Nancy....

Mwee said:

Nancy
is on my mind all the time. Thanks again, Carlene for preparing us and keeping us up to date. I can't tell you how much I hate this disease.

Best of luck with Plan B. Rest up... no Texas Barb-be-que for you this weekend?
(((HUGS))) Maria

Nancy and her family
Nancy and her family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God give them peace and strength; Nancy is in our hearts and minds all along the way.

Carlene, please take care of yourself, you have so much on your mind. Thank you for keeping us updated. You truly are a caring soul.

Love,
Chris

childofthestars said:

Nancy
My heart literally sinks every time I see a thread with Nancy's name at the moment - and obviously for good reason :(
Hope all goes well with your mouth stuff!
Michelle x

I've been thinking of Nancy
I've been thinking of Nancy several times a day since the original bad post.I feel the same as Michelle , my heart sinks when I see a post with her name in it.
God bless Nancy and her family.
This s**t sucks beyond words.

Thank you again Carlene for
Thank you again Carlene for keeping us posted even as you deal with your own issues...do take care of yourself.

I can't get the analogy of the rain and then the tsunami out of my mind ... I fear the tsunami hit Nancy and the reality of how quickly it cam overwhelm the body is indeed quite scary. My heart goes out to her and family. My hope is that the strength she displayed battling this disease has been passed on to her family, to her darling children, to carry with them through this time and into the future as Nancy would want.

This is just so sad.
Annie

I have been praying for
I have been praying for Nancy for a long time. I feel so bad for her little boys. It just seems she has gone down so fast. I don't normally get on here alot, but recently I have been just to check on Nancy (and now Leesa too!). I just hate this...it's scary and awful. I have been thinking about her alot, even dreamed about her last night. I guess this just hits too close to home.

Beth

Thanks Carlene, grim news
Thanks Carlene, grim news indeed. Good luck with the rest of your dental work...I have found that chemo took a toll on my gums and stuff.

Hissy_Fitz said:

Nancy....
I don't think
Nancy....

I don't think Susan died from from OC, per se. She fell victim to aspiration pneumonia and her husband took her to the ER, and they put her straight into ICU but she was just very weak by then and continued to deteriorate.

I don't think anyone expected it.

Nancy told me in March that she was afraid she did not have a lot of time left. Her spirit will never give up, but her body is just being overwhelmed by the disease. It really is so unfair.

The people I have known who died from cancer seemed to be ill but hanging on for a long while, then went downhill pretty quickly. Some, I think, just waste away grandually. It depends on which organ systems are involved, I think.

Carlene

Thank you for the post, Carlene...
While your post is sad, I am comforted with your keeping us up to date. I am so sad for Nancy, her husband and children. I pray Nancy is feeling no pain.

Carlene, take care and I hope all goes well with your dental work on Monday.

Normally, I try not to think the worst, but today has been a little bit of a downer.

poopergirl14052 said:

I am getting scared
I feel very afraid right now and I don't know what to do?? I wish I had healing powers to make us all well again. I don't feel very hopeful about my own fate and I am afraid this disease will get me too. I feel very down and sad...sorry but I needed to say it...val

I'm just like you
I can go for a short time with out think of cancer but for the most part i think of it all the time. Some people tell me this is not normal of course they never had cancer.
I have stage 4 ov ca . I've been ned for 14mons but still have the fear of dying. The doctor never told me how long i have ( is this a good thing) unless thats only wh en you are very bad. He keeps telling me i am a winner what ever that means. I hope this helps you to know you are not alone feeling the way you do i think we need to put it in gods hands and live our lives what ever is going to happen is going to happen no matter what.
I am 52 years old and have 6 grand children thats the part that scares me I want to be around for them. But I never asked why me? Do the Drs really know how much time we have?
If so i wish i would be told. Not knowing is the worsed part. I hope we are the lucky one that stick around for a hell of a long time. Best of luck to you.

just had to vent
tomcat 59

lindaprocopio said:

