how to feel feminine after bilateral mastectomy

Hi there

First of all I am glad you are doing fine, and that you already went through a difficult part which was the mastectomy surgery.

You should think that being feminine isn't about the size or shape of your breasts. There are so many features that makes a woman feminine, for instance, her personality.

Society has put too much pressure on us. We have to be skinny, have big breasts etc...according to the tv, magazines and radio. But I promise you they have the wrong idea about women and humans overall, they just want to sell. Everything is sexualized and values are not so important.

My advice is not to worry much about it. If you are married, or single, I assume you have people who love you and support you. That's what should matter. Those that are next to you no matter what. The people that love you will do it no matter the size of your breasts.

You should be happy you are winning the fight and not concerned about how your breasts look right now. I am sure you look feminine and that if anyone looks at you they know you are a woman.

Remember you are beautiful no matter what, and the really beauty is not the physical (this one will disapear at some point), it is the one in your heart, values and personality.

Best wishes

JS

Pixie Dust said:

No reconstruction

Kln, sorry about you struggling with your reconstruction. I had BMX and this is the same reason I did not have reconstruction. I would be one of those that always has troubles througout the years with one. I considered to go boobless and love it and still feel feminine. No bras to wear and no flip flopping in my face. lol. My husband and daughter was all for me not having it done and my husband told me I was still beautiful in his eyes. I am sure someone  will be able to help you here and I wish you the very best yet to come.  Hugs Pixie

Yes flirt with everyone.  Nobody knows what you went trough and they can't see under your cloths so FLIRT.   I had a bilateral last year and I'm married.  I didn't have reconstructive because I just didn't want to do it.  However I have always been a flirt and you would be be surprised they look at your face not for body.  I had to test my new body to see if anyone would treat me different.  I sat at a cafe by myself and had a nice snack and chatted with everyone that sat near and the waiter.  Feeling like a woman I know we need validated and validatated in our new body.  You have to find your flirt and get validated then look out you'll feel like you can rule the world again.    

I had bilateral too.  Glad I had reconstruction.  If you have worris about your shape as you go along make sure you tell them what you think.  Is this how it should be?  Are they even?  Will they be even in the end?  And so on.  I loved the fact I was reduced as 38 DDD. Now maybe 34 DDD.  I found only the stretchy soft bras were the best and fit where they touch, you can get them everywhere and cotton feels nice, they are very light and airy.  However, i found as hot flashes are not done yet I find wearing a bra at all very hot and annoying.  As you are pert no one knows if you decide not to.  Normal bras didn't fit as the shape is a little different, I had an empty area where the nipple should be.  My plastic surgeon made a very obvious mistake in the sizes and put it right for me thankfully.  Annoying having to go back for the procedure but well worth it.

femininity.  

Where nice PJs or nightdresses.  Pretty tops, makeup, some nice earrings.  Have a good hair cut.  My scars are many but I don't care no one knows or sees them.  I go to Aquatic Classes, the gym and Yoga and a little cycling it's wonderful being able to wear little tops without bra straps showing.

dont worry you will be ok