Nancy....

kayandok

lindaprocopio said:

I did family recipes books for everyone last Thanksgiving. FUN!
As soon as I recurred I started giving shares of my business to my sons, and now they officially own my business free of inheritance tax. I cashed a bond and beefed up the grandkid's college accounts. We re-did our wills. I had all my good jewelry cleaned and the stones tightened and made up little cards to go with each piece for the intended recipient. Those were the big things.

And there were a lot of little things I did, important to do (if you're gonna) while you still feel good and there won't be unnecessary drama attached to it. I used snapfish.com to create photobooks for my family since it is fast and easy. I did a hardcover book with a collection of family recipes for my children and step-children and gave them out at Thanksgiving dinner, and it was fun to combine photos of my own children cutting pumpkins, and rolling pie crusts, and baking gingerbread houses, etc. and positioning them alongside photos of the grandkids doing the same things with me. And I made hardcover photo books of our last 2 family beach vacations and Christmas's. I did birthday cards and Christmas cards for my 2 grandchildren, with a note trying to imagine them at that age and an annual $ gift tucked inside for each year until they are 18. I gave my (grown) children the cards they'd made me as children and their old report cards, and their baby albums, and newspaper clippings of when they made the paper. For my grandchildren I filled an under-the-bed storage chest with heirloom Christmas ornaments and little things I saved that they drew or made for me and the baby albums I created for each of them and the studio portraits I was given as 'grandma' that they might want to have one day. My family knows I did these things and there was never any angst about it; they know I like to have a plan and hate loose ends. Once I got all these little things done, I felt better.

Once I got the liver mets, I realized I wasn't REALLY ready. I don't think I've left anything important unsaid with my darling husband or my 2 sons, but I still want to leave a posthumous letter to help them get through their early grief. It is a custom where I live to display photos of the deceased at a funeral, so I went through the photos in my computer and had 3 identical hardcover books made of photos of me with photos of when I was a baby, as young mother, and then later in my life, choosing photos with my family in them. Now the task is to write the letters to tuck inside the books. That IS hard. I have my husband's half done and can't seem to get on with the task. I will make a renewed effort once I feel better from this radioembolization. My hope is to somewhat pre-arrange my funeral and leave the "Linda" photo books and letters with the funeral director to distribute. AGAIN, this is hard; this is dramatic; I can't seem to move forward on this, but I will. We get cremated in my family and although I'd like the majority of my ashes spread on my bulb garden so I can bloom again each spring, I did look at little vials that I may have engraved so that family members can have some part of me with them. Hanging onto those vials and filling them with some of my ashes would be the other thing I would pre-plan with the funeral director. (I want my family to have some say in what would be comforting to them.) They sell these ashes vials as jewelry but I really see them as laying in a jewelry box and a way to 'visit with me' since I will have no grave:
http://www.perfectmemorials.com/silver-classic-cylinder-cremation-jewelry-pack-engravable-p-2634.html

And craziest of all, I recently boxed up all of the Christmas presents I have already purchased for next Christmas (year-round shopper & eternal optimist!), and tucked cards into each box, afraid that my husband wouldn't have a clue who gets what. Then of course, the worry is that there isn't something yet for EVERYONE on my list yet, and not NEAR what I hope to give any of them, and people might be confused and hurt by the minimal effort my little stack, to date, looks like. What can you do? I'm trying.

And a final PS to this embarrassingly long post:
I am happy to report that I've ALREADY had to pull out the heirloom ornaments from the grandkid's box to hang on my tree; and I've ALREADY been able to rip up one of the posthumous birthday cards and deliver my gift in person since I'M STILL HERE!

Wow!
Linda, thank you for that! You could write a book/do a class for cancer survivors on how to prepare for the end, just in case. These ideas are really helpful. I like the idea of giving the recipe books and some photo albums out for gifts now. That encourages me to hurry and get it done! Also LOVE the idea of giving cards back to the kids that they have given me, although I might have a hard time choosing which ones. (My kids always draw a lot of pictures and they are all treasures to me.) Nancy mentioned that she had attended a class on how to do this, did you do that too?

kayandok

Rookerbird said:

Preparations
Can you share some ideas, please? I have two sons (21 and 23) and no grandchildren.

