffee. Stopped soda and started drinking more tea. Fortunately no attacks if OBS during this period of time. 

I think because I work in IT and deal with logic all of the time I approach life events the same way at times, sometimes after the emotional meltdown. Drives my family nuts. I love these discussion groups because we can talk about things we don't talk to our friends or family members about. Not only do the people on these groups understand but we can talk about stff without worrying our family. 

 

 

I wish I found this group sooner.  I was diagnosised last April and wrote this post a year later.  Although I was in a weird spot.  Like we all are when we're diagnosised.  I was blindsided, scared and in shock.  I took a double blow when my mother never asked me about my biopsy (had three) then almost one month later figured out way.  She had too much on her plate, my dad.  Four months of tests, he was rapidly failing (doctors were out to lunch in his case) with no answers.  In one short month I had four biopsies, X-ray, ct scan, pet scan and flew out of state for a second opinion.  I have a scar across my neck, still no questions?  When I learned the dreaded news I needed to figure out my plan of attack.  I probadly would have told them as soon as I knew but I was pissed.  Then my fathers diagnosis.  Triple blow, everything was as it should be.  My father was very ill and there is only so much we could bear.  I wish I could have participated with people in the group, perhaps flying under the radar wouldn't have been so hard.

I became a warrior.  Steadfast and stronger than I ever thought possible.  Even declared war with the devil (not one of my brighter moments).  So many obstacles along the way, I simply shouted obscenities in my head and plowed through every last one of them.  Health problems, my dear cousin diagnosis with pancreatic cancer then my maid of honor with sarcoma.  No pity party for anyone, I just told them to buckle up and hang onto the warrior wagon because there is no accetable alternative, we're going to kick this nonsense where the sun don't shine, I would tell them.  Thank the good Lord that is exactly what we did.  They fed off my strength and I remained focused.  

Until a month or so before my first scan after treatment.

My mental strength was unshaken but my physical self was starting to crack.  I couldn't breath very well.  I had shortness of breath all the time.  The dreams I spoke of..... They were not so great.  I won't get into the details but I think in part it was what you had mentioned.  Is the treatment working even when you know it is.  I just started to see a cancer counselor, she told me it's one of the more difficult times.  Ending treatment and the first scan.  Horrid Nightmares made sense.  It is stressful, we never thought we would be in this club right?  I'm hoping the shortness of breath is from stress.  I did have two lung test and wore a heart rate monitor and all seems good.  

When I recieved the very good results from the scan, that was the first moment I actually felt similar to how I felt before I was diagnosed.  I hope and pray the same will be true for you.

I hope you like the book.  Kathleen is wonderful and has made me many treats from the book.  I don't have IBS but the recipes are good and healthy!

lindary said:

Warrior

You did have a stuggle there. It is amazing how we handle situations we never thought we would have to face. And the Club. I had a coworker that was diagnosed with multiple Mylenoma about 14 years ago. He fought it for 11 eleven years. He would mention the Club ever so often and how people with cancer had almost an instant bond with each other. He thought it was great but also said it was a club that he hoped no one he knew would have to join. He was also a long time vegetarian and would pint out how it did not prevent him from getting cancer. Another line was that he was proof being a vegetarian did not mean a person would be thin. When I first got my diagnosis I thought of him and wished I could talk to him. Granted I know several survivors to talk to but he always had a humorous way of looking at things. I am trying to keep his type of positive attitude even though I know he had his low points too. It was because of him and the oncologists I talked to I looked for discussion boards to join. I ended up with 2, this one and one called Cancer Care. 

Your path from diagnosis to today had to be a rough one in all aways. Taking on a "persona" of a warrior was what helped you to get through it all. Every survivor I've know has said how the first few scans after the treatments ended being very scary. I am looking forward to the end of the treatments and start of maintenace but I am not sure about hiw I am going to be for those scans.

I look back and when all of this started I felt very strong. The perforated bowel was just a setback and I charged ahead once the chemo was restarted. I had a CAT scan after the 4th chemo and was happy when the dr told me the results and how she felt very happy with it. Then about the time of the 5th chemo I realized I was losing my sense of taste and I was tired more than I had been. After the 5th chemo both were more pronounced. I have never been sick for more than a couple of weeks except for a cold virus and this was starting to wear on me. So right now I am looking forward to the last R-Chop (next week Tues) but also wonder how much more the taste of foods is going to change and how much more I am going to be tired. Three weeks after that chemo I have the 6th Rituxan which doesn't seem to worry me. 

