New to Kidney Cancer - dealing with new emotions

Some tips
I am a Stage 4 RCC (clear cell) guy, age 61. I am also working at several jobs, and I am the only person in my whole place of work who can do 40 pushups; and I have mets in my lungs! I also agree that the emotional side is the toughest part of coping.

Here are some thoughts.

The first few weeks after discovering the problem are the toughest. Trust me, it then gets easier. The scariest part is the word "cancer." Then after a few weeks, you realize it is just a word. And you realize that there is life after contracting cancer.

Some tips:

As soon as you can, return to work or some other form of occupation and fill your time. Staring at the walls makes the disease a hundred times worse. Staying busy also takes your attention away from any physical discomforts you have.

Exercise, mildly. Keep your muscle tone good. Fitness not only improves your mood but may make your body better capable of coping.

I find it comforting to have my "affairs," including "financial affairs," in order. Then I have one less set of issues to worry about and can concentrate on other things. Do it NOT because you expect to drop dead any time soon but to feel more confident that this set of issues is under control and your dependents are cared for. Then get on with better things!

Cancer sucks, but there are so many other worse things in the world. I take comfort in remembering that I prefer cancer a hundred times over anything bad happening to my children. Maybe it is just me, but I find that remembering how many worse things there can be in life is strangely comforting. Consider helping out someone in worse condition or worse circumstances than youself! Trust me, there is no shortage.

Laugh. Joke. Especially about cancer. Laughter releases good hormones and helps you keep perspective. Watch funny movies.

Spill your guts, if not to friends or family then to your internet pen pals.

If you are so of a mind, pray. Converse with the Big Fella upstairs. It has been proven scientifically that it does not hurt.

Do things you get pleasure from doing, including all those things you never found time to do. Take banjo lessons, read all the plays of Shakespeare, learn line dancing, re-watch your favorite TV show from the 60s, take up pottery. How about that trip to Paris you always planned? Spend a few days and contemplate seriously what gives you pleasure, what you like doing, and then do those things.

If you sit around depressed and moping, you are letting the disease defeat you and you are losing part of the life you have been granted. Life for everyone is over all too soon so why waste the time one has on moping?

Remember that the science and technology are improving so rapidly that every week there are new developments and treatments and technology. You just need one of these to be right for you!

Start to write out your memories and memoirs. Write down anecdotes from your life, especially funny ones.

Take naps during the day.

I once saw an interview with "Mister T," you know - the giant boxer actor who played the character "BA" on the A Team show. He was describing his own battle with cancer (I think lymphoma). Watching that had an incredible effect on me. I sat there and said, Hey if this disease can even afflict Mister T, and he is battling it, then who the hell am I to give up??!!

Consider all the people who died during their teens, twenties and thirties and then consider the fact that you have been granted a long valuable life that is not over yet, one far exceeding what so many others were allowed by providence to enjoy. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for them and celebrate the fact that you have out-lasted them. (I am not suggesting Schadenfreude but genuine gratitude.) Make a list of world famous people who did not last as long as you already have!


Hope some of that helps!

garym said:

WOW!!
Hi Eliezer,

What a great attitude you have developed and shared, I am an instant fan. I too am 61, nearly 3 yrs post op and NED since, I whole heartedly agree with all you have said adding only that where cancer is concerned, "ATTACK WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE." May I ask what treatment options you are considering or undergoing for the lung mets? I would also like to suggest that you check into Gerald White's MAARS program as I believe it would suit you well. Your insight and approach would also be beneficial to the many newbies that show up here dazed by the whole "You have cancer" process so don't be afraid to hang around and share. Welcome to the club!

Rock on,

Gary

Not so sure
.....I don't know, Gary. Eliezer2 didn't say he rides a motorcycle....Do you think we can trust him?....Great attitude Eliezer2. You'll fit right in on this forum. Keep posting.
Fox.

Eliezer2 said:

Some tips
I am a Stage 4 RCC (clear cell) guy, age 61. I am also working at several jobs, and I am the only person in my whole place of work who can do 40 pushups; and I have mets in my lungs! I also agree that the emotional side is the toughest part of coping.

Here are some thoughts.

The first few weeks after discovering the problem are the toughest. Trust me, it then gets easier. The scariest part is the word "cancer." Then after a few weeks, you realize it is just a word. And you realize that there is life after contracting cancer.

Some tips:

As soon as you can, return to work or some other form of occupation and fill your time. Staring at the walls makes the disease a hundred times worse. Staying busy also takes your attention away from any physical discomforts you have.

Exercise, mildly. Keep your muscle tone good. Fitness not only improves your mood but may make your body better capable of coping.

I find it comforting to have my "affairs," including "financial affairs," in order. Then I have one less set of issues to worry about and can concentrate on other things. Do it NOT because you expect to drop dead any time soon but to feel more confident that this set of issues is under control and your dependents are cared for. Then get on with better things!

