my mom has stage 4

I'm new here. I really need some positive energy and hope. My mom is my everything my best friend. Were inseprable. My life has been a trainwreck since I was 5. My dad is a former heroin addict who used all my familys money and almost lost his life with a infection. My mom stood by him. He constanly demeans my mom and me. He calls me ignorant, stupid, a ****, and pretty much every name in the book. Just before her diagnoses he told her to go to hell and wished she die. My grandmother has alhzemiers. My mom has been in a car accident that broke her hip and knee so she's disabled and was getting ready for sugery when she found out. She had breast cancer and colorectal cancer surgeries back in 09. She didn't have to have radiation or chemo. Now though she has been diagnosed with stage 4 rectal cancer that is spread to her lungs. She just started on chemo. The first oncologist said she had 2 years to live at a local hospitial. We went to a top hospitial and they say she got a 50/50. I'm terrified I'm going to lose her I'm still in school. She not even 60. I had a hard life. We never semm to have any luck, her accidents who were someonelses fault haven't went to court its been 5 years going on 6. My moms strong she always been my rock I don't now what I'd do without her. I cry everytime someone mentions the word cancer. I know I'm lucky to have known her and had the best mom. I know they are far worse off people than me it just seems like the bad stuff never stops. I probably sound pathectic and whiny but the people around me act like she's going to die and don't want to discuss it. I never met my grandfather, he died of pancreatic cancer before I was born, my mom took care of him the entire time. I'm am only child and my familys constantly at odds with each other. I don't have anyone other than my mom who really cares about me or loves. The others are all for show. I don't want to go see a therapist because I can't face a total stranger and tell her my problems. I don't even know why I'm in a forum I guess I just need to know somelse is going through the same thing and can give me ascvice or hope. My father doesnkt and even tried to strangle me when I was little he says he cares in front of strangers but at home he is a coldhearted mean person who find pleasure in torture others. Not to get religious I'm noe against anybodys religion or lack there of but I used to strongly believe and I still do believe in god but I feel like I'm waisting my time in praying. It just doesn't seem like there's a brighter day. Please help.