Antisocial

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Is it normal to feel so antisocial in just the first week of treatment? My plan was to be this trooper that lets nothing get me down but yesterday after I came home from rads I just wanted to sleep then started crying in the bathtub. I feel like I should be enjoying my last couple of weeks of feeling somewhat normal. I do believe the key to beating this stuff lies in attitude and I don't really like mine right now.

Wahhhh....

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  • NoDuck
    NoDuck Member Posts: 134
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    I'm a caregiver to a tonsil
    I'm a caregiver to a tonsil cancer patient so all I can tell you is what I've observed in my husband. His first week of treatment he really did not want to talk to anyone. Friends were calling his cell phone to check on him and he woluld just hand it to me. He had chemo, radiation and a PEG tube install all in that first week so I figured he was entitled to be a little antisocial. He got a little better the next couple of weeks and then starting Thursday (which would be the start of this 3rd week) he got antisocial again. He has slept more, his throat is sorer and he is eating and drinking less. We are already close to all food and water thru the tube but he's not awake enough to get in as much as he should. Magic Mouthwash makes him gag so the only throat relief he is getting is what the salt and soda gargle will give him.

    I'm not sure it's antisocial or just a tired to the bone that few experience or appreciate unless they are on this bus. I know one thing that wore him out early were all the well-intended that we're calling or coming by to check on him. To be honest, it was wearing me out, too. We appreciated everyone so much but telling the same story over and over was exhausting. A friend pointed me to a website that allowed me to make a private website for him that friends could check periodically. That helped a lot.

    What has been tough for me to watch in him is going from the stoic tough as a boot cowboy whose only hospitalizations have been from getting under a horse instead of on its back to a very tired, very sick, vulnerable man. Does he need anti-depressants? I asked. He said he's not depressed, just tired and sick. We are working our way through this and you will too.

    I think it is okay to be antisocial because you are tired and sick. And it's okay not to be a trooper and not to keep going at the same pace you were before. Our lives are different right now and there will be plenty of time later to be social. Don't mistake being sick and tired for not having the right attitude about fighting this stuff.

    Prayers to you.

    Deb
  • Mrs. Sarge
    Mrs. Sarge Member Posts: 206 Member
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    NoDuck said:

    I'm a caregiver to a tonsil
    I'm a caregiver to a tonsil cancer patient so all I can tell you is what I've observed in my husband. His first week of treatment he really did not want to talk to anyone. Friends were calling his cell phone to check on him and he woluld just hand it to me. He had chemo, radiation and a PEG tube install all in that first week so I figured he was entitled to be a little antisocial. He got a little better the next couple of weeks and then starting Thursday (which would be the start of this 3rd week) he got antisocial again. He has slept more, his throat is sorer and he is eating and drinking less. We are already close to all food and water thru the tube but he's not awake enough to get in as much as he should. Magic Mouthwash makes him gag so the only throat relief he is getting is what the salt and soda gargle will give him.

    I'm not sure it's antisocial or just a tired to the bone that few experience or appreciate unless they are on this bus. I know one thing that wore him out early were all the well-intended that we're calling or coming by to check on him. To be honest, it was wearing me out, too. We appreciated everyone so much but telling the same story over and over was exhausting. A friend pointed me to a website that allowed me to make a private website for him that friends could check periodically. That helped a lot.

    What has been tough for me to watch in him is going from the stoic tough as a boot cowboy whose only hospitalizations have been from getting under a horse instead of on its back to a very tired, very sick, vulnerable man. Does he need anti-depressants? I asked. He said he's not depressed, just tired and sick. We are working our way through this and you will too.

    I think it is okay to be antisocial because you are tired and sick. And it's okay not to be a trooper and not to keep going at the same pace you were before. Our lives are different right now and there will be plenty of time later to be social. Don't mistake being sick and tired for not having the right attitude about fighting this stuff.

    Prayers to you.

    Deb

    Deb
    You're right on!! My treatments weren't not as severe nor painful as your husbands, and I certainly concur that if EVER we can be antisocial, it's when we're suffering, scared and trying to just get through the day!!
  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,034 Member
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    tuff-e-nuff
    U sure R,

    Like Deb said in her last sentence-Don't mistake being sick and tired for not having the right attitude about fighting this stuff.

    I think we all run out of steam in the first week of treatments, as we have been stressed out even when we thought we weren't. Once we finally get into the start of several weeks of treatments, we basically callapse, mentally and physically. You will bounce back and be that Trooper that you envisioned.