It never gets any easier when our sisters bodies are weakening.
It's wierd, but I do take some comfort in the short duration that Nancy has been really sick. I always wanted to "go fast" and not linger and suffer. I remember a post here where someone was saying that their mom was in the garden talking with a neighbor one week, and gone the next. At the time I thought "God, let it be like that for me." I know things can turn on a dime; and I am okay with that. My family has had almost 3 years to prepare themselves, and I feel my affairs are in order. Nancy and I share that same trait; she wanted to do everything to make her passing easier on her family and we both have made all kinds of preparations and worked to build memories and ways to keep those memories alive with cards and photo books, etc.

I'm so glad that Nancy is pain-free. I still want her to surprise us; I just can't give up hope for a miracle.

And I guess I sound melancholy, talking about death. But in reality, I am surprised to still be here on this earth. I am chemo-resistant and nothing seems to work on me. Last autumn when I planted my spring bulbs, I wondered if I'd be here to see them bloom. & last winter when I booked a place for the family at the beach for July, I wondered if I would still be here to go along. But I'm still here! WE'RE still here, ladies,... surprised and delighted each day by our own survival. One joyful day at a time. Chin up, okay?

Our issues get triggered
Linda, thanks for sharing that. You are right, when our sisters get weak, we are so sad for them and their families, AND it reminds us of our own immortality, and whatever our issues are (fear of death, lack of preparation or whatever) get triggered. I love your great pearls of wisdom, always a nice balance of truth and grace. I remember your post about planting your bulbs, and am so happy you got to enjoy them bloom. You always inspire me!

Last week, when I got the news about Nancy, and Leesa, I also got a phone call from my best friend. Her mom had just died of a heart attack at 72. No warning, just sudden. She died on the way to the hospital. I was so sad for my friend, and at the same time, I thought that she was blessed to have such a full wonderful, healthy life and not to have to suffer any long drawn out pain. Her name got called and she left. Her family is grieving and that is tough, but she is doing great, I have no doubt.

My issue that gets triggered with seeing my sisters decline is the reminder that I have NOT done what you and Nancy did so well, prepare the videos/cards/albums etc. Even thinking about writing a Birthday card or wedding card for the future destroys me, let alone talking on a video, and I can't even think through my tears.

The good news is that recently, I realized what I COULD do. (Thank you Nancy, for encouraging me to just do what I could and not beat myself up over what I couldn't do!). I am making a recipe book including pictures, for my kids. And my daughter and I are putting together an "obento" (lunch box) album, including pictures, for her to have. Making obento's, for her is as exciting as Christmas (hard to understand unless you have experienced the Japanese obento culture thing), and we are making them together whenever we have a chance. It will be like a recipe/idea book for her when she makes her own "obento" in the future. I'm also putting some albums together with the iphoto program (I really wanted to do the fancy scrap book style, but I don't seem to have the time or energy for it) for my kids. So, in preparing for the future, I am also tapping into the JOY of living. That is doable for me.

Although a little battle worn, I am still here. WE are still here, you are so right, Linda. And I am going to continue sewing my little seeds of JOY wherever I can. I hope I get to see them bloom, but if not, my family will for sure. It is a WIN either way.

kathleen

Rookerbird said:

Preparations
Can you share some ideas, please? I have two sons (21 and 23) and no grandchildren.

I've done as much as I can to make the settlement of my financial estate go smoothly. One of my brothers who is quasi-retired will be executor. My sons are close to him. Computer files are organized and passwords available. Paper files are also organized and easy to follow. Powers of attorney in place.

The family photos are in scrapbooks in chronological order. I've made each son a cookbook of their favorite recipes and family/sentimental recipes. I haven't been able to make myself write anything for my sons to read after my death. I've thought about writing a letter for when they get married, and another for when they have their first child. Every time I start, though, my emotions overwhelm me. I ADORED everything about raising a family.

