Hello old friends

to read that you're getting back on the right path~~Hondo had let us know life wasn't treating you too kindly.bless your brother for his acts of kindness and take full advantage of the new mountain life being offered. Hope you get the swallowing issue settled and you can start rebuilding your place on this earth...where you are sounds heavenly

SO SO glad to hear you are landed and on solid ground. It seems like a perfect place to be. Rebuilding your inner strength and helping others who are also experiencing life struggles. It is so hard to see the light during the dark days but one step, one day at a time does bring us back into the ligjht. Thank God! 

Thank you for posting.  I don't know much about Portland.  My daughter moved there 3 years ago and we usually stay in her end of the town.  When we visit and it's cold, I stay inside with layers on!  We did go to Mt. Hood area for the babies 1st birthday.  It is a beautiful area.  Hopefully you are in that area of the mountains.  The greenery is beautiful.

I am also glad that things are working out with your daughter.  You have all gone through very rough times and it looks like a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.  So glad that you can be a help to those in your community.  It is a blessing for them also.

Mike,

With Hondo narrating   your Trek, we were getting a hit or miss of your adventures

I hope you land where you can feel at home.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Peace,

Matt

Chefdaddy said:

Oh my gosh!

I am so overwhelmed seeing all of your wonderful posts!

I've really missed communicating with you all.

For those of you who don't know my family's bizare story I will share it again, but this is especially targeted for those of you that are not only going through your cancer, surgeries and treatment, but those of you that are also dealing with much more of life's personal struggles that couldn't happen at a worse time in your life. I pray for all of you,  my new and my old friends!

My wife had been my best friend for 24 years but in 2001 I was diagnosed with having pancreatic cancer which was followed with a botched radical surgery called a "Whipple Radical Reconstructive Surgery Procedure." Also during this time, her mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. She was staying in afirst a motel with our two young kids and eventually was put into a temporary apartment owned by the hospital as we didn't live in the area. She desperately wanted to travel to Seattle where her mother was going to undergo "Stem Cell Removal Procedure" but she had gotten a cold and wouldn't be allowed in the hospital there because after having all the stem cells removed there is no immune system left to fight anything off. Her mother didn't survive the procedure and she couldn't be with her mother at the end. Well, something "snapped" and by 2004 she had completely changed, she had gone from being a devout Christian to eventually getting the boyfriend from hell who abused not only her but our children as well. He molested, physically tortured and mentally abused my very sick son, who was fighting Leukemia, Scoliosis and Kyphosis of the spine, collapsed vertibrates throughout the spine (his spine collapsed 4" in one month from the leukemia), Cirrhosis of the liver (a result of being allergic to chemotherapy)  and to top it off he was physically handicapped from Klinefelter Syndrome and just a few months before the leukemia diagnosis, he had undergone reconstructive surgery to both legs and feet and was just learning how to walk again. This guy also tried to rape my daughter and then tried to strangle her. My children deserved none of this and my ex was clueless and mentally out to lunch at the time.

My brother helped me begin filing for custody.  I was able to get custody of my daughter first, due partly to documented police arrest records and my daughters brave court testimony,. Unfortunately for my poor son, no one ever called the police on his behalf, so it took a lot more to get custody, a lot more! Eventually I was granted "Temporary Custody" based on the Judges findings of his being in "Immediate Danger" but instead of handing my son over to me,

