To hell and back...

lindary

OO7 said:

I thought so too

Though I don't have PTSD I do work with someone.  Not having much support or opportunity to vent, I find it a great outlet.  Wonderful in fact.  I'm great at being positive and helping others but TERRIBLE  at taking care of myself.

I was my father's only daughter.  I have three brothers.  This shared lymphoma diagnosis at the same time seems cruel but as I type this right now I can honesty write that I'm glad he wasn't alone in this because even though it was in secret I "knew" what he was going through and he wasn't alone.  There were shared glances that he must have wondered about then, perhaps he knows why now.

Thank You.

Take care of yourself

I'm with you on this. Somewhere between the perforated bowel and second R-Chop it hit me that I have to be my own caretaker, cheerleader, warrior. It took me a while to really get into this mindset but I did. More so at home than at work, although my co-workers remind me to put me first, work second. 

OO7

lindary said:

Fight on

As warriors all we can do is keep moving forward. I find that seeing my kids is more important to me now than before. Before if I didn't see one of them for a month or more, well they are busy. Now I want to see them at leat once a month. They are all adults and have their own lives and I talked to them via text or online, but I want to see them, face to face too. With the holidays I get what I want without telling them.  ha-ha.

I hope you get to enjoy the holidays too.

I Love this!

Yes, be with your children!!!!!!!

 

love this.

 

From one warrior to another, I often tell people I love who are struggling at work, in their troubled marriages, traffic problems etc......

When there are nothing but storm clouds looming, in the wake of HELL and a surging sea;BE YOUR OWN RAINBOW!

I have nothing but that.  Ha, ha, they have no idea where I'm coming from but you do ;-)

AMEN.

You too have come a long way now, no one can take away your strength; it's in your core now.  You own it.

 

OO7

lindary said:

Take care of yourself

I'm with you on this. Somewhere between the perforated bowel and second R-Chop it hit me that I have to be my own caretaker, cheerleader, warrior. It took me a while to really get into this mindset but I did. More so at home than at work, although my co-workers remind me to put me first, work second. 

Being your own Rainbow

Cancer gave me awarenes, making me stronger than I ever thought.  So are you, we all are.  

We had to dig deep.  Then deeper.

We never asked for this.  Yet here we are  WARRIORS & SURVIORS! 

lindary

OO7 said:

Being your own Rainbow

Cancer gave me awarenes, making me stronger than I ever thought.  So are you, we all are.  

We had to dig deep.  Then deeper.

We never asked for this.  Yet here we are  WARRIORS & SURVIORS! 

Finally sunk in

I read your post yesterday and thought ok.

The last 2 days I just felt down. Figured out last night there were several reasons. Today on my way to work I was feeling better and suddenly remembered your "Being your own rainbow". As soon as I thought of that another thought came to mind - "We are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.". Today ended up being a good day.

 

OO7

lindary said:

Finally sunk in

I read your post yesterday and thought ok.

The last 2 days I just felt down. Figured out last night there were several reasons. Today on my way to work I was feeling better and suddenly remembered your "Being your own rainbow". As soon as I thought of that another thought came to mind - "We are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.". Today ended up being a good day.

 

You already had it

it was already there when you posted about being your own cheerleader, caregivers and warrior.  Some days are so tough, right?  I hate the feeling.  Heavy, almost depressed bla, bla, bla...  I'm not that girl.  As soon as I recognize it, on really bad days; I will flip it the bird ;-). Sorry but true.  On normal bad bays, I do the same, kidding.  I just want to breathe, happy, peaceful full of life breaths because that's what I want to do.  Breath easy.  

I may not of had what most have on this journey but I do have a tiny bit of support and a whole lot of crazy wicked drive...  My thirteen year old says I'm a freak of nature and she's not laughing when she says it!  Kid cracks me up.

If you can be everything to yourself, the rest is bonus.....  Rainbow and pot of gold!

I wish I had the bonus but so glad you have BOTH!  Now kick the bad stuff to the curb, it's not welcome anymore.  In the mean time enjoy the family, tradition and recipes.  

When it's dark be your own light.

OO7

OO7 said:

You already had it

it was already there when you posted about being your own cheerleader, caregivers and warrior.  Some days are so tough, right?  I hate the feeling.  Heavy, almost depressed bla, bla, bla...  I'm not that girl.  As soon as I recognize it, on really bad days; I will flip it the bird ;-). Sorry but true.  On normal bad bays, I do the same, kidding.  I just want to breathe, happy, peaceful full of life breaths because that's what I want to do.  Breath easy.  

