Upset over what someone said

mom2greatkids

Tethys41 said:

LQ,
It sounds more to me like somehow the chemo you received affected your family member's brain. I've realized that most people who say stupid things are really displaying their own issues and it is not a reflection of you. It's not always easy to recognize that in the moment. The only person who has to be happy with you is yourself.
Happy New Year!

People can do say VERY
People can do say VERY stupid things. Sometimes family is the absolute worst about it. After I lost my husband last year, it was unreal the stupid, sometimes cruel things people said to me. "you can get married again." "you should get married again." "you are going to have to get a grip on it." "stop dwelling on it." It's unbelievable. I was told I was vain because I was very upset about losing my hair. "your hair will grow back." that comment I heard over and over again, and it sure hasn't really brought me comfort. The comment always came from someone who has never been through it. It is very frustrating as well as discouraging. Glad we have this site!!

Carla

roxanne53

TiggersDoBounce said:

Linda
Linda,

First of all, you are a warrior and I want to commend you for doing what most cancer patients aren't not required to do....continuous chemo for this long period of time...

I think instead of being offended, she has paid you the ultimate compliment...

People relate their opinions to the frame of reference they know...People also grossly underestimate the tenacity they have within themselves when they are in the fight of their lives. Folks who have never been in this fight relate to an unknown. It is easier for them to say what they would or would not do, what they can or cannot sustain, and lots of other blah, blah, blahs.....

I am sure she believed her comments would not be repeated or at best taken out of the context in which they were stated...Sometimes others need to use the "discretion is the better part of valor" mindset....and not just repeat comments which may be hurtful or misinterpreted...

What is important is that YOU know WHY you are fighting this disease and YOU are in control of your treatments. You are fighting for the things in life which offer the most reward. When you stay focused on that, you can't go wrong.

Don't sweat it.....you are a warrior princess! Hang in!

Laurie

Well said for all warriors!!
Thank you for what you said.

I am actually breast cancer survivor and a long time friend of Bonnie Rose. Some of you may remember her who fought every step of the way. She had ovarian cancer.

I recall having heard many disturbing comments and bearing with those comments until I came home to take off my scarf to bald head and scream. Ha Ha. & Resting on the couch after a day's work.

Occasionally I still hear things even today about my cancer fighting. I had it x2 to be exact.

We are also fighting for the futures of others.

Thank you again
Roxanne53

Hen

mom2greatkids said:

People can do say VERY
People can do say VERY stupid things. Sometimes family is the absolute worst about it. After I lost my husband last year, it was unreal the stupid, sometimes cruel things people said to me. "you can get married again." "you should get married again." "you are going to have to get a grip on it." "stop dwelling on it." It's unbelievable. I was told I was vain because I was very upset about losing my hair. "your hair will grow back." that comment I heard over and over again, and it sure hasn't really brought me comfort. The comment always came from someone who has never been through it. It is very frustrating as well as discouraging. Glad we have this site!!

Carla

People mean well but sometimes forget the circumstances
of our lives. A couple of weeks ago, after a fall on my face in the bathroom at 3:00 a.m., I visited my dentist the next day to see if I had broken my front teeth. The dentist's helper heard me relate my current history of diagnosis and months of chemo for ovca. She repeatedly told me to "sign up for hospice early so you get the services you need." When I said I wasn't there yet or even considering it, she related the story of her now deceased finance and the problems they had getting services. Her remarks reminded me that though she meant well, she was dealing from her grief perspective and was projecting that onto me. Though caring, she communicated more about herself than me, Compassion is the only lens to view people who mean well but provide painfull statements of "support." The pain of her loss was clear so I thanked her for her concern and left, granted with a heavy heart over what might await me, but I can choose to simply let that go. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
Sharon

LaundryQueen

Hen said:

People mean well but sometimes forget the circumstances
of our lives. A couple of weeks ago, after a fall on my face in the bathroom at 3:00 a.m., I visited my dentist the next day to see if I had broken my front teeth. The dentist's helper heard me relate my current history of diagnosis and months of chemo for ovca. She repeatedly told me to "sign up for hospice early so you get the services you need." When I said I wasn't there yet or even considering it, she related the story of her now deceased finance and the problems they had getting services. Her remarks reminded me that though she meant well, she was dealing from her grief perspective and was projecting that onto me. Though caring, she communicated more about herself than me, Compassion is the only lens to view people who mean well but provide painfull statements of "support." The pain of her loss was clear so I thanked her for her concern and left, granted with a heavy heart over what might await me, but I can choose to simply let that go. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
Sharon

Wow!
Sharon: what a highly evolved being you are! I can't imagine anyone telling me to "sign up for hospice early" and me handling the comment as gracefully as you did.

It's too bad a person has to choose between active treatment & palliative care. You don't get palliative care until you decide you are ready to give up trying to prolong your life. Oh well...