Feeling frustrated

I was supposed to start the clinical trial last week but I couldn't get my insurance to put it in writing that they would pay for the meds. I had all the new tests and scans done. My CA-125 is up to 114 and climbing. The tumors are growing in number and in size. It is so scary. I had plueral effusion back when they diagnosed me and now that I have finished my first rounds of chemo and am platium resistant, the tumors are growing in leaps and bounds and has popped back up in my lung and is affecting my lymph nodes. I have an appt set again for Thursday and am hoping and praying that between my insurance and the drug companies that someone will step up to the plate and fund the trial.(Doxil, Avastin and Torisel). I am also hoping the side effects aren't unbearable. On the bright side having treatment delayed a week has allowed me to have the first ripe tomato out of the garden.(BLT's) Yum! Seems strange to not be allowed to eat them along with strawberries and blueberries and peppers. all my favorites. Lucky we are in Texas and will have an abundance of melons soon... I am going off work while I try this treatment. I have so much trouble sleeping and those 10 hour days have taken their toll. I can't get into a healing mode when I am burning the candle at both ends. Take care fellow warriors and all the wonderful caregivers out there!
Vicki