my ex and some of her low life friends at the time helped her kidnap my son from the Children's Hospital and had him on the run for 9 days without any pain medications (which he needed badly due to his spine and bone issues) and without any of his very important chemotherapy drugs. She was eventually forced to deliver him back to the same hospital with the assistance of a "Writ of Assistance" from the same Judge who had awarded me the "Temporary Custody Order" (NOT a happy Judge!) Through the next few years and several court apperances, four different Judges and six different attornies (she kept firing them lol). The last series of court apperances was the worst for me as I had been diagnosed with lymphatic throat cancer (Squamous Cell) with an unknown primary, During the court process I underwent several surgeries, very poorly done radiation treatments. My lower back meat was grey and covered with open radiation burns, my heart had been cooked which changed the heart rythem badly and the paristalsis of my intestines had stopped completely. Through it all I was finally awarded Total Custody. At the same time my son's cancer was worsening and we were both in patient in the hospitals on a regular basis. At one point I had lost over 100 pounds in two months while being "In Patient" and the doctors told me that I wasn't going to make it (Hondo had  given several of the wonderful people on here my room phone number in the hospital and they would call me and give me encouragement)  and they sent me off to a nursing home to die and my son and daughter were extremely scared. I was ambulanced there and I layed in bed for about 8 hours in which not one staff member ever responded to any of my several nurse calls and I was now starting to go through Morphine withdrawls (I had been on morphine IV drip around the clock before being released from the hospital) and now I couldn't stop shaking. I fell out of my bed (couldn't walk) and crawled over to the door and saw several staff people sitting on the carpet in the isle talking among themselves with several room call lights on. I crawled back to my bed and pulled the tray over that had my cell phone on it and I called my brother to come there immediately and kick the crap out of anyone wearing a uniform and to get me the hell out of there! My brother has been a Chef and a nightclub bouncer for many years until hew decided to go to law school. He's 6'5" and around 370lbs. he showed up with his son who is 6'6" and weighs around 290lbs and played football for South Dakota. I heard them both come crashing through their front doors screaming and demanding that they take them to me immediately. I think there must have been a few "soiled" uniforms at that point lol. Very soon I was ambulanced back to the hospital where they said they were going to send me to a hospice to die and I won't say what I told them but they sent me home so I could spend my last days with my kids. A home health nurse (an Angel) came to my home in a few days with all my medical records, she sat down and said "What the hell have they done to you?" She immediately went to work trying to undue what the hospital had done to me. At this point I couldn't stand without blacking out from a huge drop in blood pressure whenever I sttod up (cooked heart). Within a week I was able to stand.! She eventually had me getting food through my 2nd PEG/J tube (first one pulled out when I collapsed in the hospital bathroom).

And here I am now! I love nurses! Can't say that about most doctors though! 

Make-A-Wish (Bless their hearts) was going to send my daughter, son and me to Disneyland California but I had just left the hospital and was barely able to walk on my own, let alone push a big boy in a wheelchair around Disneyland, so I asked them if they would mind if my big strong younger brother could come along to handle my son's wheelchair and his personal needs that I couldn't do yet. They didn't hesitate at all and included him in the travel arrangements!

Before leaving for Disneyland my PEG had caused a serious infection in my abdomen and had to be removed. Before recieving radiation, they had removed all of my teeth in the operating room (I had been in a head-on car wreck as a passenger when I was in High school and had gone through the windshield which had caused tiny fractures throughout all my teeth) the doctors said that unless my teeth were in very good condition that I could lose my jaw bone once I started radiation so they scheduled for them to be pulled all at once.

So when we flew out for Disneyland I had a painful mouth full of stitches. When we arrived at our very nice hotel, there was a really nice high speed blender waiting for me so that I could liquify foods so that I could drink some nutrition. Incredible huh?

My son turned 15 while we were there that September and he was in remission. A year later he turned 16 in the ICU at the Children's Hospital, the leukemia had relapsed a second time. The doctore didn't want to proceed with any further treatment due to the fact that he was in a very small 1% group of kids that cannot tolerate chemotherapy at the DNA level. I talked it over with my son, told him what the doctors said and he said "I want to fight this!" I took his desire back to the doctors and they wouldn't budge. So my son and I met with each one and put them on the spot with why? One of the doctors said "Because the chemo will kill you if the cancer doesn't in about two weeks once we started treatement" My son said "I'm not doing a damned thing for two weeks so what's your problem?"

I said "If my son wants to go out fighting then damnit, that's his choice!" So they conceaded and started chemotherapy and it was touch and go for several weeks and then he stableized and then they pronounced him being in REMISSION AGAIN! (with eggs on their face lol) I was blessed with enjoying being with my wonderful and big hearted son for another year until it relapsed a third time. This time it came back very fast and extremely painful.  He went to be with the Lord March 22nd at the young age of 17.