I am hoping that some of this down feeling is related to the pleural catheter I still have. Knowing it will be coming out has made me more aware of it being there. It has a large "bandage" type cover over the tubing which makes me feel like I am wounded. I also have not been able to take a eal shower, just sponge baths, with this thing there. Tomorrow it comes out and whatever bandage they put on the hole I am sure will be smalleer and, hopefully, only have to be there a few weeks. I can't wait to be able to take a real shower again and he last big Chemo (R-Chop) will help me to feel less like "blah". Work does keep me feeling better but when I get home I don't feel so good. I think once I get past these 2 milestones (catheter gone & last R-Chop) I need to rearrange stuff in our house back to how it was before all of this started. 

Sorry to go on this way but today is one of my not so good days. I think I am trying to not get too excited about tomorrow. Maybe a week from now I'll feel more like a warrior again too.

 

 

Bad days are brutal and an unfortunate part of this journey.  I had many.  Somewhere along the way, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of bad days.  What seemed to work for me was mediation, recognizing and acknowledging whatever it was that was bothering me.  Sometimes a good cry, conversation, research......  I would allow what I needed (a flash flood of tears usually) then like a freak of nature I would yell at myself, in my mind to snap out of it!  Why, because I hated the way I felt.  Also I feared that stress would feed the monster I call cancer.  It's never easy.  Like your friend, I take a humorous look at this nonsense.  Perhaps to piss off the monster even more.

I hate that yesterday was not good for you.  I read it in your words, I could just tell.  Today be good to yourself, do something special and allow yourself to rest.  You're moving forward and that's Awesome!!!

My best and dearest friend is an oncologist (go figure).  On days of extreme fatigue she reminded me of what my body was doing, killing cancer and it's incredibly hard work and exhausting on the body.  She was right, it is.  I still fight fatigue but it is getting better.

It's hard for a warrior to be a warrior when she feels like a couch potato.  

I never had RCHOP, my father did.  His sense of taste did come back.  You are on a long haul and sound ready to jump off the wagon so to speak.  Who could blame you?  Soon this will be behind you.  I say, I'm quietly gaining ground.  Everyday moving forward.  Somewhere around the year mark, I was done.  Burnt and crispy.  My counselor told me that one day I will wake up and cancer will not be the first thing I think of.  I looked at her like she was out of her mind.  I wake up exhausted, I have a respiratory issue from treatment.... How will I forget that when I feel like this?

Of course she WAS right.

I'm hoping you had a good nights rest and feel much better today.  I still think you should do something special for yourself!

Good luck with the catheter removal.

lindary said:

Thank you

Thank you for all you said. I was supposed to go into the office today but over slept my alarm. So I stayed home and ended only doing about 3 hours online, then laid down for what turned out to be 5 hours. Yes I do need to keep in mind it is my body killing the monster. I also have problems with constitpation and had to start the stoll softner stuff today. I hope it kicks in soon. 

The cath removal went fine. A friend of my one daughter works in that area and was there when it was put in. I was so glad to see her there for it being taken out. Right now we have to keep a special bandage on it and change it twice. By sunday I should be able to put a large band-aid on it.

 

I guess what bothers me is not being sure if some of these things I should call the oncology nurse or not.  

Next Tues is the last R-Chop which means the last round of Prednisone. I am so ready to be done with that although I wonder if I might have to take a few extra days off to allow for the additional sleeping. I am glad the crash starts on Memorial Day weekend so Monday is a non-work day. But Tues I also know about the red cell count and if that is what is making me so tired. I thik once this last R-Chop is done I may have a different mental attitude knowing that it don't have to face it again. (At least I hope not.)

This weekend will be one for resting.   

 

Rest is your friend, your mind and body will thank you.  You deserve it!!!

Be good to yourself.  Your last treatment is around the corner, a mixed bag of emotions I bet.  Who doesn't hate treatment days?  But they kick the monster where the sun doesn't shine.  If you knew me,  you would know how surprising it would be for me to use fowl language.  One treatment day I used anobscenity and gave cancer a dying send off.  My nurse loved it and added a few more choice words.  We laughed and oddly it felt good.   