Cancer sucks, but there are so many other worse things in the world. I take comfort in remembering that I prefer cancer a hundred times over anything bad happening to my children. Maybe it is just me, but I find that remembering how many worse things there can be in life is strangely comforting. Consider helping out someone in worse condition or worse circumstances than youself! Trust me, there is no shortage.

Laugh. Joke. Especially about cancer. Laughter releases good hormones and helps you keep perspective. Watch funny movies.

Spill your guts, if not to friends or family then to your internet pen pals.

If you are so of a mind, pray. Converse with the Big Fella upstairs. It has been proven scientifically that it does not hurt.

Do things you get pleasure from doing, including all those things you never found time to do. Take banjo lessons, read all the plays of Shakespeare, learn line dancing, re-watch your favorite TV show from the 60s, take up pottery. How about that trip to Paris you always planned? Spend a few days and contemplate seriously what gives you pleasure, what you like doing, and then do those things.

If you sit around depressed and moping, you are letting the disease defeat you and you are losing part of the life you have been granted. Life for everyone is over all too soon so why waste the time one has on moping?

Remember that the science and technology are improving so rapidly that every week there are new developments and treatments and technology. You just need one of these to be right for you!

Start to write out your memories and memoirs. Write down anecdotes from your life, especially funny ones.

Take naps during the day.

I once saw an interview with "Mister T," you know - the giant boxer actor who played the character "BA" on the A Team show. He was describing his own battle with cancer (I think lymphoma). Watching that had an incredible effect on me. I sat there and said, Hey if this disease can even afflict Mister T, and he is battling it, then who the hell am I to give up??!!

Consider all the people who died during their teens, twenties and thirties and then consider the fact that you have been granted a long valuable life that is not over yet, one far exceeding what so many others were allowed by providence to enjoy. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for them and celebrate the fact that you have out-lasted them. (I am not suggesting Schadenfreude but genuine gratitude.) Make a list of world famous people who did not last as long as you already have!


Hope some of that helps!

Tips
Nice list! Let me ditto Gary's and Fox's comments/questions and welcome. We can never have too much optimism here and you sound like a strong dose. Glad you found us!

Eliezer2 said:

Treatments
Alas, no motorcycle. Got some great bathtub toys though!

I am on 50mg of Sutent, for about 16 months. Seems to be keeping the nasties in my lungs stable, at least for now. Lots and lots of side effects, as I assume you know about if you have chatted with Sutent takers.

Got too many things to concern myself with to sit around and worry what the future holds.

By the way, I think it is the duty of all cancer patients to make their doctors and the treatment staff laugh. Whenever I get an ECG, I always ask the (invariably young women) technicians if the machine can show if I am in love. It always seems to get them to laugh!

Treatments
[With your name, you're bound to be a great source of help here!]

In your post above, you said:

"I think it is the duty of all cancer patients to make their doctors and the treatment staff laugh."

Unfortunately we don't always pull it off. After a second op for a recurrence, back in March, I posted this:

"I was last on the list yesterday. I managed to be absolutely deadpan when two nurses asked me how it was going after my op and I said "can you tell me when my op is scheduled to take place?" each replied triumphantly that it had already happened! Today one of them remarked how cogent I am today compared with yesterday when I hadn't known my op had already taken place; I had to explain that that had been an attempt at humour on my part!"

The boot was on the other foot at a pre-op session. I remarked that my BP was higher than I expected and the nurse remarked that it might be down to her. Unfortunately I was a bit slow on the uptake and hastily assured her that I was confident she was doing her job properly - only later did I realise how naive I'd been and how ungallant I must have appeared.

A little more successful in raising a smile was when I enjoined a lady member here, who was advocating being one's own advocate, that she didn't need to tell Fox to "stay on top of the nurses".

I hope you'll approve of the thread started by one of our lynchpins here and that you'll add to Gary's "Friday Funnies".

alice124 said:

Tips
Nice list! Let me ditto Gary's and Fox's comments/questions and welcome. We can never have too much optimism here and you sound like a strong dose. Glad you found us!

laughs
Jokes? Us? Talking about surgery, when I had had my embolization of my kidney prior to going in for the removal, I had 2 male OR techs or nurses. My arms are running IV's. Their hands are in gloves and are attempting to remain "clean." I was alert and in considerable pain. They could not give me anything more until I was put out. I am appearing in some distress. One of them introduces himself and says that he would shake my hand but he can't. I told him that was OK. In front of a half dozen people I said to him," Just come over here and give me a kiss." Embarrassed him pretty good. Minutes before what could have been the last minutes of my life, I'm busting some guys balls.

foxhd said:

laughs
Jokes? Us? Talking about surgery, when I had had my embolization of my kidney prior to going in for the removal, I had 2 male OR techs or nurses. My arms are running IV's. Their hands are in gloves and are attempting to remain "clean." I was alert and in considerable pain. They could not give me anything more until I was put out. I am appearing in some distress. One of them introduces himself and says that he would shake my hand but he can't. I told him that was OK. In front of a half dozen people I said to him," Just come over here and give me a kiss." Embarrassed him pretty good. Minutes before what could have been the last minutes of my life, I'm busting some guys balls.

