Can I just scream.........cause I am tired of crying!!

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Comments

  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #22
    stayingstrongfortoday said:

    I do take....
    meds. I take half a xanax every morning and afternoon, and one whole one at night. I started that this summer while on steriods. I was shaky as a leaf. I just can't figure out how to manage pain. I hate the patches and can't take stronger stuff without stomach issues. I stopped taking ibuprofen since my platelets are so low. Tylenol doesn't cut it. I just have to keep trying.

    I am so thankful tonight, my hubby talked me into going swimming with our friends with kids with Down syndrome. That makes me feel "old" normal. The water was perfect and it took my mind off of me. If I can muster up the energy I almost think working part time will be good for me otherwise I will sit around all day feeling sorry for myself.

    thanks for all the good thoughts/ideas. I guess a lot of this also stems from a friend with a similar cancer who just sort of laid down and "gave up' after lung mets last December, she died in June. She wouldn't talk to anyone really, just sort of hung it up. I have never been one to compare myself too closely to others stories but this one scares me..and I knew her so it really hits close to home. I like to stay active, when I am tired and I want to just sit I feel like I am giving up. I know it's not true but it gets me down.

    sorry for the 3 posts??
    Not sure why that posted 3 times!
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #23
    stayingstrongfortoday said:

    sorry for the 3 posts??
    Not sure why that posted 3 times!

    I agree with Maria
    Please seek help , seeing a counselor, mediation class, and psychiatrist can be very useful, please ask your oncologist for help. There are other medications you can take which are helpful for anxiety and depression.
    Hugs
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #24
    Hope you are having a better
    Hope you are having a better time of it today. You deserve to scream. Screamers are usually angry and want to fight. Keep those boxing gloves on and keep up that good fight. You have way too many good reasons to keep on keeping on. I can just see your little 3 year old crying with mom, kids are such an inspiration. Hugs and prayers.
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #25
    natly15 said:

    Hope you are having a better
    Hope you are having a better time of it today. You deserve to scream. Screamers are usually angry and want to fight. Keep those boxing gloves on and keep up that good fight. You have way too many good reasons to keep on keeping on. I can just see your little 3 year old crying with mom, kids are such an inspiration. Hugs and prayers.

    Didn't mean....
    to sound like such a basketcase. I do see a therapist, I am not very open to antidepressants cause I never can find one that doesn't make me feel crazier. I think just adding taxol and trying to figure out the side effects has me frazzled, you go so long feeling one way and then in an instant you get something new thrown in the mix and then you have to adjust to another new thing. I just want to go back to work and have things be all better. However that is not the reality right now. As my oncologist said "Slowing down, does not mean giving up". I know that in my head, not my heart. I just want to keep going, but I am going to respect my body and listen to what it is telling me. I may still have to scream every once in a while though.....
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #26
    stayingstrongfortoday said:

    Didn't mean....
    to sound like such a basketcase. I do see a therapist, I am not very open to antidepressants cause I never can find one that doesn't make me feel crazier. I think just adding taxol and trying to figure out the side effects has me frazzled, you go so long feeling one way and then in an instant you get something new thrown in the mix and then you have to adjust to another new thing. I just want to go back to work and have things be all better. However that is not the reality right now. As my oncologist said "Slowing down, does not mean giving up". I know that in my head, not my heart. I just want to keep going, but I am going to respect my body and listen to what it is telling me. I may still have to scream every once in a while though.....

    Glad to hear you have someone to talk to!
    You're not a basket cast! You're a fighter that's trying to find the right weapons and stay in the battle. DO you have a support group you can go to and maybe find someone there in a similar situation?

    We're all different but I've started yoga and that has helped me in several ways. It's good for strength, balance, and stretching. And it helps to focus and relax. It may not work for everyobody and you have to get in with the right group - gentle yoga in particular not the high energy work-out stuff - but it might help your stress levels. I figured anything was worth trying.
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #27
    Oh how I know this feeling,
    Oh how I know this feeling, and I don't have little ones! Every time new meds are added it stirs my pot, and messes with my balance (mental balance). Regrouping and changing my mind set seems to take much longer each time. This is where I was over the weekend. You have every right to scream, yell, laugh, do whatever it takes to get it out of your system. Don't see you as a basket case, I see you as someone who has been given a sh*tty deal trying to live her life. Hard, as it isn't only the cancer you are battling, but you still have all of your other obligations and real life that don't disappear just because you got this diagnosis.

