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My love passed away today
My DH passed away at 2 am today after 10 days inpatient at the hospice facility. The last 7 days he was totally unresponsive. It was very difficult to watch although he appeared peaceful and no longer in pain those last 7 days. Every night there I would pull up the pull out bed/chair and sleep next to him holding his hand. Last night they turned him the other way so I could not reach him. I slept on the window seat bed. I woke at 11:30 to take my contacts out and sat with him. I woke again at 1 and heard shallow but steady breathing. At exactly 2 am, while others were turning back their clocks, my husband's clock stopped. I was pulled out of bed I believe just as his heart stopped. He was still very hot since he'd had a terminal fever for several days. The nurse came in and confirmed he was gone. While very sad, there was relief since his beautiful face looked so young again and I imagined him in a much better place with no more cancer and no suffering. I had a priest give him blessings Friday and Saturday. He did not do last rites since he was not Catholic but it felt right to me. My family has gathered round and today we spent several hours going through old pictures and our grandsons laughing at photos of their crazy Grandpa and hearing the funny stories.
His cancer journey lasted 23 months, dx'd 12/11/12 stage 2, 6 months of Folfox, recurrence in December 2013, Folfiri for around 6 treatments until 2 bouts with c-diff and other issues kept popping up and delaying treatment. He had a stent put in his bile duct in September and a stent put in his duodenum a few weeks later which prolonged his life a few weeks. Only had 2 treatments with Vectibix before they called it quits. We were told on 9/22/14 he had weeks to months left. That was 6 weeks ago. This week we will celebrate his life and not his death. Early this morning I could feel the strength come into me, a strength he gave me to carry on in a manner he would be proud of. I will still have my sad moments, but the memories, oh the memories - they will last a lifetime.
Thanks to all of you who gave me advice and support when I found this board. It was so helpful to hear all your experiences and kind words.
Linda
Comments
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My sincere condolences onMy sincere condolences on the loss of your dear husband. It was a long and difficult journey for both of you these last couple of years, but he is at peace now. May you find comfort in the fond memories of your life together and surround yourself now with the love of family and friends.
With sympathy,
Cynthia
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Linda, I am so very sorry.LivinginNH said:
My sincere condolences onMy sincere condolences on the loss of your dear husband. It was a long and difficult journey for both of you these last couple of years, but he is at peace now. May you find comfort in the fond memories of your life together and surround yourself now with the love of family and friends.
With sympathy,
Cynthia
Linda, I am so very sorry. From each of your posts I could tell he was so loved. This post was full of love. The strength that you felt come into you is surely from him...may it hold you close during the days ahead.
hugs,
CM
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My heartfelt sympathy
Dear Linda, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I am sorry that you have to suffer the loss of your husband, but I am happy to know that you found peace in his last moments, which will help you in the days and months ahead.
You still have our love and support as you face the future.
Sue - Trubrit
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I'm so sorry for your loss,herdizziness said:Linda
You have my tears, my condolences and a part of my heart. If I could give you hugs I would. I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so happy that you have such memories to hold on to and that he is still giving you strength.
Winter Marie
I'm so sorry for your loss, my condolences.
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i'm so sorry for your lossdanker said:Linda
My sincere condolences! Only those of us who have lost their spouses know what you are going through. To say it is hard is a gross understatemendt/ But I findd life goes on==even if we wished it did not. Good juck to you!!!
i'm so sorry for your loss
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Linda:
I am sorry for your loss. Two years ago I was standing in your shoes, watching the one we love slip away and we are powerless to stop it. You have some tough days and months ahead, I know, I have been there. You have been so brave through this journey and you will need to draw upon this strength. Again, I am so very sorry.
Hugs - Tina
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