I've done as much as I can to make the settlement of my financial estate go smoothly. One of my brothers who is quasi-retired will be executor. My sons are close to him. Computer files are organized and passwords available. Paper files are also organized and easy to follow. Powers of attorney in place.

The family photos are in scrapbooks in chronological order. I've made each son a cookbook of their favorite recipes and family/sentimental recipes. I haven't been able to make myself write anything for my sons to read after my death. I've thought about writing a letter for when they get married, and another for when they have their first child. Every time I start, though, my emotions overwhelm me. I ADORED everything about raising a family.

My parents have asked me to plan my memorial service (who should speak, music, photos to display, etc.) I've given it a bit of thought, but am stumped. Sorta feel the memorial service is for those who are left behind, and they should be free to plan what is most meaningful for THEM. On the other hand, if I can save someone stress/effort, I'll do it. Thoughts on this?

I have a lot of nice jewelry. Wonder if my sons would want that...guess I should ask. I'm thinking about giving it to my friends, my sisters-in-law, and my one niece. (I have one niece and five nephews.)

What other preparations did you and Nancy make?

Hi Rooker,
Which one is YOU in your profile? I'm sure you will get some ideas from all the ladies who have been pro-active in a few days. Boy this latest news is hitting us all hard!

I did want to mention the website Carlene found for planning funnerals etc. I found it very helpful.

mywonderfullife.com

Hugs,
kathleen

PS I'm very impressed with what you have done to prepare!!!

eward

kayandok said:

Wow!
Linda, thank you for that! You could write a book/do a class for cancer survivors on how to prepare for the end, just in case. These ideas are really helpful. I like the idea of giving the recipe books and some photo albums out for gifts now. That encourages me to hurry and get it done! Also LOVE the idea of giving cards back to the kids that they have given me, although I might have a hard time choosing which ones. (My kids always draw a lot of pictures and they are all treasures to me.) Nancy mentioned that she had attended a class on how to do this, did you do that too?

You are all so beautiful
Thank you for sharing your ideas of love. I am printing this thread to read tomorrow when I am thinking straight again. This has been a difficult day and week and month, and I am so glad our paths have crossed, even if for a sad reason. There is joy in our sadness.
xxxoooxxx
Eileen

Rookerbird

kayandok said:

Hi Rooker,
Which one is YOU in your profile? I'm sure you will get some ideas from all the ladies who have been pro-active in a few days. Boy this latest news is hitting us all hard!

I did want to mention the website Carlene found for planning funnerals etc. I found it very helpful.

mywonderfullife.com

Hugs,
kathleen

PS I'm very impressed with what you have done to prepare!!!

Hat Day
Hi Kathleen -

I'm in the green shirt, black hat and scarf. A bunch of co-workers wore hats to work one day after my hair had fallen out..."just for the hat of it."

Thanks for the website info. I'll check it out!

Hugs back,
Kathy

Rookerbird

lindaprocopio said:

I did family recipes books for everyone last Thanksgiving. FUN!
As soon as I recurred I started giving shares of my business to my sons, and now they officially own my business free of inheritance tax. I cashed a bond and beefed up the grandkid's college accounts. We re-did our wills. I had all my good jewelry cleaned and the stones tightened and made up little cards to go with each piece for the intended recipient. Those were the big things.

And there were a lot of little things I did, important to do (if you're gonna) while you still feel good and there won't be unnecessary drama attached to it. I used snapfish.com to create photobooks for my family since it is fast and easy. I did a hardcover book with a collection of family recipes for my children and step-children and gave them out at Thanksgiving dinner, and it was fun to combine photos of my own children cutting pumpkins, and rolling pie crusts, and baking gingerbread houses, etc. and positioning them alongside photos of the grandkids doing the same things with me. And I made hardcover photo books of our last 2 family beach vacations and Christmas's. I did birthday cards and Christmas cards for my 2 grandchildren, with a note trying to imagine them at that age and an annual $ gift tucked inside for each year until they are 18. I gave my (grown) children the cards they'd made me as children and their old report cards, and their baby albums, and newspaper clippings of when they made the paper. For my grandchildren I filled an under-the-bed storage chest with heirloom Christmas ornaments and little things I saved that they drew or made for me and the baby albums I created for each of them and the studio portraits I was given as 'grandma' that they might want to have one day. My family knows I did these things and there was never any angst about it; they know I like to have a plan and hate loose ends. Once I got all these little things done, I felt better.