I totally fell apart. I hated God for allowing my son to have had to endure such horrible chronic physical pain as well as the pain and humiliation from molestation and the physical tortue that he had received as well as what my daughter had to endure. My life rapidly went down hill after that. My son's SSI was immediately stopped without warning right after his death and I couldn't pay my rent, I then had an accident at my apartment when my foot slipped off my brake as I was about to back into my carport and it hit the gas pedal and I lunged forward, hitting my neighbors apartment and shoving in the wall about two feet. The police arrived and while being questioned the cop asked if anything else could have contributed to the accident happening and I said "No, it was an accident" but then I stupidly said "the only thing I have is a little bit of neuropathy in my legs and feet from chemotherapy but this was just an accident when I turned to look to see if someone was walking behind my vehicle (I thought I had seen someone walking behind me just as I was going to put it into reverse and that's when my foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas pedal) The cop distorted the facts and sent a report to DMV saying that I was confused between which was the brake and the gas pedal and that I couldn't feel my feet so DMV pulled my license and I had to go through several doctors and tests to prove that I could drive which I passed with flying colors but it took 3 months and by now I couldn't do anything to cover my rent and now I was now being forced to become homeless. My daughter had to move in with her mother who had now returned to being her old Christian self again and had also become a licensed realtor in the process and is now teaching our daughter the business. They have now worked through all the past heartache thank God!

I spent several nights freezing in my van, becoming very weak and ill and I really didn't really care about anything anymore, I was to busy hating God.

I stopped communicating with everyone, I started making lists of who would get what from what little I had left that was in storage. I strongly felt that I really didn't have any reason to remain alive anymore. 

All through this time my dear brother Hondo kept what was left of me going, sending me texts of encouragement. Eventually my brother caught up with me and now you know the rest!                

 May God richly bless you all! 

Chefdaddy, God bless you brother.  I'm new here and just read your story and it brought tears to my eyes.  You are an encouragement to me as I begin my journey on the head and neck cancer bus.  I can't image what all you've been through over the years, but there will be rewards for you in heaven one day my friend.  So sorry to hear about the loss of your son and all the other misfortunate happenings you've had to endure.  Sounds like life is finally taking a turn for the better though.  Stay strong and take comfort in the Lord.  He has plans for you it appears there in the mountains.  I wish you all the best and know that you always have friends here to talk to.

God bless!!

Chefdaddy said:

Oh my gosh!

I am so overwhelmed seeing all of your wonderful posts!

I've really missed communicating with you all.

For those of you who don't know my family's bizare story I will share it again, but this is especially targeted for those of you that are not only going through your cancer, surgeries and treatment, but those of you that are also dealing with much more of life's personal struggles that couldn't happen at a worse time in your life. I pray for all of you,  my new and my old friends!

My wife had been my best friend for 24 years but in 2001 I was diagnosed with having pancreatic cancer which was followed with a botched radical surgery called a "Whipple Radical Reconstructive Surgery Procedure." Also during this time, her mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. She was staying in afirst a motel with our two young kids and eventually was put into a temporary apartment owned by the hospital as we didn't live in the area. She desperately wanted to travel to Seattle where her mother was going to undergo "Stem Cell Removal Procedure" but she had gotten a cold and wouldn't be allowed in the hospital there because after having all the stem cells removed there is no immune system left to fight anything off. Her mother didn't survive the procedure and she couldn't be with her mother at the end. Well, something "snapped" and by 2004 she had completely changed, she had gone from being a devout Christian to eventually getting the boyfriend from hell who abused not only her but our children as well. He molested, physically tortured and mentally abused my very sick son, who was fighting Leukemia, Scoliosis and Kyphosis of the spine, collapsed vertibrates throughout the spine (his spine collapsed 4" in one month from the leukemia), Cirrhosis of the liver (a result of being allergic to chemotherapy)  and to top it off he was physically handicapped from Klinefelter Syndrome and just a few months before the leukemia diagnosis, he had undergone reconstructive surgery to both legs and feet and was just learning how to walk again. This guy also tried to rape my daughter and then tried to strangle her. My children deserved none of this and my ex was clueless and mentally out to lunch at the time.

My brother helped me begin filing for custody.  I was able to get custody of my daughter first, due partly to documented police arrest records and my daughters brave court testimony,. Unfortunately for my poor son, no one ever called the police on his behalf, so it took a lot more to get custody, a lot more! Eventually I was granted "Temporary Custody" based on the Judges findings of his being in "Immediate Danger" but instead of handing my son over to me,