Call the nurses for whatever you need, you know they're wonderful.  Don't feed the monster and I found out there are no badges for being a great warrior.  The nusres might know the magic trick or have an answer that can put your mind to rest so you can move forward.  Worse case senerio, they can't help???  I was speaking to my friend who is an oncologist.  She is 100% accessable to her patients (Mostly their parents) and last week she said no one ever abuses it.  Besides it's their job, they are special in this field.

Side effects are torture especially constipation.  Stool softeners, rasin bran, all bran, bran muffins, H2O and peace.  No stress for you!  

 Next week is a big week, I WOULD take the extra time.  Absolutely.   Not only do you need it but deserve it too and if you need another reason make it celebratory.  Personally the cumulative effect was present and a tiny bit harder for me.  Mentally you will also benefit.  Take a break, listen to your body, plant a flower, read a good book, listen to great music and watch a comedy.

REST and give yourself the break you just might need!

Enjoy and have a wonderful weekend!

lindary said:

Update

So Thur when I got home from the cath removal I laid on the couch and only got up to go to the bathroom and to go to bed at night. Slept so good I slept through my alarm and didn't get up until 9 am on Friday. I did start taking the stool softner that morning. Emailed boss to let him know what was going on and that I would work from home. Worked about 3 hours and felt tired. Took a nap that lasted about 5 hours. Slept good that night too. Yesterday was more normal. I was up about 4 hours before laying on the couch. Even so I didn't sleep much and was awake to watch the Preakness. Great race! Today I took it slow again. When I went to church I had to part further away than I usually do and I felt the extra 20 or 30 feet. Same with going back to my car. When I got home I laid down right away. I know with all of this sleeping I am not drinking as much water or eating as much as I should. I am working on drinking my 2 liters of water, or lcose to it today & tomorrow. Food, I never had a great sense of taste but I have noticed a difference with some foods. Bland foods, little difference, spicy foods (which I like) I can still taste the spices. The stuff in between I get a weird taste and find myself avoid them. I am daily having a nutrional drink, V8 & a protein drink, not all at the same time. This is probably a major cause of not having daily bowel movements right now. I can tell my husband is getting annoyed everytime I don't eat solid foods and keeps trying some different things. I will give him credit for trying.

Stress is easy to avoid. My work actually relaxes me. I took yoga back in college so when I do feel any stress building I use the breathing techniques to relax. I can't believe how you got through all of this and not be able to tell most of your family know about it. Right now I am feeling that I am telling my boss I am working from home tomorrow. I am going to need this week to start rebuilding my endurance. In general my atitude is better than it was a few days ago. of that I am happy about.

Take the time you need, listen to your body and kick cancer where the sun don't shine!  I hope you work from home tomorrow and be good to yourself.  This is a tricky time to say the least, mentally and physically.  

Do you juice or make smoothies?

I swear there is somthing magical in by blender.  Actually I have a Vitamix.  I bought it for Father's Day a while ago, only now do I use all the time.  I combine kale, beets, ginger, tumeric, apple, acai berry smoothie mix, lots of berries and coconut water.  Not sure why I started perhaps seeking nutritional benefits.  It wasn't until I traveled and didn't have them daily, did I notice my health was worse.  I make a green juice which I love.  I change them around but usually have apple, kale, ginger, cucumber, celery, parsley or basil and lime.  I stopped doing this around the time I had my good scan.  Not a good idea, I did not do so well this week.  I didnt need a nap I crashed, breathing was labored bla, bla, bla.....  Then an epiphany, dusted off the jucier.  I really need to do this daily again.  I shoot for  thirty OZ a day.   The smoothies might be great for you, natures brom and both the smoothies and juice is like an infusion of another kind.  Pure, fresh vitamins.

I've actaully did a great deal of reading on the subject but because I have always lived an amazingly healthy lifestyle and diet and having a cancer diagnosis I'm harder to convince.  All I can type is that I really do feel better and my scan was better than my oncologist though it would be.  I also reduced my protein.

