Antisocial

NoDuck said:

I'm a caregiver to a tonsil
I'm a caregiver to a tonsil cancer patient so all I can tell you is what I've observed in my husband. His first week of treatment he really did not want to talk to anyone. Friends were calling his cell phone to check on him and he woluld just hand it to me. He had chemo, radiation and a PEG tube install all in that first week so I figured he was entitled to be a little antisocial. He got a little better the next couple of weeks and then starting Thursday (which would be the start of this 3rd week) he got antisocial again. He has slept more, his throat is sorer and he is eating and drinking less. We are already close to all food and water thru the tube but he's not awake enough to get in as much as he should. Magic Mouthwash makes him gag so the only throat relief he is getting is what the salt and soda gargle will give him.

I'm not sure it's antisocial or just a tired to the bone that few experience or appreciate unless they are on this bus. I know one thing that wore him out early were all the well-intended that we're calling or coming by to check on him. To be honest, it was wearing me out, too. We appreciated everyone so much but telling the same story over and over was exhausting. A friend pointed me to a website that allowed me to make a private website for him that friends could check periodically. That helped a lot.

What has been tough for me to watch in him is going from the stoic tough as a boot cowboy whose only hospitalizations have been from getting under a horse instead of on its back to a very tired, very sick, vulnerable man. Does he need anti-depressants? I asked. He said he's not depressed, just tired and sick. We are working our way through this and you will too.

I think it is okay to be antisocial because you are tired and sick. And it's okay not to be a trooper and not to keep going at the same pace you were before. Our lives are different right now and there will be plenty of time later to be social. Don't mistake being sick and tired for not having the right attitude about fighting this stuff.

Prayers to you.

Deb

katenorwood said:

anti social no way...
Hello !
This trip we are on plainly stinks ! I am out only 4 mo's treatment (rads) and was pissed at everything...couldn't finish rads or ring the bell. It's ok to feel what your feeling....but if it gets to be too much...get someone to talk to face to face. I'm just beginning to join the human race....it's not easy, and many don't understand. I get irritated at family and friends that think I'm cancer free, it's like really....until you walk in our shoes no one knows (other than our primary caregivers and I thank god every day for my loving husband !) Feel better, and know your not alone in this ! Warmest regards, Katie

CivilMatt said:

be happy
Hi tuffenuff,

You have had a ton of bricks dumped on you, it is normal to want to be left alone to sleep. Sleep was one of my hiding places from this mess (and still is). To this day I struggle with getting my head around what has happened. My emotions are right at the tipping point, all the time. The littlest things around me can be important and important things, I don’t care about.

As you move through treatment it becomes easier to find reasons to accept your new world, it truly is the only (good) choice you have. Rest up, regroup and be happy of the friends and family that really love and support you.

Now I am at the emotional tipping point (tears start here)

Peace,

Matt

tuffenuff said:

Thank all of you so much! I
Thank all of you so much! I am very hard on myself. Actually had a doctor tell me once, not so long ago, that I don't know how to relax. I've made a lot of changes over the last 6 months, all with the intention of making my and my husbands life as stress free as possible. It's a good thing I made those changes or this would be an entirely different monster.

I guess what it all boils down to is this, I'm always the one to come in and save the day, a friend yesterday actually called me her superhero lol, now I'm scared as can be. I don't know why people bother making movies like SAW or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you ask me, THIS is fear.

In a mere two months I will be on the road to healing. Seems like such a short time but it will feel like an eternity. I just have to remember its ok to do nothing for awhile so that I can do everything I want later on.

ratface said:

licking your wounds
it's perfectly normal to retreat a bit and care for your injured self. It's a time of healing and most of the time this is best done away from predators. The fact that you question the behavior is healthy insofar as you recognize the need to socialize when you emerge.