Chemosmoker - how are you feeling?
Comments
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I will just say...
Hi Ginny,
I will just say that Eric has had a bad couple of days and hasn't been feeling very well. Though he says he will post soon, I thought I would let you all know he is o'kay and hopefully they will have the tooth issue taken care of on Thursday as we had to get "clearance" from the onco for dental work.
Regards,
-Michelle0 -
Thinking of you both!LilChemoSmoker said:I will just say...
Hi Ginny,
I will just say that Eric has had a bad couple of days and hasn't been feeling very well. Though he says he will post soon, I thought I would let you all know he is o'kay and hopefully they will have the tooth issue taken care of on Thursday as we had to get "clearance" from the onco for dental work.
Regards,
-Michelle
Sorry to hear that Eric has to wait a few more days for dental relief. Hope his days are better soon.
Glad he's got you as his champion, Michelle!
Terry0 -
Thanks, Michelle. We missLilChemoSmoker said:I will just say...
Hi Ginny,
I will just say that Eric has had a bad couple of days and hasn't been feeling very well. Though he says he will post soon, I thought I would let you all know he is o'kay and hopefully they will have the tooth issue taken care of on Thursday as we had to get "clearance" from the onco for dental work.
Regards,
-Michelle
Thanks, Michelle. We miss him.
Send our best!0 -
chemosmoker is BACK and ERIC was saved by Michelle...
Ginny, Jo-Ann, Terry, All friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. Someone needs to try and keep me straight. I just don't wish that on anyone. Michelle has enough on her hands with me that's for sure.
As for where I was, here is what I originally wrote to you on 10-30-01...
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sitting here as we speak, nursing my hurting tooth as I must wait until Thursday for my oral surgeon to extract it, and I don't look forward to it, but I do. I am sure you understand that position.
As for my overall health, I am a bit more concerned. Oh how I wish it were the weather.
I believe the pain in my lower back and upper neck are further metastasis, as well as some new sensitivity in my right arm. There's more, but you get the idea. I believe I am not as well as I was. That would be a simple way to answer your question.
I am certainly not giving up hope. I can deal with it with the pain meds but there are adjustments to be made. I can no longer obtain the relief that I had from just the Oxycontin or Oxycodone alone; it now takes the added Xanax constantly to get at the nerve pain, and I have run myself out of them until Wednesday not really planning to need them in the way I did. Fun. Hospice is great, but they can do noting until Wednesday. So, I am sort of sitting on my hands in the literal sense, and not up to too much more typing.
But I felt I better answer you two and get this out there for now.
_________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE: Tuesday 11-01-11 @ 1pm:
Michelle stood in the gap for me today and got Hospice to not only get my Xanax refilled today, and I have them now, but she got them to take me from .5MG to 2MG at once! What a difference!! I just took the 1st one at 1pm sharp, and I ALREADY feeling like Eric again and able to post. Amazing nerve pain reduction! WOW!
I spoke to Lee shortly ago, and sounds like Chantal is getting time off from work now and he will get to go home in a few days, God willing, and be with her and Daisy finally.
So, All in all things are MUCH better as of just now, for us BOTH, and I thank you for asking. I THINK I am BACK now, I can go try to catch up with all the missed posts!
Love to you all and thank you for the care and concerns!
Eric0 -
Ahhhh, so good to hear fromchemosmoker said:chemosmoker is BACK and ERIC was saved by Michelle...
Ginny, Jo-Ann, Terry, All friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. Someone needs to try and keep me straight. I just don't wish that on anyone. Michelle has enough on her hands with me that's for sure.
As for where I was, here is what I originally wrote to you on 10-30-01...
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sitting here as we speak, nursing my hurting tooth as I must wait until Thursday for my oral surgeon to extract it, and I don't look forward to it, but I do. I am sure you understand that position.
As for my overall health, I am a bit more concerned. Oh how I wish it were the weather.
I believe the pain in my lower back and upper neck are further metastasis, as well as some new sensitivity in my right arm. There's more, but you get the idea. I believe I am not as well as I was. That would be a simple way to answer your question.