Keep the good attitude, continue to be good to yourself and get through this last treatment.  You're going to do great, I can feel it!

lindary said:

Thank you again

I am so thankful for you sharing your experience with me. It really did help me get through the last few days. I got a good night's sleep last night and woke up ready for my last R-Chop. Everything went well. Talked with my Oncologist. In 3 weeks I have a treatment that is Rituxan only. That will be my 6th Rituxan. At that time she will schedel another CAT scan and an appt with a dr at Rush. He was my second opinion for the original treatment and is head of Hematology there. He will go over the scans and determine if phase 2 will be Rituxan maintenance or other treatment involving stem cell. (I can't remember the exact name the dr said.) All I can do is like we do at work - Hope for the best and plan for the worse. 

I am terrible when it comes to eating fruits and veggies. Although there are probably more fruits I eat then veggies. I have a Ninja and an osterizer mixer. My husband uses this last one for make my protein shakes. I have added V8 to my daily routine to get more of the benefit of the veggies. I have looked at smoothies but there is always something in there I have nver tried. Now your apple, kale, ginger, cuucmber, celery, parsley or basil & lime sounds doable. I've never had kale but I do like salads now & then. I don't do berries or beets. I do like tumeric and coconut water is a possibility. When it comes to spices I love the hotter ones used in Mexican, Indian & other far Eastern foods. I have also found that spices like tumeric & ginger can be good at fighting inflamation. What I really find interesting is what you said about not haivng your drinks regularly and noticing a negative effect on your health. I hadn't thought about that. I need to remember to keep up with the V8 and any smoothies I find I do like. Not that summer is here I can get back to eating grapes again. I love them but during the winter they don't taste as good as during the summer. Maybe if I get going on some of these changes now that CAT scan will come out btetter than if I don't. I'd rather try than not try.

I have to tell you about anoher biggie - I took my first real shower today since early January. That is when the catheter was put in and I could only take sponger bathes as long as I had it. Now that it is out it's shower time!!!

I am going to see if my son can do a drawing of "kicking cancer" for me to put on the frig. Bet my grand kids will come up with their own version. More positive images. You have helped me to realize that the long view is every bit as involved as what I have had to do during this treatment phase. So the next 3 weeks I am taking it one day at a time. My planned worked schedule will stay the same with a warning that it could change at a moments notice. During these next 3 weeks I also need to take a short nap after work (either at home or at the office) even if I don't think I need it, I probably do. 

I a so glad we started talking.

Wow, you definitely sound better.  It must be the shower, ha, ha, ha! 

You're gaining ground and that's a good thing.  I remember my oncologist sat me down one day and started to tell me about treatment.  He told me he wanted to put in pic line for a month (June) remember I'm hiding this and at the time my children didn't know therefore I thought to myself how am I going to hide this rubber tube sticking out of my arm and how am I going to take a bubble bath?  The first thing I asked him while I was looking at him as if he had two heads, was about the bath and he laughed.  He's married to my best friend and she told him that was going to be a problem.  End result no PIC line.  Needless to say I get it and how wonderful it is.

I have to say I was in a rather pissy mood yesterday but when I read your reply I was smiling ear to ear and I have to ask (coming from a vegetarian), what on earth do you eat?  Of course I love those freaky green leaves and all things veggie, I can't imagine anyone else not liking them.  I laughed at the summer grape comment!  On a more serious note, right now more than ever you need your vegetables.  There are all kinds of juice bars opening up, you should find one and try a few.  I made something yesterday and it was incredible.  I ran out of my usual ingredients so I just got creative.  I used two tangerines, one apple, ginger, kale, celery and a beet.  hard to imagine especially for you ;-) but really good.  Actually you would have like this one because it had lots of fruit.  This was made with a juicer not Vitamix so it was smooth liquid and pure juice.  Here's why I love to juice, they not only taste good and good for you.....

They PISS OFF cancer!!!!!!!  I Love putting cancer in it's place and blasting it off into outer space to annihilate it. 

I learned the hard way, I wasn't good to myself.  I ignored what I was going through and warrior mode escalated much of my behavior.  I am thankful for most of it but I now realize how incredibly important and difficult it is.  Treatment will pass, recovery too.  It's best to recognize yourself more than ever Right now.  Be good to yourself, today and everyday after.

You're smart, hard working and a fellow warrior.   

Keep up the great work! 

Thank you for the kind words, I too am glad we are communicating.  I really don't have anyone I talk to about this stuff and let's face unless your in this club, it's hard to understand where we're coming from.  

