Not good news at all

Didn't get great news from the oncologist yesterday. The tumour markers have more than doubled since November (CA19.9 - 963) making the 3 months chemo prior to that seem useless even though it worked for a time. There won't be any more as Brian is too weak. The fluid that was drained from the capsule around the liver has completely returned but now has added complications meaning another drainage will be very problematic. Lasix was (were?) prescribed for the swollen legs. Although another CT scan was ordered for the middle of February, but we wonder what the benefit of that will be. I will be calling Palliative Care in the next couple of days (same/similar to Hospice). We are both shell shocked even though we half expected the bad news. How do you cope knowing the love of your life doesn't have much longer to live? Brian has a new grandchild due in May so that has become the goal. We have no idea how much longer he has, just that only the symptoms are being treated and they seem to change frequently. He is currently reading the paper, while watching cricket and listening to the radio commentary on his headphones. He still drives if he feels up to it and we manage to go out for a coffee and a walk (not now that the legs are swollen though)just about every day. He has no pain, just a little discomfort from the legs and abdomen. It's just so hard to imagine that he will never be any better than this. Our oncologist can't give any time, because Brian's symptoms have always been unusual and his metastases were originally slow growing. His mets were discovered in June 2011 and the original Ivor Lewis was performed in July 2005. Cried yesterday but need to get on with it now.
Not sure what else to say...
Marilyn