how to feel feminine after bilateral mastectomy

kln

It has been eight weeks since the mastectomy.  Five more weeks until phase two of the reconstruction. my expanded have seemed to move more side ways then forward.  I realize this will be fixed in the next surgery. in the mean time how do you feel feminine.  I am really struggling.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

HopeLoveLive

Be-you-tiful

Hi there

First of all I am glad you are doing fine, and that you already went through a difficult part which was the mastectomy surgery.

You should think that being feminine isn't about the size or shape of your breasts. There are so many features that makes a woman feminine, for instance, her personality.

Society has put too much pressure on us. We have to be skinny, have big breasts etc...according to the tv, magazines and radio. But I promise you they have the wrong idea about women and humans overall, they just want to sell. Everything is sexualized and values are not so important.

My advice is not to worry much about it. If you are married, or single, I assume you have people who love you and support you. That's what should matter. Those that are next to you no matter what. The people that love you will do it no matter the size of your breasts.

 

You should be happy you are winning the fight and not concerned about how your breasts look right now. I am sure you look feminine and that if anyone looks at you they know you are a woman.

Remember you are beautiful no matter what, and the really beauty is not the physical (this one will disapear at some point), it is the one in your heart, values and personality.

 

Best wishes

 

JS

Pixie Dust

No reconstruction

Kln, sorry about you struggling with your reconstruction. I had BMX and this is the same reason I did not have reconstruction. I would be one of those that always has troubles througout the years with one. I considered to go boobless and love it and still feel feminine. No bras to wear and no flip flopping in my face. lol. My husband and daughter was all for me not having it done and my husband told me I was still beautiful in his eyes. I am sure someone  will be able to help you here and I wish you the very best yet to come.  Hugs Pixie

morgamed

Pixie Dust said:

No reconstruction

Kln, sorry about you struggling with your reconstruction. I had BMX and this is the same reason I did not have reconstruction. I would be one of those that always has troubles througout the years with one. I considered to go boobless and love it and still feel feminine. No bras to wear and no flip flopping in my face. lol. My husband and daughter was all for me not having it done and my husband told me I was still beautiful in his eyes. I am sure someone  will be able to help you here and I wish you the very best yet to come.  Hugs Pixie

Flirt

Yes flirt with everyone.  Nobody knows what you went trough and they can't see under your cloths so FLIRT.   I had a bilateral last year and I'm married.  I didn't have reconstructive because I just didn't want to do it.  However I have always been a flirt and you would be be surprised they look at your face not for body.  I had to test my new body to see if anyone would treat me different.  I sat at a cafe by myself and had a nice snack and chatted with everyone that sat near and the waiter.  Feeling like a woman I know we need validated and validatated in our new body.  You have to find your flirt and get validated then look out you'll feel like you can rule the world again.    

leslieandmaisie

I had bilateral mastectomy in

I had bilateral mastectomy in summer 2012.  I could not have reconstruction cuz of allergies.  I was 50 and single.   I was an A-B cup.  I have struggles w MS so I don't pay much attention to makeup and dressing up unless it's for a special occasion .

For me, it wasn't so much about feeling feminine,  but feeling like my chest looked grotesque.   The scars are at their worst, think and red and not evenly healed.  For some reason the doctor's incision were not at the exact same distance down from shoulders.  Maybe 1/2 inch difference.  I told everyone I would get plastic surgery to fade the scar so it didn't look uneven as soon as it was healed. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. 

I was so conscious of being flat.  It was summertime so I couldn't hide under bulky clothes.   I wore the post surgical camisole and some pink tank top ones from American Cancer Society w fiberfill forms. 

The worst part was it made a negative change to my posture since I was used to always seeing a breast in my perifiial vision - so I pressed out my pec muscle and arched my upper back and rounded my shoulders.  Once that sub conscious change was discovered,  it helped me realize that mastectomy is a big change.   BUT A NEEDED CHANGE.

It is surprising how fast the scars heal, and then fade.  I have to look closely to find the scar.  I never had plastic surgery.   Now I look forward to winter so I can walk the dog bra-less and be flat. I am most comfortable with my image by wearing a bra w forms (always used light weight foam) but I do on occasion run to swim class flat.  I wear a regular bathing suit and don't feel self conscious. 

Are you sure it's feeling feminine or just different.   It is a huge change and noticeable.   Maybe similar to having fresh scars on face or leg missing.   I'm pretty sure you will feel better as scars continue to heal.

 

Be gentle with yourself. 

 

kln

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am single and fifty one. I know a lot of this is in my head. I just need to get past the image in the mirror after my shower. I can't wait for the scars to fade. I stopped the fills because  the last time it hurt for days. I figured I should listen to my body and stop. Previously a D cup. Today I got my next step surgery date and time. Thank you all for your insight and kind words. Greatly appreciative. Kelly

Lilly9

kln said:

Thank you

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am single and fifty one. I know a lot of this is in my head. I just need to get past the image in the mirror after my shower. I can't wait for the scars to fade. I stopped the fills because  the last time it hurt for days. I figured I should listen to my body and stop. Previously a D cup. Today I got my next step surgery date and time. Thank you all for your insight and kind words. Greatly appreciative. Kelly

The scars will fade and in

The scars will fade and in time you won't notice the change in your body as much.   When you do and when you feel down - say outloud - At least I'm alive.   You'd be amazed at how those 4 words can change the way you feel

RozHopkins

I had bilateral too.  Glad I

I had bilateral too.  Glad I had reconstruction.  If you have worris about your shape as you go along make sure you tell them what you think.  Is this how it should be?  Are they even?  Will they be even in the end?  And so on.  I loved the fact I was reduced as 38 DDD. Now maybe 34 DDD.  I found only the stretchy soft bras were the best and fit where they touch, you can get them everywhere and cotton feels nice, they are very light and airy.  However, i found as hot flashes are not done yet I find wearing a bra at all very hot and annoying.  As you are pert no one knows if you decide not to.  Normal bras didn't fit as the shape is a little different, I had an empty area where the nipple should be.  My plastic surgeon made a very obvious mistake in the sizes and put it right for me thankfully.  Annoying having to go back for the procedure but well worth it.

 

femininity.  

 

Where nice PJs or nightdresses.  Pretty tops, makeup, some nice earrings.  Have a good hair cut.  My scars are many but I don't care no one knows or sees them.  I go to Aquatic Classes, the gym and Yoga and a little cycling it's wonderful being able to wear little tops without bra straps showing.

 

dont worry you will be ok

button2

The best advice I got

When I had my mastectomy, a woman told me that it takes two full years to grieve over it. I decided to wait that long till I decided about reconstruction so I could first deal with surviving fairly advanced BC. Now at almost 3 years, I am happy with my choice and will not get any further surgeries unless needed for my health. So even with reconstructive surgery, please give yourself time to get used to your new body! Best of luck to you, Anna