Just feeling sad...

wawaju04976
wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
in Colorectal Cancer #1
Feeling a bit low today. I can't help but think about how in past years, I was out hustling and bustling for those last minute things for the kids. Amazing how life changes in the blink of an eye.
Judy
«1

Comments

  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    #2
    try not to feel sad
    Life changes but we are still here! Make the best of today :-)
    I hope to be released from the hospital tomorrow and have been walking the floor and have no pain.
    Still have big liver issue to resolve but that's how this nasty cancer performs.
    Going to try and wrap presents when I do get home.
    Do what you can!
    Barb
  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #3
    barbebarb said:

    try not to feel sad
    Life changes but we are still here! Make the best of today :-)
    I hope to be released from the hospital tomorrow and have been walking the floor and have no pain.
    Still have big liver issue to resolve but that's how this nasty cancer performs.
    Going to try and wrap presents when I do get home.
    Do what you can!
    Barb

    Thanks, Barb. I need to look
    Thanks, Barb. I need to look at it in a different perspective!

    Judy
  • Vickilg
    Vickilg Member Posts: 281 Member
    #4
    wawaju04976 said:

    Thanks, Barb. I need to look
    Thanks, Barb. I need to look at it in a different perspective!

    Judy

    I'm a bit sad too...
    Hi Judy... Just so you know, you are not alone. I am making the most of the holiday but didn't do everything I normally do. Trying to focus on the fact that I'm here to celebrate another Christmas and trying not think about my CEA test and chemo on 12/26. Enjoy these moments. Make memories!
  • JayhawkDan
    JayhawkDan Member Posts: 205
    #5
    Vickilg said:

    I'm a bit sad too...
    Hi Judy... Just so you know, you are not alone. I am making the most of the holiday but didn't do everything I normally do. Trying to focus on the fact that I'm here to celebrate another Christmas and trying not think about my CEA test and chemo on 12/26. Enjoy these moments. Make memories!

    Ditto.
    This is my first Christmas since dx, and trying not to dwell on the "do I have many -- or any -- more of these." It's hard not to because that's the reality. I try and gain strength from all the "longtermers" on here. But I do tear up easily...

    Hugs,
    Dan
  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #6
    Vickilg said:

    I'm a bit sad too...
    Hi Judy... Just so you know, you are not alone. I am making the most of the holiday but didn't do everything I normally do. Trying to focus on the fact that I'm here to celebrate another Christmas and trying not think about my CEA test and chemo on 12/26. Enjoy these moments. Make memories!

    Thank you!
    Thank you!
  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    #7
    Same here...having a hard
    Same here...having a hard time getting on the spirit when we've had so much bad news since August. I just told my husband we should have a good riddance 2012 party next weekend. Hoping 2013 is a better year for us all. Hang in there and try to enjoy Christmas!
  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    #8
    JayhawkDan said:

    Ditto.
    This is my first Christmas since dx, and trying not to dwell on the "do I have many -- or any -- more of these." It's hard not to because that's the reality. I try and gain strength from all the "longtermers" on here. But I do tear up easily...

    Hugs,
    Dan

    Dan
    I was not supposed to see Christmas 2010, this is my THIRD Christmas since dx. Keep looking forward to them, and enjoy them!!!
    Winter Marie
  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #9
    herdizziness said:

    Dan
    I was not supposed to see Christmas 2010, this is my THIRD Christmas since dx. Keep looking forward to them, and enjoy them!!!
    Winter Marie

    I'm so happy you're seeing
    I'm so happy you're seeing more of them!!! Thank you for the uplift.

    Judy
  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #10
    JayhawkDan said:

    Ditto.
    This is my first Christmas since dx, and trying not to dwell on the "do I have many -- or any -- more of these." It's hard not to because that's the reality. I try and gain strength from all the "longtermers" on here. But I do tear up easily...

    Hugs,
    Dan

    I, too, tear up easily these
    I, too, tear up easily these days...
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #11
    wawaju04976 said:

    I'm so happy you're seeing
    I'm so happy you're seeing more of them!!! Thank you for the uplift.

