Support for family member with cancer

Hello Sunshine,
I am sorry
Hello Sunshine,
I am sorry to hear that your sister hasn't let you do what you want to do to help her. My advice to you is to write her a letter telling her what she means to you and how much you love her. She may not ever be able to open up to you about what she is feeling but if you tell her how much she is loved, atleast she will know. Maybe tell her you are going to back off but you will be waiting and wanting to do something to help.
God bless you and your sister.
Brenda

buckeye2 said:

I am sure your sister is
I am sure your sister is under tremendous stress these days. My husband had HIPEC in Nov. and the days prior were very difficult because he didn't want to talk. At Thanksgiving I gave my husbands sisters a forewarning not to bring up the subject. I would guess your sister is craving some normalcy so my advice would be to treat her as if she didn't have cancer and let her set the stage for whether or not to share more with you. Lisa

family
I don't know if you were a particularly close family before, but don't try to necessarily change all of that now. As the one with cancer, these are my desires:

Let me be in control of my life, it' s hard enough without having to worry how I am coming across to everyone
else.

If you want to help, just be yourself. There's already too many changes.

Don't ask a million questions, and don't pity me.

I still want to enjoy many of the same things as before. I still want to watch the same stupid reality tv shows. I am just as interested in world and national news as before. I still like to laugh. I still like to hear about other people's business or whatever. Talking cancer 24/7 makes me irritable and exhausted.

Please be calm. I need to be around calm people. Don't be jittery around me, wondering if you should do every little thing for me. As you can see, I am still able to walk, talk, take a shower, cook.
( At the time of my diagnosis, I actually made a woman mad, because she wanted to do something for me, but at the time there really wasn't anything that I needed, and i am pretty sure this was about food. Geezzzzzzz. She was so toxic, I had to sever any ties that I had with her.) Oh, and I guess that was my fault. Just saying. That's why we cancer folks get a little irritable.

That's great that you asked this question here. Your sister really does appreciate you and what you are willing to do. Just let her take the lead. She may ask for more, if you don't make a big deal out of it.
That's great that she is eligible for Hipec. That's a big step toward healing.
If you have any other questions, please ask here too, whatever it is.

Support
You have received some great responses. She will come to you, just be there for her. The seven stages of grief are 1. shock & denial, 2. Pain and guilt, 3. Anger and Bargaining, 4. "Depression, reflection & Loneliness, 5. The upward turn, 6. Reconstruction and working through, 7. Acceptance & hope. My prayers are with you and your family.

Peace and Blessings,
Karen