I am certainly not giving up hope. I can deal with it with the pain meds but there are adjustments to be made. I can no longer obtain the relief that I had from just the Oxycontin or Oxycodone alone; it now takes the added Xanax constantly to get at the nerve pain, and I have run myself out of them until Wednesday not really planning to need them in the way I did. Fun. Hospice is great, but they can do noting until Wednesday. So, I am sort of sitting on my hands in the literal sense, and not up to too much more typing.
But I felt I better answer you two and get this out there for now.
_________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE: Tuesday 11-01-11 @ 1pm:
Michelle stood in the gap for me today and got Hospice to not only get my Xanax refilled today, and I have them now, but she got them to take me from .5MG to 2MG at once! What a difference!! I just took the 1st one at 1pm sharp, and I ALREADY feeling like Eric again and able to post. Amazing nerve pain reduction! WOW!
I spoke to Lee shortly ago, and sounds like Chantal is getting time off from work now and he will get to go home in a few days, God willing, and be with her and Daisy finally.
So, All in all things are MUCH better as of just now, for us BOTH, and I thank you for asking. I THINK I am BACK now, I can go try to catch up with all the missed posts!
Love to you all and thank you for the care and concerns!
Eric
Ahhhh, so good to hear from you. Glad you got your meds! You are such a joy to hear from, but don't over-assert trying to respond to all of us. Know that we care and get concerned when you've been quiet. Get some rest. Think good thoughts!
Hugs.0 -
Yea, Michelle! I hope to never need a champion but if I do, I want them to look here to see how it's done.chemosmoker said:chemosmoker is BACK and ERIC was saved by Michelle...
Ginny, Jo-Ann, Terry, All friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. Someone needs to try and keep me straight. I just don't wish that on anyone. Michelle has enough on her hands with me that's for sure.
As for where I was, here is what I originally wrote to you on 10-30-01...
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sitting here as we speak, nursing my hurting tooth as I must wait until Thursday for my oral surgeon to extract it, and I don't look forward to it, but I do. I am sure you understand that position.
As for my overall health, I am a bit more concerned. Oh how I wish it were the weather.
I believe the pain in my lower back and upper neck are further metastasis, as well as some new sensitivity in my right arm. There's more, but you get the idea. I believe I am not as well as I was. That would be a simple way to answer your question.
I am certainly not giving up hope. I can deal with it with the pain meds but there are adjustments to be made. I can no longer obtain the relief that I had from just the Oxycontin or Oxycodone alone; it now takes the added Xanax constantly to get at the nerve pain, and I have run myself out of them until Wednesday not really planning to need them in the way I did. Fun. Hospice is great, but they can do noting until Wednesday. So, I am sort of sitting on my hands in the literal sense, and not up to too much more typing.
But I felt I better answer you two and get this out there for now.
_________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE: Tuesday 11-01-11 @ 1pm:
Michelle stood in the gap for me today and got Hospice to not only get my Xanax refilled today, and I have them now, but she got them to take me from .5MG to 2MG at once! What a difference!! I just took the 1st one at 1pm sharp, and I ALREADY feeling like Eric again and able to post. Amazing nerve pain reduction! WOW!
I spoke to Lee shortly ago, and sounds like Chantal is getting time off from work now and he will get to go home in a few days, God willing, and be with her and Daisy finally.
So, All in all things are MUCH better as of just now, for us BOTH, and I thank you for asking. I THINK I am BACK now, I can go try to catch up with all the missed posts!
Love to you all and thank you for the care and concerns!
Eric
Welcome back, Eric. You do sound more like you. Glad the Xanax is working so well.
Thank you, as always, for the update on Lee & Chantal. Have they been able to drain any of the fluids off for him? Hoping that home is just short time away for him. Quality time with Chantal & Daisy will be good for his soul.
Hugs, positive thoughts, and love to you all!
Terry0 -
Eric, Glad You Are BetterTerryV said:Yea, Michelle! I hope to never need a champion but if I do, I want them to look here to see how it's done.
