My love passed away today

LindaK.
LindaK. Member Posts: 506 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

My DH passed away at 2 am today after 10 days inpatient at the hospice facility.  The last 7 days he was totally unresponsive.  It was very difficult to watch although he appeared peaceful and no longer in pain those last 7 days.  Every night there I would pull up the pull out bed/chair and sleep next to him holding his hand.  Last night they turned him the other way so I could not reach him.  I slept on the window seat bed.  I woke at 11:30 to take my contacts out and sat with him.  I woke again at 1 and heard shallow but steady breathing.  At exactly 2 am, while others were turning back their clocks, my husband's clock stopped.  I was pulled out of bed I believe just as his heart stopped.  He was still very hot since he'd had a terminal fever for several days.  The nurse came in and confirmed he was gone.  While very sad, there was relief since his beautiful face looked so young again and I imagined him in a much better place with no more cancer and no suffering.  I had a priest give him blessings Friday and Saturday.   He did not do last rites since he was not Catholic but it felt right to me.  My family has gathered round and today we spent several hours going through old pictures and our grandsons laughing at photos of their crazy Grandpa and hearing the funny stories.

His cancer journey lasted 23 months, dx'd 12/11/12 stage 2, 6 months of Folfox, recurrence in December 2013, Folfiri for around 6 treatments until 2 bouts with c-diff and other issues kept popping up and delaying treatment.  He had a stent put in his bile duct in September and a stent put in his duodenum a few weeks later which prolonged his life a few weeks.  Only had 2 treatments with Vectibix before they called it quits.  We were told on 9/22/14 he had weeks to months left.  That was 6 weeks ago.  This week we will celebrate his life and not his death.  Early this morning I could feel the strength come into me, a strength he gave me to carry on in a manner he would be proud of.  I will still have my sad moments, but the memories, oh the memories - they will last a lifetime.

Thanks to all of you who gave me advice and support when I found this board.  It was so helpful to hear all your experiences and kind words.

 

Linda

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Comments

  • Semira
    Semira Member Posts: 381 Member
    #2
    Oh Linda

    there are no words...

    So sorry for your loss. Sending strength and a silent hug from Germany

    Petra

  • LivinginNH
    LivinginNH Member Posts: 1,456 Member
    #3
     
    My sincere condolences on

     

    My sincere condolences on the loss of your dear husband.  It was a long and difficult journey for both of you these last couple of years, but he is at peace now. May you find comfort in the fond memories of your life together and surround yourself  now with the love of family and friends.

    With sympathy,

    Cynthia

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
    #4
    LivinginNH said:

     
    My sincere condolences on

     

    My sincere condolences on the loss of your dear husband.  It was a long and difficult journey for both of you these last couple of years, but he is at peace now. May you find comfort in the fond memories of your life together and surround yourself  now with the love of family and friends.

    With sympathy,

    Cynthia

    Linda, I am so very sorry.

    Linda, I am so very sorry. From each of your posts I could tell he was so loved. This post was full of love. The strength that you felt come into you is surely from him...may it hold you close during the days ahead.

    hugs,

    CM

  • toyfox
    toyfox Member Posts: 158 Member
    #5
    There is no greater pain then

    There is no greater pain then loosing someone you love.

    My heart goes out to you.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #6
    My heartfelt sympathy

    Dear Linda, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I am sorry that you have to suffer the loss of your husband, but I am happy to know that you found peace in his last moments, which will help you in the days and months ahead. 

    You still have our love and support as you face the future.

    Sue - Trubrit

  • JanJan63
    JanJan63 Member Posts: 2,478 Member
    #7
    toyfox said:

    There is no greater pain then

    There is no greater pain then loosing someone you love.

    My heart goes out to you.

    I am so very sorry. I wish I

    I am so very sorry. I wish I had something to say that would help in some small way.

    Jan

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    #8
    Linda....so very sorry for

    Linda....so very sorry for your loss.  Prayers and thoughts are with you.

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #9
    Linda

    You have my tears, my condolences and a part of my heart.  If I could give you hugs I would.  I am so sorry for your loss.  And I am so happy that you have such memories to hold on to and that he is still giving you strength.

    Winter Marie

     

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #10
    herdizziness said:

    Linda

    You have my tears, my condolences and a part of my heart.  If I could give you hugs I would.  I am so sorry for your loss.  And I am so happy that you have such memories to hold on to and that he is still giving you strength.

    Winter Marie

     

    I'm so sorry for your loss,

    I'm so sorry for your loss, my condolences. 

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    #11
    Linda

    My sincere condolences! Only those of us who have lost their spouses know what you are going through. To say it is hard is a gross understatemendt/  But I findd life goes on==even if we wished it did not.  Good juck to you!!!

  • aggie0053
    aggie0053 Member Posts: 110
    #12
    danker said:

    Linda

    My sincere condolences! Only those of us who have lost their spouses know what you are going through. To say it is hard is a gross understatemendt/  But I findd life goes on==even if we wished it did not.  Good juck to you!!!

    i'm so sorry for your loss

    i'm so sorry for your loss

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #13
    Linda, I am so truly sorry

    Linda, I am so truly sorry for your devastating loss.

  • Easyflip
    Easyflip Member Posts: 588 Member
    #14
    Linda,

    I believe he's in a better place and the strength you felt was him in some way. Yes, celebrate his life! Condolences and a big hug.

    Easyflip/Richard

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    #15
    I am so very sorry, Linda.

    The loss of a beloved spouse is just devastating.  I hope your memories, and the knowledge that you were a wonderful caregiver and did everything you could to help him, will bring you peace as you go forward.

    Much love~AA

  • Trapbear
    Trapbear Member Posts: 108 Member
    #16
    Linda,
    I am so sorry for your

    Linda,

    I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband Sept 2.  My husband also had terminal fever, up to 105 the last two days.  You and your family are in my thoughts.

    Hugs,

    Bill

     

  • sdp
    sdp Member Posts: 181
    #17
    My heartfelt sympathy on your

    My heartfelt sympathy on your loss. 

    Wish you all the strength .

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #18
    Linda, I'm truly sorry for

    Linda, I'm truly sorry for your loss.  I can't make heads or tails of this disease as any of us can't and I hope that you are able to get through the next year of life with as much strength and dignity as your husband exhibited in his life.  Helen

  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #19
    Linda:

    I am sorry for your loss.  Two years ago I was standing in your shoes, watching the one we love slip away and we are powerless to stop it.  You have some tough days and months ahead, I know, I have been there.  You have been so brave through this journey and you will need to draw upon this strength.  Again, I am so very sorry.

    Hugs - Tina

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #20
    Dear Linda

    I am so very sorry for your loss.

    May the memories of the good days help you as you go forward.

    Hugs.

    Marie who loves kitties

  • JanetRotundo
    JanetRotundo Member Posts: 13
    #21
    Linda, I am so sorry for your

    Linda, I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for peace and strength in the coming days...

     

    Janet

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