I may not of had what most have on this journey but I do have a tiny bit of support and a whole lot of crazy wicked drive...  My thirteen year old says I'm a freak of nature and she's not laughing when she says it!  Kid cracks me up.

If you can be everything to yourself, the rest is bonus.....  Rainbow and pot of gold!

I wish I had the bonus but so glad you have BOTH!  Now kick the bad stuff to the curb, it's not welcome anymore.  In the mean time enjoy the family, tradition and recipes.  

When it's dark be your own light.

Tomorrow Is my father's birthday

Before all this I worked with children with cancer.  Setting up photo sessions and giving them and their families  a beautiful portfolio.

Saturday the hospital called, a young girl is close....  They requested a session.  Ironically it's on the same floor where my father was this past summer.

On his birthday, tomorrow  I will be giving this family a small token for their soon loss.

This is going to be Hell.

Then I have to get a CBC I'm neutropenic.  I think I miss placed my boxing gloves...

Unknown

OO7 said:

Tomorrow Is my father's birthday

Before all this I worked with children with cancer.  Setting up photo sessions and giving them and their families  a beautiful portfolio.

Saturday the hospital called, a young girl is close....  They requested a session.  Ironically it's on the same floor where my father was this past summer.

On his birthday, tomorrow  I will be giving this family a small token for their soon loss.

This is going to be Hell.

Then I have to get a CBC I'm neutropenic.  I think I miss placed my boxing gloves...

Try hard

try hard to to look at your situation from a detached point of view. That is what I am trying to do. I do not reveal my situation here but it is serious. Accept the fact we all are mortal. Let go of your father. Try to focus on the here and now. That is all we really have. In fact that is all we have ever had. Bless you. All my best.

lindary

OO7 said:

Tomorrow Is my father's birthday

Before all this I worked with children with cancer.  Setting up photo sessions and giving them and their families  a beautiful portfolio.

Saturday the hospital called, a young girl is close....  They requested a session.  Ironically it's on the same floor where my father was this past summer.

On his birthday, tomorrow  I will be giving this family a small token for their soon loss.

This is going to be Hell.

Then I have to get a CBC I'm neutropenic.  I think I miss placed my boxing gloves...

Warrior Armor

Heck with the boxing gloves. Get that armor on. 

You already know you need to focus on the young girl and her family for the photo session. Put on a brave smile and give them a beautiful portfolio. 

Then head home, wish your dad a happy birthday and talk to him a while. Hopefully that can help you calm down before the CBC.

Good luck on everything.

OO7

unknown said:

Try hard

try hard to to look at your situation from a detached point of view. That is what I am trying to do. I do not reveal my situation here but it is serious. Accept the fact we all are mortal. Let go of your father. Try to focus on the here and now. That is all we really have. In fact that is all we have ever had. Bless you. All my best.

Thank you for your great advise

Detachment allowed me to validate a piece of me privately and do what I needed to do. The irony of being on the same floor and the dire state of this young girl on my father's birthday.....  Crazy but "doable" thanks to you and Linda.

I brought the nurses treats in my Father's name which was perfect and did what needed to be done.

The here and now statement and mortality are perhaps both a blessing and curse...

Blessing and all my BEST to you on your journey and may the serious referance made be obliterated!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

 

OO7

lindary said:

Warrior Armor

Heck with the boxing gloves. Get that armor on. 

You already know you need to focus on the young girl and her family for the photo session. Put on a brave smile and give them a beautiful portfolio. 

Then head home, wish your dad a happy birthday and talk to him a while. Hopefully that can help you calm down before the CBC.

Good luck on everything.

Armor ON

never coming off again!

THANK YOU.  You have no idea how much you and GKH helped.  I just needed to read it.

You can't imagine how the morning went.  The young girl who we were doing this for was not doing well and didn't want to come down.  Eventually she did and everything went well except what stuck me funny was she was alone.  I never know any details but I did know she was losing her battle at nineteen.

She stayed with us long after the shoot and we learned she lived with her best friend and calls her best friends mother her mom.

Before I left I was compelled to go down to her room and say good by.  There were no cards or evidence of anyone being there, she was in bed and detached from the world.  Completely alone.  I realize who she calls family must have been working, in school or not feeling well. ??? 