Once I got the liver mets, I realized I wasn't REALLY ready. I don't think I've left anything important unsaid with my darling husband or my 2 sons, but I still want to leave a posthumous letter to help them get through their early grief. It is a custom where I live to display photos of the deceased at a funeral, so I went through the photos in my computer and had 3 identical hardcover books made of photos of me with photos of when I was a baby, as young mother, and then later in my life, choosing photos with my family in them. Now the task is to write the letters to tuck inside the books. That IS hard. I have my husband's half done and can't seem to get on with the task. I will make a renewed effort once I feel better from this radioembolization. My hope is to somewhat pre-arrange my funeral and leave the "Linda" photo books and letters with the funeral director to distribute. AGAIN, this is hard; this is dramatic; I can't seem to move forward on this, but I will. We get cremated in my family and although I'd like the majority of my ashes spread on my bulb garden so I can bloom again each spring, I did look at little vials that I may have engraved so that family members can have some part of me with them. Hanging onto those vials and filling them with some of my ashes would be the other thing I would pre-plan with the funeral director. (I want my family to have some say in what would be comforting to them.) They sell these ashes vials as jewelry but I really see them as laying in a jewelry box and a way to 'visit with me' since I will have no grave:
http://www.perfectmemorials.com/silver-classic-cylinder-cremation-jewelry-pack-engravable-p-2634.html

And craziest of all, I recently boxed up all of the Christmas presents I have already purchased for next Christmas (year-round shopper & eternal optimist!), and tucked cards into each box, afraid that my husband wouldn't have a clue who gets what. Then of course, the worry is that there isn't something yet for EVERYONE on my list yet, and not NEAR what I hope to give any of them, and people might be confused and hurt by the minimal effort my little stack, to date, looks like. What can you do? I'm trying.

And a final PS to this embarrassingly long post:
I am happy to report that I've ALREADY had to pull out the heirloom ornaments from the grandkid's box to hang on my tree; and I've ALREADY been able to rip up one of the posthumous birthday cards and deliver my gift in person since I'M STILL HERE!

Amazing!
Wow, Linda, you have done so much!

I can really relate about writing the letters...no words are strong enough or deep enough or sufficient to express my hopes and feelings for my sons.

For the jewelry/gift notes, did you ask loved ones if there were pieces that they particularly wanted, or did you just decide on your own? Since you have sons too, you might be able to relate. My sons will never wear the jewelry, and how do I know if they will marry girls who would wear it?

Your post reminded me of one more thing I've done, which is divvy up the Christmas ornaments into boxes labeled for each son. They wouldn't necessarily remember who made what, but I do.

Thanks a bunch,
Kathy

lindaprocopio

Rookerbird said:

Amazing!
Wow, Linda, you have done so much!

I can really relate about writing the letters...no words are strong enough or deep enough or sufficient to express my hopes and feelings for my sons.

For the jewelry/gift notes, did you ask loved ones if there were pieces that they particularly wanted, or did you just decide on your own? Since you have sons too, you might be able to relate. My sons will never wear the jewelry, and how do I know if they will marry girls who would wear it?

Your post reminded me of one more thing I've done, which is divvy up the Christmas ornaments into boxes labeled for each son. They wouldn't necessarily remember who made what, but I do.

Thanks a bunch,
Kathy

It's funny about my good jewelry,...
Way before I got cancer, when my DIL would admire my diamond tennis bracelet, I'd tease her that "One day this will be yours." The same is true of my best earrings; my 10-year-old granddaughter has always thought of them as hers even when they sparkeled on my ears. (In fact when I lost one of them at the airport in Germany, she was personally tragic-striken until I had it replaced!) She's tried them on numerous times over the years. HA!

Nothing I have is worth 10's of thousands or anything, but I have some beautiful pieces, gifts from my husband. I chose for my oldest son my Victorian slide bracelet, and he will just have to one day find a woman worthy of wearing it. (He's single.) My sentimental hope is that it would be his wedding gift to her, making a place for me on that day. I chose pieces for my sister and step-daughter based on their personal style, and lesser pieces for my very best girlfriends. The rings I always wear I would hope my husband would want to keep himself or keep in the family; that will be his choice.