    Judy

    hard
    it is hard Judy....the holidays seems to exaggerate our differentness....so to speak.....why can't we be like we used to be? who asked for this pile of shi-? not one of us...

    old timer here......given 6 months.....and I have stolen 4 years.....7 since diagnosis. i remember the first year thinking.....just let me get to Christmas.....just let me see another Christmas....

    perfectly understandable you should get the blues......

    all the very best......

    mags
  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169 Member
    #12
    Feeling sad too. Don't know
    Feeling sad too. Don't know why. Should be grateful. Last year at this time I hated 2011. Terrible year. Very hopeful about 2012 and the HIPEC surgery. That turned out to be a disappointment. I know our situation could be much worse. Right now I feel scared about what 2013 may hold in store for us. Should feel more positive. Just have no idea what to expect from 2013. Can't get over how quickly the time goes by. I've never been good at just enjoying the moment. Steve is having a great time. Enjoying our nieces and spending time with family. For that, I am very very grateful.

    Chelsea
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #13
    maglets said:

    hard
    it is hard Judy....the holidays seems to exaggerate our differentness....so to speak.....why can't we be like we used to be? who asked for this pile of shi-? not one of us...

    old timer here......given 6 months.....and I have stolen 4 years.....7 since diagnosis. i remember the first year thinking.....just let me get to Christmas.....just let me see another Christmas....

    perfectly understandable you should get the blues......

    all the very best......

    mags

    I'm not sad...I'm upset
    Well, as my subject says, I'm not sad, but I am upset. Upset because I hate Christmas! I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why do I still hope that one day the door will open and my Mom will walk in and we'll continue from where she left? Why she is not here? Why? I only have this one single question that I never ever seem to get the answer for....simply just why? Why this happened....why her...why at that time....why, why and why???? When is she going to come back?! I understand that she needs to rest a little to get through all the pain and sufferings that she had, but come on! It's been three years now....she really needs to come back now....or maybe I'm being very impatient? Okay, okay, I'll wait.....I just miss her so much sometimes......
  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #14
    maglets said:

    hard
    it is hard Judy....the holidays seems to exaggerate our differentness....so to speak.....why can't we be like we used to be? who asked for this pile of shi-? not one of us...

    old timer here......given 6 months.....and I have stolen 4 years.....7 since diagnosis. i remember the first year thinking.....just let me get to Christmas.....just let me see another Christmas....

    perfectly understandable you should get the blues......

    all the very best......

    mags

    Thank you so much...
    Thank you so much...
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #15
    herdizziness said:

    Dan
    I was not supposed to see Christmas 2010, this is my THIRD Christmas since dx. Keep looking forward to them, and enjoy them!!!
    Winter Marie

    Me Either WM...the Year was 2007...as you know:)

    "Highly Unlikely" was the prognosis THEN...

    Tomorrow marks the five year mark past that consultation:)

    It's "highly unlikely" that I'm going anywhere but forward:)

    Smile

     

  • Antpopoola
    Antpopoola Member Posts: 10
    #16
    Chelsea71 said:

    Feeling sad too. Don't know
    Feeling sad too. Don't know why. Should be grateful. Last year at this time I hated 2011. Terrible year. Very hopeful about 2012 and the HIPEC surgery. That turned out to be a disappointment. I know our situation could be much worse. Right now I feel scared about what 2013 may hold in store for us. Should feel more positive. Just have no idea what to expect from 2013. Can't get over how quickly the time goes by. I've never been good at just enjoying the moment. Steve is having a great time. Enjoying our nieces and spending time with family. For that, I am very very grateful.

    Chelsea

    SORRY YOU ARE FEELING SAD

    I know it's a scarry thing to be diagnosed with cancer.  But please try and focus on the blessings we have today.  We are alive and that gives us hope.  And we have families and friends that care.  None of us by worrying can change the future.  We must pray each day to be positive and enjoy the moment.  Hope your day gets better!  Lots of love to you.

     

  • Antpopoola
    Antpopoola Member Posts: 10
    #17
    sharpy102 said:

    I'm not sad...I'm upset
    Well, as my subject says, I'm not sad, but I am upset. Upset because I hate Christmas! I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why do I still hope that one day the door will open and my Mom will walk in and we'll continue from where she left? Why she is not here? Why? I only have this one single question that I never ever seem to get the answer for....simply just why? Why this happened....why her...why at that time....why, why and why???? When is she going to come back?! I understand that she needs to rest a little to get through all the pain and sufferings that she had, but come on! It's been three years now....she really needs to come back now....or maybe I'm being very impatient? Okay, okay, I'll wait.....I just miss her so much sometimes......