my ex and some of her low life friends at the time helped her kidnap my son from the Children's Hospital and had him on the run for 9 days without any pain medications (which he needed badly due to his spine and bone issues) and without any of his very important chemotherapy drugs. She was eventually forced to deliver him back to the same hospital with the assistance of a "Writ of Assistance" from the same Judge who had awarded me the "Temporary Custody Order" (NOT a happy Judge!) Through the next few years and several court apperances, four different Judges and six different attornies (she kept firing them lol). The last series of court apperances was the worst for me as I had been diagnosed with lymphatic throat cancer (Squamous Cell) with an unknown primary, During the court process I underwent several surgeries, very poorly done radiation treatments. My lower back meat was grey and covered with open radiation burns, my heart had been cooked which changed the heart rythem badly and the paristalsis of my intestines had stopped completely. Through it all I was finally awarded Total Custody. At the same time my son's cancer was worsening and we were both in patient in the hospitals on a regular basis. At one point I had lost over 100 pounds in two months while being "In Patient" and the doctors told me that I wasn't going to make it (Hondo had  given several of the wonderful people on here my room phone number in the hospital and they would call me and give me encouragement)  and they sent me off to a nursing home to die and my son and daughter were extremely scared. I was ambulanced there and I layed in bed for about 8 hours in which not one staff member ever responded to any of my several nurse calls and I was now starting to go through Morphine withdrawls (I had been on morphine IV drip around the clock before being released from the hospital) and now I couldn't stop shaking. I fell out of my bed (couldn't walk) and crawled over to the door and saw several staff people sitting on the carpet in the isle talking among themselves with several room call lights on. I crawled back to my bed and pulled the tray over that had my cell phone on it and I called my brother to come there immediately and kick the crap out of anyone wearing a uniform and to get me the hell out of there! My brother has been a Chef and a nightclub bouncer for many years until hew decided to go to law school. He's 6'5" and around 370lbs. he showed up with his son who is 6'6" and weighs around 290lbs and played football for South Dakota. I heard them both come crashing through their front doors screaming and demanding that they take them to me immediately. I think there must have been a few "soiled" uniforms at that point lol. Very soon I was ambulanced back to the hospital where they said they were going to send me to a hospice to die and I won't say what I told them but they sent me home so I could spend my last days with my kids. A home health nurse (an Angel) came to my home in a few days with all my medical records, she sat down and said "What the hell have they done to you?" She immediately went to work trying to undue what the hospital had done to me. At this point I couldn't stand without blacking out from a huge drop in blood pressure whenever I sttod up (cooked heart). Within a week I was able to stand.! She eventually had me getting food through my 2nd PEG/J tube (first one pulled out when I collapsed in the hospital bathroom).

And here I am now! I love nurses! Can't say that about most doctors though! 

Make-A-Wish (Bless their hearts) was going to send my daughter, son and me to Disneyland California but I had just left the hospital and was barely able to walk on my own, let alone push a big boy in a wheelchair around Disneyland, so I asked them if they would mind if my big strong younger brother could come along to handle my son's wheelchair and his personal needs that I couldn't do yet. They didn't hesitate at all and included him in the travel arrangements!

Before leaving for Disneyland my PEG had caused a serious infection in my abdomen and had to be removed. Before recieving radiation, they had removed all of my teeth in the operating room (I had been in a head-on car wreck as a passenger when I was in High school and had gone through the windshield which had caused tiny fractures throughout all my teeth) the doctors said that unless my teeth were in very good condition that I could lose my jaw bone once I started radiation so they scheduled for them to be pulled all at once.

So when we flew out for Disneyland I had a painful mouth full of stitches. When we arrived at our very nice hotel, there was a really nice high speed blender waiting for me so that I could liquify foods so that I could drink some nutrition. Incredible huh?

My son turned 15 while we were there that September and he was in remission. A year later he turned 16 in the ICU at the Children's Hospital, the leukemia had relapsed a second time. The doctore didn't want to proceed with any further treatment due to the fact that he was in a very small 1% group of kids that cannot tolerate chemotherapy at the DNA level. I talked it over with my son, told him what the doctors said and he said "I want to fight this!" I took his desire back to the doctors and they wouldn't budge. So my son and I met with each one and put them on the spot with why? One of the doctors said "Because the chemo will kill you if the cancer doesn't in about two weeks once we started treatement" My son said "I'm not doing a damned thing for two weeks so what's your problem?"

I said "If my son wants to go out fighting then damnit, that's his choice!" So they conceaded and started chemotherapy and it was touch and go for several weeks and then he stableized and then they pronounced him being in REMISSION AGAIN! (with eggs on their face lol) I was blessed with enjoying being with my wonderful and big hearted son for another year until it relapsed a third time. This time it came back very fast and extremely painful.  He went to be with the Lord March 22nd at the young age of 17.

