Why do people who say 'I will pray for you' annoy me so much?

tasha_111

I just can't cope with this innocuous crap!  They all assume that I believe in this so called GOD?  Did GOD stop me from getting  this death sentance? NO! So please do NOT preach to me, me and God are just fine, it is his fan club that I have a problem with...

 

VickiSam

My personal take .. and this is my only my

opinion --  People don't know what to say, or how to react to cancer - initial dignosis, recurrence, met's, surgeries, or the fight for your 'life'.  I am sure many of us are thinking the very same thing you are facing 'if there is a God, why did he saddle me with this *&(^^)((  DISEASE .!!!

 I don't know your Life,  I don't know your Pain,  I don't know what you go thru on a Day to Day basis --  just my thoughts.

 

Vicki Sam

 

Rague

It does not bother me at all

It does not bother me at all for someone to say "I'll pray for you.".  Actually I prefer "You'll be in my prayers (or thoughts)." but it is the thought that someone cared enough to express that they wished me the best is what matters to me, not the exact words.  I don't see it as 'preaching' to me, but trying in their way to do what they can for me.

I don't care what 'religion' someone is/isn't, if they believe in a 'God' (so different to each of us), Higher Power, Great Spirit, or that there is nothing - I'll take all the good thoughts/vibes/whatever no matter how someone 'sends' them.

Winyan - The Power Within

Susan

TraciInLA

Rague said:

It does not bother me at all

It does not bother me at all for someone to say "I'll pray for you.".  Actually I prefer "You'll be in my prayers (or thoughts)." but it is the thought that someone cared enough to express that they wished me the best is what matters to me, not the exact words.  I don't see it as 'preaching' to me, but trying in their way to do what they can for me.

I don't care what 'religion' someone is/isn't, if they believe in a 'God' (so different to each of us), Higher Power, Great Spirit, or that there is nothing - I'll take all the good thoughts/vibes/whatever no matter how someone 'sends' them.

Winyan - The Power Within

Susan

Natural, human reaction

I agree with VickiSam that it's a very normal, human reaction to ask, "Why would God let this happen to me?" and maybe not want to hear people talk about God and prayer when we're going through such difficult treatment.  If you have cancer, and you're not angry and pi**ed off at least once in awhile -- then I say you're not doing it right!

But, when someone says to me, "I'll pray for you," I don't hear, "I assume you believe in God."  What I hear is, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I don't know what to do to help you, so I'll do the only thing I can think of to do."  Like Susan, I see it as their trying to do what they can for me, or at least express their concern in the way they know how.

Just my 2 cents,

Traci

disneyfan2008

Cancer is a touchy

Cancer is a touchy subject-Many just don't know what to say. I am the same way about Death-some may think I am rude if I do not say anything. I can hug but words just don't come out of my mouth sometimes.

 

I am not religious, but believe in God-when people say/ said that to me I just said Thank You...KNOWING they mean well.

MY OPINION-of course.

 

Denise

disneyfan2008

One comment I never to say to

One comment I never to say to anyone is: IT WILL BE OK..

I was only 19 when my Dad was killed in a car accident-just prior to his death (within hours)-several people were consoling me saying EVERYTHING will be ok!...NO it was not-he died shortly after-

so to this day 33 yrs later I never say it's going to be ok-(just one of  my quirks)

New Flower

TraciInLA said:

Natural, human reaction

I agree with VickiSam that it's a very normal, human reaction to ask, "Why would God let this happen to me?" and maybe not want to hear people talk about God and prayer when we're going through such difficult treatment.  If you have cancer, and you're not angry and pi**ed off at least once in awhile -- then I say you're not doing it right!

But, when someone says to me, "I'll pray for you," I don't hear, "I assume you believe in God."  What I hear is, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I don't know what to do to help you, so I'll do the only thing I can think of to do."  Like Susan, I see it as their trying to do what they can for me, or at least express their concern in the way they know how.

Just my 2 cents,

Traci

Writing from oncologist office

Hello from oncology office

well waiting for my shot at the Chemo clinic

people do not what to say, they cannot process the info and situation 

Tasha i do understand your reaction and from time to time I do have similar question ???

Please hang out with us we know the meaning of things

hugs

 

1surfermom

disneyfan2008 said:

One comment I never to say to

One comment I never to say to anyone is: IT WILL BE OK..

