Why do people who say 'I will pray for you' annoy me so much?

tasha_111 said:

Oh Thanks all

I just get so mad at the 'throw-away-comments'  If you believe that God can cure you, you surely HAVE to believe that God allowed you to get this in the first place!  I just don't Get It!

God and I are not on speaking terms and I don't know what I could have done that was so bad. I had a brain stem stroke in January. Had to give up my work and deal with the loss of money and friends who faded away...couldn't deal with a sick person, didn't know what to say, can't stand hospitals...I've heard it all. The next month the doctors found a big aneurysm in the ascending aorta of my heart...the same thing that killed my grandfather and uncle. Because of the stroke, it was felt that the open heart surgery I need was too dangerous.  Take medicine and "pray it doesn't grow" was all they could offer. Three months later my regular mammogram picked up breast cancer. I was in absolute shock. Three life threatening things in less than 6 months? How could this be? I never get sick. I've never even had the flu.

The people that make me crazy are the ones that want to organize a circle of believers and "lay hands" on me while they talk about how sickness is brought by the devil. So I should examine my life and see where I slipped up and let the devil in. Just last week I rejected my doctor's nurse's invitation to her church and told her God was pissed off at me so we were not speaking. She gave me a lecture about how I had to be the one who had left God because God never leaves his children. (Really? Tell that to innocent little children suffering with leukemia or hundreds of brave young soldiers so horribly wounded in the war.) She said she would add me to the prayer chain but I had to get right with the Lord in order for anything to work.

So if someone says they will pray for me, I just mumble a thank you and try to change the subject rather than get into a conversation that might ultimately come around to how my illnesses are my fault, not God's.

Wow ladies how refreshing to get honest thoughts on this delicate subject.  I would love the comfort of being a believer and admire those who are.  But not the extremists of any religion or of anything ie gun control, abortion etc.  An open mind or agree to disagree is the way to go.  Some of the nicest people I know are very religious and some of the worst.  If there is a God I am sure I am the last thing on his mind and if he looks down on the mess the world still is in after all these centuries I wouldn't blame him to start this world over again from scratch.......  i believe in the goodness of people and there is a lot out there but always an ugly side too we must protect ourselves from.  HONESTLY the one thing that I am stunned at is intelligent people who follow evangelists or The Tea Party apologies for anyone here who are into either.  These scare me to death, and are deeply worrying to outsiders of this country.  Just don't understand it, is it me......

Being not a very religious person, it used to get to me sometimes too. Praying

seemed like an easy way out for many people. Instead of saying, do you need me

to come over or what can I do, get you groceries, help clean your house, give you

a ride - I got I will pray for you. But this was at the beginning of my journey and I

learned a lot. Above all I learned different strokes for different folks. Everyone deals

with it differently and if they want to pray for me, I now accept their well wishes 

towards me graciously. 

Don't lety anyone or anything distract you from your main goal, of taking care of YOU

and your health. 

Hugs,

Ayse

sbmly53 said:

I accept it as a kindness

and I do believe in God. Two scriptures that help me to know that I was not 'singled out or punished' are from Ecclesiastics - time and unforseen occurrence befall us all, and from Matthew, the sun rises on the wicked and the good and the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous.

I'm not saying I'm good and righteous, just that bad things happen to everyone everywhere.

I will not extend the offer of prayers to those whom I think it will offend, but I certainly do intend to comfort, not insult or aggravate.

Respectfully,

Sue

I think it is good for those here to know that not everyone is offended by someone's saying that she/he is praying for those who find themselves in the battles we are in or have been in.  The majority are not the oddballs that some of the people here have met, but they are always the most memorable.

I'm not offended.  That may be because (1) I know that most people mean it and will; and (2) I realize that some people say that because they think that is what they ought to say.  They mean well.  I try to be mindful of that and not take offense. 

I am not mad at God for the fact that I have had to battle cancer.  I firmly believe that how I came through my surgery (double mastectomy), chemo (ACT), and radiation therapy can't be explained in any other way than the fact that many people prayed for me. 

I don't expect everyone here to understand; but I do know that there are people here who do.

Thank you, Sue, for speaking up.

I am not a religious person but I am surrounded by people who are religious.  My daughter and her family are extremely religious.  In fact, I call her my Baptist Catholic.  My friends are religious.  I am amazed as to how many people are religious.  I do not discuss religion with them but I do respect their beliefs and they respect mine.  If they tell me that they are praying for me, I smile and thank them.  

There are many people who believe in the power of prayer that it has left a wonder in me that possibly with some people those prayers may be granted.  I am equally aware that many prayers are not granted. I always doubted the power of prayer, but now I wonder if it sometimes works.  I look at the power of prayer as an individual request.  There are mysteries in our world and there are miracles...just read what some doctors have written.

I am well aware of all the horrors that take place in our world not only today but in the years past.

To some people when you say you are praying for them, it gives them comfort...and that is important.  There are many religious people in our group as well as people who are not religious.  Respect is the key word.

Tasha, reading your post...your anger shouts out strong and clear.  I believe that you are lashing out and venting and if that is what it takes to get you through each day, then continue.  (I was surprised that I had hidden anger when I found out that I had a recurrence.  Initially I had 0 Stage DCIS and opted for a contralateral mastectomy.  One cell got away and appeared on my scar three years later.  It took about 3 months for that anger to leave me.)  I hope your anger will also leave you n time.

Lots of Hugs,

Janelle

Different Ballgame said:

I am not religious but surrounded by religious family and friend

I am not a religious person but I am surrounded by people who are religious.  My daughter and her family are extremely religious.  In fact, I call her my Baptist Catholic.  My friends are religious.  I am amazed as to how many people are religious.  I do not discuss religion with them but I do respect their beliefs and they respect mine.  If they tell me that they are praying for me, I smile and thank them.  

There are many people who believe in the power of prayer that it has left a wonder in me that possibly with some people those prayers may be granted.  I am equally aware that many prayers are not granted. I always doubted the power of prayer, but now I wonder if it sometimes works.  I look at the power of prayer as an individual request.  There are mysteries in our world and there are miracles...just read what some doctors have written.

I am well aware of all the horrors that take place in our world not only today but in the years past.

To some people when you say you are praying for them, it gives them comfort...and that is important.  There are many religious people in our group as well as people who are not religious.  Respect is the key word.

Tasha, reading your post...your anger shouts out strong and clear.  I believe that you are lashing out and venting and if that is what it takes to get you through each day, then continue.  (I was surprised that I had hidden anger when I found out that I had a recurrence.  Initially I had 0 Stage DCIS and opted for a contralateral mastectomy.  One cell got away and appeared on my scar three years later.  It took about 3 months for that anger to leave me.)  I hope your anger will also leave you n time.

Lots of Hugs,

Janelle

 

My sincere hope that nobody would ever face this option - untreatable progression. When doctors cannot offer any treatment someone can loose hope. 

Tasha,

 Please vent and know that despite difference in opinions we do understand and respect and are here for you.

 Hugs