I have every intention of going back and visiting her as long as I can.

 

I have much to be thankful for, no more pity parties from me.

May you enjoy and peaceful and relaxing Thanksgiving (that maybe an oxymoron?).

In a quite place in my mind, I will raise a glass to you both wishing you all my very best!  I fact I will make it a big glass and cheers all of us survivors ;-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 

P.S. my counts went up, no shots, nothing.  My ONC asked me if I did anything different, asked me if he had me get a Vit. B12 shot, folate, new vitamins etc..... ???  After his friendly interrogation and getting the attention of all the nurses around him, I told him I have consumed a ridiculous amount of Kale.  It's still growing like mad in my garden.  His eyebrows hit the ceiling, he shook his head and said I need to do a commercial.  We all laughed.  I go back on the 4th.

 

lindary

OO7 said:

Armor ON

never coming off again!

THANK YOU.  You have no idea how much you and GKH helped.  I just needed to read it.

You can't imagine how the morning went.  The young girl who we were doing this for was not doing well and didn't want to come down.  Eventually she did and everything went well except what stuck me funny was she was alone.  I never know any details but I did know she was losing her battle at nineteen.

She stayed with us long after the shoot and we learned she lived with her best friend and calls her best friends mother her mom.

Before I left I was compelled to go down to her room and say good by.  There were no cards or evidence of anyone being there, she was in bed and detached from the world.  Completely alone.  I realize who she calls family must have been working, in school or not feeling well. ??? 

I have every intention of going back and visiting her as long as I can.

 

I have much to be thankful for, no more pity parties from me.

May you enjoy and peaceful and relaxing Thanksgiving (that maybe an oxymoron?).

In a quite place in my mind, I will raise a glass to you both wishing you all my very best!  I fact I will make it a big glass and cheers all of us survivors ;-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 

P.S. my counts went up, no shots, nothing.  My ONC asked me if I did anything different, asked me if he had me get a Vit. B12 shot, folate, new vitamins etc..... ???  After his friendly interrogation and getting the attention of all the nurses around him, I told him I have consumed a ridiculous amount of Kale.  It's still growing like mad in my garden.  His eyebrows hit the ceiling, he shook his head and said I need to do a commercial.  We all laughed.  I go back on the 4th.

 

Counts

Glad to hear your counts are up. That has to be helping you to feel better in many ways. I know Kale i shealthy but I have a problem with green things. Excet for peas. 

You probably have done more for that girl than you ever will know. You went through what you did without telling most of your family but you still had some family and frineds know what was happening and there to gove support. The poor girl, at nineteen and dying with almost no one to be at her side. I think it is good that you plan on visiting her as much as you can. 

I will drink a toast to you tomorrow and that girl you did a photo shot for. May you bring her some level of comfort to her. 

Simon24

OO7 said:

Armor ON

never coming off again!

THANK YOU.  You have no idea how much you and GKH helped.  I just needed to read it.

You can't imagine how the morning went.  The young girl who we were doing this for was not doing well and didn't want to come down.  Eventually she did and everything went well except what stuck me funny was she was alone.  I never know any details but I did know she was losing her battle at nineteen.

She stayed with us long after the shoot and we learned she lived with her best friend and calls her best friends mother her mom.

Before I left I was compelled to go down to her room and say good by.  There were no cards or evidence of anyone being there, she was in bed and detached from the world.  Completely alone.  I realize who she calls family must have been working, in school or not feeling well. ??? 

I have every intention of going back and visiting her as long as I can.

 

I have much to be thankful for, no more pity parties from me.

May you enjoy and peaceful and relaxing Thanksgiving (that maybe an oxymoron?).

In a quite place in my mind, I will raise a glass to you both wishing you all my very best!  I fact I will make it a big glass and cheers all of us survivors ;-)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

 

P.S. my counts went up, no shots, nothing.  My ONC asked me if I did anything different, asked me if he had me get a Vit. B12 shot, folate, new vitamins etc..... ???  After his friendly interrogation and getting the attention of all the nurses around him, I told him I have consumed a ridiculous amount of Kale.  It's still growing like mad in my garden.  His eyebrows hit the ceiling, he shook his head and said I need to do a commercial.  We all laughed.  I go back on the 4th.