I totally fell apart. I hated God for allowing my son to have had to endure such horrible chronic physical pain as well as the pain and humiliation from molestation and the physical tortue that he had received as well as what my daughter had to endure. My life rapidly went down hill after that. My son's SSI was immediately stopped without warning right after his death and I couldn't pay my rent, I then had an accident at my apartment when my foot slipped off my brake as I was about to back into my carport and it hit the gas pedal and I lunged forward, hitting my neighbors apartment and shoving in the wall about two feet. The police arrived and while being questioned the cop asked if anything else could have contributed to the accident happening and I said "No, it was an accident" but then I stupidly said "the only thing I have is a little bit of neuropathy in my legs and feet from chemotherapy but this was just an accident when I turned to look to see if someone was walking behind my vehicle (I thought I had seen someone walking behind me just as I was going to put it into reverse and that's when my foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas pedal) The cop distorted the facts and sent a report to DMV saying that I was confused between which was the brake and the gas pedal and that I couldn't feel my feet so DMV pulled my license and I had to go through several doctors and tests to prove that I could drive which I passed with flying colors but it took 3 months and by now I couldn't do anything to cover my rent and now I was now being forced to become homeless. My daughter had to move in with her mother who had now returned to being her old Christian self again and had also become a licensed realtor in the process and is now teaching our daughter the business. They have now worked through all the past heartache thank God!

I spent several nights freezing in my van, becoming very weak and ill and I really didn't really care about anything anymore, I was to busy hating God.

I stopped communicating with everyone, I started making lists of who would get what from what little I had left that was in storage. I strongly felt that I really didn't have any reason to remain alive anymore. 

All through this time my dear brother Hondo kept what was left of me going, sending me texts of encouragement. Eventually my brother caught up with me and now you know the rest!                

 May God richly bless you all! 

Mike, I'm sure you don't remember but I was one that talked to you in the hospital.  It was good to hear your voice and meet you personally as I highly respected you for all you were going though and for fighting so hard for your children.  Nobody should have to face all that you and your children have been through.  You are an amazing person and God definitely has an important plan for you and that is why you are still here.  You are busy now helping others just as  you help people here.  It is awesome that you can still find it in your heart to care about and help others after all your trials and tribulations.  That shows your wonderful heart.  i cannot express the happiness my heart felt when I SAW your post!!  I was just in awe as it had been so long since you had communicated and it was such a relief to see you cared again.  God bless Hondo for keeping us updated on you and God bless your brother for being there when you needed him so.  You're a wonderful and caring human being Mike, and I'm very proud to call you friend and I'm EXTREMELY HAPPY to see YOU posting and talking again!!

God bless you my friend!!!

dj

Chefdaddy said:

Oh my gosh!

I am so overwhelmed seeing all of your wonderful posts!

I've really missed communicating with you all.

For those of you who don't know my family's bizare story I will share it again, but this is especially targeted for those of you that are not only going through your cancer, surgeries and treatment, but those of you that are also dealing with much more of life's personal struggles that couldn't happen at a worse time in your life. I pray for all of you,  my new and my old friends!

My wife had been my best friend for 24 years but in 2001 I was diagnosed with having pancreatic cancer which was followed with a botched radical surgery called a "Whipple Radical Reconstructive Surgery Procedure." Also during this time, her mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. She was staying in afirst a motel with our two young kids and eventually was put into a temporary apartment owned by the hospital as we didn't live in the area. She desperately wanted to travel to Seattle where her mother was going to undergo "Stem Cell Removal Procedure" but she had gotten a cold and wouldn't be allowed in the hospital there because after having all the stem cells removed there is no immune system left to fight anything off. Her mother didn't survive the procedure and she couldn't be with her mother at the end. Well, something "snapped" and by 2004 she had completely changed, she had gone from being a devout Christian to eventually getting the boyfriend from hell who abused not only her but our children as well. He molested, physically tortured and mentally abused my very sick son, who was fighting Leukemia, Scoliosis and Kyphosis of the spine, collapsed vertibrates throughout the spine (his spine collapsed 4" in one month from the leukemia), Cirrhosis of the liver (a result of being allergic to chemotherapy)  and to top it off he was physically handicapped from Klinefelter Syndrome and just a few months before the leukemia diagnosis, he had undergone reconstructive surgery to both legs and feet and was just learning how to walk again. This guy also tried to rape my daughter and then tried to strangle her. My children deserved none of this and my ex was clueless and mentally out to lunch at the time.