    My heart goes out to you and your 3 year old. I love the little ones, they seem to sense what you need without words or direction.

    My prayers and hugs are with you and your family.
  • cctiz
    cctiz Member Posts: 47
    #28
    ease UR mind
    have u tried yoga? maybe a massage session, 20 minutes and you'll see the difference - or if u r in pain reike w/accupunture? try to go for a walk at night, when it freshens a little with some music, go back home and take a cold shower, it'll set up your mood for some relaxation - it's awful being sick and on treatments during summer, we all want to scream and more
    we wish you the best!
  • Grace1995
    Grace1995 Member Posts: 3
    #29
    Dear Sister: i am crying
    Dear Sister: i am crying with you. I went through similar circumstances a few years ago. It was a hot sticky summer in Calif. I was working a full schedule and driving myself to radiation every weekday...I was miserable, weak and sick to my stomach. I had no one to talk to except my 15year old son. Many days I screamed, cried, had panic attacks, was very depressed..etc. One day i fell on my knees and asked God to HELP ME!!!!! It did not happen overnight....But I started believing that I was going to get better, that I was not going to die. I begged God to let me live until my son got older....I feel your pain and scream all you want...cry all you need to...I will pray for you and your children. you have many sisters praying for you........God Bless You..
  • Grace1995
    Grace1995 Member Posts: 3
    #30
    Dear Sister: i am crying
    Dear Sister: i am crying with you. I went through similar circumstances a few years ago. It was a hot sticky summer in Calif. I was working a full schedule and driving myself to radiation every weekday...I was miserable, weak and sick to my stomach. I had no one to talk to except my 15year old son. Many days I screamed, cried, had panic attacks, was very depressed..etc. One day i fell on my knees and asked God to HELP ME!!!!! It did not happen overnight....But I started believing that I was going to get better, that I was not going to die. I begged God to let me live until my son got older....I feel your pain and scream all you want...cry all you need to...I will pray for you and your children. you have many sisters praying for you........God Bless You..
  • Grace1995
    Grace1995 Member Posts: 3
    #31
    Dear Sister: i am crying
    Dear Sister: i am crying with you. I went through similar circumstances a few years ago. It was a hot sticky summer in Calif. I was working a full schedule and driving myself to radiation every weekday...I was miserable, weak and sick to my stomach. I had no one to talk to except my 15year old son. Many days I screamed, cried, had panic attacks, was very depressed..etc. One day i fell on my knees and asked God to HELP ME!!!!! It did not happen overnight....But I started believing that I was going to get better, that I was not going to die. I begged God to let me live until my son got older....I feel your pain and scream all you want...cry all you need to...I will pray for you and your children. you have many sisters praying for you........God Bless You..
  • stayingstrongfortoday
    stayingstrongfortoday Member Posts: 116
    #32
    Grace1995 said:

    Dear Sister: i am crying
    Dear Sister: i am crying with you. I went through similar circumstances a few years ago. It was a hot sticky summer in Calif. I was working a full schedule and driving myself to radiation every weekday...I was miserable, weak and sick to my stomach. I had no one to talk to except my 15year old son. Many days I screamed, cried, had panic attacks, was very depressed..etc. One day i fell on my knees and asked God to HELP ME!!!!! It did not happen overnight....But I started believing that I was going to get better, that I was not going to die. I begged God to let me live until my son got older....I feel your pain and scream all you want...cry all you need to...I will pray for you and your children. you have many sisters praying for you........God Bless You..

    thanks
    I have begged God too, I don't think I deserve to live anymore than anyone else in this fight but I still beg. I go see my oncologist today I am hoping he can help with the headaches and feeling sick to my stomach. I will probably just get "you have a lot of disease in your body" which is always so fun to hear!! I appreciate everyone's comments they were very helpful.
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    #33
    skipper54 said:

    Glad to hear you have someone to talk to!
    You're not a basket cast! You're a fighter that's trying to find the right weapons and stay in the battle. DO you have a support group you can go to and maybe find someone there in a similar situation?