I was only 19 when my Dad was killed in a car accident-just prior to his death (within hours)-several people were consoling me saying EVERYTHING will be ok!...NO it was not-he died shortly after-

so to this day 33 yrs later I never say it's going to be ok-(just one of  my quirks)

Prayer

 I can understand your feelings. I am a religious person and I appreciate all prayers on my behalf. That being said, I can see how you would question the sincerety of the statement. As others have said I believe that it is an automatic response from people when they hear the news that someone has cancer. Perhaps the statement " I will pray for you" is a way for  them to make themselves feel better about the situation instead of saying " that really sucks " and thinking to themselves I'm so glad it isn't me. I was at mass the other day and ran into two people who both said to me ;Are you okay? as if the only reason I go to church is when something catastrophic happens to me.  So I get what you are saying. Love Surf

RozHopkins

I am British and we are very

I am British and we are very personal about religion.  Most people are not church goers there now after centuries of being steeped in it.  When we came here I was warned about Bible Belt etc.  plus to be invited to someone's church is a big compliment.  I totally respect peoples personal beliefs and I am not a believer.  Most are just being kind and reacting the way they always have.  i never say to any one everything will be fine.  With age and experience you know that is not appropriate and can give false hope.  Some times people who don't want to talk about anything scary or real ugly life things just say it because it's the easiest way out of facing the situation (English expression) I sometimes just want to 'wring their necks'.  A real friend is gently honest.  

CypressCynthia

I often say, "prayers and

I often say, "prayers and hugs" without meaning anything profound.  I am not sure what I believe, but I do believe religion is as private as underwear and I get squeamish when there is prosletyzing going on.  My sign off is just a way to say I am sending good thoughts, positive vibrations - in short, love.  I hope I haven't offended anyone.

Cindy Bear

Tasha

Forgive me for jumping in, I am usually on the uterine or ovarian cancer board but I sometimes check in here to see how everyone is doing. I think people mean well and most of the time they don't know what to say.. I always get annoyed with platitudes.. things like God never gives us more than we can handle.. (Bull sh*t) or when God closes a door he opens a window.. no thanks.. I want my door back..so I totally understand. I think it's just something people say when they really feel they need to say something but don't know what to say....

Cindy

 

camul

I gurss I didnt look at prayer in the same way.

I see this as someone saying they are hoping for the best for me. But I see prayer as a form of meditation personally. Yeah, when I am angry or have just strung together a pretty colorful sentence, the last thing I want to hear at that point is I will pray for you... then I get pi**ed as I dont need to be judged. I personally take it as a good thing from most people and try to assume they mean well and really do care.

CypressCynthia

Cindy Bear said:

Tasha

Forgive me for jumping in, I am usually on the uterine or ovarian cancer board but I sometimes check in here to see how everyone is doing. I think people mean well and most of the time they don't know what to say.. I always get annoyed with platitudes.. things like God never gives us more than we can handle.. (Bull sh*t) or when God closes a door he opens a window.. no thanks.. I want my door back..so I totally understand. I think it's just something people say when they really feel they need to say something but don't know what to say....

Cindy

 

I guess we all get po'd about

I guess we all get po'd about something!  I personally get angry at the folks wanting to tell me the "sure cures" and diet fixes.  That is like fingernails on a blackboard to me.  And I have overheard folks who didn't know that I had cancer saying that so-and-so got cancer because they didn't eat right, were overweight, etc.  I think that is just mean and often so untrue.  Just really gets my grrrr up...lol.

TraciInLA

camul said:

I gurss I didnt look at prayer in the same way.

I see this as someone saying they are hoping for the best for me. But I see prayer as a form of meditation personally. Yeah, when I am angry or have just strung together a pretty colorful sentence, the last thing I want to hear at that point is I will pray for you... then I get pi**ed as I dont need to be judged. I personally take it as a good thing from most people and try to assume they mean well and really do care.

"God never gives us more than we can handle"

Oh yes, Cindy Bear, preach it, sister....When you're in the throes of chemo or radiation -- bald, exhausted, nauseous for the 3rd day in a row, burnt to a crisp and/or having spent the entire day alternating between the bathroom and doctors' appointments...don't you just want to smack someone who says that to you?

And no, no, no, CC -- the reason you got cancer was because you used deodorant and drank Diet Coke.  Geez, don't you know ANYTHING? 

Traci

1surfermom

TraciInLA said:

"God never gives us more than we can handle"

Oh yes, Cindy Bear, preach it, sister....When you're in the throes of chemo or radiation -- bald, exhausted, nauseous for the 3rd day in a row, burnt to a crisp and/or having spent the entire day alternating between the bathroom and doctors' appointments...don't you just want to smack someone who says that to you?

And no, no, no, CC -- the reason you got cancer was because you used deodorant and drank Diet Coke.  Geez, don't you know ANYTHING? 

Traci

Deodorant and diet coke

Traci,

Thanks for the information. I feel so much better now. I thought I got cancer because I wore an underwire bra.  Surf

destroycancer

dont worry about it , i get

dont worry about it , i get that too. ppl say that to me for my mom but it just makes me upset because they don't understand. Some even talk to me like my mom is about to die tmrw, to them i say **** off we're gonna fight this to the end no matter what.

ConnieSW

destroycancer said:

dont worry about it , i get

dont worry about it , i get that too. ppl say that to me for my mom but it just makes me upset because they don't understand. Some even talk to me like my mom is about to die tmrw, to them i say **** off we're gonna fight this to the end no matter what.

