My Heart Is Breaking

wolfen
wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member

My daughter & son-in-law arrived about 8 this morning. We met with the Pulmonologist & the Pallative Care team. The chances for my husband's recovery are slim to none. Too many systems are failing at once. If he is to stay on the ventilator, he will eventually have a trach & live in a nursing facility, which I know he would not want. If the ventilator is removed, we will bring him home, Hospice will keep him comfortable, but his heart will give out, even with the pacemaker. And of course, there's the 24 hr. dialysis machine.

Although he can't communicate, he understands he can't breathe on his own & shakes his head no to removing the ventilator. He is still fighting & we asked the doctors to give him more time to at least try & recover. He understands some of what's happening and was so pleased to see our daughter, although I'm not sure he understands why she has come. His tube became blocked with phlegm tonight & just for a few seconds, he couldn't breathe(the nurse cleared it right away) & the look of sheer panic in his eyes was almost more than I could bear.

As I do for all of us, I am still hoping for that miracle. In my mind, I see the end, but my heart won't accept it. I've been with him for 41 years & part of me is dying. If this decision should fall to me, I just can't make it yet. Nor can I stand to see him suffering. He wants to know when he is going home & we promised him, no matter what, we would take him home.

I was so glad to see my daughter. I have not seen her in 4 years. As ill as she is, she made the trip to be with us. This is so very hard on her. My son is trying to be brave for all of us, but inside he's just a little boy watching his dad die.

Must get some sleep now.

Love to all of you.

Wolfen(Karen)

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Comments

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    You

    Karen, my heart is breaking for you and your family.  I really don't know the words to say other than my thoughts and prayers coming your way. 

    Sharon

  • NoDuck
    NoDuck Member Posts: 134
    Prayers

    Prayers for strength for you and your family.

    Deb

  • yensid683
    yensid683 Member Posts: 349
    Hoping for the best

    for all of you

    It is never easy to deal with these challenges, I know that it is devastatingly hard on all of you.  Know that we have all of you in our thoughts and prayers, that God gives you all the strength to deal with all that has happened and all that will be coming.

    I pray that God eases your husband's pain, that his loving arms envelope you and your children and provide you comfort in such a difficult time.

  • donfoo
    donfoo Member Posts: 1,773 Member

    Oh Wolfen,

    I feel the sorrow and pain so much for you. It is great your family is now together and can experience these really difficult times together. Although this is a horrible time for you all, it seems like there is time to communicate openly with each other and come to some understanding on how to proceed forward. It is excellent your husband can communicate his wishes, you need to be able to understand and translate them for him. God Bless you all. don

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    Thoughts Prayers Miracles...

    My heart breaks with news as this also...

    Miracles do happen, praying for one now...

    Share the time you have, hold each other and love each other...

    Thoughts, prayers and miracles...

    John

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    Karen, 
    so happy your family

    Karen, 

    so happy your family is gathered to drawl strength from each other during this time of struggle, Jesus please bring the miracle of healing to this this suffering man, his family is gathered to pray in unity to you father for a healing of their beloved father,husband, and friend.  Lord you have said whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name there I shall be, wrap this fAmily in Your loving arms and bring them peace and comfort knowing that it is You calling the shots and no one else, if it should be the time you want your see ant home You will take him by the hand NAND walk with him if it is time for you to heal him you need only whisper it in the air and your Will will be done.  Lord you are a merciful and loving God and we thank you for what ever path you have chosen for you son,  in Jesus' name we ask.  Amen

     

    love you Karen and hubby,

     

    rachel

  • Patti1967
    Patti1967 Member Posts: 186

    Karen, 
    so happy your family

    Karen, 

    so happy your family is gathered to drawl strength from each other during this time of struggle, Jesus please bring the miracle of healing to this this suffering man, his family is gathered to pray in unity to you father for a healing of their beloved father,husband, and friend.  Lord you have said whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name there I shall be, wrap this fAmily in Your loving arms and bring them peace and comfort knowing that it is You calling the shots and no one else, if it should be the time you want your see ant home You will take him by the hand NAND walk with him if it is time for you to heal him you need only whisper it in the air and your Will will be done.  Lord you are a merciful and loving God and we thank you for what ever path you have chosen for you son,  in Jesus' name we ask.  Amen

     

    love you Karen and hubby,

     

    rachel

    So very sorry Karen, prayers

    So very sorry Karen, prayers to you all.....