Jokes
When I came out of the anestesia after having my kidney and giblets extracted (by the way, that was 12.5 years ago), with the docs and nurses crowding about my wife runs over with alarm in her face until I say in front of everyone, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

That was when she understood I had pulled through

Eliezer2 said:

Jokes
When I came out of the anestesia after having my kidney and giblets extracted (by the way, that was 12.5 years ago), with the docs and nurses crowding about my wife runs over with alarm in her face until I say in front of everyone, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

That was when she understood I had pulled through

Laughter IS the best medicine...
Five days after surgery when the doc came in with my pathology report and gave my wife and I the good news, she burst into tears. I turned to her calmly and said "Naa, naa, I told you so!", then I turned to the doc and told him she was hoping for bad news, the tension in the room disappeared instantly and we all had a good laugh.

Texas_wedge said:

best medicine
In case you hadn't noticed Eliezer, we specialise in gallows humour here and Gary is a leading exponent.

One more hospital joke
This is not exactly cancer-related but I thought I would introduce y'all to Jewish humor.

A married man wants to "trick" his wife into having relations with him more often. So he recruits his MD friend. He asks his MD to tell his wife that her husband has contracted a rare disease and the only known cure for it is that she has to have relations with him twice a day. Otherwise he will die.

So he then brings his wife in for a consultancy with the MD and the doc takes the wife into the office and relays the "medical" news, that her husband will die if she does not have relations with him twice a day.

She comes out and the husband asks her, "Nu, so what did the doctor tell you?"

She replies, "He says you are going to die."

Eliezer2 said:

Some tips
I am a Stage 4 RCC (clear cell) guy, age 61. I am also working at several jobs, and I am the only person in my whole place of work who can do 40 pushups; and I have mets in my lungs! I also agree that the emotional side is the toughest part of coping.

Here are some thoughts.

The first few weeks after discovering the problem are the toughest. Trust me, it then gets easier. The scariest part is the word "cancer." Then after a few weeks, you realize it is just a word. And you realize that there is life after contracting cancer.

Some tips:

As soon as you can, return to work or some other form of occupation and fill your time. Staring at the walls makes the disease a hundred times worse. Staying busy also takes your attention away from any physical discomforts you have.

Exercise, mildly. Keep your muscle tone good. Fitness not only improves your mood but may make your body better capable of coping.

I find it comforting to have my "affairs," including "financial affairs," in order. Then I have one less set of issues to worry about and can concentrate on other things. Do it NOT because you expect to drop dead any time soon but to feel more confident that this set of issues is under control and your dependents are cared for. Then get on with better things!

Cancer sucks, but there are so many other worse things in the world. I take comfort in remembering that I prefer cancer a hundred times over anything bad happening to my children. Maybe it is just me, but I find that remembering how many worse things there can be in life is strangely comforting. Consider helping out someone in worse condition or worse circumstances than youself! Trust me, there is no shortage.

Laugh. Joke. Especially about cancer. Laughter releases good hormones and helps you keep perspective. Watch funny movies.

Spill your guts, if not to friends or family then to your internet pen pals.

If you are so of a mind, pray. Converse with the Big Fella upstairs. It has been proven scientifically that it does not hurt.

Do things you get pleasure from doing, including all those things you never found time to do. Take banjo lessons, read all the plays of Shakespeare, learn line dancing, re-watch your favorite TV show from the 60s, take up pottery. How about that trip to Paris you always planned? Spend a few days and contemplate seriously what gives you pleasure, what you like doing, and then do those things.

If you sit around depressed and moping, you are letting the disease defeat you and you are losing part of the life you have been granted. Life for everyone is over all too soon so why waste the time one has on moping?

Remember that the science and technology are improving so rapidly that every week there are new developments and treatments and technology. You just need one of these to be right for you!

Start to write out your memories and memoirs. Write down anecdotes from your life, especially funny ones.

Take naps during the day.

I once saw an interview with "Mister T," you know - the giant boxer actor who played the character "BA" on the A Team show. He was describing his own battle with cancer (I think lymphoma). Watching that had an incredible effect on me. I sat there and said, Hey if this disease can even afflict Mister T, and he is battling it, then who the hell am I to give up??!!

Consider all the people who died during their teens, twenties and thirties and then consider the fact that you have been granted a long valuable life that is not over yet, one far exceeding what so many others were allowed by providence to enjoy. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for them and celebrate the fact that you have out-lasted them. (I am not suggesting Schadenfreude but genuine gratitude.) Make a list of world famous people who did not last as long as you already have!


Hope some of that helps!

Welcome
Eliezer2,
I am amazed at the wonderful people I continue to meet/come in contact with because of cancer and this forum. Welcome!
--David

Texas_wedge said:

Nu
A good one but I think you may find a few of us here don't need an introduction to Jewish humour. However, it's the richest vein, so keep 'em coming.

Oy....