Depression

Hi Emily.  I agree with what John and Liz has posted.  Depression comes with this in many forms and it can be overwhelming at times.  I think as long as it is not extremely prolonged and debilitating it falls within "normal" and we have to process  and work through it.  From what you have said in the past, your mom is accustomed to being healthy, active and free.  Much of that has been taken away from her (temporarily) during this ordeal.  I know from my own hospitalizations (ICU in the beginning, surgery, and treatments), I felt very confined.

Especially while I was in ICU, before the surgery to stop the bleeding, I was a mess.  I felt very much like an infant having to depend on staff to take care of my every need.  I can't tell you how many bed pans I went through in a day and how embarassing it was to not have control over it.  I think all that was keeping me alive at the time were IV's and blood infusions.  I remember being overjoyed when I was able to finally give myself a shower, eat a real meal and get out and walk around  and then to finally come home.  I can't say enough good about those folks in ICU - they took good care of me and never made me feel like a burden though I know I was.

Sorry for the short story, it just came out of me .  Now for some possible ideas.  All of these are within the realm of what she is able to do, will not worsen her condition or cause injury.

1. Let her do as much as she can for herself or others.  2.  If possible, get her out of the room and into some new surroundings even if she's in a wheelchair - outside with some sun would be nice if possible.  3. Share funny stores or memories - we know how healing laughter is.  4. Tell her you're really looking forward to her cooking one of her signature meals/dishes - maybe get her to share the recipe and how to prepare?  5. If there are grand or great grandchildren, visits from them are always nice.  6.  Anything that makes her feel a little more in control.  7. Bring anythng from home that is permissible that would make surroundings feel a little more like home?  

Not that I'm suggesting this but during my treatments, I often got out and walked around with my buddy "IVan Pole" .  I'd see patients much worse off than me.  Sometimes I'd stop and chat briefly and share stories about our situtations.  I distinctly remember a young hispanic woman, mostly bald standing with her metallic buddy at the nurses station asking "Where do you get this energy?". I smiled and winked and said "prednisone and I don't want the shots in the hip to prevent blood clots." and she laughed and smiled knowingly.  I felt very lucky that I was able to get out and about and it made the "depression monster" leave me alone for awhile. - that and several episodes of "I Love Lucy" at 5:00am .

These are just some maybe not so helpful thoughts.  I hope she feels better soon, Emily. and you're a great daughter .

Hugs - Jim

epicc said:

Hi. Nancy

Yes. I fact she started some bed exercises for her legs. She is very strong. And as of yesterday she is up in the chair. We are hopin g she will come home this week. I know that will help. My only concern is that her condition changes so rapidly. I am exhausted!! I spend all of my time here when I'm not working. I need to start taking better care of myself. This has been a difficult last few months. Lets hope it starts getting better. Thank you for your concern.  Love Emily

Hi again Emily:

Things sound a bit better than in your first note.   Leg exercise, that is good; it is so important.  She's in a chair.  Good signs.  Hope she can go home this week.  Not much that is uplifting about a hospital atmosphere.

There is nothing more exhausting than visiting in a hospital, coupled with terrible worry.   And you are working!  You must be exhausted.  Hope you have some help with visiting so you can get some rest.

Nancy

epicc said:

I do get help

Hi Nancy. 

My sister comes in the morning and helps her with breakfast. My dad comes in the afternoon and I come for dinner. We make sure someone is always here. If things are bad I will sleep here.  She is a wonderful mother and an amazing grandmother. She would have never left me.  I have made her my number one priority.  Hope all is well with you Nancy. Love Emily 

Hi Emily,

 I have to tell you that you are a very special daughter. It sounds like your mom has done an excellent job raising her children. I'm so sorry she keeps getting these darn infections while in the hospital. Hospitals are the worst for catching something...seems odd to say because it's the place we expect to get us well and healthy! Please keep us informed, and I'll be saying prayers that your dear mom gets better and comes home. Best wishes my dear....Love, Sue

(FNHL-2-3A-6/10-age62)

epicc said:

I miss you Becky!

Hi Becky. 