    We're all different but I've started yoga and that has helped me in several ways. It's good for strength, balance, and stretching. And it helps to focus and relax. It may not work for everyobody and you have to get in with the right group - gentle yoga in particular not the high energy work-out stuff - but it might help your stress levels. I figured anything was worth trying.

    I truly hope that your
    I truly hope that your oncologist can help you. And, screaming and crying kind of go hand in hand with being diagnosed with bc unfortunately.

    We all understand, we all get it, so, never feel alone in this fight.

    Wishing you good luck and praying for you!
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #34
    CAchick said:

    Big Primal Scream!!
    Hi, I just let out a big primal scream for you!!!!
    (Luckily I am home alone right now...) I did scare the cat a little though...
    Seriously, praying for you,
    Sybil

    Scream to the top of your
    Scream to the top of your lungs! You are entitled to!


    I will be praying for you,


    Leeza
  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #35
    stayingstrong
    You can scream, you can cry, you can jump up and down, and punch the air, and yell at God, and use the F word. You have my permission.
    Stop thinking about returning to work, and call everyone you know to give you a break from the 3 year old. You both will be better for it.
    They know something is wrong at that age, but they can't comprehend what. Can you get the youngster into a nursery school or day care setting? even 2 days a week will give you a lot of relief. Check on American Cancer Society, if you need help paying for it. There are resources out there, use all of them...Joy will return...and I know what you mean about the word "battle" I always said I was enduring it. Me and 200,000 others...3 years is a very long time...but think about how many times you did the impossible, you can do it again. Stay safe, take care of you right now. Change the way you are looking at it, and then it can change. Say I have all the help I need, my doctors are here for me, I have friends to call on in times of need, I am going to endure this and help someone else through this hell. It is not about me, it is about how I can help someone else when I am better. I will remember how this feels and know how to hold someone else up...and saying the F word 5 times in a row, really does reduce your blood pressure...and is proven to relieve stess..hehehe, so let er rip sister. Here for you. and Please go to the chat, it is a daily, and nightly place to get responses, help, friends, comfort, understanding, and all around love.
    Sinee
  • dmdudra
    dmdudra Member Posts: 50
    #36
    stayingstrong
    You stream all you want... take a drive go out in the woods or where there is nobody around and just scream let it all out... I feel for you I first got diagnosis in 2009 and was so sick and tired of all the test I had to have done...now in 2011 here we go again... just remember you are not alone we are here for you... do you have a friend or family that can help you with your 3yr old? is there a support group where you live? also ask your doctor about your depression... I know you hate to take a pill so solve a problem but you need to do what you can to make you feel better and I know you want to cry and think about dying but you have to be strong hang in there and NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT for your son... we want you to be around for a long time... I know it is hard but you can do it...never give up hope or faith.. I hope this helps.. take care and hang in there
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #37
    LoveBabyJesus said:

    You can also hit something,
    You can also hit something, like a pillow (don't choose anything that may harm you!). Hit until you are tired, and then lay down, rest, and sleep like an angel.

    I have gone through this process of feeling out of control and not being able to cope. I pray everyday and it makes me feel better. We know how difficult it is, but it can also get better.

    So sorry you are feeling down. I pray your spirit gets lifted again. Don't feel bad about screaming - if it helps you, do it. But please know this too shall pass.

    Hugs and prayers to you!

    Hugs and prayers to you!
  • Vigee
    Vigee Member Posts: 66
    #38
    Oh Sweetie...
    Oh, Sweetie. I think there would be something wrong with you if you were NOT a basket case right now.

    So many times I have said to myself that I am so glad I do not have children right now, so I am in awe in how you are handling being a Mom through all of this.

    Listen to your sisters here. I am reading through all the advice and they are so right and wise.

    Know that we have ALL felt this way! It is a freekin' roller coaster that makes you crazy. Allow yourself to be a basket case and cry and cry. I think feeling it is the only way to get through it.

    Keep posting.

    <3 Vigee

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