    Why mom is not here

    Losing someone you love can be one of the most devasting thing we will ever experience.  Being upset is quite appropriate.  We all asked the question WHY!  We get many answers from well meaning people, but still not to our satisfaction.  The pain still remains.  I would like to have the opportunity to answer your question WHY?  Feel free to email me at Antpopoola@gmail.com.  You are in my prayers that you may be granted comfort.

  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316 Member
    #18
    Sundanceh said:

    Me Either WM...the Year was 2007...as you know:)

    "Highly Unlikely" was the prognosis THEN...

    Tomorrow marks the five year mark past that consultation:)

    It's "highly unlikely" that I'm going anywhere but forward:)

    Smile

     

    Thank you!!!

    Thank you!!!

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215 Member
    #19
    sharpy102 said:

    I'm not sad...I'm upset
    Well, as my subject says, I'm not sad, but I am upset. Upset because I hate Christmas! I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why do I still hope that one day the door will open and my Mom will walk in and we'll continue from where she left? Why she is not here? Why? I only have this one single question that I never ever seem to get the answer for....simply just why? Why this happened....why her...why at that time....why, why and why???? When is she going to come back?! I understand that she needs to rest a little to get through all the pain and sufferings that she had, but come on! It's been three years now....she really needs to come back now....or maybe I'm being very impatient? Okay, okay, I'll wait.....I just miss her so much sometimes......

    You need to stop asking why
    You need to stop asking why and move on with your life. I watched my first wife drink herself to death 13 years ago. I lost my mother 2 weeks after i was diagnosed with cancer. In my opinion is they both suffered and were relieved from thier suffering. Life is too short to waste on asking "why". We will never get those answers in our lifetime on earth so why waste your time and energy when life can be so short. I could waste my time asking why i. Have had to battle cancer 3 times but i could also ask why i am still here.
  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    #20
    sharpy102 said:

    I'm not sad...I'm upset
    Well, as my subject says, I'm not sad, but I am upset. Upset because I hate Christmas! I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why do I still hope that one day the door will open and my Mom will walk in and we'll continue from where she left? Why she is not here? Why? I only have this one single question that I never ever seem to get the answer for....simply just why? Why this happened....why her...why at that time....why, why and why???? When is she going to come back?! I understand that she needs to rest a little to get through all the pain and sufferings that she had, but come on! It's been three years now....she really needs to come back now....or maybe I'm being very impatient? Okay, okay, I'll wait.....I just miss her so much sometimes......

    Sorry sharpy. I imagine this
    Sorry sharpy. I imagine this is a difficult time of year for you. No one should have to grow up without their mom. I'm sure your mom would want the best for you and would want you to enjoy life. Remember she is always with you.
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #21
    thank you all

    Thank you all for your kind words....and you guys are right...and my brain knows that too. I know this was the best for her, but my heart wishes she was still around. It just feels so unfair...some people lose their parents when they are in their late 30s, ,or even more, in their 40s. When it is Christmas it makes me so sad. I have not had Crhistmas since she left. No more family dinners together, no more trips with my parents here and there, no more playings with my brother. It just annoys me and makes me so sad realizing that I will never have these ever again. I want to play with my brother, I want share the chocolate we get, I want to run up to Mom and tell her about school, I want her to cook a yummy dinner where we sit down at the kitchen table, Dad is at the end of the table like as he used to joke "because he is the master of the house" then my brother, Mom and I. And we would be eating, chit-chatting while the house is nice and warm. Have that Christmas tree in our living room as it used to, being all excited who is getting what. Parents telling us where we might go over the winter holidlay, or at summer. And yes, you guys are right, I should just move on with my life. But it is so hard to move on when I see the other kids running to their parents after school to be picked up, coming back to school in January seeing the others showing what they've got for Christmas, or telling where they went over the holidays....I'm sorry for my earlier whining I will not do that....and I'll try to move on with my life.

    Take care everybody and Happy Holidays!

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