Mother said to only have a few weeks to live, think she has stage IV

2

Comments

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #22
    Update

    Hey, just giving an update.  I don't think she will be with us much longer :\  I don't know why but I can just tell... she is almost always asleep and just overall... Very weak :(  Thank you all for the support though!

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,688 Member
    #23
    Tristag said:

    Update

    Hey, just giving an update.  I don't think she will be with us much longer :\  I don't know why but I can just tell... she is almost always asleep and just overall... Very weak :(  Thank you all for the support though!

    Tristag

    It sounds like she isn't in pain or having trouble breathing  and I am relieved if that is the case.  I am glad you can be nearby And hope you feel us around you because that is where our thoughts are.

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
    #24
    ConnieSW said:

    Tristag

    It sounds like she isn't in pain or having trouble breathing  and I am relieved if that is the case.  I am glad you can be nearby And hope you feel us around you because that is where our thoughts are.

    Thanks for the update Tristag

    Thank you Tristag.  Yes, I think you are right.  When you are ready, you whisper in her ear that it's ok to go and tell her you will be ok.  Sometimes our loved one's need to know that the living members will be ok.  You have a sensitive spirit.  I am proud of you for coming to this board and talking to us.  Young men usually don't let themselves be that sensitive.   Like Ro said earlier, it's ok to be feeling what you are feeling.  Don't be afraid to ask for help when you don't understand why you are feeling what you are feeling.

    I pray for a peaceful homegoing and no pain.  I pray for you and your family.

    Jeanette

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,515 Member
    #25
    Tristag said:

    Update

    Hey, just giving an update.  I don't think she will be with us much longer :\  I don't know why but I can just tell... she is almost always asleep and just overall... Very weak :(  Thank you all for the support though!

    I am sorry to hear this

    I am sorry to hear this Tristag.  Your mother helped raise an incredible young man.  I am sure you will find a wonderful way to honor her in everything you do.

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #26
    It happened to Me said:

    Thanks for the update Tristag

    Thank you Tristag.  Yes, I think you are right.  When you are ready, you whisper in her ear that it's ok to go and tell her you will be ok.  Sometimes our loved one's need to know that the living members will be ok.  You have a sensitive spirit.  I am proud of you for coming to this board and talking to us.  Young men usually don't let themselves be that sensitive.   Like Ro said earlier, it's ok to be feeling what you are feeling.  Don't be afraid to ask for help when you don't understand why you are feeling what you are feeling.

    I pray for a peaceful homegoing and no pain.  I pray for you and your family.

    Jeanette

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

     

    I don't think she is in pain, the only thing I regret is that she is not in her right mind.  When I told her goodnight the last thing she told me was cookies.  For no reason :\  In a way that might make it better, but I don't know.  This whole thing is horrible, I will probably need more support after she passes but for now I'll just sorta sit here and think about things, there isn't much I can do.

  • Judemo
    Judemo Member Posts: 172 Member
    #27
    Tristag said:

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

     

    I don't think she is in pain, the only thing I regret is that she is not in her right mind.  When I told her goodnight the last thing she told me was cookies.  For no reason :\  In a way that might make it better, but I don't know.  This whole thing is horrible, I will probably need more support after she passes but for now I'll just sorta sit here and think about things, there isn't much I can do.

    Hi Tristag, just wanted to say hi

    Thinking of you Tristag & your mom...

  • NoTimeForCancer
    NoTimeForCancer Member Posts: 3,515 Member
    #28
    Tristag said:

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

    Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

     

    I don't think she is in pain, the only thing I regret is that she is not in her right mind.  When I told her goodnight the last thing she told me was cookies.  For no reason :\  In a way that might make it better, but I don't know.  This whole thing is horrible, I will probably need more support after she passes but for now I'll just sorta sit here and think about things, there isn't much I can do.

    You are right, it is

    You are right, it is horrible.  Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal.  You are in my prayers.

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #29
    Judemo said:

    Hi Tristag, just wanted to say hi

    Thinking of you Tristag & your mom...

    Thank you for your thoughts

    She is asleep for most of the day still, maybe awake for 30 min where she is fully there.  The rest of the time she is a bit foggy and talking/confusing things.  I've developed a reverse sleep schedule due to a factor of everything.  I'm exhasuted and find it hard to eat sometimes but that is the least of my worries at the moment.  Thank you again!

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #30
    NoTimeForCancer said:

    You are right, it is

    You are right, it is horrible.  Everything you are thinking and feeling is normal.  You are in my prayers.

