LETTING MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER KNOW...

lp1964
lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hello Everyone.

My name is Laz, I am a 48 year old male with stage 3 rectal cancer, just about to start treatment. I'm recently divorced and have weekend custody of my 15 year old daughter. Our relationship got really bad during the divorce since her mom did everything to alienate her from me so she can get more support and more companion time in her life. Recently me and my daughter were doing better, then came my diagnosis.

I decided to let my closest friend know, because it is a big burden to behave like everything is normal when is not and because I may need they help and support. 

I plan to let my daughter know this weekend and I'd like some advise how to do it and what to tell her.

Thank you,

Laz 

Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #2
    Take A Look Here.....

    http://csn.cancer.org/node/260072

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #3
    Change

    Cancer is a life changing disease.  It is not the end of all things that makes you whom you are. I told everyone, it is not my desire not to be involved sometimes. It is my inability to be involved sometimes. I can still cheer everyone on, still listen to their troubles, I just can not be there physically all of the time.

     

    We aill keep you in our prayers.

    Best Always,  mike 

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    #4
    I think just starting the communication

    is the most important thing, and then you can kind of play it by ear based on how she responds.   One of my teenage girls wanted a lot of info, the other didn't want any.  I would just give her as much information as she seems ready for, and emphasize the positive as much as possible (and oddly enough, there some very real positives in your situation, as hard as that may be for your daughter to understand at first).    I also stressed to my girls that I really wanted them to just focus on their own lives...school, friends, sports, or what have you...as much as possible, and that they could come to me at any time with questions or concerns.  I made sure that they knew that, even if I seemed sick, I still wanted to know what was going in their lives.

    Let us know how it goes~AA

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #5
    Right away

    I think it's good to let our children know right away. I'd  be straight forward with her.  

    Study up a bit on collon cancer ( but not into too much, as it can scare you). 

    Stage 3 has a great survival rate, so chin up and fight.

    Good luck with you daughter. It may bring you closer together like before. 

    Great support, love and information on this site, so keep combing back to join us.

    By the way, I am colorectal stage 3 A.

    Good luck!

  • taraHK
    taraHK Member Posts: 1,952 Member
    #6
    Agree

    I agree with most previous comments. You are wise to tell her. I'd tell her fairly frankly, but with as positive a spin as you feel able to put on it...Then I'd pause, wait, see if there are any questions, ask if there are any questions -- then release her! -  letting her know she can come back to you any time with questions.

    If you don't want it to "get around" too much, you might tell her that, but I found it useful to let my kids know that if they had one close friend they wanted to confide in, they certainly could. She may need that...

    Tara

  • RobinKaye
    RobinKaye Member Posts: 93
    #7
    Don't be hurt...

    Laz,  if your daughter doesn't seem to think this is a big deal and goes about life as normal don't let it bother you too much.  My husband was sometimes hurt

    that our then 16 (now 18) year old seemed to think his stage 3 cancer was no biggie.  He'll be fine is what he said then he went about his business.  I was glad that

    he took that attitude, he was confident that dad would get better and confident that the two of us would take care of things.  I didn't keep anything from him but also didn't 

    go out of my way to let him know all of what was happening unless he asked.  A sixteen year old needs to go about his/her life with as little stress and fear as possible...as long as

    that is possible.

    You're the Dad and you take care of things, let her think that as long as you can.  Nothing wrong with asking for help and understanding but best not to lean too heavily on a young 

    kid (not implying that you would).  Husband had a mini stroke right after chemorad, our son saw what was happening and took charge while I was figuring out what to do,  he just

    picked up the phone and called the ambulance...didn't even think about it.  

    Kids can often seem oblivious but when push comes to shove they rally in a big way.  

     

    Robin

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #8
    RobinKaye said:

    Don't be hurt...

    Laz,  if your daughter doesn't seem to think this is a big deal and goes about life as normal don't let it bother you too much.  My husband was sometimes hurt

    that our then 16 (now 18) year old seemed to think his stage 3 cancer was no biggie.  He'll be fine is what he said then he went about his business.  I was glad that

    he took that attitude, he was confident that dad would get better and confident that the two of us would take care of things.  I didn't keep anything from him but also didn't 

    go out of my way to let him know all of what was happening unless he asked.  A sixteen year old needs to go about his/her life with as little stress and fear as possible...as long as

    that is possible.

    You're the Dad and you take care of things, let her think that as long as you can.  Nothing wrong with asking for help and understanding but best not to lean too heavily on a young 

    kid (not implying that you would).  Husband had a mini stroke right after chemorad, our son saw what was happening and took charge while I was figuring out what to do,  he just

    picked up the phone and called the ambulance...didn't even think about it.  

    Kids can often seem oblivious but when push comes to shove they rally in a big way.  

     

    Robin

    By letting her know you love

    By letting her know you love her, and that you will fight the battle.  It's not a death sentenance but a time to really look at life and what is important.   I have never let Cancer take over my relationship with my girls.  They will handle it like you handle it, sometimes they even forget that I am on chemo.  It's gonig on 5 yeaars now, stage 4.  

     

    Try to remain postive and jump into the battle.  

     

     

    Let us know if you have any questions.  

     

     

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    #9
    Nana b said:

    By letting her know you love

    By letting her know you love her, and that you will fight the battle.  It's not a death sentenance but a time to really look at life and what is important.   I have never let Cancer take over my relationship with my girls.  They will handle it like you handle it, sometimes they even forget that I am on chemo.  It's gonig on 5 yeaars now, stage 4.  

     

    Try to remain postive and jump into the battle.  

     

     

    Let us know if you have any questions.  

     

     

    I TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER...

    My Father's day was very special, because I could not hold my new diagnosis back from my 15 year old daughter any more. We had such a good time and I felt so close, so connected to her, that not telling her felt more and more like a lie. She took it really well and held my hand for a long time. This was the best Father's day gift I could ever have. What a blessing. I feel I have an other very strong player on my team.

    Nothing but happy days for you all!

    Laz

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member
    #10
    lp1964 said:

    I TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER...

    My Father's day was very special, because I could not hold my new diagnosis back from my 15 year old daughter any more. We had such a good time and I felt so close, so connected to her, that not telling her felt more and more like a lie. She took it really well and held my hand for a long time. This was the best Father's day gift I could ever have. What a blessing. I feel I have an other very strong player on my team.

    Nothing but happy days for you all!

    Laz

    good for

    you!! i have never kept anything from my kids daughter 24 and son19.if anything it has brought us closer.my son still lives at home as he is in college and my daughter is marired almost 1 year now calls me everyday just to see how i am.im so glad it went well for you it may just bring you closer...Godbless...johnnybegood

Discussion Boards