Welcome back, Eric. You do sound more like you. Glad the Xanax is working so well.
Thank you, as always, for the update on Lee & Chantal. Have they been able to drain any of the fluids off for him? Hoping that home is just short time away for him. Quality time with Chantal & Daisy will be good for his soul.
Hugs, positive thoughts, and love to you all!
Terry
From experience I can say that nothing hurts like a tooth ache. Have had several over the years. Glad you are feeling better and hoope that trend continues. Load up on your pain meds before you head to the dentist, that should help. Hang in there, Sam0 -
Eric and Michellesangora said:Eric, Glad You Are Better
From experience I can say that nothing hurts like a tooth ache. Have had several over the years. Glad you are feeling better and hoope that trend continues. Load up on your pain meds before you head to the dentist, that should help. Hang in there, Sam
Eric and Michelle, you have been far to quiet on here lately. I seriously hope all is well. Lee and I are worried about you, and your Facebook status the other day was a bit alarming. Please come back, if even to type just a few sentences and let us know how you are. You have been so strong and supportive to all of us, please let us return the favour.
I Know you have a trip planned, I hope you are sunning your buns as we speak, hence the silence.
hugs and love
Chantal0 -
Today is Dentist day, right?chemosmoker said:chemosmoker is BACK and ERIC was saved by Michelle...
Ginny, Jo-Ann, Terry, All friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. Someone needs to try and keep me straight. I just don't wish that on anyone. Michelle has enough on her hands with me that's for sure.
As for where I was, here is what I originally wrote to you on 10-30-01...
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sitting here as we speak, nursing my hurting tooth as I must wait until Thursday for my oral surgeon to extract it, and I don't look forward to it, but I do. I am sure you understand that position.
As for my overall health, I am a bit more concerned. Oh how I wish it were the weather.
I believe the pain in my lower back and upper neck are further metastasis, as well as some new sensitivity in my right arm. There's more, but you get the idea. I believe I am not as well as I was. That would be a simple way to answer your question.
I am certainly not giving up hope. I can deal with it with the pain meds but there are adjustments to be made. I can no longer obtain the relief that I had from just the Oxycontin or Oxycodone alone; it now takes the added Xanax constantly to get at the nerve pain, and I have run myself out of them until Wednesday not really planning to need them in the way I did. Fun. Hospice is great, but they can do noting until Wednesday. So, I am sort of sitting on my hands in the literal sense, and not up to too much more typing.
But I felt I better answer you two and get this out there for now.
_________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE: Tuesday 11-01-11 @ 1pm:
Michelle stood in the gap for me today and got Hospice to not only get my Xanax refilled today, and I have them now, but she got them to take me from .5MG to 2MG at once! What a difference!! I just took the 1st one at 1pm sharp, and I ALREADY feeling like Eric again and able to post. Amazing nerve pain reduction! WOW!
I spoke to Lee shortly ago, and sounds like Chantal is getting time off from work now and he will get to go home in a few days, God willing, and be with her and Daisy finally.
So, All in all things are MUCH better as of just now, for us BOTH, and I thank you for asking. I THINK I am BACK now, I can go try to catch up with all the missed posts!
Love to you all and thank you for the care and concerns!
Eric
Just wanted to say you are being thought of - by many, I'm sure - as you head for the dentist today. I hope they are able to take care of the tooth ache you've suffered from. There really isn't a worse annoying pain than a tooth ache.
Prayers & strength to you both!
Terry0 -
Thinking of you andchemosmoker said:chemosmoker is BACK and ERIC was saved by Michelle...
Ginny, Jo-Ann, Terry, All friends,
Thanks for checking in on me. Someone needs to try and keep me straight. I just don't wish that on anyone. Michelle has enough on her hands with me that's for sure.
As for where I was, here is what I originally wrote to you on 10-30-01...
___________________________________________________________________________________
I am sitting here as we speak, nursing my hurting tooth as I must wait until Thursday for my oral surgeon to extract it, and I don't look forward to it, but I do. I am sure you understand that position.