    Thank you

    I have a lot of confusing feelings right now that... are just very annoying.  I go through little phases where I don't feel sad at all, even hoping for the "relife" of her passing.  I almost imediatly regret them but its basically a cycle :\

  • ConnieSW
    ConnieSW Member Posts: 1,688 Member
    #31
    Tristag said:

    Thank you

    I have a lot of confusing feelings right now that... are just very annoying.  I go through little phases where I don't feel sad at all, even hoping for the "relife" of her passing.  I almost imediatly regret them but its basically a cycle :\

    Normal

    Your feelings are very normal.

  • Kaleena
    Kaleena Member Posts: 2,088 Member
    #32
    Thinking of You

    Dear Tristag:

    I am sorry that I have not responded to your post sooner, but I found it somewhat difficult due to the fact that I have three sons around your age.   I too did not tell them exactly what was going on with me in the beginning.  I wanted them to live their lives without fear, worry, etc.   I believe that is what your parents were doing also.  Your mother loves you so much that she is always trying to protect you.  Also, she may not even herself knew what was going on and didn't want to worry you.   She wanted you to enjoy life, go on vacations, etc. and not to worry about her.   It is her job to worry about you.

    Your parents raised a fine, young man.  I am glad that you reached out to talk.   All the feelings that you are having are normal.    Please know that I am hugging you and everyone on this site is too!

    Prayers to you, your mom, and your family.

    Kathy

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
    #33
    Kaleena said:

    Thinking of You

    Dear Tristag:

    I am sorry that I have not responded to your post sooner, but I found it somewhat difficult due to the fact that I have three sons around your age.   I too did not tell them exactly what was going on with me in the beginning.  I wanted them to live their lives without fear, worry, etc.   I believe that is what your parents were doing also.  Your mother loves you so much that she is always trying to protect you.  Also, she may not even herself knew what was going on and didn't want to worry you.   She wanted you to enjoy life, go on vacations, etc. and not to worry about her.   It is her job to worry about you.

    Your parents raised a fine, young man.  I am glad that you reached out to talk.   All the feelings that you are having are normal.    Please know that I am hugging you and everyone on this site is too!

    Prayers to you, your mom, and your family.

    Kathy

    Kathy is right Tristag

    You and your sister are on my mind so much.  My heart breaks and yet my heart is so overjoyed that you have taken the time to reach out and to keep us informed and have shared your heart with us.  I was laying in bed thinking about the things that you knew and in my mind, things didn't add up.  I think there was more going on than they told you and with what Kathy said, it makes sense.  I don't have any children, so I don't know what I would of done in that kind of situation.  All's I know is that you are having normal feelings and it's ok to go through all those feelings.  How is your sister doing through all this.   I know you said that you had faith, so I hope you are holding onto that as well.  My faith got me through my surgery and chemo. and now is getting me through the effects of chemo..    There are tons of hugs coming your way as well as prayers.  Whenever I think of you, I pray for you and your family.  I wish I lived right next door to you, because you would get a hug everyday.  :)     

    You are an awesome young man Tristag.   Hugs and prayers to you.  You give your sister and dad hugs for us too.

    Jeanette

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #34
    Kaleena said:

    Thinking of You

    Dear Tristag:

    I am sorry that I have not responded to your post sooner, but I found it somewhat difficult due to the fact that I have three sons around your age.   I too did not tell them exactly what was going on with me in the beginning.  I wanted them to live their lives without fear, worry, etc.   I believe that is what your parents were doing also.  Your mother loves you so much that she is always trying to protect you.  Also, she may not even herself knew what was going on and didn't want to worry you.   She wanted you to enjoy life, go on vacations, etc. and not to worry about her.   It is her job to worry about you.

    Your parents raised a fine, young man.  I am glad that you reached out to talk.   All the feelings that you are having are normal.    Please know that I am hugging you and everyone on this site is too!

    Prayers to you, your mom, and your family.

    Kathy

    Thank you for the reply!
    I

    Thank you for the reply!

    I think what you did is good, as well as what my mom did.  While I did feel a little betrayed I find myself being thankful I was able to not live my life in fear for the past few months (I know that sounds selfish but I don't know a better way to put it Foot in Mouth).  I guess it doesn't change the outcome much other than letting loved ones have a bit more time to be without worry and fear.  Thanks again for the kind words!

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #35
    It happened to Me said:

    Kathy is right Tristag

    You and your sister are on my mind so much.  My heart breaks and yet my heart is so overjoyed that you have taken the time to reach out and to keep us informed and have shared your heart with us.  I was laying in bed thinking about the things that you knew and in my mind, things didn't add up.  I think there was more going on than they told you and with what Kathy said, it makes sense.  I don't have any children, so I don't know what I would of done in that kind of situation.  All's I know is that you are having normal feelings and it's ok to go through all those feelings.  How is your sister doing through all this.   I know you said that you had faith, so I hope you are holding onto that as well.  My faith got me through my surgery and chemo. and now is getting me through the effects of chemo..    There are tons of hugs coming your way as well as prayers.  Whenever I think of you, I pray for you and your family.  I wish I lived right next door to you, because you would get a hug everyday.  :)     

    You are an awesome young man Tristag.   Hugs and prayers to you.  You give your sister and dad hugs for us too.

