Caretake problems

I'm sorry, David.
Well, maybe she is a little confused and frustrated. We aren't exactly the easiest people to cook for. In your post you say you want her to cook for you, and you are mad she didn't, but all you can have is milk, cereal and grits. So do you want her to just cook some grits for you every night?

Here's the thing, she may not be doing anything, because she doesn't know WHAT to do. If she is an excellent wife, and she's been by your side, then I am sure she wants to make you happy, but she needs to know how. Most of the time we think people are letting us down, but in reality, they don't know what we want, because we aren't clearly communicating our wants, needs, or expectations. As a manager, I realized that there are times where people know what to do, and there are times that they need clear direction. Most big mishaps ensued when I was not providing clear expectations and I was just assuming they knew what to do. I think marriage can be the same way. We think our spouse is a mind reader and we expect them to think like we do, but they don't.

Maybe sit down with her and talk about where you are at with eating. Would you like her to make something special for you every night? If so, I would give her a list of stuff you can eat, so she knows what to make a meal out of. Stuff you would like to try? Write that down too. Or maybe you can agree to try a little of what she is eating. Idk. What ever you think is best for you, but don't get mad. Don't take your frustrations of not being able to eat on her. (easier said than done. I wanted to kill my grandmother over a bagel that she toasted once. In fairness, I was a garlic bagel, and I hadn't eaten in 6 months. I don't know what I would have done if I lived in a house with cooking going on. It's like TORTURE to smell food when you cannot eat. Ugh). You need to talk about it. I'm sure she wants to help you and you guys can work together to come up with food ideas, and how you want to handle meals and meal time.

The rare times I eat with my family, I just cook for myself, because my dad just doesn't get it. He has four other people to cook for, and he isn't going to make me something special, and he doesn't seem to want to tailor what he is cooking for me, so if I do go up on a holiday to eat with them, I make sure I bring one or two things that work for me, and then take a tbs of things I think I might be able to eat. Which usually isn't much.

Agree
We patients do try our caregivers patience sometimes don't we?

Your wife may not have fixed you anything because you may not have asked her to. I know I am guilty sometimes of expecting my husband (my caregiver) to be able to read my mind. And that is silly isn't it? I mean, if I can't read his, why should he be able to read mine? Your wife could also be wanting you to try other foods and see if you can get more protein, vitamins and minerals in your system. Or she may just be tired and figured if that is all your having, well....perhaps you can cook that yourself.

My husband has the patience of a saint. I see him grit his teeth and smile when I'm having a bad day and taking it out on him. The one thing he reminds me of is that "it is the cancer talking, not you". God Bless him, he knows me that well. He knows my true spirit like your wife knows yours. Our caregivers all are to be commended for staying with us and standing between us and the world sometimes when all they want to do is say, "what about me"? But my husband also reminds me that "I was drafted, he enlisted" and he keeps re-enlisting every time I have more tests, operations or procedures. And for me, it doesn't get any better than that!


Teresa

arndog64 said:

As a caregiver it is hard to
As a caregiver it is hard to cook for you folks.I am lucky, my husband is so easy going and I always tried to make dinner to cater to his eating abilities and some days he just says dont worry about me make dinner for you and the kids and eat what you guys want, I will nuke a pot pie or something. I plan on making him a homemade pot pie this weekend, he loves pot pies and I believe it's the easiest thing for him to eat. Besides his morning donut once in awhile. I just love my man to pieces. LOL

Hi David
I know the problem, my wife is always getting up-set with me because I can’t tell her what I feel like eating, and the truth is I don’t feel like eating.

What I started doing is to give her a list of food that I can eat and like and told her to cook them on different days of the week. So far so good, if I feel like eating I eat and if not I don’t; until she makes me eat. Her caregiver job is to try and get weight back on me. lol

Wishing you the best my friend
Hondo

I CAN RELATE
My wife too had trouble trying to make meals for me. She was very good in trying new things, of which most I did not or could not eat. The hardest thing for her was to try to just "fend for herself" during meals.

It is a normal occurance as being a caregiver. My hat is off to all who make the big sacrifice to try to do the best they can to take care of us.

Mike