    My Best to You and Everyone Here
  • meaganb
    meaganb Member Posts: 244 Member
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    I agree with NoDuck.
    I agree with NoDuck. Sometimes it's just exhausting being around people when you're going through something like this. At first, everyone wants to know all the details, then they want to know how they can help, then they want to know how you're feeling and when you feel like crap you don't always want to tell everyone that. I didn't have chemo, but the first two weeks of Rads I kept my same schedule although I was very noticeably more tired than usual. The last 4 weeks of Rads I had someone watching my daughter and I got a ride from different friends to treatment every day. I went to treatment, came home and went back to bed. I'm almost a week out and startingbto feel a little better but still don't plan on being super social for a while. I can't talk so I don't have a lot to add to conversation anyways...and I'm still on a liquid diet so goingbout to eat really isn't any fun for me:) don't beat yourself up. You need to take this time for you. Maybe tomorrow you'll need to be around 10 of your closet friends and maybe the day after that you won't want to see anyone for a week. If you think you need an antidepressant get it. If you just need to give yourself a break then that's ok too praying good things for you! I know you are gonna be ok! If a whimp like me can make it through then anyone can;)
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
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    anti social no way...
    Hello !
    This trip we are on plainly stinks ! I am out only 4 mo's treatment (rads) and was pissed at everything...couldn't finish rads or ring the bell. It's ok to feel what your feeling....but if it gets to be too much...get someone to talk to face to face. I'm just beginning to join the human race....it's not easy, and many don't understand. I get irritated at family and friends that think I'm cancer free, it's like really....until you walk in our shoes no one knows (other than our primary caregivers and I thank god every day for my loving husband !) Feel better, and know your not alone in this ! Warmest regards, Katie
  • NitaNita
    NitaNita Member Posts: 56
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    anti social no way...
    Hello !
    This trip we are on plainly stinks ! I am out only 4 mo's treatment (rads) and was pissed at everything...couldn't finish rads or ring the bell. It's ok to feel what your feeling....but if it gets to be too much...get someone to talk to face to face. I'm just beginning to join the human race....it's not easy, and many don't understand. I get irritated at family and friends that think I'm cancer free, it's like really....until you walk in our shoes no one knows (other than our primary caregivers and I thank god every day for my loving husband !) Feel better, and know your not alone in this ! Warmest regards, Katie

    I have..
    I have not gone through anything yet just waiting for surgery on Tuesday and there are days I am beyond strong and then there are days like today it's hard to get out of bed and I cry all day. This is an emotional draining thing you are going through and not to mention physically draining on your body. You are not always going to be strong it's normal. Just dry your tears and tell yourself tomorrow is a new day and will be a better one. You are VERY strong and keep telling yourself that. Sorry I can't help more. Like I said I am still in the limbo stage waiting.
  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
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    I think it's a combination of everything
    mental and physical, from Dx, the WAITING time for treatment, and then all of a sudden we're trust into treatment, and it's like getting caught up in a tornado. Chemo is exhausting for several days after...we don't feel good, and our nutrition goes down...and in the midst of that we have to haul our butts to radiation without fail. Never downplay the fatigue caused by radiation...it's hard for anyone to understand radiation...afterall, we're there for a whopping 20 minutes and it's done, it isn't painful so how can something like that zap the life out of us?? Even I had a hard time coping with my tiredness...I was calling myself lazy...."get your butt outside, p...do something and you'll feel better"...then I just accepted it...tired is the name of the game for a while...it was hard to learn not to push myself...and it's hard to learn to CARE for self.

    Then there's the growing pain...it comes by degrees...little by little things grow worse, throats are sorer, mouths get thrush and sores, what you ate yesterday stings like a mouthful of bees today...everything is in a state of change we're not in control of...the facts say these things will change back...but at this juncture it's not easy to remember that.

    Then there's the little matter of trying to talk with a mouth as dry as a cob...good for two sentences, then a drink of water, then two sentences...it's tiring!!!

    I'm married to a cowboy, too, Deb...it's always amazed me how he can tell what a horse is thinking thru two blankets and thick leather, but would not recognize what he is feeling unless it stood up and announced itself (and that'd only be if he believed it :)).

    Tuff...I think you've caught on to caring for self early in the game...hot bath, good cry, wrapping your arms around yourself...it sounds all very "natural" to me...coping is an exhaustive endevor.

    p
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
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    Attitude Is Huge...
    Like mentioned, I don't think you need an attitude adjustment...at least not yet, LOL...

    This is overwhelming, cancer, just the word...chemo, radiation, all of it. I'm sure your body and mind has taken a big hit.

    You'll regroup, pull up your combat boots and get ready for battle.

    Rest up, enjoy the few days of being normal over the week-end and kick butt next week.

    As for normal...

    I think I'm past the new normal thing... I use to say like everyone about my new normal. I really think it's just my old normal with a few bumps and scrapes.

    Best,
    John
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,723 Member
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    be happy
    Hi tuffenuff,

    You have had a ton of bricks dumped on you, it is normal to want to be left alone to sleep. Sleep was one of my hiding places from this mess (and still is). To this day I struggle with getting my head around what has happened. My emotions are right at the tipping point, all the time. The littlest things around me can be important and important things, I don’t care about.

    As you move through treatment it becomes easier to find reasons to accept your new world, it truly is the only (good) choice you have. Rest up, regroup and be happy of the friends and family that really love and support you.