Have an awesome day!!!!!

lindary said:

meat eater

I always tell people I am a carnivore. I will admit that as I have gotten older that my meat preferences have changed, I was never a big fan of beef. Ground beef ok and steak once in a while but that is it. I reall prefer chicken and seafood. Pork has been a good second. Love bacon & ham but have to watch the salt. Growing up we did not have many fruits or vegetables but my brother ate more than I did. My brother married a gal who is more vegetarian than meat eater. So now he eats a lot more veggies and fruits than I do. Because of a change in food attiudes at work there is a lot more fruits & veggies being eaten but I still find it hard to try new things. 

I have been interested in smoothies and jucing. I see kale in a lot of them and then I read warning about usage to too much kale. I have low thyroid but then again, I don't see myself joucing daily. So I am going to give it a try. The one recipe you mentioned with kale, ginger, apple, cucumber, celery, lime and parsley or basil. How much do you use of each? Or what should I start with as portions go? I am finding myself a big fan of ginger. Guess that is why I love chai. It also has cinamon. Since I was diagnosed I am finding myself looking more at some meatless options. Like veggie egg rolls and rice. Main dish though is still orange chicken or some other spicy chicken dish. With the taste buds acting up so many things are weird or tastless. Today my husband decided to treat me to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. Had chips with salsa and chicken enchiladas with salsa verde. Nice and spicy and everything tasted like it should. Fisrt big meals I've enjoyed in a while.

For chemo my oncologist ordered a port. I like it better than a pic line because it is under the skin and only noticiable if I wear a wide scooped neckline. A little pinch when they put the needle in to establish a line but the line is only there when in use. Otherwise I just have the port. Right now I am following your lead. Focus on kicking cancer's butt. My son and his kids like to draw so I asked them to make some pictures of kicking cancer. Should get some interesting results since the grandkids are 10, 9 & 4.

The nice thing about smoothies, you make them how you like them.  I use kale because of it's cancer fighting nutrients but you can use spinach, romaine or whatever green you like.  As  far as portions, I just throw in my juice extractor but I'll give you a very good estimate.

GREEN SMOOTHIE:

1 large green apple (skin on, washed well).  The underside of the skin has cancer fighters.

1 large engilsh cucumber (peeled).

1 lime peeled.

1-3 large handfuls of greens ie... Spinach, kale etc.

1-3 inches of fresh ginger, peeled.  I love it too.

2-4 stalks of celery.

Small handful of either basil or parsley.

I usually double this and use one to two apples depending on how sweet you like it, just to get 30 oz.  Good Luck! 

enjoy!

Nothing could be more motivating than your grandchildren's artwork, great idea!

lindary said:

smoothie

Thank you. I am going to see about getting the stuff this weekend and try it. Been taking it easy today. Tomorrow is half day for work because it is a holiday weekend. With 2 veterans in the family and some friends that died in service, we don't celebrate the weekend as much as remember them. 

With all of our talk I don't think I've told you about our dog. He is a lab/hound mix rescue and kind of watches over me too. When it is cold at night he will lay by my feet. In the morning he wakes my husband up to feed him and lets me sleep. Once he hears me moving around he comes in the bedroom as if to check on me. While I watch tv he is usually near me. Right now he is starting to pace because it is after 10 pm here. By 10:30 he iwll come and stare at me as if to say "time for bed". He can be somewhat skitish around new things bbut when I was using a walker after the surgery for the perforate bowel, he didn't flinch. He walked along side or in back. It was as if he knew how to behave around such things. I don't think he was trained for it, just a natural. He helps him to keep going too. 

I understand, I too have veterans in my family and regrettably two I never had an opportunity to meet.  This always marked an incredibly difficult time for my father because he lost so much.  Our Memorial days were alway somber and quiet.  It was like walking on eggshells.

As for the smoothies, I failed to write/type I made a few duds along the way.  Apples make everything taste great, hint, hint.  Try it until you like it.  I had a party at my house and recently made one for my elderly friend who's health is declining, he asked for one so I pulled out the juicer and ended up making several for everyone.  It was a healthy hit.

Our beloved Pets are amazing aren't they?  They know.  I have a cat and dog and both are incredibly intuned.  After treatment days they lay with me.  My cat would know know exactly where the needle was, she would sniff and lick repeatedly.  Crazy.  I could go on and on.