    Patti

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    Dang! :(

    Oh Wolfen,

    Definitely news I didn't want to see. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family. May you find the inner strength you need to face the challenges ahead. 


    "T"

  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,034 Member
    Thinking of You

    I'm sending my Thoughts and Prayers to you, and your entire family.

    If you happen to get a warm flash doing the day, it is us giving you a HUG....

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    Praying for strength and

    Praying for strength and healing for your family. May all of you feel God's presence in that space.

    Debbie

  • HobbsDoggy
    HobbsDoggy Member Posts: 276
    Our Hearts are Also Breaking

    I can only tell you that I wish your husband, you and your family peace.  I cannot think of the right words to help, but do again offer my wish for peace for all.

  • Billie67
    Billie67 Member Posts: 898

    Our Hearts are Also Breaking

    I can only tell you that I wish your husband, you and your family peace.  I cannot think of the right words to help, but do again offer my wish for peace for all.

    Karen
    I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Like you, I am continuing to pray for a miracle. I'm also praying for peace and for your husband to be pain free so he can relax. I will continue to pray....
    Billie
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
    just words

    Wolfen,

    Oh if only there were more than just words.  Family united is a wonderful thing.  And yes mircles do happpen, I have seen them with my Mother's fight.  You are such a loving wife, you're man has been blessed to have you fighting by his side.  Listen to what he wants, and do your best to make it happen if you can.  Oh Karen, know we are here.....even just cyber friends....but we are sending any and all positives to help hold you all up right now.  Luv sent,  Katie

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    Karen....my heart hurts

    for you and your kids....I am so grateful that they are there with you, tho.  It is true that as children, no matter our age, inside we are still youngsters losing our parent....but we are also grown up, with lives of our own.....our loss is not the same as our mom's.  I remember getting so protective of my mom when my dad was so sick.  I wanted her to lean on me....your son sounds like he may feel some of that, too.    

    You know we will travel this path with you....

    p

  • peggylulu
    peggylulu Member Posts: 375
    Karen

    Your post are bringing sadness to my heart and tears to my eyes . There are no words that will really help you . Just know we are all thinking of you and praying for you and your family to find peace. Please get some rest and take care of yourself .

    Peggy

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    dear karen, my heart is

    dear karen, my heart is breaking 4 u.  i'm glad your whole family is together and you have someone to lean on.  i will continue to pray for you and your family. 

    God bless you,

    dj

  • Sunshine60
    Sunshine60 Member Posts: 81
    Prayers

    So very sorry Wolfen for you and your family; I hope things go smoothly and you can get him home where he wants to be.   Sending angels your way....

  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546

    Prayers

    So very sorry Wolfen for you and your family; I hope things go smoothly and you can get him home where he wants to be.   Sending angels your way....

    Thinking of you

    Karen I think of you several times a day.  Your situation seems so familiar.  For me I was luck David made the decision for hospice and to decline treatment.  I was like you.  Even though I hate seeing him suffer I wasn't really ready to let go.  To be honest I still don't feel ready.  It has been four weeks since David's passing and I wish I could say it is getting better.  I pray your husband pulls out of this, and stays with you for many more years, but I also pray for mercy for your husband and your family.  It is hard to watch someone you love as much as yourself suffer.  Feel free to contact me.  I will pm you my cell number.  Call me if you just need someone to hear you.  Vivian

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    prayers and hope

    Karen,

    I am sorry for this difficult time and these difficult decisions. Prayer, hope and family will help each of you.  I am still praying for a miracle.

    Matt

  • Pumakitty
    Pumakitty Member Posts: 652
    Breaks my heart

    Karen,

     

    My heart is breaking so much for you.  I am so sorry you are faced with these horrible things.  You remind me of my mom and how she feels about my father.  Please know I am praying for both of you and all of your family.

     

    Kathy