Katiekee11

Trubrit said:

Maybe maybe not

I personally love seeing the names of our old friends pop up now and again. Of course I'm saddened that they have passed, but its a great way of remembereing them, to hear their words, often words of advice and comfort. 

Often times someone new comes to the forum, they don't think to look at the date (been there, done that), they are just looking for advice. I think its more important to welcome them and suggest they open their own thread (as you did), and not worry them about 'upsetting' us old timers. 

I know its a touchy subject, and I don't mean any distrespect to those who are upset when they see posts from our old friends who have passed. But I know we have lost some new members because our posts have come across a bit harsh. 

I agree with you, Trubrit. As someone who has recently lost a husband, I enjoy seeing his old posts and even looking at his journals. I know not everyone feels that way however.

Janelle

ketziah35 said:

That is not what most people

That is not what most people have expressed. You can do a search for old posts under someone's name , but most people have expressed that it is too painful to see them. 

how that can be, but we have to weigh up our own discomfort with the fact that this forum is for everyone, and if a new person inadvertently or without knowing, posts to an old post, then we should just welcome them and suggest they open their own thread.  Making them feel as though they've upset the 'regulars' will drive most people away. 

I speak from experince because after my first post someone jumped on me and told me I had  done something wrong (I hadn't of course). I thought, 'Well, if this is what this forums all about, I'll go somewhere else.' Then I thought, 'No, its probably just one person having a bad day.' I've got a pretty thick skin, but others, especially at such a traumatic time of their lives, may just walk away. 

devotion10 said:

In the past, I have been one of those folks that responded

negatively to seeing old posts brought forward when people new posted to an old message ... 

my personal ideas have changed though.  Although it isn't easy for me sometimes reading the hopeful words of someone who is no longer with us, it doesn't make their advice or their journey any less valuable to me because they have passed.

Guess my ideas have evolved after the death of my own loved one ... I listen to my deceased husband's voicemails just to hear his laugh, his voice, and comforting words. I have relatives who think this is odd and not emotionally healthy. I tell them that when someone dies, their physical presence has been eliminated but the relationship still exists. I can't honor his life if I act as if he never existed.  

Not trying to bring this too much to my own situation ... but, just wanted to share and maybe it applies somewhat here as well to our attititudes about seeing our friends who have passed. As painful and bittersweet as that jolt can be to suddenly see them appear on the site again, maybe we honor them best by welcoming them back into our hearts every now. 

It is always a puzzle to me how someone even finds a very old post to respond to.  Perhaps a google search for a particular topic links them to it and then they pick up the conversation from there...

I don't think Kez's intention is ever to be unkind to a newcomer. 

I do like Trubit's way of responding ... welcome the individual to the board and encourage the starting of a new post so folks can respond to their specific concerns. I can see how someone who is new might feel that an initial scolding would feel unwelcoming; most people when they first come to this site are pretty fragile.

Peace. ~ Cynthia

 

 

 

simply because I would like to think, when my time comes, that my words will still be here, maybe helping other people (ok, that's kind of egotistical, I don't think I've said anything very important, but some of you have!).  

And when we think of the emotional and mental state a person is in, when they first come to this forum looking for info and/or support, I really think we have to err on the side of forgiveness.  I know I didn't think to look at the dates on posts when I first came here, and I can imagine that might be the same for many folks, esp those who are unfamiliar with how a board of this nature works.

I think this issue has come up several times, and CSN has chosen not to lock older threads, or to delete accounts when people pass away.  So it seems that the board's structure will stay as it is, and I think we need to be very welcoming to new people, while encouraging the creation of a new thread.  Trubrit's suggestion pretty much covers that.

I don't think seeing a thread come up with those who have died is really any different than me having pictures of my sister up in my living room.  The dead are still with us in so many ways, this is just one more way to acknowledge that they lived and had an impact on us.