Upset over what someone said

clamryn
clamryn Member Posts: 508
in Ovarian Cancer #1
What do you think about this? My friend who takes me to all of my chemo treatments was talking about what her sister said to her. She told her she doesn't know why I continue going through with what I do. She doesn't know how I can continue. (I have been on chemo for 2 years with no break). I told my friend that I do it because I love life, love my kids, grandkids, friends and there are people I haven't even met yet that I want to leave my mark on. Am I crazy? Sure I don't like chemo... I hate it. It zaps me for about 3 to 4 days and then I am back in business. There have been times I have seen myself so weak that I didn't think I could make it...but I do. So according to her, I should just quit. No way. Linda P. and Nancy taught me that. I am going to enjoy every minute of this life I can. Even if I am sick in the bed, my kids and grandkids come in to talk to me and I want to share as much as I can with them. One thing the beast has taught me is to savour this life and I am going to do just that. Thanks for listening, I just had to get it off my chest. Linda
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Comments

  • poopergirl14052
    poopergirl14052 Member Posts: 1,183 Member
    #2
    SELFISH JERK
    and she has not endured what you have. I bet if she had cancer her tune would change. You keep on fighting for survival,you have a reason to, family,grand kids. us....what was your friends response to her sister's comment?? I am sure she told her sister a thing or two. Sorry too your friend told you this,,maybe some things are better left unsaid. Keep on smiling and hold your head high,,,and live your life..val
  • kikz
    kikz Member Posts: 1,345 Member
    #3
    poopergirl14052 said:

    SELFISH JERK
    and she has not endured what you have. I bet if she had cancer her tune would change. You keep on fighting for survival,you have a reason to, family,grand kids. us....what was your friends response to her sister's comment?? I am sure she told her sister a thing or two. Sorry too your friend told you this,,maybe some things are better left unsaid. Keep on smiling and hold your head high,,,and live your life..val

    You do what you do because
    you love life and if this person ever had to walk in your shoes she would do the same thing. There is nothing more precious than life. We have all learned that lesson the hard way. I know that remark hurt you but sometimes people say things when they have no idea what they are talking about. She has no idea the courage it takes to be you everyday. We know and we applaud you.

    Karen
  • TiggersDoBounce
    TiggersDoBounce Member Posts: 408
    #4
    Linda
    Linda,

    First of all, you are a warrior and I want to commend you for doing what most cancer patients aren't not required to do....continuous chemo for this long period of time...

    I think instead of being offended, she has paid you the ultimate compliment...

    People relate their opinions to the frame of reference they know...People also grossly underestimate the tenacity they have within themselves when they are in the fight of their lives. Folks who have never been in this fight relate to an unknown. It is easier for them to say what they would or would not do, what they can or cannot sustain, and lots of other blah, blah, blahs.....

    I am sure she believed her comments would not be repeated or at best taken out of the context in which they were stated...Sometimes others need to use the "discretion is the better part of valor" mindset....and not just repeat comments which may be hurtful or misinterpreted...

    What is important is that YOU know WHY you are fighting this disease and YOU are in control of your treatments. You are fighting for the things in life which offer the most reward. When you stay focused on that, you can't go wrong.

    Don't sweat it.....you are a warrior princess! Hang in!

    Laurie
  • Radioactive34
    Radioactive34 Member Posts: 391 Member
    #5
    TiggersDoBounce said:

    Linda
    Linda,

    First of all, you are a warrior and I want to commend you for doing what most cancer patients aren't not required to do....continuous chemo for this long period of time...

    I think instead of being offended, she has paid you the ultimate compliment...

    People relate their opinions to the frame of reference they know...People also grossly underestimate the tenacity they have within themselves when they are in the fight of their lives. Folks who have never been in this fight relate to an unknown. It is easier for them to say what they would or would not do, what they can or cannot sustain, and lots of other blah, blah, blahs.....

    I am sure she believed her comments would not be repeated or at best taken out of the context in which they were stated...Sometimes others need to use the "discretion is the better part of valor" mindset....and not just repeat comments which may be hurtful or misinterpreted...

    What is important is that YOU know WHY you are fighting this disease and YOU are in control of your treatments. You are fighting for the things in life which offer the most reward. When you stay focused on that, you can't go wrong.

    Don't sweat it.....you are a warrior princess! Hang in!

    Laurie

    Nicely said Laurie...hugs
    Nicely said Laurie...hugs Linda we all have our own shoes to walk...others may not understand...that is their loss..I think we'd all gain something from walking in each others shoes.
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,382 Member
    #6
    I've learned
    a few things through dealing with this disease. This situation is all about the patient. You call the shots; you get to make the decisions regarding your treatment; you get to put yourself first, possibly for the first time in your life.

    I've also learned not to take what others say about my situation very seriously. You get to focus on being well. Nothing else is important.