I love and adore my fur family they make me smile everyday, they offer such blissful peace just at a glance.  When I need to just be, they're right there by my side.  Actually they NEVER leave my side.......

Have an AMAZING and GLORIOUS Day!

P.S.  Remember cancer crashed our party, it's no longer welcome!  BAM!

lindary said:

apples

I kind of picked up on the apples. I am thinking of using spinach in instead of kale since I have had a problem with anemia for years. Then play with some other things. 

My husband is a good cook but not so good when it comes to nutrition. His idea of a perfect meal consists of beef, lots of potatoes and corn. I have tried to get across to him for years now that corn is another starch and in many ways is more like a potato than a vegetable. So today he makes a casserole similar to one I used to make. It called for rice, chicken, mixed veggies and cheese. Knowing my list of vegetables is short he was just going to use corn. I insisted he use peas insead. He put both in with more corn than peas. Am I right in putting corn in the same group as potatoes instead of vegetables?  I don't feel it adds much except starch & fiber. He also makes me a daily protein drink from whey protein plus I also drink a dialy nutritional drink to supplement.

Just so you have an idea of me and veggies. I like Carrots, peas, corn and will eat green beans. If made a certain way I have eaten broccoli & assparagus. Fruits I am better. Apples, oranges, grapes, cataloupe, honey dew melon, pear and banana. I have had cherries, usually in alcohol. Also coconut juice in drinks and dried coconut sprinkles on desserts. Celery & cucumbers I have used in stuff. Tomatoes I never would eat but loved anyting made from them, especially salsas. I am getting better with small tomatoes pieces in mexican food. Which means I am also getting used to gacomole. Before the cancer I used to eat a lettuce salad for lunch twice a week. I've been avoiding the salads right now because they warn about washing everythings that is fresh. I don't believe it but I really can't want until I can get back to salads. Now that the Chop is over I am hoping I can get back to eating more fresh stuff again. Starting with smoothies. 

I love pasta but know that I have to watch how much I eat. I do like potatoes but not in the volumes my husband does. As I said with meat, I like chicken & pork and also enjoy fish. Not big on beef or turkey. Husband loves turkey so I have had my fill of that about 2 months ago. 

I've grown up with a dog in the house. We got our first dog less than 6 months after getting the house. A second dog less than a year later. We've never been without a dog for more than a few months. For a while each of our girls had a cat. The one took her cat with her when she moved out. Figaro passed at the age of 16. This daughter has 2 dogs. The other cat stayed with us since our youngest always had a place that did not allow animals. Duchess was about 15 when she passed. Both had liver failure. Now youngest daughter is looking for a place so she can have a pet, probably another cat. Our son & his wife have had a series of dogs but she came from a family that didn't make them a family member. She has now learned otherwise and they have 2 wonderful dogs. She loves them and our all fur babies. They are so calming. If they are nervous they take our attention from us to calm them. 

So this weekend I start my journey on how to help my body fight the cancer. I also need to get back to walking more and to the gym. 

Party time and cancer is not invited.

 

Have a great weekend. 

 

 

You sound empowered, Amen!

I broke out laughing when I read about cherries, only in alcohol.... hilarious you are.

When I was diagnosis I was beyond shocked because of how vigilant I've been most of my life with avoiding carcinogens and eating right.  But of course there is exposure hence this happening to both me and my father.  The important take away is, had I not have been so vigilant my cancer would have been so much worse.  I have been told this by more than one professional...  The lymphoma specialist I see in Boston is big into intuitive nutrition. 

The most simplistic way to think about it is a raw, plant base diet.  If allowed.  I know there are things that should be avoided (had I of known) when I was neutropenic ie broccoli and other things but I didn't know and fortunetly didn't hurt me.  

Smoothies and juices are equally good for you and both offer a perfect way for you to kick cancer in the a_ _! Because they are plant base and raw.  Because you like fruit you can simply add strawberries, banana, blueberries, blackberries, cranberries (great anticarcinogen too) to spinach and a good piece of turmeric, beets and blend it up.  I also add acaiberry smoothie mix to it along with coconut water for the liquid (natures electrolyte).  With everything mixed together you can't tastes the veggies and add a nasty kick to cancer.

More in a minute, kiddos in the house :-)