My brother helped me begin filing for custody.  I was able to get custody of my daughter first, due partly to documented police arrest records and my daughters brave court testimony,. Unfortunately for my poor son, no one ever called the police on his behalf, so it took a lot more to get custody, a lot more! Eventually I was granted "Temporary Custody" based on the Judges findings of his being in "Immediate Danger" but instead of handing my son over to me,

my ex and some of her low life friends at the time helped her kidnap my son from the Children's Hospital and had him on the run for 9 days without any pain medications (which he needed badly due to his spine and bone issues) and without any of his very important chemotherapy drugs. She was eventually forced to deliver him back to the same hospital with the assistance of a "Writ of Assistance" from the same Judge who had awarded me the "Temporary Custody Order" (NOT a happy Judge!) Through the next few years and several court apperances, four different Judges and six different attornies (she kept firing them lol). The last series of court apperances was the worst for me as I had been diagnosed with lymphatic throat cancer (Squamous Cell) with an unknown primary, During the court process I underwent several surgeries, very poorly done radiation treatments. My lower back meat was grey and covered with open radiation burns, my heart had been cooked which changed the heart rythem badly and the paristalsis of my intestines had stopped completely. Through it all I was finally awarded Total Custody. At the same time my son's cancer was worsening and we were both in patient in the hospitals on a regular basis. At one point I had lost over 100 pounds in two months while being "In Patient" and the doctors told me that I wasn't going to make it (Hondo had  given several of the wonderful people on here my room phone number in the hospital and they would call me and give me encouragement)  and they sent me off to a nursing home to die and my son and daughter were extremely scared. I was ambulanced there and I layed in bed for about 8 hours in which not one staff member ever responded to any of my several nurse calls and I was now starting to go through Morphine withdrawls (I had been on morphine IV drip around the clock before being released from the hospital) and now I couldn't stop shaking. I fell out of my bed (couldn't walk) and crawled over to the door and saw several staff people sitting on the carpet in the isle talking among themselves with several room call lights on. I crawled back to my bed and pulled the tray over that had my cell phone on it and I called my brother to come there immediately and kick the crap out of anyone wearing a uniform and to get me the hell out of there! My brother has been a Chef and a nightclub bouncer for many years until hew decided to go to law school. He's 6'5" and around 370lbs. he showed up with his son who is 6'6" and weighs around 290lbs and played football for South Dakota. I heard them both come crashing through their front doors screaming and demanding that they take them to me immediately. I think there must have been a few "soiled" uniforms at that point lol. Very soon I was ambulanced back to the hospital where they said they were going to send me to a hospice to die and I won't say what I told them but they sent me home so I could spend my last days with my kids. A home health nurse (an Angel) came to my home in a few days with all my medical records, she sat down and said "What the hell have they done to you?" She immediately went to work trying to undue what the hospital had done to me. At this point I couldn't stand without blacking out from a huge drop in blood pressure whenever I sttod up (cooked heart). Within a week I was able to stand.! She eventually had me getting food through my 2nd PEG/J tube (first one pulled out when I collapsed in the hospital bathroom).

And here I am now! I love nurses! Can't say that about most doctors though! 

Make-A-Wish (Bless their hearts) was going to send my daughter, son and me to Disneyland California but I had just left the hospital and was barely able to walk on my own, let alone push a big boy in a wheelchair around Disneyland, so I asked them if they would mind if my big strong younger brother could come along to handle my son's wheelchair and his personal needs that I couldn't do yet. They didn't hesitate at all and included him in the travel arrangements!

Before leaving for Disneyland my PEG had caused a serious infection in my abdomen and had to be removed. Before recieving radiation, they had removed all of my teeth in the operating room (I had been in a head-on car wreck as a passenger when I was in High school and had gone through the windshield which had caused tiny fractures throughout all my teeth) the doctors said that unless my teeth were in very good condition that I could lose my jaw bone once I started radiation so they scheduled for them to be pulled all at once.

So when we flew out for Disneyland I had a painful mouth full of stitches. When we arrived at our very nice hotel, there was a really nice high speed blender waiting for me so that I could liquify foods so that I could drink some nutrition. Incredible huh?