    Now I am at the emotional tipping point (tears start here)

    Peace,

    Matt
  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
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    CivilMatt said:

    be happy
    Hi tuffenuff,

    You have had a ton of bricks dumped on you, it is normal to want to be left alone to sleep. Sleep was one of my hiding places from this mess (and still is). To this day I struggle with getting my head around what has happened. My emotions are right at the tipping point, all the time. The littlest things around me can be important and important things, I don’t care about.

    As you move through treatment it becomes easier to find reasons to accept your new world, it truly is the only (good) choice you have. Rest up, regroup and be happy of the friends and family that really love and support you.

    Now I am at the emotional tipping point (tears start here)

    Peace,

    Matt

    Hi tuff ...
    ..all sound normal to me. My wife mentioned one time the same thing you said....it was hard to watch me (15 years married to her 18 years together) only having had a fever 1 time, never a broken bone, never a surgery, never even a cavity...to suddenly being REALLY sick. I don't think I was anti-social...but I certainly was strained and stressed. I was worrieda about my wife and five kids (and my kids were ages 2 - 13).

    I do remember one time I walked into the cancer clinic my first day with my wife (100 miles from home) and went to the restroom....and there in the restroom above the urine stands was a sign that read "chemo patients please flush twice". For some reason that hit me sooooo hard and I just cried in the bathroom.??? Still can't figure out why that just shook me the way it did...but it did. And I'm a grown man of 49 years of age. It just all came out!! :)

    Now here I am almost five months out from treatment (which I often wondered if I would survive) ...I'm feeling better by the day. For some reason the past 2 weeks have really been good!! :) The first month after rads I was at my worst pain, mucous and fatigue ...slept all month...and really not much better my 2nd month a little better my 3rd...then it was like one day all got better rather quickly...

    My goal is telling you all this is there will be a day in the near future all will get better and he will be back on top that dag-gum horse! :)

    Prayers for you and your husband.

    Tim
  • tuffenuff
    tuffenuff Member Posts: 277
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    Thank all of you so much! I
    Thank all of you so much! I am very hard on myself. Actually had a doctor tell me once, not so long ago, that I don't know how to relax. I've made a lot of changes over the last 6 months, all with the intention of making my and my husbands life as stress free as possible. It's a good thing I made those changes or this would be an entirely different monster.

    I guess what it all boils down to is this, I'm always the one to come in and save the day, a friend yesterday actually called me her superhero lol, now I'm scared as can be. I don't know why people bother making movies like SAW or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you ask me, THIS is fear.

    In a mere two months I will be on the road to healing. Seems like such a short time but it will feel like an eternity. I just have to remember its ok to do nothing for awhile so that I can do everything I want later on.
  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
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    tuffenuff said:

    Thank all of you so much! I
    Thank all of you so much! I am very hard on myself. Actually had a doctor tell me once, not so long ago, that I don't know how to relax. I've made a lot of changes over the last 6 months, all with the intention of making my and my husbands life as stress free as possible. It's a good thing I made those changes or this would be an entirely different monster.

    I guess what it all boils down to is this, I'm always the one to come in and save the day, a friend yesterday actually called me her superhero lol, now I'm scared as can be. I don't know why people bother making movies like SAW or Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you ask me, THIS is fear.

    In a mere two months I will be on the road to healing. Seems like such a short time but it will feel like an eternity. I just have to remember its ok to do nothing for awhile so that I can do everything I want later on.

    A big amen....
    Hello !
    Being one myself...that is a super hero of coarse....it's hard to give over the reins. But that being said, you do have a wonderful attitude, and sounds like a great support system. Best of luck, and a big hug sent your way ! Katie
  • ratface
    ratface Member Posts: 1,337 Member
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    A big amen....
    Hello !
    Being one myself...that is a super hero of coarse....it's hard to give over the reins. But that being said, you do have a wonderful attitude, and sounds like a great support system. Best of luck, and a big hug sent your way ! Katie

    licking your wounds
    it's perfectly normal to retreat a bit and care for your injured self. It's a time of healing and most of the time this is best done away from predators. The fact that you question the behavior is healthy insofar as you recognize the need to socialize when you emerge.
  • Kent Cass
    Kent Cass Member Posts: 1,898 Member
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    ratface said:

    licking your wounds
    it's perfectly normal to retreat a bit and care for your injured self. It's a time of healing and most of the time this is best done away from predators. The fact that you question the behavior is healthy insofar as you recognize the need to socialize when you emerge.

    Just do-
    What you gotta do to get thru it all. This ain't exactly walk in the park days for you, and the social aspect should probably not be a factor, other than with the support group. It really is a big deal- this thing you got going-on. That said, what's most important is you taking care of you right now. Certainly okay to get real with yourself, and have a good cry, but you really do need to keep it going forward in the Positive- you are gonna survive this thing, and be okay, as those of us who've been thru it are here to testify to. It's all gonna turn out okay-

    Believe

    kcass