Why do people who say 'I will pray for you' annoy me so much?

opinion --  People don't know what to say, or how to react to cancer - initial dignosis, recurrence, met's, surgeries, or the fight for your 'life'.  I am sure many of us are thinking the very same thing you are facing 'if there is a God, why did he saddle me with this *&(^^)((  DISEASE .!!!

 I don't know your Life,  I don't know your Pain,  I don't know what you go thru on a Day to Day basis --  just my thoughts.

Vicki Sam

Rague said:

It does not bother me at all

It does not bother me at all for someone to say "I'll pray for you.".  Actually I prefer "You'll be in my prayers (or thoughts)." but it is the thought that someone cared enough to express that they wished me the best is what matters to me, not the exact words.  I don't see it as 'preaching' to me, but trying in their way to do what they can for me.

I don't care what 'religion' someone is/isn't, if they believe in a 'God' (so different to each of us), Higher Power, Great Spirit, or that there is nothing - I'll take all the good thoughts/vibes/whatever no matter how someone 'sends' them.

Winyan - The Power Within

Susan

I agree with VickiSam that it's a very normal, human reaction to ask, "Why would God let this happen to me?" and maybe not want to hear people talk about God and prayer when we're going through such difficult treatment.  If you have cancer, and you're not angry and pi**ed off at least once in awhile -- then I say you're not doing it right!

But, when someone says to me, "I'll pray for you," I don't hear, "I assume you believe in God."  What I hear is, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I don't know what to do to help you, so I'll do the only thing I can think of to do."  Like Susan, I see it as their trying to do what they can for me, or at least express their concern in the way they know how.

Just my 2 cents,

Traci

One comment I never to say to anyone is: IT WILL BE OK..

I was only 19 when my Dad was killed in a car accident-just prior to his death (within hours)-several people were consoling me saying EVERYTHING will be ok!...NO it was not-he died shortly after-

so to this day 33 yrs later I never say it's going to be ok-(just one of  my quirks)

disneyfan2008 said:

One comment I never to say to

One comment I never to say to anyone is: IT WILL BE OK..

I was only 19 when my Dad was killed in a car accident-just prior to his death (within hours)-several people were consoling me saying EVERYTHING will be ok!...NO it was not-he died shortly after-

so to this day 33 yrs later I never say it's going to be ok-(just one of  my quirks)

 I can understand your feelings. I am a religious person and I appreciate all prayers on my behalf. That being said, I can see how you would question the sincerety of the statement. As others have said I believe that it is an automatic response from people when they hear the news that someone has cancer. Perhaps the statement " I will pray for you" is a way for  them to make themselves feel better about the situation instead of saying " that really sucks " and thinking to themselves I'm so glad it isn't me. I was at mass the other day and ran into two people who both said to me ;Are you okay? as if the only reason I go to church is when something catastrophic happens to me.  So I get what you are saying. Love Surf

I often say, "prayers and hugs" without meaning anything profound.  I am not sure what I believe, but I do believe religion is as private as underwear and I get squeamish when there is prosletyzing going on.  My sign off is just a way to say I am sending good thoughts, positive vibrations - in short, love.  I hope I haven't offended anyone.

I see this as someone saying they are hoping for the best for me. But I see prayer as a form of meditation personally. Yeah, when I am angry or have just strung together a pretty colorful sentence, the last thing I want to hear at that point is I will pray for you... then I get pi**ed as I dont need to be judged. I personally take it as a good thing from most people and try to assume they mean well and really do care.

camul said:

I gurss I didnt look at prayer in the same way.

I see this as someone saying they are hoping for the best for me. But I see prayer as a form of meditation personally. Yeah, when I am angry or have just strung together a pretty colorful sentence, the last thing I want to hear at that point is I will pray for you... then I get pi**ed as I dont need to be judged. I personally take it as a good thing from most people and try to assume they mean well and really do care.

Oh yes, Cindy Bear, preach it, sister....When you're in the throes of chemo or radiation -- bald, exhausted, nauseous for the 3rd day in a row, burnt to a crisp and/or having spent the entire day alternating between the bathroom and doctors' appointments...don't you just want to smack someone who says that to you?

And no, no, no, CC -- the reason you got cancer was because you used deodorant and drank Diet Coke.  Geez, don't you know ANYTHING? 

Traci

dont worry about it , i get that too. ppl say that to me for my mom but it just makes me upset because they don't understand. Some even talk to me like my mom is about to die tmrw, to them i say **** off we're gonna fight this to the end no matter what.

ConnieSW said:

Yeah

I have a friend who believes people can get cancer as a punishment.  I wonder what she thinks I did to deserve it.  I think I shall ask the next time it comes up.

connie, from the uterine board

But I had to learn this and it took time and it didn't happen for a long time because I was angry with just about anyone who "didn't get it" and most folks don't.   No matter what you personally believe, I believe that most folks who say "I'll pray for you" are sincere about their perception of the power of prayers and so I simply learned to say "thank you".  Usually ends the conversation.

Suzanne

When people say: 'I will pray for you' or 'You're in my prayers' I interpret it as a kind sentiment and thank them. When people ask me to pray for them, I usually respond with 'You're in my thoughts' or 'I send you my best wishes'.

Last year we were in Jerusalem; my mom (Jewish) left a written prayer for me in the crevice of the Wailing Wall and my mother-in-law (Christian Orthodox) lit a candle in front of Jesus's tomb. It was a nice gesture on their part, even if I don't believe that it would have any effect on my wellbeing.

When I told a good friend of mine, a devout Baptist, that the day before I had been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, first thing out of his mouth was and I quote: "I have to introduce you to our Lord and Savior JC so you could enter his Kingdom when you die". He knew that I was Jewish by birth and an atheist by conviction and had no right to minister. Though well-intended, his statement was so out of place that I had to firmly end this conversation. We are still friends, we just don't discuss religion anymore.

I was recently reading a blog, a blow-by-blow personal account written by a young wife and mother of 2 small children, diagnosed with vaginal cancer that spread through her pelvis. She ended up with total pelvic exoneration surgery (look it up) and went (and still is going) through several years of unimaginable mutilation, pain and suffering. Throughout this ordeal she keeps talking about how her suffering pales in comparison with Jesus's experience and how Jesus gives her strength to keep fighting. My first reaction was: Are you kidding me? You believe that God put you through all that and you still praise his name? But then I realized that I have no right to question her faith. 

Suum cuique pulchrum est. To each their own. Tolerance is the name of the game.