I am struggling to survive

jen2012 said:

From looking at your profile

From looking at your profile , it looks like your husband has colorectal cancer?  Mine too, diagnosed stage 4 in August 2012. It has not been an easy road by any means.  We have two teenagers and a three yr old.  The baby wasn't even a yr when he was diagnosed.  It sucks and his biggest fear is not seeing the baby grow up.  I have too many fears to put into words.  But you do get through.  We have had many difficult times since his diagnosis and many wonderful times.  Life is not the same, but we have no control.   sometimes I feel like shouting at people with life plans...ha you have no idea how quickly those plans can change! 

how is your husband doing?  Surgery, treatment?  Stage?  There is a pretty active colorectal board here if you have any questions.

try to breathe and take one day at a time.  There will be many ups and downs. Your husband may need an antidepressant to help him deal...and you may too,  try to do one little thing a day for yourself...a walk a bath, long shower, something to help you unwind.  And remember you can always come here to vent and release some fear and anger.  We do get it.

He had Chemo/Radiation treatments for 3 months, followed by two surgeries that were 9 days apart. They say they got it all the second time, but want him to go through chemo again just to be sure it does not return. He is adament that he still has cancer or they would not be insisting on the chemo. I went with him to talk to the oncologist several times and each time I tell him that my husband is sure he still has cancer and will be lucky to live 2 full years. The oncologist alwaays says why are you so negative? we got it all you are cured. We just want to be sure that it does not come back. If you make it 5 years without it returning this type of cancer is 99% sure it will not come back ever. Then we get home and my husband says that the doctor just told him he stilll has residual cancer cells and that means he still hass cancer. The last time I could not go with him, because I had another appoinntment. He comes home ane tells me he still has cancer and they are staarting his treatments back up in two weeks. It is like he hears every other word and makes his own story. He got a lot of attention in the beginning and when the doctors declared him cancer free he stopped getting so much attentionn from everyone. Also they told me to stop doing things for him and make him get up and do for himself. They said he would never get his strength and energy back if he was aloowed to sit around and be waited on hand and foot. He needs to get strong, to make it through the chemo. This makes him furious. He saays that is wrong, and he needs to rest up for three days straight so he can make it through work the next 4 days. Then he complains because he is so tired and wants to know why he is not getting his energy back. He decides what he wants to be true and then makes up his mind that it is. If I do what the doctors tell me he gets so mad at me and calls me names and says I am a lier. He has a colostomy now and he does not do what they tell him he needs to do and then he cries and wines because it is not working right. Then I say have you been using your med twice a day like the said? He will look straight at me and say yes. Then I look at him and say  you did not fix it this morning and I know you did not do it tonight. Then it's oh I forgot. He did not forget, he just did not feel like it and the got sick and then lied about it. It is like living with a two year old child at timess.