There are no comprehensive emotional support groups for cancer survivors here in the sticks where I live. But the birthday and Christmas cards was my younger son's idea, something he read in a book. And I started making various "occasion / vacation" hardcover photo books for YEARS before I got cancer, so expanding that idea was easy. & Nancy was a big inspiration to me; she really got me thinking about this. I couldn't do videos and I think my grandkids are old enough to remember my intense love for them if they have the photo books to verify it if the memory fades. I guess we've all TALKED about my not being here; maybe that was why this was fairly easy for us; we have it in the open. We had a family business to secure and our succession planning started over 2 years ago when I got sick and I've always answered the grandkids frank questions openly so they won't be caught by surprise. I try to lead by example. I look on death as inevitable and universal for all God's creatures, and I don't think anyone really fears death in my family. That's the biggest piece of making plans: getting everyone you love to a good place about it.

wow. Sounds like I think I'm the next to go here. Very possible with a CA125 of 8500 and extensive liver mets, but once I shake off this malaise from the radioembolism I had Wednesday, I'll be off to the beach and planning the next fun things for us all to do, and LIVING. That's all we can do, ladies. LIVE. with zest.

vj1

lindaprocopio said:

It's funny about my good jewelry,...
Way before I got cancer, when my DIL would admire my diamond tennis bracelet, I'd tease her that "One day this will be yours." The same is true of my best earrings; my 10-year-old granddaughter has always thought of them as hers even when they sparkeled on my ears. (In fact when I lost one of them at the airport in Germany, she was personally tragic-striken until I had it replaced!) She's tried them on numerous times over the years. HA!

Nothing I have is worth 10's of thousands or anything, but I have some beautiful pieces, gifts from my husband. I chose for my oldest son my Victorian slide bracelet, and he will just have to one day find a woman worthy of wearing it. (He's single.) My sentimental hope is that it would be his wedding gift to her, making a place for me on that day. I chose pieces for my sister and step-daughter based on their personal style, and lesser pieces for my very best girlfriends. The rings I always wear I would hope my husband would want to keep himself or keep in the family; that will be his choice.

There are no comprehensive emotional support groups for cancer survivors here in the sticks where I live. But the birthday and Christmas cards was my younger son's idea, something he read in a book. And I started making various "occasion / vacation" hardcover photo books for YEARS before I got cancer, so expanding that idea was easy. & Nancy was a big inspiration to me; she really got me thinking about this. I couldn't do videos and I think my grandkids are old enough to remember my intense love for them if they have the photo books to verify it if the memory fades. I guess we've all TALKED about my not being here; maybe that was why this was fairly easy for us; we have it in the open. We had a family business to secure and our succession planning started over 2 years ago when I got sick and I've always answered the grandkids frank questions openly so they won't be caught by surprise. I try to lead by example. I look on death as inevitable and universal for all God's creatures, and I don't think anyone really fears death in my family. That's the biggest piece of making plans: getting everyone you love to a good place about it.

wow. Sounds like I think I'm the next to go here. Very possible with a CA125 of 8500 and extensive liver mets, but once I shake off this malaise from the radioembolism I had Wednesday, I'll be off to the beach and planning the next fun things for us all to do, and LIVING. That's all we can do, ladies. LIVE. with zest.

Thank You
You gals are wonderful with your thoughts and what you are doing. I have always been somewhat this way but have not addressed it for the hit with this awful disease. This has been a wake up call for me. I have passed by 2 yr "NED" year and as with all of you, don't know what lies ahead. I know this is true of life even if I didn't have Cancer. So I will get busy and put my sad thoughts of Nancy and others to a positive project. Thank you all for your inspiration AGAIN!

Verna

Hissy_Fitz

vj1 said:

Thank You
You gals are wonderful with your thoughts and what you are doing. I have always been somewhat this way but have not addressed it for the hit with this awful disease. This has been a wake up call for me. I have passed by 2 yr "NED" year and as with all of you, don't know what lies ahead. I know this is true of life even if I didn't have Cancer. So I will get busy and put my sad thoughts of Nancy and others to a positive project. Thank you all for your inspiration AGAIN!