    Just my humble opinion.
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #7
    We're walking in the same shoes :)
    I'm so glad that you got that off your chest. You and I have both been on the chemo trail for 2 years and counting. If you're crazy, then so am I. Over this holiday I have had the pleasure of spending time with my husband, grandkids, sons, daughter-in-laws, and friends. I want to make all the memories that I can with those little ones. If I do say so myself ( :) ), they adore spending time with me. I'm probably more fun because I try to make every moment count. If it takes chemo for me to be around for them, then I'll do it. I'm not saying that it's easy, but it's the choice that I make. We're tough because we have to be, not by choice. I hope this other person never has to be in the position where she has to choose.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #8
    She's never been there. She
    She's never been there. She thinks she knows what she would do, but until you've been there, you don't. Besides, everyone gets to choose how they fight this battle. If someone gives up early on, out of fear or hopelessness, or whatever, that's okay. That's their life and their choice.

    I did 18 chemo treatments without a break. My choice. Then I went into a 2 year clinical trial, again, no break. My choice. Some people give up sugar, meat, dairy, etc. Their choice. Some people swear by asparagus pulp and mushrooms. Again, that's great, that's their choice. I don't criticize anyone else for the ammo they have chosen to fight with, and I don't accept snarky comments from anyone about how I am fighting mine.

    I am not afraid of storms; I am learning to sail my ship.
    .....Louisa May Alcott

    Carlene
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #9
    Linda
    You are a fighter. Strong, resolute, brave. You don't have to defend or justify any treatment choices you make. It's your choice and yours alone. Time on this earth is precious. Perhaps the sister's remarks were misconstrued or lost something in translation. I firmly believe that nobody knows what they would do until they are forced to make those decisions. You can guess, but until you're the one in the hot seat you don't know. Anyhow, this is the place to vent and blow off steam.
    Hugs,
    Cindy
  • clamryn
    clamryn Member Posts: 508
    #10
    TiggersDoBounce said:

    Linda
    Linda,

    First of all, you are a warrior and I want to commend you for doing what most cancer patients aren't not required to do....continuous chemo for this long period of time...

    I think instead of being offended, she has paid you the ultimate compliment...

    People relate their opinions to the frame of reference they know...People also grossly underestimate the tenacity they have within themselves when they are in the fight of their lives. Folks who have never been in this fight relate to an unknown. It is easier for them to say what they would or would not do, what they can or cannot sustain, and lots of other blah, blah, blahs.....

    I am sure she believed her comments would not be repeated or at best taken out of the context in which they were stated...Sometimes others need to use the "discretion is the better part of valor" mindset....and not just repeat comments which may be hurtful or misinterpreted...

    What is important is that YOU know WHY you are fighting this disease and YOU are in control of your treatments. You are fighting for the things in life which offer the most reward. When you stay focused on that, you can't go wrong.

    Don't sweat it.....you are a warrior princess! Hang in!

    Laurie

    Thanks Laurie
    Thank you. Sometimes I just need a pep talk to get me going again. I usually don't let what people say bother me like that. I know that they would react differently if they had to take this journey that we are all on. She is a good lady and sends me cards all the time. I am so glad that I can come here and just say what I have to say and let it go. Today is my birthday. My son and his family are coming to get me to take me out for lunch. I had a treatment on Tuesday and hopefully I can enjoy all of them. I am a little tired...but I am going no matter what.

    Linda
  • clamryn
    clamryn Member Posts: 508
    #11
    Mwee said:

    We're walking in the same shoes :)
    I'm so glad that you got that off your chest. You and I have both been on the chemo trail for 2 years and counting. If you're crazy, then so am I. Over this holiday I have had the pleasure of spending time with my husband, grandkids, sons, daughter-in-laws, and friends. I want to make all the memories that I can with those little ones. If I do say so myself ( :) ), they adore spending time with me. I'm probably more fun because I try to make every moment count. If it takes chemo for me to be around for them, then I'll do it. I'm not saying that it's easy, but it's the choice that I make. We're tough because we have to be, not by choice. I hope this other person never has to be in the position where she has to choose.
    (((HUGS))) Maria

    Thanks Maria
    Here is one reason I keep up the fight. My youngest granddaughter (6 years old) was sitting on my lap and I was looking at her eyelashes and I told her I wished I had some of your eyelashes because mine have all fallen out. She said...Mimi I will give you one. I just love it. Don't you all think I would look good with one eyelash....LOL Family is what keeps me going. Love them all.

    Linda
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #12
    Sometimes people say stuff
    without thinking about the impact they have on others. It could be that she deeply admires you and was making the observatioin that if it were her, she would't be able to be as strong and determined in spite of such adversity and pain. Or, it could just be that she is jeolous of that fact that her sister spends so much time with you. (And she doesn't see the point of dragging on the misry, even bringing others into in when it will end eventually anyway.) She could simply be thinking her sister could be spending her time more effeciently than with someone who is eventually going to die anyway. Or she might have just said it for who knows what other wild reason that came to her head.

