My Heart Is Breaking
My daughter & son-in-law arrived about 8 this morning. We met with the Pulmonologist & the Pallative Care team. The chances for my husband's recovery are slim to none. Too many systems are failing at once. If he is to stay on the ventilator, he will eventually have a trach & live in a nursing facility, which I know he would not want. If the ventilator is removed, we will bring him home, Hospice will keep him comfortable, but his heart will give out, even with the pacemaker. And of course, there's the 24 hr. dialysis machine.
Although he can't communicate, he understands he can't breathe on his own & shakes his head no to removing the ventilator. He is still fighting & we asked the doctors to give him more time to at least try & recover. He understands some of what's happening and was so pleased to see our daughter, although I'm not sure he understands why she has come. His tube became blocked with phlegm tonight & just for a few seconds, he couldn't breathe(the nurse cleared it right away) & the look of sheer panic in his eyes was almost more than I could bear.
As I do for all of us, I am still hoping for that miracle. In my mind, I see the end, but my heart won't accept it. I've been with him for 41 years & part of me is dying. If this decision should fall to me, I just can't make it yet. Nor can I stand to see him suffering. He wants to know when he is going home & we promised him, no matter what, we would take him home.
I was so glad to see my daughter. I have not seen her in 4 years. As ill as she is, she made the trip to be with us. This is so very hard on her. My son is trying to be brave for all of us, but inside he's just a little boy watching his dad die.
Must get some sleep now.
Love to all of you.
Wolfen(Karen)
Comments
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Hoping for the best
for all of you
It is never easy to deal with these challenges, I know that it is devastatingly hard on all of you. Know that we have all of you in our thoughts and prayers, that God gives you all the strength to deal with all that has happened and all that will be coming.
I pray that God eases your husband's pain, that his loving arms envelope you and your children and provide you comfort in such a difficult time.
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Oh Wolfen,
I feel the sorrow and pain so much for you. It is great your family is now together and can experience these really difficult times together. Although this is a horrible time for you all, it seems like there is time to communicate openly with each other and come to some understanding on how to proceed forward. It is excellent your husband can communicate his wishes, you need to be able to understand and translate them for him. God Bless you all. don
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Karen,
so happy your familyKaren,
so happy your family is gathered to drawl strength from each other during this time of struggle, Jesus please bring the miracle of healing to this this suffering man, his family is gathered to pray in unity to you father for a healing of their beloved father,husband, and friend. Lord you have said whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name there I shall be, wrap this fAmily in Your loving arms and bring them peace and comfort knowing that it is You calling the shots and no one else, if it should be the time you want your see ant home You will take him by the hand NAND walk with him if it is time for you to heal him you need only whisper it in the air and your Will will be done. Lord you are a merciful and loving God and we thank you for what ever path you have chosen for you son, in Jesus' name we ask. Amen
love you Karen and hubby,
rachel
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So very sorry Karen, prayersrachel12yrsuv said:Karen,
so happy your familyKaren,
so happy your family is gathered to drawl strength from each other during this time of struggle, Jesus please bring the miracle of healing to this this suffering man, his family is gathered to pray in unity to you father for a healing of their beloved father,husband, and friend. Lord you have said whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name there I shall be, wrap this fAmily in Your loving arms and bring them peace and comfort knowing that it is You calling the shots and no one else, if it should be the time you want your see ant home You will take him by the hand NAND walk with him if it is time for you to heal him you need only whisper it in the air and your Will will be done. Lord you are a merciful and loving God and we thank you for what ever path you have chosen for you son, in Jesus' name we ask. Amen
love you Karen and hubby,
rachel
So very sorry Karen, prayers to you all.....
Patti
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Our Hearts are Also Breaking
I can only tell you that I wish your husband, you and your family peace. I cannot think of the right words to help, but do again offer my wish for peace for all.
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KarenHobbsDoggy said:Our Hearts are Also Breaking
I can only tell you that I wish your husband, you and your family peace. I cannot think of the right words to help, but do again offer my wish for peace for all.
I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Like you, I am continuing to pray for a miracle. I'm also praying for peace and for your husband to be pain free so he can relax. I will continue to pray....
Billie0 -
just words
Wolfen,
Oh if only there were more than just words. Family united is a wonderful thing. And yes mircles do happpen, I have seen them with my Mother's fight. You are such a loving wife, you're man has been blessed to have you fighting by his side. Listen to what he wants, and do your best to make it happen if you can. Oh Karen, know we are here.....even just cyber friends....but we are sending any and all positives to help hold you all up right now. Luv sent, Katie
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Karen....my heart hurts
for you and your kids....I am so grateful that they are there with you, tho. It is true that as children, no matter our age, inside we are still youngsters losing our parent....but we are also grown up, with lives of our own.....our loss is not the same as our mom's. I remember getting so protective of my mom when my dad was so sick. I wanted her to lean on me....your son sounds like he may feel some of that, too.
You know we will travel this path with you....
p
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dear karen, my heart is
dear karen, my heart is breaking 4 u. i'm glad your whole family is together and you have someone to lean on. i will continue to pray for you and your family.
God bless you,
dj
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Prayers
So very sorry Wolfen for you and your family; I hope things go smoothly and you can get him home where he wants to be. Sending angels your way....
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Thinking of youSunshine60 said:Prayers
So very sorry Wolfen for you and your family; I hope things go smoothly and you can get him home where he wants to be. Sending angels your way....
Karen I think of you several times a day. Your situation seems so familiar. For me I was luck David made the decision for hospice and to decline treatment. I was like you. Even though I hate seeing him suffer I wasn't really ready to let go. To be honest I still don't feel ready. It has been four weeks since David's passing and I wish I could say it is getting better. I pray your husband pulls out of this, and stays with you for many more years, but I also pray for mercy for your husband and your family. It is hard to watch someone you love as much as yourself suffer. Feel free to contact me. I will pm you my cell number. Call me if you just need someone to hear you. Vivian
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