Verna

Verna....congrats on being
Verna....congrats on being NED for 2 years. That's a huge milestone! What stage were you at diagnosis? I was stage IIIc and have been NED for 15 months now. My last CA125 was 13. I was much happier when it was <5. Those double digits make me very nervous.

Carlene

Hissy_Fitz

lindaprocopio said:

I did family recipes books for everyone last Thanksgiving. FUN!
As soon as I recurred I started giving shares of my business to my sons, and now they officially own my business free of inheritance tax. I cashed a bond and beefed up the grandkid's college accounts. We re-did our wills. I had all my good jewelry cleaned and the stones tightened and made up little cards to go with each piece for the intended recipient. Those were the big things.

And there were a lot of little things I did, important to do (if you're gonna) while you still feel good and there won't be unnecessary drama attached to it. I used snapfish.com to create photobooks for my family since it is fast and easy. I did a hardcover book with a collection of family recipes for my children and step-children and gave them out at Thanksgiving dinner, and it was fun to combine photos of my own children cutting pumpkins, and rolling pie crusts, and baking gingerbread houses, etc. and positioning them alongside photos of the grandkids doing the same things with me. And I made hardcover photo books of our last 2 family beach vacations and Christmas's. I did birthday cards and Christmas cards for my 2 grandchildren, with a note trying to imagine them at that age and an annual $ gift tucked inside for each year until they are 18. I gave my (grown) children the cards they'd made me as children and their old report cards, and their baby albums, and newspaper clippings of when they made the paper. For my grandchildren I filled an under-the-bed storage chest with heirloom Christmas ornaments and little things I saved that they drew or made for me and the baby albums I created for each of them and the studio portraits I was given as 'grandma' that they might want to have one day. My family knows I did these things and there was never any angst about it; they know I like to have a plan and hate loose ends. Once I got all these little things done, I felt better.

Once I got the liver mets, I realized I wasn't REALLY ready. I don't think I've left anything important unsaid with my darling husband or my 2 sons, but I still want to leave a posthumous letter to help them get through their early grief. It is a custom where I live to display photos of the deceased at a funeral, so I went through the photos in my computer and had 3 identical hardcover books made of photos of me with photos of when I was a baby, as young mother, and then later in my life, choosing photos with my family in them. Now the task is to write the letters to tuck inside the books. That IS hard. I have my husband's half done and can't seem to get on with the task. I will make a renewed effort once I feel better from this radioembolization. My hope is to somewhat pre-arrange my funeral and leave the "Linda" photo books and letters with the funeral director to distribute. AGAIN, this is hard; this is dramatic; I can't seem to move forward on this, but I will. We get cremated in my family and although I'd like the majority of my ashes spread on my bulb garden so I can bloom again each spring, I did look at little vials that I may have engraved so that family members can have some part of me with them. Hanging onto those vials and filling them with some of my ashes would be the other thing I would pre-plan with the funeral director. (I want my family to have some say in what would be comforting to them.) They sell these ashes vials as jewelry but I really see them as laying in a jewelry box and a way to 'visit with me' since I will have no grave:
http://www.perfectmemorials.com/silver-classic-cylinder-cremation-jewelry-pack-engravable-p-2634.html

And craziest of all, I recently boxed up all of the Christmas presents I have already purchased for next Christmas (year-round shopper & eternal optimist!), and tucked cards into each box, afraid that my husband wouldn't have a clue who gets what. Then of course, the worry is that there isn't something yet for EVERYONE on my list yet, and not NEAR what I hope to give any of them, and people might be confused and hurt by the minimal effort my little stack, to date, looks like. What can you do? I'm trying.

And a final PS to this embarrassingly long post:
I am happy to report that I've ALREADY had to pull out the heirloom ornaments from the grandkid's box to hang on my tree; and I've ALREADY been able to rip up one of the posthumous birthday cards and deliver my gift in person since I'M STILL HERE!

Photo books
I have a good friend who is a professional photographer. He recommends either "My Publisher" or "Blurb". He thinks My Publisher is better quality, and I have seen one of the books they did for him. It was stunning!

I think both these sites offer good prices.

Carlene