    The point is that she was not being supportive in any way and with all the time we spend at the chemo room, and having icky days, with so few good ones in between, the last thing we need is for someone to tell us they think we are not making a good decision!!! Heavens, don't even give this woman another thought, because whatever her MO is, it is not a positive support to you making the best of the life you are given!

    You are an amazing tropper and one of my heros!!!

    Hugs,
    kathleen
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #13
    Happy Birthday !
    No time or energy should be given to ignorant remarks, spending your time with your family is all that is important. I have a seven year old granddaughter that I try to spend a lot of time with because she gives me such joy. Those moments with family are so precious, we may be suffering through terrible chemo but we have also been given such clarity on what is truly important in our lives.
    And you are beautiful my teal sister with that one special eyelash or a thousand of them !
    Colleen
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #14
    Happy Birthday !
    Whoops new ipad
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #15
    Happy Birthday !
    : )
  • Cafewoman53
    Cafewoman53 Member Posts: 735 Member
    #16
    Happy Birthday !
    And Happy Holidays
  • azgrandma
    azgrandma Member Posts: 609 Member
    #17
    Cafewoman53 said:

    Happy Birthday !
    And Happy Holidays

    They have no clue
    some poeple just have no clue what it is like to have to go through chemo. They obviously have no idea how it knocks a person down, but the will to live is still so strong we endure it to gain more time with our family.
    Don;t let this person get you done hon, life is precious and so is yoru family.
    God bless you
  • TiggersDoBounce
    TiggersDoBounce Member Posts: 408
    #18
    clamryn said:

    Thanks Laurie
    Thank you. Sometimes I just need a pep talk to get me going again. I usually don't let what people say bother me like that. I know that they would react differently if they had to take this journey that we are all on. She is a good lady and sends me cards all the time. I am so glad that I can come here and just say what I have to say and let it go. Today is my birthday. My son and his family are coming to get me to take me out for lunch. I had a treatment on Tuesday and hopefully I can enjoy all of them. I am a little tired...but I am going no matter what.

    Linda

    Happy Belated Birthday Linda!
    Hope lunch was extra special!

    Wishing you a great year filled with better health and prosperity....and of course more eyelashes!

    Laurie
  • Susan53
    Susan53 Member Posts: 178
    #19
    Dear Linda
    We all know that she has never walked in our shoes ever. Otherwise she sure would not be making a comment like that. As Carlene said we all have to decide what is the best path for us to take and that is our choice alone. I am glad that you were able to see your family and grandchildren over the holidays and to make great memories with them. Happy Belated Birthday Linda. Hugs Sharon
  • LaundryQueen
    LaundryQueen Member Posts: 676
    #20
    Susan53 said:

    Dear Linda
    We all know that she has never walked in our shoes ever. Otherwise she sure would not be making a comment like that. As Carlene said we all have to decide what is the best path for us to take and that is our choice alone. I am glad that you were able to see your family and grandchildren over the holidays and to make great memories with them. Happy Belated Birthday Linda. Hugs Sharon

    I read your post & the
    I read your post & the replies with great interest as I as found myself in a similar situation last week. Someone made a careless remark implying that I didn't agree with their position because "chemotherapy has messed up your brain." That has got to be the MEANEST thing anyone has ever said to me. The comment ended the phone conversation & I haven't spoken to the person since.

    I am usually the last person to be offended by such stuff and the incident seems to highlight how I have changed since becoming a survivor. I feel emotionally fragile to the point where I have to protect myself from careless, mean people.

    I found this web page helpful for me: http://meanttobehappy.com/10-ways-you-too-can-stop-being-so-easily-offended/

    I'm gonna try being less "self-centered" and try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I probably AM worried about my chemo-addled brain which is why the careless remark hurt so much. Unfortunately, it was a family member who made the remark so I can't avoid that person forever.
  • Tethys41
    Tethys41 Member Posts: 1,382 Member
    #21
    LaundryQueen said:

    I read your post & the
    I read your post & the replies with great interest as I as found myself in a similar situation last week. Someone made a careless remark implying that I didn't agree with their position because "chemotherapy has messed up your brain." That has got to be the MEANEST thing anyone has ever said to me. The comment ended the phone conversation & I haven't spoken to the person since.

    I am usually the last person to be offended by such stuff and the incident seems to highlight how I have changed since becoming a survivor. I feel emotionally fragile to the point where I have to protect myself from careless, mean people.

    I found this web page helpful for me: http://meanttobehappy.com/10-ways-you-too-can-stop-being-so-easily-offended/

    I'm gonna try being less "self-centered" and try to give others the benefit of the doubt. I probably AM worried about my chemo-addled brain which is why the careless remark hurt so much. Unfortunately, it was a family member who made the remark so I can't avoid that person forever.

    LQ,
    It sounds more to me like somehow the chemo you received affected your family member's brain. I've realized that most people who say stupid things are really displaying their own issues and it is not a reflection of you. It's not always easy to recognize that in the moment. The only person who has to be happy with you is yourself.
    Happy New Year!

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