My parents have asked me to plan my memorial service (who should speak, music, photos to display, etc.) I've given it a bit of thought, but am stumped. Sorta feel the memorial service is for those who are left behind, and they should be free to plan what is most meaningful for THEM. On the other hand, if I can save someone stress/effort, I'll do it. Thoughts on this?

I have a lot of nice jewelry. Wonder if my sons would want that...guess I should ask. I'm thinking about giving it to my friends, my sisters-in-law, and my one niece. (I have one niece and five nephews.)

What other preparations did you and Nancy make?

I did family recipes books for everyone last Thanksgiving. FUN!
As soon as I recurred I started giving shares of my business to my sons, and now they officially own my business free of inheritance tax. I cashed a bond and beefed up the grandkid's college accounts. We re-did our wills. I had all my good jewelry cleaned and the stones tightened and made up little cards to go with each piece for the intended recipient. Those were the big things.

And there were a lot of little things I did, important to do (if you're gonna) while you still feel good and there won't be unnecessary drama attached to it. I used snapfish.com to create photobooks for my family since it is fast and easy. I did a hardcover book with a collection of family recipes for my children and step-children and gave them out at Thanksgiving dinner, and it was fun to combine photos of my own children cutting pumpkins, and rolling pie crusts, and baking gingerbread houses, etc. and positioning them alongside photos of the grandkids doing the same things with me. And I made hardcover photo books of our last 2 family beach vacations and Christmas's. I did birthday cards and Christmas cards for my 2 grandchildren, with a note trying to imagine them at that age and an annual $ gift tucked inside for each year until they are 18. I gave my (grown) children the cards they'd made me as children and their old report cards, and their baby albums, and newspaper clippings of when they made the paper. For my grandchildren I filled an under-the-bed storage chest with heirloom Christmas ornaments and little things I saved that they drew or made for me and the baby albums I created for each of them and the studio portraits I was given as 'grandma' that they might want to have one day. My family knows I did these things and there was never any angst about it; they know I like to have a plan and hate loose ends. Once I got all these little things done, I felt better.

Once I got the liver mets, I realized I wasn't REALLY ready. I don't think I've left anything important unsaid with my darling husband or my 2 sons, but I still want to leave a posthumous letter to help them get through their early grief. It is a custom where I live to display photos of the deceased at a funeral, so I went through the photos in my computer and had 3 identical hardcover books made of photos of me with photos of when I was a baby, as young mother, and then later in my life, choosing photos with my family in them. Now the task is to write the letters to tuck inside the books. That IS hard. I have my husband's half done and can't seem to get on with the task. I will make a renewed effort once I feel better from this radioembolization. My hope is to somewhat pre-arrange my funeral and leave the "Linda" photo books and letters with the funeral director to distribute. AGAIN, this is hard; this is dramatic; I can't seem to move forward on this, but I will. We get cremated in my family and although I'd like the majority of my ashes spread on my bulb garden so I can bloom again each spring, I did look at little vials that I may have engraved so that family members can have some part of me with them. Hanging onto those vials and filling them with some of my ashes would be the other thing I would pre-plan with the funeral director. (I want my family to have some say in what would be comforting to them.) They sell these ashes vials as jewelry but I really see them as laying in a jewelry box and a way to 'visit with me' since I will have no grave:
http://www.perfectmemorials.com/silver-classic-cylinder-cremation-jewelry-pack-engravable-p-2634.html

And craziest of all, I recently boxed up all of the Christmas presents I have already purchased for next Christmas (year-round shopper & eternal optimist!), and tucked cards into each box, afraid that my husband wouldn't have a clue who gets what. Then of course, the worry is that there isn't something yet for EVERYONE on my list yet, and not NEAR what I hope to give any of them, and people might be confused and hurt by the minimal effort my little stack, to date, looks like. What can you do? I'm trying.

And a final PS to this embarrassingly long post:
I am happy to report that I've ALREADY had to pull out the heirloom ornaments from the grandkid's box to hang on my tree; and I've ALREADY been able to rip up one of the posthumous birthday cards and deliver my gift in person since I'M STILL HERE!