As for my overall health, I am a bit more concerned. Oh how I wish it were the weather.
I believe the pain in my lower back and upper neck are further metastasis, as well as some new sensitivity in my right arm. There's more, but you get the idea. I believe I am not as well as I was. That would be a simple way to answer your question.
I am certainly not giving up hope. I can deal with it with the pain meds but there are adjustments to be made. I can no longer obtain the relief that I had from just the Oxycontin or Oxycodone alone; it now takes the added Xanax constantly to get at the nerve pain, and I have run myself out of them until Wednesday not really planning to need them in the way I did. Fun. Hospice is great, but they can do noting until Wednesday. So, I am sort of sitting on my hands in the literal sense, and not up to too much more typing.
But I felt I better answer you two and get this out there for now.
_________________________________________________________________________________
UPDATE: Tuesday 11-01-11 @ 1pm:
Michelle stood in the gap for me today and got Hospice to not only get my Xanax refilled today, and I have them now, but she got them to take me from .5MG to 2MG at once! What a difference!! I just took the 1st one at 1pm sharp, and I ALREADY feeling like Eric again and able to post. Amazing nerve pain reduction! WOW!
I spoke to Lee shortly ago, and sounds like Chantal is getting time off from work now and he will get to go home in a few days, God willing, and be with her and Daisy finally.
So, All in all things are MUCH better as of just now, for us BOTH, and I thank you for asking. I THINK I am BACK now, I can go try to catch up with all the missed posts!
Love to you all and thank you for the care and concerns!
Eric
Thinking of you and Michelle...Glad you got some relief! Your absence on here has not gone unnoticed but of course it is completely understood.
I just wanted to say how much your time on here is valued. You and Michelle have been an amazing support system for so many here. You always find the right words to offer encouragement to others. I am truly amazed by your selflessness. I am sure the two of you may be in need of the very same support you offer yet here you are day in and day giving others the will to push forward.
There will be others who stumble upon this site in search of support and answers and here your words will always be. Your journey here and contribution to this site is invaluable to helping other survivors and caregivers.
Thank you a thousand times over again. You are amazing people.
Take care.
Jenny0 -
Gotta love 'emGinny_B said:Eric/Michelle... I pray all
Eric/Michelle... I pray all is well with you both. May God give you strength and courage and a calm tooth!
I mean the drugs! So glad Michele got things handled with hospice and got your the drugs you need. And the tooth? Man if it's not one thing it's 10 others isn't it? Take care...we're all pulling for you!
Hugs
Rita0 -
Abscess not bad tooth, and I screwed it all up royally!ritawaite13 said:Gotta love 'em
I mean the drugs! So glad Michele got things handled with hospice and got your the drugs you need. And the tooth? Man if it's not one thing it's 10 others isn't it? Take care...we're all pulling for you!
Hugs
Rita
Turned out to be an abscess not a cavity or even worse so some antibiotics and hopefully things will get better fast and before we head to Florida Monday.
I think I REALLY messed things up with Michelle tonight and I am so depressed and saddened I can't hardly see through the tears. I was taking too many of my Xanax and upset her as she was trying SO hard to manage my drugs for me and take care of me and I didn't listen or keep track and totally messed it all up.
I am having the worst night I can remember having since being diagnosed now. I cant sleep and we are at my parents house and I a trying to make things right again and don't know how to do it.
I really upset Michelle and royally screwed up her system she had set up for me to have my daily doses of medicines (She is such a good manager when I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let her handle things!) and I took more than I should have, didn't keep track, and didn't tell her and that as the whole point of her managing the drugs; so I wouldn't run out again.
MUCH worse than that, I feel like I have lost her trust and her respect and faced with God only knows how many weeks or months of life left I feel like a total failure in our entire 16 years tonight.
WHAT I would not give to go back even one or two days ago now and not mess this all up as we were SO close to going to Florida I was feeling closer to Michelle than I have/had been felting in 16 years if our marriage. I am feeling SO lost and alone right now. I deserve this. I brought this on myself and I am such an **** for being so selfish and thoughtless and hurting her this way.