 

Kale

Hi,

   I'm glad to hear your counts are up.  How do you prepare your kale?  My husband has just finished R-CHOP round 6 and intrathecal round 4 and his counts will be going down any day now.  He loves kale and unfortunately, I haven't eaten much of it.  He has been known to eat it raw, but if there is a good way to prepare it maybe I would eat it with him.  I'll prepare anything he likes, but I'm just curious if there's a tasty kale recipe I can try.  You are wonderful to visit that young lady.  There is no greater gift to someone than spending time with them.    Simone

OO7

Simon24 said:

Kale

Hi,

   I'm glad to hear your counts are up.  How do you prepare your kale?  My husband has just finished R-CHOP round 6 and intrathecal round 4 and his counts will be going down any day now.  He loves kale and unfortunately, I haven't eaten much of it.  He has been known to eat it raw, but if there is a good way to prepare it maybe I would eat it with him.  I'll prepare anything he likes, but I'm just curious if there's a tasty kale recipe I can try.  You are wonderful to visit that young lady.  There is no greater gift to someone than spending time with them.    Simone

Yum....

Hello Simone,

I'm sure I had a infection that I didn't know about for a few weeks that caused my counts to fall.  The crazy amounts of kale and juice I consume most likely helped my immune system and kicked the infection aside and allowing my counts to rise.  Whatever the reason , I'm thrilled they went up.  I'm a year out of treatment so I have no idea why my levels were that low.

Kale is an interesting superfood.....  

In the begining didn't care for it and ended up putting it into smoothies.  It was hidden in between berries of all kinds, beets, ginger, apples and truth be told whatever was in the refrigerator.  I like smoothies because I ate it raw and received the most nutritional value that way.  I still do this but not as often as I should.  Sometimes I will scramble some eggs, sauté some Kale and mix in Parmesan cheese.  I also bake the eggs, kale and leeks, tomatoes peppers etc...in muffin tins.  My favorite by far came by accident. I planted several organic greens in my garden this year.  One being Russian red leaf kale.  I never had it before.  I have been eating this for breakfast, as mentioned, lunch chopped raw in a salad form with mangos, pepitas etc... Or my favorite soup!!!!!,  this is a tasty hardy kale.  A cross between kale and arugula.  I also sautéed it with garlic, olive oil, cannelloni beans and lemon or roasted it. You name, it I may have tried it.

For the soup

I chop carrots, celery onions and sauté in a olive oil and two bay leaves.  Then I add garlic. I press it with a knife to break it, let it sit then add it to the pot in largely chopped pieces.  In comes water, San Marranzo tomates crushed.  Then lots of chopped Kale.  I try to alway keep it firm, never over cooked for nutritional value.

 

enjoy!

 

 

Simon24

OO7 said:

Yum....

Hello Simone,

I'm sure I had a infection that I didn't know about for a few weeks that caused my counts to fall.  The crazy amounts of kale and juice I consume most likely helped my immune system and kicked the infection aside and allowing my counts to rise.  Whatever the reason , I'm thrilled they went up.  I'm a year out of treatment so I have no idea why my levels were that low.

Kale is an interesting superfood.....  

In the begining didn't care for it and ended up putting it into smoothies.  It was hidden in between berries of all kinds, beets, ginger, apples and truth be told whatever was in the refrigerator.  I like smoothies because I ate it raw and received the most nutritional value that way.  I still do this but not as often as I should.  Sometimes I will scramble some eggs, sauté some Kale and mix in Parmesan cheese.  I also bake the eggs, kale and leeks, tomatoes peppers etc...in muffin tins.  My favorite by far came by accident. I planted several organic greens in my garden this year.  One being Russian red leaf kale.  I never had it before.  I have been eating this for breakfast, as mentioned, lunch chopped raw in a salad form with mangos, pepitas etc... Or my favorite soup!!!!!,  this is a tasty hardy kale.  A cross between kale and arugula.  I also sautéed it with garlic, olive oil, cannelloni beans and lemon or roasted it. You name, it I may have tried it.

For the soup

I chop carrots, celery onions and sauté in a olive oil and two bay leaves.  Then I add garlic. I press it with a knife to break it, let it sit then add it to the pot in largely chopped pieces.  In comes water, San Marranzo tomates crushed.  Then lots of chopped Kale.  I try to alway keep it firm, never over cooked for nutritional value.

 

enjoy!

 

 

Thank you for your kale suggestions

Hello,

    Wow!  I had no idea there were so many ways to prepare kale.  I will definitely try some of your suggestions.  Thank you for taking the time to share them.   Simone