Depression

Machir said:

Thanks

Hi Emily,

I've read your message stream and all I can say is 'I know you have found ways to make your mom feel better along with your entire family'.  How do I know that?  Because you radiate love.  You have helped me just reading your replies.  I know you have helped your mom....no doubt about it.  You taking the time to reply back to all these post means a lot to many people.  It sucks what your family is going through and all you can do is not give in to allowing it to take one ounce more from you than it has to.  There's a bit of irony to reading your message stream because I've never been to this site before today but with a scan coming up at the end of this week for my relapsed follicular NHL I was feeling very nervous this morning. (n.e.v.e.r.o.u.s --- hmmmm....is that how you spell scared?)  Is it depression.  As I've read in many other post in this string there has to be some of that in dealing with this.  You take it a day at a time.  Sometimes you get knocked in the head.  Many other times you marvel at how well you are coping or about how amazing someone in your life has been in helping you deal with it.  You are amazing.  Thanks for that.  Prayers to your mom and family.  God bless.  Mac

Thank you so much for your message.  Today is a very difficult day.  Last night her breathing got worse and this morning they put in a breathing tube.  Her infection is taking over.  I'm am very upset and haivng a hard time coping.  Your email brought tears to my eyes.  I'm sorry to hear about your relapse.  I'm sure everything will be okay.  This website gave me hope.  So many people on here did so well with treatment.  Even with a replapse they seem to go back into remission.  My mom's probelm in the end was not the cancer.  Her heart and Kidneys had a hard time with the chemo.  Also, her stays in the hospital with a lowered immune system is what gave her this infection.  Who would think that in 2013 they would not have anitibiotics to treat every infection.  She is 82 years old and has never been sick.  I guess you can say she was lucky.  She had a wondeful life.  Raised my sister and I.  Enjoyed 5 grandchildren.  Who she had an amazing relationship with and is married to my dad 50 years this June (who stays married that long anymore)  I was her first born.  She always took extra good care of me.  I will keep her in my heart always.  She is my best friend and I confide in her about everything.  Please don't be nervous.  I know you will be okay.  Just go for your treatments and be strong.  I will pray for you and your family.  Love, Emily

jimwins said:

Hi Emily

Hi Emily.  I'm so sorry your mom is not doing well right now.  I'm keeping you and many others in my thoughts.  I know this is hard and I agree with what Mac wrote .  Miracles still happen and I'm keeping the faith. 

Hugs - Jim

Thank you.  I'm so tired and worn.  Either way, I just want her to rest.  Maybe it's time.

Machir said:

Peacefulness

Emily with this being my first day on this site I don't know all the etiquette so I hope this post isn't off acceptable topic bounds.  I have first hand experience when my dad died of lung cancer 27 years ago.  He lived months longer than they thought he would trying to hang on until the birth of my wife and my first baby.  I'm not going to go into details but the thing I want to share is that at some point it is time.  If you know in your heart it's time it is OK to say so. Your mom will likely know.  My dad held on longer than I'm guessing he wanted to and waited for us to share that we were OK with it being time for him.  It's hard.  I'm so sorry if that is the case for you and yours.  I feel like I'm on thin ice even broaching the subject but the reality is the day will come for all of us.  You have been courageous.  As has your mom and your family.  I hope it's not time but if it is don't beat yourself up for recognizing it.  Prayers and love to all of you.

Yes you are right it's time.  We can't stand to see her suffer anymore. She was a very active women. Always out and about and cooking like crazy (Italian). She would not want this. If the antibiotics don't work then we have to remove the tube. Pray for us. Emily

illead said:

no words

I'm sorry, I just hate that you are going thru this and that it is seemingly ending in your worst nightmare.  I know you are very brave to face reality and it is very difficult.   Please just know that I totally support your family's and mother's decisions or needs and I know that it is in her best interests.  You have been stalwart in your love and care for your dear mother and so has all of your family.  Mine and Bill's love and prayers continue with you.  Bill and Becky

You are such a wonderful person Becky.  Words cannot express how greatful I am that you have taken the time to talk to me about Bind/Rixt when my mom was given it.  Your experience with Bill has helped me so much and helped get me through the last few months.  Of course I had such great hope that we could get through this and maybe have more time.  I think if it wasn't for all of the other compications, we would have.  I have learned that you need to be up and around when you are geting chemo.  Something my mom as not been able to do.  Having the Catheter was key to her getting infection.  Although she is still on very strong antibiotics, it will probably give her kidney failulre.  We should know in a few days.  Also, the anitibotics probably will not work.  This infection is drug resisant.  Anyway. thank you for always being there.  You are Bill are such wonderful caring people.  I am truly blessed to have met you.  Love, Emily

allmost60 said:

Praying...

My prayers are with you and your mom Emily. I'm so very sorry she has had such a hard time. God bless you all sweetie. Love...Sue

You are so sweet.  Your prayers mean the world to me and my family at this difficult time.  She is resting and receiving very strong antibiotics.  However, the infection is drug resisent and the antibiotics will cause kidney failure.  We can't win. 

Love, Emily