I a sorry I just needed to vent as I am so sorry for hurting her and acting the way I have when the circumstances are what they are, she has given SO much of herself for the last 6 months through this (hell, the last 16 years of this) and this is the VERY last thing she needed or deserved tonight or right now. SHE is the one who deserves to be venting. I can't even type through the tears so need to just stop and go try to lay down now. She is such a wonderful person THE most selfless person I have ever known my whole life and I go and do this crap. I hope she will forgive me when we can get back to loving each other and go on to Florida. I do not want to die feeling this way. It is so sad and lonely. I can ONLY imagine how SHE must be feeling right now trying to sleep.
I will post again tomorrow time permitting and I hope things improve.
I love you all thanks for being there.
Eric0 -
So glad your tooth ache ischemosmoker said:Abscess not bad tooth, and I screwed it all up royally!
Turned out to be an abscess not a cavity or even worse so some antibiotics and hopefully things will get better fast and before we head to Florida Monday.
I think I REALLY messed things up with Michelle tonight and I am so depressed and saddened I can't hardly see through the tears. I was taking too many of my Xanax and upset her as she was trying SO hard to manage my drugs for me and take care of me and I didn't listen or keep track and totally messed it all up.
I am having the worst night I can remember having since being diagnosed now. I cant sleep and we are at my parents house and I a trying to make things right again and don't know how to do it.
I really upset Michelle and royally screwed up her system she had set up for me to have my daily doses of medicines (She is such a good manager when I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let her handle things!) and I took more than I should have, didn't keep track, and didn't tell her and that as the whole point of her managing the drugs; so I wouldn't run out again.
MUCH worse than that, I feel like I have lost her trust and her respect and faced with God only knows how many weeks or months of life left I feel like a total failure in our entire 16 years tonight.
WHAT I would not give to go back even one or two days ago now and not mess this all up as we were SO close to going to Florida I was feeling closer to Michelle than I have/had been felting in 16 years if our marriage. I am feeling SO lost and alone right now. I deserve this. I brought this on myself and I am such an **** for being so selfish and thoughtless and hurting her this way.
I a sorry I just needed to vent as I am so sorry for hurting her and acting the way I have when the circumstances are what they are, she has given SO much of herself for the last 6 months through this (hell, the last 16 years of this) and this is the VERY last thing she needed or deserved tonight or right now. SHE is the one who deserves to be venting. I can't even type through the tears so need to just stop and go try to lay down now. She is such a wonderful person THE most selfless person I have ever known my whole life and I go and do this crap. I hope she will forgive me when we can get back to loving each other and go on to Florida. I do not want to die feeling this way. It is so sad and lonely. I can ONLY imagine how SHE must be feeling right now trying to sleep.
I will post again tomorrow time permitting and I hope things improve.
I love you all thanks for being there.
Eric
So glad your tooth ache is sorted but not happy that you now have heart ache. That too will be sorted as Michelle loves you dearly it's just that you two have been under so much pressure. How could she not forgive you, you sound such a wonderful person and I always look forward to your postings. Chin up and both of you have a lovely holiday .
Ann (2)0 -
Mistakes happenchemosmoker said:Abscess not bad tooth, and I screwed it all up royally!
Turned out to be an abscess not a cavity or even worse so some antibiotics and hopefully things will get better fast and before we head to Florida Monday.
I think I REALLY messed things up with Michelle tonight and I am so depressed and saddened I can't hardly see through the tears. I was taking too many of my Xanax and upset her as she was trying SO hard to manage my drugs for me and take care of me and I didn't listen or keep track and totally messed it all up.
I am having the worst night I can remember having since being diagnosed now. I cant sleep and we are at my parents house and I a trying to make things right again and don't know how to do it.
I really upset Michelle and royally screwed up her system she had set up for me to have my daily doses of medicines (She is such a good manager when I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let her handle things!) and I took more than I should have, didn't keep track, and didn't tell her and that as the whole point of her managing the drugs; so I wouldn't run out again.