    Jeanette

    Thank you for your thoughts!

    Thank you for your thoughts!  I realize there probably is something more to it, I will probably learn the whole story (or if I asked at this point) I doubt it changes much though...  I did hear my dad talking to my grandma though.  He was talking about how, even with all the reasources and money in the world some famous person still lost his battle to cancer.  This was probably in reference to the radiation that, I guess that decided not to go along with :\  My sister is doing fine for the situation, she is more outgoing and spends her time doing sports and things so she isn't home as much and has distractions I guess.  I am holding onto my faith but much like the rest of my life seems to have gone "stale" I feel Im just here and not doing too much, like nothing matters a whole lot.  Recently, we feel my mom is going to pass away each night, she seems so weak but then comes back a little each day.  I feel like this is building a bit of resistance to the whole thing.  I have lost her so many times in my head and feelings, that I don't have much left to feel.  I guess that will come back when she finally does pass but it is wearing me out :\  Anyways thank you again, this really helps me deal with this, in turn I'm able to help my mom (:

     

    By the way, thank you everyone else who is replying. I read them all but unfortunatly I don't have enough time to reply to them all :(  I really would if I could, all the comments here really show me how much compassion is on this site and in humans in general!  All your comments are really appreciated though (:  I'm not sure if other ppl get notified about replies not to them so Ill put this in a little bigger font haha  

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #36
    ConnieSW said:

    Normal

    Your feelings are very normal.

    If only

    If only normal didn't have to be so... confusing haha, thank you for the reassurance.  Though I still feel terrible, it has more to deal with my conscience though, I never try to be selfish.

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
    #37
    Tristag said:

    Thank you for the reply!
    I

    Thank you for the reply!

    I think what you did is good, as well as what my mom did.  While I did feel a little betrayed I find myself being thankful I was able to not live my life in fear for the past few months (I know that sounds selfish but I don't know a better way to put it Foot in Mouth).  I guess it doesn't change the outcome much other than letting loved ones have a bit more time to be without worry and fear.  Thanks again for the kind words!

    Tristag

    Don't be upset for feeling selfish.  Don't be upset for fear.  You were placed in a position most 18 yr olds never are until later in life.  I always say, no regrets.  You are doing the best you can with what you have.  You are growing from this situation Tristag.   You are ok and you aren't alone.  Don't worry about responding to each post, we all understand.  You post when you can or when you have questions.  I'm pretty confident when I say that we on this discussion board have grown to love you and care about you.   It's almost like you have a cyber family with a whole lot more sisters, aunts, grandma's to help you through this time in your life.  I am old enough to be your grandmother.  :)

    Take care, have no regrets, tell your mom (even if she sleeps all the time) how much you love her, thank her for making you the strong young man you are, tell her whatever is on your heart.

    Jeanette

     

  • Judemo
    Judemo Member Posts: 172 Member
    #38
    It happened to Me said:

    Tristag

    Don't be upset for feeling selfish.  Don't be upset for fear.  You were placed in a position most 18 yr olds never are until later in life.  I always say, no regrets.  You are doing the best you can with what you have.  You are growing from this situation Tristag.   You are ok and you aren't alone.  Don't worry about responding to each post, we all understand.  You post when you can or when you have questions.  I'm pretty confident when I say that we on this discussion board have grown to love you and care about you.   It's almost like you have a cyber family with a whole lot more sisters, aunts, grandma's to help you through this time in your life.  I am old enough to be your grandmother.  :)

    Take care, have no regrets, tell your mom (even if she sleeps all the time) how much you love her, thank her for making you the strong young man you are, tell her whatever is on your heart.

    Jeanette

     

    Tristag

    Hi sweetheart, just letting you know we all are sending you good thoughts, love, caring, compassion and are here for you.  Jeanette is correct when she said to not worry about replying to all the posts.  We don't expect that.  just know you are part of our family now and we will be here to listen to you.  Nothing is off limits as far as what your going through.  You will be strong and at other times you won't and we will be here to get you through those times and whatever your going through.  I could totally relate to you when you said (I probably don't have your exact words) right now you kinda feel like your just kinda "here" and nothing really matters and your not feeling anything from your faith.  Well I feel like that too sometimes and have been recently.  I do know however ( maybe from living on this earth for 49 years) that those feelings are normal and that doesn't mean God is not with you or does not love you. I really believe that those feelings are part of life especially when your going through what you are dealing with.  I mean, you have a lot going on and are facing losing your mom, that's a huge thing. Not too many people your age go through this. I never did, so I'm not in your shoes. All I know is that being human is really tough sometimes, but thank god we have other people to lean on when it is tough, to help get us through it.  Sometimes it takes just waiting it out (these feelings we have) ...waiting it out and lean on those you trust. I usually tell God everything, the good, the bad and the ugly... sometimes I yell, other times I cry.....(sometimes I feel His love for me and I thank Him) ....I figure he can handle all of our emotions. Oh, and by the way, you are an awesome person from what I have learned from your posts. 