It has been another crazy month.  One step forward 3 steps back!  Very very fusrating.  She seems to contract these drug resisant infections.  Although her blood cultures are negative, she has an infection in her urine.  And everytime she is in the hospital, it sets her back.   And yes i do agree.  It is time to start taking care of myself.  I'm heading to the gym tonight before the hospital.  And last Friday, my husband and I attended a fundrasier dinner dance that we always attend once a year.  So, I am trying. As far as a pet.  Her dog died a few years back.  She does love my dog.  When she is home, i bring him over all the time.  It's almost time for chemo again.  Not sure they will give it to her on time.  We will have to see. I also spoke to her about everyone here.  I told her how you and Bill were enjoying yourself in Mexico.  And how sick Bill was at one time.  I wanted her to know that this cancer can go into remission. 

Hope you and Bill are having a great time.  Miss you, love you, Emily

 

 

It's good that you share with your mom about all of us.  She needs to know that she has tons more rooting for her.  Wish we could do something more.  I am glad you are getting a little diversion and that are better days ahead.  We went whale watching today and hit the jackpot! Babies, Moms, and dads playing.  Lots of tails and fins.  Will send pics soon.  Take care as always, Becky

epicc said:

Wow Becky

Becky that is amazing.  Love whales! Very cool.  Please send pictures.  Sounds like you are having a great time! 

My mom is becoming difficult with her eating.  Could be the extended hospital stay.  She has had enough.  Her oncologist came in today.  She is coming home as soon as we have the aid at our house gain.  should be in the next 24 to 48 hours.  Also,  they have to wait a little more before her next treatment.  A week or two.  She is still weak and they don't want it to kill her.

They also said for the first time, that her cancer is in gross remission. Do you know what this means?  Enjoy! Have a margarita for me.  God knows I need 1 (or 2)..LOL

Love, Emily

 

 

 

     I really think that once your mom gets home she is going to do better.  I have a feeling it is not the cancer but all the other things and if she can just steer clear of the hospital and start getting comfortable with her circumstances at home, she will do so much better.  It will make everyone more relaxed and feel more normal.  But, what do I know?  I'm not a doctor and I don't know everything that is going on, it's just my thoughts.   About "gross", please someone else correct me if I am wrong, but Bill had that same thing in his doctor's notes, it was pertaining to something else not as important and we got a big laugh out of it, and after checking it out, it actually meant to the extreme in a good way.  So I am thinking that is good news.  Please don't get your hopes up, you need to ask, but it may be good news.  Boy do I hope so.  Your post sounds more hopeful than it has in awhile.    We own our condo here in Cabo San Lucas (I know, play the violins), so there is tons to do ie pruning trees, cleaning, dealing with other homeowners blah blah blah and I am not computer savvy so when Bill and I get a minute to figure this out I will post some pics and y'all will see what 43 yrs. of wedded bliss has done  One thing though, when you see something like those beautiful whales how can anyone say there isn't a grand creator?  Give your mom a big kiss from me.

Love you,  Becky

epicc said:

Very Nice Becky

Hi Becky,

Very nice!!!! A condo is a great way to go.  That way you can stay as long as you like.  My husband and I purchased a time share three years ago in Aruba.  But it's only a 1 week.  We go every week 31.  It's a 2 bedroom sleeps 6.  We go with our children (all together 4)  We have a great time.  We booked our flights for this year, but not sure I will actually get to go with the circumstances. The onclogist seemed very pleased with the "gross remission".  He said it was a first since she started treatment.  However, I'm not getting excited.  This has been the worst rollercoaster ride I have ever been on.  I agree with getting her home.  She will be so much better there.  I just wish she could stay infection free.  That is the problem with her age.  Very difficult.  One day at a time.  What will be will be. 

Can't wait for you to post pictures!  Thanks for keeping in touch.  Love, Emily

 

When Bill had his chemo, his blood count was so low that his doctor was also afraid it would kill him, so she ordered a half dose and thereafter 3/4 dose.  Later on in his treatment when his blood counts were normal and he was doing so well we asked why he didn't up it to the full dose (new doc BTW), he said why rock the boat.  So in other words, the dosage is not rocket science and it is a guessing game.  I am wondering if they could lower your mom's dosage in order to give it to her in a more timely fashion, just a thought.  I sure hope you all make it to Aruba and that you will be emailing your mom of your fun time.  Love, Becky