MUCH worse than that, I feel like I have lost her trust and her respect and faced with God only knows how many weeks or months of life left I feel like a total failure in our entire 16 years tonight.
WHAT I would not give to go back even one or two days ago now and not mess this all up as we were SO close to going to Florida I was feeling closer to Michelle than I have/had been felting in 16 years if our marriage. I am feeling SO lost and alone right now. I deserve this. I brought this on myself and I am such an **** for being so selfish and thoughtless and hurting her this way.
I a sorry I just needed to vent as I am so sorry for hurting her and acting the way I have when the circumstances are what they are, she has given SO much of herself for the last 6 months through this (hell, the last 16 years of this) and this is the VERY last thing she needed or deserved tonight or right now. SHE is the one who deserves to be venting. I can't even type through the tears so need to just stop and go try to lay down now. She is such a wonderful person THE most selfless person I have ever known my whole life and I go and do this crap. I hope she will forgive me when we can get back to loving each other and go on to Florida. I do not want to die feeling this way. It is so sad and lonely. I can ONLY imagine how SHE must be feeling right now trying to sleep.
I will post again tomorrow time permitting and I hope things improve.
I love you all thanks for being there.
Eric
Hi Eric,
We have not met yet, but I have followed your journey since your first post.
I hope you don't mind me giving you my thoughts.
You and Michelle are two very special people. Remember that always. Mistakes happen, to the very best people too. Please don't beat yourself up, you are going through a very difficult and emotional time, you both are. You are in pain and pain wears down your strength. What ever happened or was said, is over. Today is a new day.
What I know of Michelle is that she loves you so very much. It really is okay to have a melt down. I am so sorry that it had to happen, but now you and Michelle can go forward and be stronger for it. She loves you and will be there for you. Please try to forgive yourself for feeling so badly. It really is okay.
You have a wonderful trip planned. If you are near the ocean, hold Michelle's hand and walk barefoot in the warm ocean waters. It can give you both so much comfort. The ocean is my healing place. I hope you can find some peace there.
Where in FL are you heading and for how long. We spend a lot of time there too.
I hope that by the time you read this, all will be fine. Remember, today is a new day.
Lisha0 -
This comment has been removed by the Moderatorchemosmoker said:Abscess not bad tooth, and I screwed it all up royally!
Turned out to be an abscess not a cavity or even worse so some antibiotics and hopefully things will get better fast and before we head to Florida Monday.
I think I REALLY messed things up with Michelle tonight and I am so depressed and saddened I can't hardly see through the tears. I was taking too many of my Xanax and upset her as she was trying SO hard to manage my drugs for me and take care of me and I didn't listen or keep track and totally messed it all up.
I am having the worst night I can remember having since being diagnosed now. I cant sleep and we are at my parents house and I a trying to make things right again and don't know how to do it.
I really upset Michelle and royally screwed up her system she had set up for me to have my daily doses of medicines (She is such a good manager when I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let her handle things!) and I took more than I should have, didn't keep track, and didn't tell her and that as the whole point of her managing the drugs; so I wouldn't run out again.
MUCH worse than that, I feel like I have lost her trust and her respect and faced with God only knows how many weeks or months of life left I feel like a total failure in our entire 16 years tonight.
WHAT I would not give to go back even one or two days ago now and not mess this all up as we were SO close to going to Florida I was feeling closer to Michelle than I have/had been felting in 16 years if our marriage. I am feeling SO lost and alone right now. I deserve this. I brought this on myself and I am such an **** for being so selfish and thoughtless and hurting her this way.
I a sorry I just needed to vent as I am so sorry for hurting her and acting the way I have when the circumstances are what they are, she has given SO much of herself for the last 6 months through this (hell, the last 16 years of this) and this is the VERY last thing she needed or deserved tonight or right now. SHE is the one who deserves to be venting. I can't even type through the tears so need to just stop and go try to lay down now. She is such a wonderful person THE most selfless person I have ever known my whole life and I go and do this crap. I hope she will forgive me when we can get back to loving each other and go on to Florida. I do not want to die feeling this way. It is so sad and lonely. I can ONLY imagine how SHE must be feeling right now trying to sleep.