     

    Jude

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #39
    It happened to Me said:

    Tristag

    Don't be upset for feeling selfish.  Don't be upset for fear.  You were placed in a position most 18 yr olds never are until later in life.  I always say, no regrets.  You are doing the best you can with what you have.  You are growing from this situation Tristag.   You are ok and you aren't alone.  Don't worry about responding to each post, we all understand.  You post when you can or when you have questions.  I'm pretty confident when I say that we on this discussion board have grown to love you and care about you.   It's almost like you have a cyber family with a whole lot more sisters, aunts, grandma's to help you through this time in your life.  I am old enough to be your grandmother.  :)

    Take care, have no regrets, tell your mom (even if she sleeps all the time) how much you love her, thank her for making you the strong young man you are, tell her whatever is on your heart.

    Jeanette

     

    Thank you!  I am greatful for

    Thank you!  I am greatful for this community and all who have helped.  I imagine there are some thing to gain from expeiencing a tragedy early in life, much to loose but there is always at least something in the glass.  I have been talking to my mom a lot, I just have no idea anymore.  I just have no feelings, saddness if I do but at this point I've felt all I can feel till she passes I think :\  Thanks again!

  • Tristag
    Tristag Member Posts: 20
    #40
    Judemo said:

    Tristag

    Hi sweetheart, just letting you know we all are sending you good thoughts, love, caring, compassion and are here for you.  Jeanette is correct when she said to not worry about replying to all the posts.  We don't expect that.  just know you are part of our family now and we will be here to listen to you.  Nothing is off limits as far as what your going through.  You will be strong and at other times you won't and we will be here to get you through those times and whatever your going through.  I could totally relate to you when you said (I probably don't have your exact words) right now you kinda feel like your just kinda "here" and nothing really matters and your not feeling anything from your faith.  Well I feel like that too sometimes and have been recently.  I do know however ( maybe from living on this earth for 49 years) that those feelings are normal and that doesn't mean God is not with you or does not love you. I really believe that those feelings are part of life especially when your going through what you are dealing with.  I mean, you have a lot going on and are facing losing your mom, that's a huge thing. Not too many people your age go through this. I never did, so I'm not in your shoes. All I know is that being human is really tough sometimes, but thank god we have other people to lean on when it is tough, to help get us through it.  Sometimes it takes just waiting it out (these feelings we have) ...waiting it out and lean on those you trust. I usually tell God everything, the good, the bad and the ugly... sometimes I yell, other times I cry.....(sometimes I feel His love for me and I thank Him) ....I figure he can handle all of our emotions. Oh, and by the way, you are an awesome person from what I have learned from your posts. 

     

    Jude

    Thank you for

    Thank you for understanding!

    I agree, I will get lost from time to time but I will always find my way back.  This time will be a little different though, I'll have to try a little harder but I know I'll get through this. The things that are going to hurt are the simple things like saying hi when I get home or sending a funny internet video.  I had a long vacation and got back in the middle of it so I think the vacation helped me out in a way.  I was able to ease into it.  Anyways, I will try to get closer to God these next few days, it will be good for me.  Thanks btw!  Everyone here is also awesome for the support and help they give!

  • It happened to Me
    It happened to Me Member Posts: 206 Member
    #41
    Tristag said:

    Thank you!  I am greatful for

    Thank you!  I am greatful for this community and all who have helped.  I imagine there are some thing to gain from expeiencing a tragedy early in life, much to loose but there is always at least something in the glass.  I have been talking to my mom a lot, I just have no idea anymore.  I just have no feelings, saddness if I do but at this point I've felt all I can feel till she passes I think :\  Thanks again!

    It's ok to be all talked out.

    She can sense your presence.  My cousin played some of my aunt's favorite music when she was in the state your mom is.  When my wonderful friend was dying, I just sat by her and either held her hand or rubbed her head.   If you can't be in the room very much, it's ok.  You can always go in, say Hi or give her a kiss and leave.  You are such an inspiriation Tristag.   I am still praying for you and your family.  And I know there are alot of other people thinking about you and praying for you.

    Jeanette

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