I'm officially depressed...

oh! Goyca I'm so sorry to hear how miserable you feel, such a young age to go through this terrible disease. You feel life is unfair you should be out and about with your friends. Your just starting out with the treatment and you feel it is the end of everything..".but....it's not...you'll go though a few weeks of unpleasant treatment but suddenly there will be light at the end of the tunnel, your Treatment will be a thing of the past and you'll start to recover. Some recover quickly others it takes a bit more time..but..you will recover, you'll be a stronger person, you won't take life for granted, you'll make the most of everyday, going and doing the things your friends do. It's seems to you now that's it's never ending but in reality it's only a few weeks out of your life. Although I have a few side affects from the rads I feel exactly as I did before the cancer. When I go on holiday or out with the family I forget I was ill. As time goes by I hope to forget it altogether. I had uterus cancer 25 years ago and after a year it had completely gone out of my daily thoughts. Nothing I say can change your depression I think you should ask for the docs help getting something to help you over the depression. Many on the site have used help to make things feel lighter.

Goyca, i'm so sorry you're feeling so down.  it's a shame you didn't attend the weddings of your friends.  you are too young to isolate yourself.  this is a time when you should have your friends around you as often as possible.  they care about you and will want to help you thru this difficult time.  please don't shut them out.  you need their caring and friendship so you don't feel alone.  being down is understandable with the surgery and tx starting soon.  but a positive attitude will definitely help you thru.  now is not the time to be alone if you don't have to be.  And, you never have to be sorry for posting how you feel.  that's why we are here.  we will do our best to help you thru these sad times and let you know that you are NOT alone.  we are always here for you, cheering you on and praying for you to be better.  i am sending you a big, strong cyber hug ((( 0 )))), i hope you can feel it.  i hope it will make you smile and remind you that you have many friends here who truly care about you and want to help if we can.  hang in there Goyca, and we will be praying for you!

God bless you,

dj

Goyca, as others have said,what you are experiencing is totally normal but that doesn't make it any easier.  You've been through a pretty big surgery and are about to enter the next phase of your treatment and recovery.  No one feels like going through radiation but unfortunately we really don't have a . It sucks that someone so young and full of life has been hit with this disease but the fact that you are young and active will work in your favor.   You have the strength and attitude to beat this and get back to doing the things that you love.   

Hopefully your sense of smell will come back and is only a temporary thing, just like most of us lost our taste buds for a while but almost all of us eventually get them back.   You've been on the site long enough to know that radiation is no fun and will cause it's own set of challenges.   BUT, you've also seen enough people finish and get back to a very normal life after all the surgeries and treatments.

we are all pulling for you and so far you have handled all that has been dealt you with as much strength, poise and courage as I have ever seen.   You obviuosly care about others from the encouraging post that you send others on the site and are mature beyond your years.   Lean on your family, good friends and the good folks on this site as you begin and finish radiation.  You know it will be tough but you also know you can do this.   don't ever apologize for saying how you feel as whatever you say or feel, those if us that have been down this path have probably said and felt exactly the same way at some point in our personal journey as well. 

 I really like what Robyn's  husband (from Australia) said, focus on the end point and don't think about the in between.   

you can do this.

Keith

debbiejeanne said:

goyca, i meant to tell you

goyca, i meant to tell you that I can't smell any more either due to my surgery and i never will again.  i'm 2.5 yrs out from surgery now and i've learned to live with it.  i do understand how you feel tho b/c i miss being able to smell flowers and good food cooking.  there are about 4 of us here who can no longer smell

:0(    you truly are not alone.

God bless you,

dj

Goyca,

If there is one place in the world where you can say what's on your mind regarding cancer, it's here.  We not only give support to each other but it's a place to feel safe to complain.  Telling others who have not been through it makes them uncomfortable. (not everyone of course)  So feel free to come here and vent if it makes you feel a bit  better.

I agree, you are too young to be going through this.  None of us deserved it.  Think about the children who get cancer at 4 years old or so.  I've seen it and that little girl was always outside playing and having fun.  That is when she wasn't getting chemo or rads.

You're young, you'll heal faster than the majority of us here.  And I second the suggestion about talking to your doctor about this.  Maybe some temporary meds can help lift the cloud of depression.  Use every available resource to make yourself feel better.  And believe me when I say that everyone here would give you a huge hug if they could.  We all know what you're dealing with and it sucks.  We are like your cancer family.  Here to support you online.

Try to stay positive and remember it's only temporary.

Tom

Hey sorry you are down, but the stuff we face with this disease is pretty depressing, I think it is really common to be depressed throughout the ordeal, and maybe even more so after treatment ends, before you get feeling better...I struggle with clinical depression anyway, and the "C" took about every ounce of my focus just to get through, I couldn't stay on antidepressants because I couldn't swallow the pills, liquid wasn't available, and if I did get them down, I couldn't keep them (or anything else) down...after treatment, I found I was having some really strange thoughts, anxiety attacks, trouble sleeping, memory loss, stressed out to the max, irritable and grumpy....was diagnosed with PTSD, didn't make sense at first, then when the doc said it wasn't uncommon for people facing life threatening illness to get PTSD, so, Just know you are never alone in this battle, everyone I have met on this site is pulling for you, do not apologise for being, down, distracted, unavailable...etc..... just take care of yourself, you have to be the primary focus, I'm now 2 years post diagnoses, and have felt really good the last few months, still have issues with dry mouth, trouble swallowing, and sensitive taste buds, but when I look at where I was at 6-7 months ago I feel blessed. I am telling you this because we all need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, you will survive this, it will be hard, but you will be a better person on the other side, and you will begin to feel better and normal as time goes on, chin up soldier, you have a battle to win.

Jim

Sounds like you rnormal to me. I often felt alone in a room full of people going about their socializing as I sat there resmbling a cordboard cut out of somebody I once was. Especially after my operation when I had no voice. One thing that really helped me was set something up after your treatment is complete it gives you something to look forward to while going through radiation and afterwards while healing. At 24 your far from old it's just a phase  because of what your going through. By the way I smell, especially yesterday after doing yard work all day, my wife can tell ya that.

Keep your head up and put your mean face on and push forward through radiation. Things will get better I can promise you that.

      Jeff

Goyca said:

The more I read your comments

The more I read your comments the more confident I feel about getting this done.

Thank u for ur prayers and support. 

 

"I can and will do this" ... I just made u guys a promise.

 

 

 

God bless,

Goyca.

anyone can.  I was done.  At the end of my rope.  Sick as a dog.  Crying all day.  I told my doctors that I just could NOT finish treatment and was over it.  The awesome family on this site kicked my butt into gear and encouraged me to hang on, be tough and finish.  I will forever be grateful to them.  I am so sorry that you are going through so much at such a young age.  Cancer is a monster that does NOT discriminate.  You have what it takes to kick it's butt and we will ALL be here cheering for you as you do it, and when you are done.  I'm a year out of treatment and can tell you that things DO get better.  I didn't believe those words myself a year ago, but I promise you it is true.  Prayers for you my friend...you got this!!!  

Goyca,

As you're seeing here, you have plenty of people that have shared some form of fear and/or depression that they've encountered. Although I was a caregiver, I could only imagine what my loved one was thinking. Being on this forum and sharing experiences helped me to help my loved one through this. It's a tough journey, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing you're not alone makes it that much easier.

I think you've gotten plenty of good suggestions and comments here from others that dealt with it first hand. Be sure to come here often during your treatment, as there is plenty of experience here to help you along.

Place your fear in God's hands...

Prayers for you to ease your mind.

~Cureitall