Having exchange surgery Monday morning

I started this journey last July at age 44 when I was diagnosed Stage 2, Grade 1, er, pr+, 2 nodes with traces of cancer. I underwent a double skin/nipple sparing mastectomy followed by 5 rounds of taxotere and cytoxan and 33 radiation treatments to my left side. I had some scares along the way that turned out to be nothing (liver cysts, thyroid nodule) but they just reminded me that this beast is always lurking in the shadows.

Monday I am scheduled to get the expanders out and the implants in. I can't wait because I have been walking around with what feels like a tortoise shell under my skin on the left radiated side. I am choosing to remain positive even though I am well informed about the problems with radiated skin and healing, etc. I am not going for perfection-I just want to look normal in clothes and get back to some type of new normal where I am not constantly worrying about the cancer coming back. I'm not sure if I will ever get to that place, but I'm hoping with this final surgery the path will clear for me to take baby steps to get there. I am still nervous about having to undergo another surgery and I guess I fear them finding something else wrong with me while they are poking around.