Caregiver stressed out

tufi000 said:

I hear you
Definitely look into the suggestions here for help. Though I understand the privacy thing, your welfare and your lovely lady's welfare may require a bit of opening up.

One thing you can do NOW, is try to make time each day, regardless how short, for just YOU. It can be a little thing, but you need to renew yourself or you cannot be good for anyone. I went through this draining existence with my dad, and then was on the patient side of things.

As a caregiver, you must care for yourself too. Keep coming back here, there is a wealth of info and experience to mine. You might try the chatroom too to vent and questions, usually late at night when defenses are down, someone is there.

Usually the guys are "fixers" and get frustrated that this is something that cannot be fixed. There are no concrete solutions. Your endurance is the key.

So sorry for your pain, all the best.

Mike, I am so sorry and will
Mike, I am so sorry and will pray for you. You are like most men, like the others said, and want to fix everything. But, sometimes you just need to cut yourself some slack and realize that certain things are out of your control.

You need to be good to yourself and to take good care of yourself too. Please try to seek some help from someone. You need someone to talk to, to help you.

Wishing you peace,

Susie

Lynn Smith said:

Mayor Mike
Sorry for what you're going through.I am sure it's hard on men to take over.My husband never helped me.The only time he was told he must was when I had my hysteroctomy 17 years ago.And did I take advantage.He waited on me hand and foot.It became a joke.He even had to raise me up using his neck.I had a serious complications and bled out.I couldn't stand or get out of bed without help. Alot of blood loss.I got 3 course meals.It got to be a joke between both of us.After breakfast I said "What's for lunch".He would say you just had breakfast??? He would ask me if I wanted something to drink.No but then maybe 10 minutes later I asked him for a pop. "I just asked you that a few minutes ago? I changed my mind. I didn't do this delibeatly but we did joke about it. I had to go to a shopping center to walk around.It was to cold outside.We walked and when I sat down he had to pull me back up. It was really the only time he ever waited on me even though I had other lumpectomies through my life since I was 20.Later dx at 62.

Even after my dx it was a breeze.No chemo or radiation just a lumpectomy. It was meant to be.He works alot and is never home.With just a lumpectomy he only had to take a couple days off and not a week or 2.He changed alot.I asked him to be a better husband and more caring.
he never thought about that but it was something I needed.Cancer changed my life so much and it will never be the same.I know in time he may need to wait on me if ever a occurance but now I'm fine.I also know I may need to take care of him. He is 5 years older than me and has heart disease.I see him going downhill and fatigued. it was just me not having the treatments and the invasive cancer like so many go through my husband didn't take my dx seriously.I needed for him to do that. I told him he HAD to change and he did.

I can imagine how hard it is. we just didnt got through that. Since my husband was never caring as far as taking care of another. It was meant to be(I didn't need treatment).Everyone else was worried about me.Wondering how he would be.Now though he tells me everyday he loves me and I tell him.I guess as we look back our marriage should have been that way all along.I know we're both going to go through more health crisis and we will be there for each other.

Wishing you the best and take it slower.You're going through a crisis and so is your wife.I see so many on here who have so much spousal support but I was afraid I wouldn't. My dx brought us closer and closer after over 40 years of marriage.My husband told me the other day 2010 was a year we changed for the better.It was a year after my dx.

Lynn Smith

Fighting the good fight
You're doing what you're supposed to do, standing by your family in every way possible. I'm sorry you've had so much heart ache and have so much on your plate. It's your decision on what works best for you.

As a Caregiver myself, my only thought for you would be to de-stress as much as possible. Caring for your wife is enough to fill your plate; add a company to run, a town to lead/babysit, and it doesn't leave much time for you, does it? Continue to love her each day and try to find a way to focus more on you.

She's going through hell and having you there makes all the difference in her world.

Stay strong,

Tony