My son turned 15 while we were there that September and he was in remission. A year later he turned 16 in the ICU at the Children's Hospital, the leukemia had relapsed a second time. The doctore didn't want to proceed with any further treatment due to the fact that he was in a very small 1% group of kids that cannot tolerate chemotherapy at the DNA level. I talked it over with my son, told him what the doctors said and he said "I want to fight this!" I took his desire back to the doctors and they wouldn't budge. So my son and I met with each one and put them on the spot with why? One of the doctors said "Because the chemo will kill you if the cancer doesn't in about two weeks once we started treatement" My son said "I'm not doing a damned thing for two weeks so what's your problem?"

I said "If my son wants to go out fighting then damnit, that's his choice!" So they conceaded and started chemotherapy and it was touch and go for several weeks and then he stableized and then they pronounced him being in REMISSION AGAIN! (with eggs on their face lol) I was blessed with enjoying being with my wonderful and big hearted son for another year until it relapsed a third time. This time it came back very fast and extremely painful.  He went to be with the Lord March 22nd at the young age of 17.

I totally fell apart. I hated God for allowing my son to have had to endure such horrible chronic physical pain as well as the pain and humiliation from molestation and the physical tortue that he had received as well as what my daughter had to endure. My life rapidly went down hill after that. My son's SSI was immediately stopped without warning right after his death and I couldn't pay my rent, I then had an accident at my apartment when my foot slipped off my brake as I was about to back into my carport and it hit the gas pedal and I lunged forward, hitting my neighbors apartment and shoving in the wall about two feet. The police arrived and while being questioned the cop asked if anything else could have contributed to the accident happening and I said "No, it was an accident" but then I stupidly said "the only thing I have is a little bit of neuropathy in my legs and feet from chemotherapy but this was just an accident when I turned to look to see if someone was walking behind my vehicle (I thought I had seen someone walking behind me just as I was going to put it into reverse and that's when my foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas pedal) The cop distorted the facts and sent a report to DMV saying that I was confused between which was the brake and the gas pedal and that I couldn't feel my feet so DMV pulled my license and I had to go through several doctors and tests to prove that I could drive which I passed with flying colors but it took 3 months and by now I couldn't do anything to cover my rent and now I was now being forced to become homeless. My daughter had to move in with her mother who had now returned to being her old Christian self again and had also become a licensed realtor in the process and is now teaching our daughter the business. They have now worked through all the past heartache thank God!

I spent several nights freezing in my van, becoming very weak and ill and I really didn't really care about anything anymore, I was to busy hating God.

I stopped communicating with everyone, I started making lists of who would get what from what little I had left that was in storage. I strongly felt that I really didn't have any reason to remain alive anymore. 

All through this time my dear brother Hondo kept what was left of me going, sending me texts of encouragement. Eventually my brother caught up with me and now you know the rest!                

 May God richly bless you all! 

brings tears to my eyes.  What a strong, strong man you are!  God has plans for you, my friend.  I am so glad to hear that you are doing much better and have somewhere to stay.  We were all wanting to send you gas cards to get somewhere safe and warm!!  Hondo is amazing and has a huge heart...he has kept us updated.  Prayers for you!

Mike, So good to hear from you. God provides what we need, not what we want:} Sounds like he has provided you to be an instrument in that community for those in need of electrical help. May God continue to bless you and your small community on the mountain.

Debbie

wolfen said:

Mike

Your story has touched my heart.

I have not had the pleasure of speaking with you, but do remember Tim keeping everyone updated. I, too have spent a great deal of time being "mad" at God or some higher power for allowing my wonderful husband to die in 2013 and my beautiful daughter to follow just four months ago. Being mad does not and never will solve it or bring them back. As my old friend Buzzard on the colon board used to say, "It is what it is." We may hate the situation, but somehow we adapt as we have no other choice.

I'm glad you are now in a position to feel useful. I was "lost" for a long time after my husband passed as there was the feeling that no one depended on me anymore. I have more or less gotten used to it now.

I do not post often as I rarely have any useful information, but I am nearby if you need an ear.

Luv,

Wolfen

Wolfen, it is so GREAT to hear from you!!  i pray you are doing well.  we miss you posting.  i pray you have a happy Thanksgiving with your son and grandchild.  I still always think of you and keep you in my prayers.

God bless you, Karen!

dj