Yeah

I have a friend who believes people can get cancer as a punishment.  I wonder what she thinks I did to deserve it.  I think I shall ask the next time it comes up.

connie, from the uterine board

Double Whammy

ConnieSW said:

Yeah

I have a friend who believes people can get cancer as a punishment.  I wonder what she thinks I did to deserve it.  I think I shall ask the next time it comes up.

connie, from the uterine board

I just say thank you.

But I had to learn this and it took time and it didn't happen for a long time because I was angry with just about anyone who "didn't get it" and most folks don't.   No matter what you personally believe, I believe that most folks who say "I'll pray for you" are sincere about their perception of the power of prayers and so I simply learned to say "thank you".  Usually ends the conversation.

Suzanne

Lynn Smith

Double Whammy said:

I just say thank you.

But I had to learn this and it took time and it didn't happen for a long time because I was angry with just about anyone who "didn't get it" and most folks don't.   No matter what you personally believe, I believe that most folks who say "I'll pray for you" are sincere about their perception of the power of prayers and so I simply learned to say "thank you".  Usually ends the conversation.

Suzanne

I'm Ok

I'm Ok if they tell me that BUT do wonder if they will pray.Some people are just saying that.I've prayed all my life.Don't always go to Church BUT most of the things I pray for happen for the good.My life was saved quite a few times and I was able to pray.I did have my Aunt tell me she prayed and I believed her.She prayed for everyone if she knew they had problems or were sick.

My Breast Cancer was something I did worry about before dx with 4 in my family.I still worry but try to pray before I go in for my mammos every year now.

There have been a few that say they'll pray and next time I see them they're not so nice.Say sarastic things,And they Prayed???? IMO those who tells us that don't always mean it or do it.

Lynn Smith  

Alexandra

I will pray for you

When people say: 'I will pray for you' or 'You're in my prayers' I interpret it as a kind sentiment and thank them. When people ask me to pray for them, I usually respond with 'You're in my thoughts' or 'I send you my best wishes'.

Last year we were in Jerusalem; my mom (Jewish) left a written prayer for me in the crevice of the Wailing Wall and my mother-in-law (Christian Orthodox) lit a candle in front of Jesus's tomb. It was a nice gesture on their part, even if I don't believe that it would have any effect on my wellbeing.

When I told a good friend of mine, a devout Baptist, that the day before I had been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, first thing out of his mouth was and I quote: "I have to introduce you to our Lord and Savior JC so you could enter his Kingdom when you die". He knew that I was Jewish by birth and an atheist by conviction and had no right to minister. Though well-intended, his statement was so out of place that I had to firmly end this conversation. We are still friends, we just don't discuss religion anymore.

I was recently reading a blog, a blow-by-blow personal account written by a young wife and mother of 2 small children, diagnosed with vaginal cancer that spread through her pelvis. She ended up with total pelvic exoneration surgery (look it up) and went (and still is going) through several years of unimaginable mutilation, pain and suffering. Throughout this ordeal she keeps talking about how her suffering pales in comparison with Jesus's experience and how Jesus gives her strength to keep fighting. My first reaction was: Are you kidding me? You believe that God put you through all that and you still praise his name? But then I realized that I have no right to question her faith. 

Suum cuique pulchrum est. To each their own. Tolerance is the name of the game. 

tasha_111

Alexandra said:

I will pray for you

When people say: 'I will pray for you' or 'You're in my prayers' I interpret it as a kind sentiment and thank them. When people ask me to pray for them, I usually respond with 'You're in my thoughts' or 'I send you my best wishes'.

Last year we were in Jerusalem; my mom (Jewish) left a written prayer for me in the crevice of the Wailing Wall and my mother-in-law (Christian Orthodox) lit a candle in front of Jesus's tomb. It was a nice gesture on their part, even if I don't believe that it would have any effect on my wellbeing.

When I told a good friend of mine, a devout Baptist, that the day before I had been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, first thing out of his mouth was and I quote: "I have to introduce you to our Lord and Savior JC so you could enter his Kingdom when you die". He knew that I was Jewish by birth and an atheist by conviction and had no right to minister. Though well-intended, his statement was so out of place that I had to firmly end this conversation. We are still friends, we just don't discuss religion anymore.

I was recently reading a blog, a blow-by-blow personal account written by a young wife and mother of 2 small children, diagnosed with vaginal cancer that spread through her pelvis. She ended up with total pelvic exoneration surgery (look it up) and went (and still is going) through several years of unimaginable mutilation, pain and suffering. Throughout this ordeal she keeps talking about how her suffering pales in comparison with Jesus's experience and how Jesus gives her strength to keep fighting. My first reaction was: Are you kidding me? You believe that God put you through all that and you still praise his name? But then I realized that I have no right to question her faith. 

Suum cuique pulchrum est. To each their own. Tolerance is the name of the game. 

Oh Thanks all

I just get so mad at the 'throw-away-comments'  If you believe that God can cure you, you surely HAVE to believe that God allowed you to get this in the first place!  I just don't Get It!