I will post again tomorrow time permitting and I hope things improve.
I love you all thanks for being there.
Eric0 -
Ericunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Oh Eric, Michelle is not mad at you! What she is mad at is what cancer is doing to her husband! I know of several times that I just snapped and became moody, irrational and impatient. Lee may have done something senseless at those times, but my reaction was definately not called for. Plain and simple, it's stress. Us caregivers love you so much, it's like torture to sit helplessly by and watch you suffer. At the least instigation, all of our pent up emotions just boil out, reasonable or not. I'm sure by the time you read this, Michelle will have told you the same thing herself. You have not lost her trust! She loves you more than anything, she's proved it over and over again.
As a note about meds, Sherri is right, you should not handle your own pills, but.... I can totally understand wanting to erase your pain by taking a pill or 2 more than prescribed. The nurse at the hospital told us that it was fine for Lee to use as much as needed, even if it's just to escape for a while.
As much as the debate runs on about Canadian health care, I am so fortunate that we have never had to worry about running out of drugs. We have enough stuff at home to open a pharmacy! I am so sorry that your meds are so highly controlled that one or 2 would make a difference for the rest of the week.
For Michelle, I understand your fear, frustration and anger. If you have not already kissed and made up, please do so right this second! Don't waste another moment, they are all so precious.
Love and hugs to you both
Chantal0 -
Eric, it's just darn good tochemosmoker said:Abscess not bad tooth, and I screwed it all up royally!
Turned out to be an abscess not a cavity or even worse so some antibiotics and hopefully things will get better fast and before we head to Florida Monday.
I think I REALLY messed things up with Michelle tonight and I am so depressed and saddened I can't hardly see through the tears. I was taking too many of my Xanax and upset her as she was trying SO hard to manage my drugs for me and take care of me and I didn't listen or keep track and totally messed it all up.
I am having the worst night I can remember having since being diagnosed now. I cant sleep and we are at my parents house and I a trying to make things right again and don't know how to do it.
I really upset Michelle and royally screwed up her system she had set up for me to have my daily doses of medicines (She is such a good manager when I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let her handle things!) and I took more than I should have, didn't keep track, and didn't tell her and that as the whole point of her managing the drugs; so I wouldn't run out again.
MUCH worse than that, I feel like I have lost her trust and her respect and faced with God only knows how many weeks or months of life left I feel like a total failure in our entire 16 years tonight.
WHAT I would not give to go back even one or two days ago now and not mess this all up as we were SO close to going to Florida I was feeling closer to Michelle than I have/had been felting in 16 years if our marriage. I am feeling SO lost and alone right now. I deserve this. I brought this on myself and I am such an **** for being so selfish and thoughtless and hurting her this way.
I a sorry I just needed to vent as I am so sorry for hurting her and acting the way I have when the circumstances are what they are, she has given SO much of herself for the last 6 months through this (hell, the last 16 years of this) and this is the VERY last thing she needed or deserved tonight or right now. SHE is the one who deserves to be venting. I can't even type through the tears so need to just stop and go try to lay down now. She is such a wonderful person THE most selfless person I have ever known my whole life and I go and do this crap. I hope she will forgive me when we can get back to loving each other and go on to Florida. I do not want to die feeling this way. It is so sad and lonely. I can ONLY imagine how SHE must be feeling right now trying to sleep.
I will post again tomorrow time permitting and I hope things improve.
I love you all thanks for being there.
Eric
Eric, it's just darn good to hear from you - venting or not. This too shall pass. I will print here some words that were on a bookmark that belong to St. Teresa. They were penned in her own handwriting:
Let nothing trouble you
Let nothing frighten you
All things are passing;
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who possess God
lacks nothing.
God alone suffices.
For me, the last 3 words are what I hold on to. You and Michelle are one; when one suffers so does the other. It's ok to have a tiff, cuz making up is such fun!
Remember... God alone suffices!0
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